does that make me mean?

[quietgal]

well i joined this site a few weeks back and its been real fun talking to people in here. i love the positive attitude and support and just the laughs and smiles that go on in the chat room.
i just broke off with my boyfriend some few weeks ago and at first i was numb to the pain and i was feeling good about what i had done. we had been through so much (he had been through some really painful stuff and i stood by him..not that he owes me anything)and i was so sure in my heart he was the man for me.i was wrong. he cheated on me and lied to me. the lies kept pilling up and i told myself maybe if i held on a little longer things would get better. it didnt. i just felt awful about myself and i was becoming resentful. then i came to learn that he had asked another girl to be his girlfriend..i was so angry i just broke things off. we later talked and he said he thought the girl was interesting but he still loved me.smh...i just told him to back off and we havent spoken since and its over.19months was how long we were together

but i feel bitter now. i feel like he used me and other women too who came before me.how could ii have been so blind. i just want him to regret what he did to me....does that make me so bad? it just hurts and he has moved on with his new girl..i think of the promises he made and i was foolish enough to believe them, the plans we made....how do i erase that from my memory and heart.
but i thank God i have a job that keeps me busy so i dont think of it as much but the pain is so raw. i look at my friends and they have good relationships and some have kids and i feel like am doing something wrong.i am 24yrs and i know thats young or i think it is but i would love to be in a two way relationship.not be the one who is always giving.

i just have to be patient, that i know for sure and i must heal no matter what.sorry i just needed to vent .

[lyl1114]

Hi quietgal~!!!

I am sorry that you are going through that pain. I hope you can see that it is a good thing you broke it off with your ex. It seems like you know he wasn't good for you. And you know you deserve more. As for resentment, I pray that it will go away. It isn't good for you.

Matthew 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

Weird, that forgiveness is what I was reading on the cccc study this week...and the one that gave me peace. I hope you check it out too. http://www.christianityoasis.com/cccc/Forum.htm

God bless you and give you peace!

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hello Quietgal,
And welcome to the Oasis, as for how you were treated this is so common from both sexes, they think the grass in greener on the other side so to speak and then you have those who cannot be happy with one they have to juggle 2-3
not realizing they are playing with peoples hearts.
As for you being mean because of your feelings...no but as the scripture says that Lyl posted do not allow yourself to judge, give that to God He will take care of the judging and the forgiveness...this you desperately need, it is not for him but you.
It will destroy you to hold on to this, I along with so many others here have delt with the same issues but I will say I try to remind myself daily to forgive the anger or "dislike" for use of a better word towards those who done this very thing to me.
Do not allow the pain of the past destroy the happiness of your future
You spoke of promises, I was married for 14 years....till death do us part? for better OR worse??
and yes I know there are promises I broke as well, she has since moved on just as your boyfriend and I still talk to her and want her to be happy.....is it for her.....nope! it's for me, do you think I want my wife to be happy with another man?
but I know God wants me to forgive and show love, so I wish her the best with her new boyfriend and know God has a new plan for me (I just have issues with waiting on His timing ).
What I'm saying is yes I know you are hurting and angry BUT those are not doing ANYTHING but hurting you more, it does not change the outcome nor does it make any difference to your ex and his new girl...all it's doing is making your life worse, don't forgive him for him.....forgive him and his actions for YOU, there is a time for you to be happy and it is to start when you realize your ex and his actions do not define who you are, brush him off KICK his memory and what he done to the curb and move on with a smile knowing God has a plan.

On a side note yes this action irritates the heck out of me, cause there are so many lonely people who want and need a love and then you have those who disrespect and throw it away like it means nothing.

God bless and please forgive....you will not forget but you must forgive for YOU.
hope to hear more from you soon
Cuc

[dema]

Expectations can make you miserable. People are what they are. Whether or not it is fair or right for you to have expectations is irrelevant. The other people can choose what they want to do - and they don't have to meet anybody's expectations.

Unforgiveness doesn't hurt them, it only hurts you.

