Cuc's first journal ever

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Mlg... that is the best way I can put it, and just so you know I have always been one that without the rudeness don't normally care what others think....let me explain, my motto so to speak is- I want nothing more than to be a friend to anyone BUT if I feel used or you don't "really" like me you are just friends while I'm standing there type.....I don't need you...sorry but that has always been how I am and reason being is if I consider you my friend then I will be there for you and will always be honest with you and I expect the same, I have changed some over the years, as a teen and young adult I would tell you EXACTLY how I felt about or for you and not care what you felt but I have since learned that is not the way I want to be treated, in closing to you, I am so thankful to have met you and have someone such as you to call me friend please know I dearly value your friendship and pray I never lose it
Vahn thank you so much bro, you are a blessing here and to me as well,I love to hear your insight on things, I would be lost without you and some of the others here at Oasis, you ALL have taught me so much when it comes to the love of the Lord.

Momo..........you brought tears to my eyes, thank you and I love you for being who you are,
I pray one day the Lord sends me someone as understanding and forgiving as those of you here that I call my Oasis family
someone that will see past the dirt and mess in my mind and on my heart
my self worth or ego as some would call it is very small and I know I shouldn't put that in some one else but I know from past feelings when I feel someone is there and she is willing to stand with me and fight for us.....I through my God am invinceable, I know I should be that way with ONLY Him but I believe just as He created eve then He has meant for this to be, I do not remember the exact words but I love this saying, I even researched it and found who wrote it but don't have it handy.
Woman was created from man
She was not of his feet to be walked upon
nor of his mind to out think him
But of his rib to stand beside him
And be loved as his equal

I believe that is the emptieness that some feel when they still know God, I believe some are able to endure life alone but I also believe God made man and woman for those that could not stand alone and fight against satan and his ways, God knew if they were joined together they would be twice as strong and think of this "where two or more are joined together"......Now before someone takes this wrong I know that was not truely meant that way BUT it fits
So for those who feel others are putting thier faith in companionship INSTEAD of God maybe give this some thought
Maybe it's not instead of but "with"
Thank you ALL for being there and understanding, I WILL survive this and any other trials that life may have weather I have that certain someone or not because I DO have my God and He is AWESOME!!!!

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hello all
I really could use a hug and prayers right now, I guess I screwed everything up AGAIN!!!

[Mackenaw]

Cuc

God bless you this day.

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. May God's blessed and perfect will be done.


Love,
Mack

[momof3]

standing in prayer with sister Mack and others and you, brother. Run to Jesus. He is waiting with open arms, my brother in Jesus.

His perfect will be done in this.

In Jesus,
love momo

[mlg]

A big gigantic suffocating *SQUEEZE* for ya!

So the enemy reared his ugly head in your life again huh? Well time to send him packing....don't let the trials of this life get ya down my friend. Push through...get up...get back to it.

Praying for you!

Take care and God Bless

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Thanks to my sisters who posted
I am sorry I cannot elaborate the details but I'm just having second thoughts of weather I should be saying much of anything anymore.
It seems like every time I open my mouth I mess things up
I dearly appreciate those of you that accept me as I am and understand I do not judge any of you.
I have learned here to be a lot more understanding and through the trials of the last 2 years of my life as well
Please know I do not have ill feelings for anyone here and love each and everyone of you as my sisters and brothers of Christ.
But I have been hurt and will not allow it to happen again so please do not think if I seem backwards toward anyone it is nothing personal I just cannot take that anymore, I am at a low point in my life and all I truely have is me and my God
Not that that is not enough, but I cannot take the heart aches of judgement, mistrust or just for no apparent reason anymore, I spend too many hours of my week already in tears because of my past and my unhappiness to be hurt by who I consider friends or family, I just cannot take it anymore.
I love you all very much, I have found here what I have never found in any church or any where else for that matter
Thank you all for being there when I needed you and I hope I was there anytime you needed me if not I am sorry from the bottom of my heart
May God bless you all as only He can
Cuc

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hello all
I'm sure some have wondered what can be done to help, there is nothing other than prayer
I don't think I will be doing any personal post to others here for awhile, please as I said before know that it is nothing personal to any of my Oasis family or new guest.
I am just questioning weather I should be doing so or not, especially when it is a female.
Those of you here that know me know I do communicate to and with women more and better than men,
BUT this has been mistaken for me "looking" for something more, and I will not lie I do wish for something like that to happen BUT until it is given to me through my God and with His blessings then I will wait.
So to all my dear sister friends here I am sorry if I EVER gave the impression that I was "looking" that was NEVER my intentions EVER, two of my DEAREST lady friends on here are happily married.
Yes I am VERY lonely and yes I want to be with someone BUT I have never made any attempt to fulfill my desires with anyone since being seperated from my wife almost 2 years ago
It has also been said I need to read my bible, I know if I was to ever pick up ANY book it would for sure with NO doubt be the bible....I don't read, I until coming here to the oasis didn't read or really take any scriptures in but since being here I have looked for ways to get as much of the word into my life without reading such as downloading a daily scripture onto my desktop, and on my facebook page I have "liked" the bible, Jesus daily, Joyce Myers and one or two others also and by doing this I get uplifting messages and scriptures every day, and my latest attempt was downloading the audio bible that is here on oasis directly to my windows media player (now the issue is sitting down every day and listening to it) but I have already started and I'm part way through genesis.
I follow the scriptures in church also and I am in church 3 times a week almost every week, as a matter of fact I am about to cut this off here so I can go tonight.
God bless you all I dearly love all I have gotten to know here and I hope one day it will be known I am here to heal and do what God wants of me...no matter weather it is talking with a brother OR a sister
I pray I do not loose any more of my oasis family, gotta go
Cuc

