I am needing advice on what to do (long)

[scootles]

There is so many other place this post would apply on this forum,but I am thinking this one is best. My daughter she will be 24 years old,come July.Our relationship has been a rocky one,we are not that close at all.Some where when she turned 15 and met who is now her husband,she became a diffrent person,very cold and calculating. Her husband has abused her and she has two children,and both have been directly in the middle of their fights,the oldest one has seen things that I believe has tramatized him a great deal.My daughter has gone back and forth(leaving him and going back to him)not really settling down.Back in November,she decided to leave him again,explaining to me the the unbelieveable things he done to her and had done to the kids.She got a slew of people involved,police and detectives.She met some one and moved to another town,got an apartment,and he let her use his car to go to work.All the while keeping tabs on her husband. She then asked me to write her a note explaing to the cops that she was in harm and she was afraid of what he might do to her so that she can get an order of protection from him.In March,she just got up one day and decided to go back to her husband,leaving everything behind,knowing he is not working and has no place to live.I then was supponed to go to court over the note I wrote back in November! Meanwhile,She asked me to borrow my car,so that she continue to work in the other town(she wanted to keep tabs on this other guy is my guess)She told me she would have the car back to me by April 20th.I was also watching her youngest child then too.Well,come April 17th,she called me telling me she got into a wreck,but it was fixable and that she wouild fix it on the 19th(she was off)before she brought it back to me on the 20th.I hadn't heard from her,so I called she kept turning the phone off,and finally got a hold of her about 2pm!I asked her where she was she said she was at the consignment shop,when she was supposed to be fixing my car!I told her that and she said well,I can't today because I have to go to work in 30 minutes!I was so angry!I told her to just bring me back my car !She pulled up and,she had her husband,the kids and another person with her inthe car as well!I figured they were running around in it all morning and I assumed she knew from previous times that I don't like people I don't know in my car.She then continued to tell me that she needed my car to get back home and she will return it later.Mind you there are 7 people living inthe trailer now.This happened at about 2:30pm,about 8pm her husband pulled up in his truck(yes he has a truck,but I figured he didn't want to wake up early and drive her to work every day)and she pulled up in my car.He came up and he threw the keys at me,saying here you B---H heres your keys,loose our numbers,were done with you,and he quickly left .I hadn't heard from either of them til our court date,May 15th(the day before my grandson turned 5)My daughter sat in the back seat,turned her head and would not acknowledge me.The husband strangely enough,sat in the pew as me,but quite a distence away,he kept looking back at her and then finally moved out of my view.The case was dissmissed at 4pm.I finally caught up with them,as my daughter was rolling up her window as not to speak to me,I tapped the window and asked her what she planned to do about my grandsons birthday the next day,she would not acknowledge me,kept looking straight ahead.He asked her if she was going to answer me or should he go,she said go,and they left!It broke my heart that she could be so mean like this to me.When I got home,I texted her(this is the only way she will communicate with me,usually being real ugly)So I inquired about my grandson again,she said my hisband told you to loose our numbers,and he was serious about that,I can't stand to look at you,I am done with you.
So I didn't contact her again.Then one day last week,I saw her,that person who was in my car,and the kids at the doctors office.My youngest one saw me first and just stopped and stared at me,I called to hima nd quickly picked him up and hugged on him.I then looked around and saw my oldest grandson,he was distant and didn't act the same,usually they would both come running up to me.Hekept looking at me,so I went up to him and gave him a hug,he looked to confused as to what to do,I waved to him to come to me as I was sitting away from them.He mouthed to me that I can't grandma,my mother won't let me but I don't know why! It almost made me cry!(The last time she trated me this way she told him that I didn't want to see him any more)no telling what they told him this time around.So then the little one who will be 2 come June,ran to me,He said Memaw and I picked him up and told him that I loved him,he smiled at me and gave me the biggest hug! I then went to the oldest child who looked scared as what to do,and hugged him again,He told me Grandma I want to go to your house,I told him I know baby and HUgged him and gave hima kiss and told him that I loved him,He told me the same and they left.My heart broke yet again.While all this was happening,she moved so that the back of her head was facing me.I then again texted her,she told me she couldn't believe that I was really texting her again,she said after she brought hearrassment charges againt me. I told her that I was not herrassing her,that I wanted to know if I could spend some time with the kids,she told me again to loose her number that she was done with me.I then got on the phone and called the police to see if I had any charges or reports filed against me,they said as of now you do not,so I dont know if she just said that to make me scared,because Iam sure the judge will see that I was just trying to reach out,while she was being the ugly one to me. But I do know thatit took 4 months for the court date to go through over the note written back in November,but.....when her husband was continually calling me one time threating me,when she left him,I called the police,and all he told me was that he could call her husband and give him a waring not to call me anymore.I never got one of those calls.So I don't know. But It is driving me crasy that she would treat me this way,I feel its abusive,manipulitive and I don't know why she is doing this to me.I have help her and those kids a coutless number of times and I feel so used now,it breaks my heart that she has no respect for me,and even more so keeping those beautiful children away from me.I don't know what to do anymore,reaching out to her is doing absoulutly nothing,but letting her talk to me like trash.Whay would she act this way to her own mother? What if any thing do you advise?
Thanks

[Mackenaw]

Hello Scootles

God bless you this day, and welcome to Christianity Oasis.