The other advice was very good. Just wanted to add on a little cold pure logic. If he wants to be a jackass, he can be. And you really can't get closure from a mule.

[James.chevallier]

I'm facing the exact same thing right now. I know exactly how you feel. Keep walking with Jesus and believe in him. It really gets better every day.

[quietgal]

Hi quietgal~!!!

I am sorry that you are going through that pain. I hope you can see that it is a good thing you broke it off with your ex. It seems like you know he wasn't good for you. And you know you deserve more. As for resentment, I pray that it will go away. It isn't good for you.

Matthew 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

Weird, that forgiveness is what I was reading on the cccc study this week...and the one that gave me peace. I hope you check it out too. http://www.christianityoasis.com/cccc/Forum.htm

God bless you and give you peace!

thank you and i realize everything that happened is for the best......everything happens for a reason

[quietgal]

Hello Quietgal,
And welcome to the Oasis, as for how you were treated this is so common from both sexes, they think the grass in greener on the other side so to speak and then you have those who cannot be happy with one they have to juggle 2-3
not realizing they are playing with peoples hearts.
As for you being mean because of your feelings...no but as the scripture says that Lyl posted do not allow yourself to judge, give that to God He will take care of the judging and the forgiveness...this you desperately need, it is not for him but you.
It will destroy you to hold on to this, I along with so many others here have delt with the same issues but I will say I try to remind myself daily to forgive the anger or "dislike" for use of a better word towards those who done this very thing to me.
Do not allow the pain of the past destroy the happiness of your future
You spoke of promises, I was married for 14 years....till death do us part? for better OR worse??
and yes I know there are promises I broke as well, she has since moved on just as your boyfriend and I still talk to her and want her to be happy.....is it for her.....nope! it's for me, do you think I want my wife to be happy with another man?
but I know God wants me to forgive and show love, so I wish her the best with her new boyfriend and know God has a new plan for me (I just have issues with waiting on His timing ).
What I'm saying is yes I know you are hurting and angry BUT those are not doing ANYTHING but hurting you more, it does not change the outcome nor does it make any difference to your ex and his new girl...all it's doing is making your life worse, don't forgive him for him.....forgive him and his actions for YOU, there is a time for you to be happy and it is to start when you realize your ex and his actions do not define who you are, brush him off KICK his memory and what he done to the curb and move on with a smile knowing God has a plan.

On a side note yes this action irritates the heck out of me, cause there are so many lonely people who want and need a love and then you have those who disrespect and throw it away like it means nothing.

God bless and please forgive....you will not forget but you must forgive for YOU.
hope to hear more from you soon
Cuc

thank you for sharing your experience with me....it helped to know i can overcome this......bless you.
it may take time to heal but am sure i will get there because there is no turning back for me. the bitterness will only poison me and i dont want that. i know in Gods timing i will meet the person God intended for me, i just have to work on my patience(i also have issues with waiting for Gods timing....i result into all types of self remedy)
thank you and i pray that God meets you at the point of your needs as well.

[quietgal]

Expectations can make you miserable. People are what they are. Whether or not it is fair or right for you to have expectations is irrelevant. The other people can choose what they want to do - and they don't have to meet anybody's expectations.

Unforgiveness doesn't hurt them, it only hurts you.

The other advice was very good. Just wanted to add on a little cold pure logic. If he wants to be a jackass, he can be. And you really can't get closure from a mule.

that is really true i dont have the power to change him , i can only change me and thats what is really important. thanx

[quietgal]

[/color]

I'm facing the exact same thing right now. I know exactly how you feel. Keep walking with Jesus and believe in him. It really gets better every day.

hey james am sorry you going through it as well. and its true we can only take each day at a time because sometimes i think i am finally there and i have gotten over the hurt and another day i just crush down. its really an emotional roller coaster. but as everyone said we can get through it and meet the people that appreciate love and dont take us for granted. its not easy but it can be done through prayer and patience. hang in there and lets support each other in prayer. bless you
hope to hear your story of healing soon