[momof3]

Luv ya Cuc, my brother in Jesus.

Dont let this get you down. God knows your heart and intentions. He is the righteous Judge.

God bless you, bro. I think its really awesome that you loaded the bible so you can listen to it.


Romans 10:17
So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.



Keep your chin up, bro. God has good things for you. Keep seeking Him and His will for you. You are a blessing, my brother.

In Jesus,
luv momo

[Christnundrconstruxn]

well once AGAIN satan is trying to pull me down
I was talking to my son due to a comment he made about being depressed and feeling bad and as I was doing this I get a phone call it's my dad cool I thought it's dad..........well he then tells me a sheriff was at his house serving a supenia regarding the house me and my ex had and she lost, so ALL the nightmares of the past come flooding back
my destroyed marriage, losing my home basically emptying my life of all things that mattered most to me and she filed bankruptcy on the home after walking away so now the loan people want to take it out on me because they didn't want to work with her on the payments until after she made the choice to move some where she could afford without my income.
So now I sit in my home that I was lucky enough to get because I knew the owner and she was nice enough to pull it from selling and told me it's mine as long as I want to rent it and if I ever wanted she would sell it to me on land contract, BUT I will probibly loose it along with anything else of value that I have, and not be allowed to even live being alone, it seems I am still being punished for the wrongs in my life.
it just really stinks that they have to destroy what little of life I have left because of OUR mistakes that SHE aready filed bankruptcy on and is moving on with her life but NOOO I'm not allowed....sorry, I just get angry when I think of the fact I WAS responsable for my depts and was doing ok when we met but now I get left hold the bag and in a position that there is NO way for me to take all this responsability and still provide a place for my children to come and visit.
Sorry for the rant I guess all I'm asking for is prayers to see me through to the other side and Gods strength to allow me to get through this without losing everything I have left including what self respect I have left.
Cuc

[mlg]

Hey Cuc...you got it my friend...prayers going up...God's got this....no worries...lay it in His hands...

luv ya

[xxJILLxx]

cuc

Love you brother, you are in my thoughts and prayers. God's perfect will be done in all of this. Remember one day at a time.

God bless n keep you

♥Jill

[vahn]

Hey brother

Your last post is so much of a carbon copy of what I went through that I almost started thinking "was I living in two places and times at the same time ? '

Here's what I did , though the feelings of rage and anger for the other's sensless actions were about the same as yours , but , the way I dealt with it was such ...

When I finally said "Ok , this is not working , we need to do something " leaving all options open for her to choose from , which were anywhere from getting help to salvage and trying to "fix" what was ruined to divorce , to me , at that time , it did not matter anymore . Well she chose divorce , and I said "I'll help you with it" , but when she said "I want half !!" , I said , "Ok ... I'll help you get a good lawyer !!! " .

To make a long story ... longer ... when we finally got to court , the first thing I told the court was "See , the thing I know about marriage is that it is NOT a 50/50 thang .. it's 100% to 100% ... SOOO .... I am more than willing to give her her 100% back as long as I keep mine ..." the response from their end was about a 15 minute silence followed by "We need more time on this" .... Yes , you guessed it ... they saw the "trap" ... in other words , I was saying , "she either keeps it ALL or I keep ALL " because we both knew about the zero she put in to it as her end of the 100% .

After a temporary separation (until they get to their final decision ... which by the way was 6 or 7 months later) I was the only one in attendance in court , they dint even show up .
Court order in hand (in my favour that is) , when I got to my house , all three vans and two cars were gone (repose'd , I found out later) , bills were all stacked up two feet high , along with a foreclosure threat that was to take affect a month prior , and all the while , I was getting calls from her to help with the bills which I was wiring them to her .... no need to go on right ?

Brother , listen to me , if you will ... There ARE some derranged people out there , and for one reason or other , we end up marrying them , why , its beyond me , but here's the thing .... MOVE ON !!! you're missing out on some much better opportunies by by trying to grasp on something that is there no moe !!!

Luv ya brother , and do feel you , get out of the mud and wash the dirt off , the next one you meet might not like a muddy partner .



In Christ , our Lord