Awwwwwwww, bless your heart (((hugs))). I am sorry for your pain and anguish and will be lifting you up in prayer to our Lord in the name of Jesus. May God's blessed will be done.

For more than 1/3 third of your daughter's life, she has chosen a different path than you, and sadly she has been influenced by and adopted some worldly and very manipulative ways into her life. She sounds confused, but Scootles, right now the most loving thing you can do for her and the children is to pray for them. God is listening, so allow Him to move in His time.

Forgive her, so that when she, your daughter (the prodigal daughter) returns, you'll not be bitter, but will greet her with open arms. God loves all of you, so very much -- even your son-in-law.

I'm glad The Lord led you here, and I hope you'll return here, again and again. We all need fellowship with other Christians to grow in Christ, and to encourage one another in Christ. Allow The Lord to use you to encourage others, and leave your daughter, your grandchildren and your son-in-law in God's capable hands. He just may send another to witness to her and to them. God is Good!!!

Be sure to check out the blessed studies on this site -- all are Holy Spirit inspired and lean heavily on The Word of God. Here is a link to a list of studies: http://www.christianityoasis.com/Keywor ... tudies.htm

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[scootles]

Hi! I actually been here years ago,maybe under the name of scoots,then!!But I am glad to be back again! I pray day and night for my daughter and her family.But never in a million years thought she would do this to me.I have given this to the lord,and I do believe he was at hand when I saw them in the doctors office that day,as I had no idea they were going to be there,and I even wanted to cancel,and something told me to go,I believe he wanted me to se my grandkids,and have them see me,as I didn't see them sence April(her keeping them away from me).I just worry so much and miss them so much,knowing that their birthdays are comming and will go without a word,hurts alot.I can't believe she hates me and still wonder why she is acting this way toward me for I only helped her.Ya know I was just talking to a friend today and told her,ya know I should be angry with her instead of her being angry with me but I am not(forgivness)I just don't want this to happen again,which she seems to do when she doesn't get her way and when I stand my ground.It hurts,I feel guily ,like I should of done something else but she can't go on minipulating me and using me as thats how I feel most of the time.I feel like crying knowing I no longer can text her without her being ugly to me and worst of all not being able to see my grandkids.

[popples]

I hear you!!! We thought we had problems with our children that was easy, Being a granma is much harder. I have a 5 year old grandaughter from my youngest daughter and a 2 year old granson from my oldest daughter and have been through the same. At the time my oldest daughter hurt me so much, the pain in my heart for my granson was the worst I had ever felt for my own children because your so close but so far. Then its like what can you do without hurting your own child. I kept saying to myself I didnt bring her up like this. Did I miss somthing?? Where did all this come from?? You might have to reach out to him... Maybe.... He let your daughter make the choice about answering you that day or drive on. That alone says his heart has softened. Make sure no matter which way you aproach that it is non threatening, like they dont feel backed into a corner, just try and organise to have the grannies come for a day. Ask him and pick a date and leave it to them to decide. If that day comes and they dont get back to you, pick another day, keep trying. My daughters partner ended up bringing my granson over for the day after many attempts, and then after a few months of visits I invited them for dinner and they came. We have a good relationship now but never got into what happened, because even though I was so hurt I had to forgive her and move on. Its so hard I know because like me your probally thinking well we didnt do anything wrong, but until you can forgive and just go to them with love (your daughter and partner) with love there will be a knot between you and them. Do it for your granbabies. The grankids love you but allso love there mum and are torn.

[scootles]

Oh Popples,the only way I can communicate(reach out to her,where I may get a responce,is through texting her,the last couple of times she was just plain ugly threating to call the police for harrassment after asking if we could get together to go to the lake so I can spend some time withthe grandkids.She after being really disrespectful and ugly will finally tell me to loose her number and she is done with me.I should be angry with her,but I am not,I am just worn out emotionally by all she has done and continue to do. I have forgiven her,for my sake,she has to take responsiblity for her actions and choices. It hurts me to no end how she keeps the little ones from me,and that hurts alot,because she is not taking responsiblity of her actions again but being spiteful and hurting those little ones in the process.I can't contact him for the only way is through her,besides he is banned to come on my apartment complex.

[scootles]

Today I went to get an oil change and they told me that I had the incorrect tires on my car! When my daughter brought back the car to me,I asked her about the front tires! They were real dirty and seemed stained with dirt,she laughed and said thats because she was staying down a dirt road,I then told her that they seemed alot smaller then I remembered,but didn't think that she would take my tires off and put others on! All four are the wrong size,I had Good Years on the back,and today I went to look and they aren't,I imagine thats why it took them so long to being back my car now,they were trading tires from my car to thier truck! It is really hard to proove,but I had a feeling that was done awhile ago and just got proof now,as I had the correct size on my car before!That is stealing and can't belive she would allow this to be done!But if I confront either of them with it they will deny it and make matters more ugly then they are now.

[scootles]

Today I am depressed,today is my youngest grandsons birthday-he is 2 today and I won't be able to see him.I feel worthless,like I've done something wrong and if I try to text her just to see how my grand kids are she will threaten and cuss and just be mean toward me.I just feel like crying all the time.