Phew! I've got alot of weeding to do. I am blessed by this program, I really am. I keep having to go back to lesson five to realize what my problem is. I keep trying to put a chart together for lesson 6 and I've already tried to 'think good thoughts' as in lesson 7. Yeah, I've prayed, read and taken better care of myself. This weekend, during the church service, the pastor called myself and my friend that does the projection and lights deacons- lesson was in Ephesians 4:7-16 about spiritual gifts and the servants in the body of the church. I think good thoughts- yet there is still so much of the negativity in me. After church I was approached by the woman that leads the women's ministries to set up the audio and video for their study and to show her how to run the system in a basic format- I told her I was available at any time, as "I have no life or job." She came back to me that afternoon with a statement that "You say you have no life, I was alone for a season of ten years, coming to the church and working everyday...", she told me. " Until God sent me a husband." "If it is the desire of your heart the Lord will deliver you a wife". She said. Is is written on my forehead that I am that lonely? Yeah, I've been feeling really lonely. I was going to sign up on an internet dating site- I get that thought I have nothing to give, that I've nothing to offer a woman. I have had few relationships- you can count them on your hands. I ask for prayers. I'm trying, I am.
1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.