Momof3's journal

[momof3]

July 3-Friday

Been a while since posting in here. I can say the Lord sure knows what He is doing. In the beginning of June I got a call from Phil. He said that he and 9 others in his unit were accepted and recommended to the special ops training. He would coming back to the states for training. He didnt know when he would leaving South Korea but it could be anytime. I remember this kid in high school...how he always went the distance. He was always a leader and gave everything he had to what he was doing. It came as no surprise to me that he would want to go as far as he could into the challenges and dangers of this war. So, once again, in earnest prayer, i began praying that if this was not God's will, for Him to shut the door and leave Phillip no room for doubt about it being God's will.

This past Saturday morning the phone rang. It was 4 am and both the other boys were awake and sitting by me after they woke me to take the call. Although he couldnt tell me much, he had been shot in the shoulder. He will go in front of a military review board on the 19th of July to determine if he is still suited for military service, but special ops training is out as far as we know. Either way, whether they allow him to stay in the military or chapter him out due to not being suited for service, he will be coming back to the states. His prayer is that he will be able to train in a non-combative field and stay active in service. My prayer is that God's will be done. He knows best. He sees the whole picture.

I know without a doubt that Phillip would have gone ahead with his special forces training no matter what the Lord wanted him to do. I also know that the prayers of others, thru intercession and for the Lord to have His will in his life are heard. I do know we have free will.......but i also know that the Lord will intervene and allow things to happen to change the direction we are taking our own lives in...especially, with others praying for the Lord's will to be done.

Please continue to pray for him. May God's will be done in this.

till next time...

love you all so very much!

in Jesus

[momof3]

Isaiah 40:28-31

28 Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

[momof3]

8-27

Woke this morning to a beautiful sun-rise. Though its warm, theres a breeze that catches the cool air.

The last several weeks have been tough ones here at home. Steve and I had some battles...he was given a choice. He either had to go to rehab or go back to jail and not be allowed to stay here. There was a place he was going to go to for 6 months but when he told them about his convictions he was told he was not allowed to stay there. As a mom and as a Christian, I wasnt sure how to react. When he called me to come pick him up from this place after being rejected i prayed all the way there. I know my flesh. I know my reactions to things that hurt my children. I prayed for the Lord to give me strength to keep my mouth in check. This was a Christian place that specializes in drug rehabilitation, which up to this point, Steve had not been willing to go to.

When i got there, and saw the look of total defeat in Steve's eyes the anger shot through me like an arrow and set me on fire. I asked to speak to the man who made the decisions.

He sat there behind his big desk, in his suit, with signs and pictures of what were supposed to be healing hands. I listened to him tell me that he understood what i felt. The words...be angry but do not sin kept coming to my mind. As this man told me he understood just how i felt i believe the Lord gave me the words to say.

I told him calmly to not tell me he understood how i felt. I asked him if he had a son who had ever been so out of his mind on drugs and alcohol that he had made choices that would label him for the rest of his life no matter what he did to try to get above them. I asked him if he had a son who had been raped in prison for those choices he'd made while under the influence of the drugs and alcohol. I asked him if he had a son who was screaming out for the help they could give him only to have yet another door slammed in his face...all under the name of a Christian Organization. I then told him it was no wonder so many people were turned away from Christianity...where there was all talk and laws, and no compassion and understanding and forgiveness and healing but for those they would deem worthy. I thanked him for his time and told him he did not understand how i felt. I am not judging this man, but i am judging the fruits of the place and their governing laws. This reminded me of how we, as is shepherds need to stay with our first love..and be reflections of God and His love and mercy. We ALL need a second chance though we don't deserve it...that IS what His MERCY and GRACE is all about.

The Lord opened the door for another place which was in a place i would never have expected. Steve is home now after 30 days of treatment. He has come back to the Lord again..and was received with open arms..the way the Lord does it. He will have weekly meetings now..and another amazing part of that is the place they hold the meetings is less than a mile from our house. He has come home with new hope...knowing his only healing is in the Lord. His only hope is in the Lord. His strength is in the Lord.

Phil called on my birthday. His shoulder is almost at 100 % healed! He will be allowed to stay in the military and come home in March for a month. Then he will (at this point) go back to Korea for another year. He too, loves and leans on the Lord for everything. He told me the Lord is his rock and his strength...and his healer. He said he knows that his wound has been healed by the Lord because its contrary to what the military had projected.

Zachary and i had a chance to stay up all night the other nite and talked well into the morning. He has had a very heavy heart for months and i could see the battle raging in him. Just before i was going to drive his girlfriend home for the night we started talking. It started over talking about spiritual battles and forgiveness. The Holy Spirit gently led the conversation. Zach, as young as he is in years, is older in spirit..if that makes sense. He has done some things and believed that he was already lost to the Lord....though no matter how many times id told him the Lord loved him and would forgive him for anything, he just couldnt reason that in his head..or his heart. As we talked, i was able to tell him about some of the things that the Lord has forgiven me for and i saw a light come on behind his eyes. We talked for hours..him, his girlfriend and myself..but really, the Holy Spirit was doing the talking. Zach thought there was no use in trying to come to the Lord for forgiveness as it was already too late. The next night we went down the street to the store. Only Zach and i were there. Our car broke down and we sat for an hour and a half in McDonalds and Zach brought up the subject of forgiveness again. As we talked more..the Holy Spirit showed this boy that Jesus' love and sacrifice truly was enough...and covers all of his sin. His spirit is so much lighter..so much freer.

The next day was my birthday and i was not allowed into the kitchen for the afternoon..not even to make dinner . I has some sort of stomach flu but didnt tell anyone here at home. Leapers took over games for me that night cuz all i had the strength for was to sit here in the living room til i was allowed back into the rest of the house...(aside from the bathroom ) At 7 Zach came in and took my hand, led me to the kitchen where he had baked a birthday cake..and had 45 candles lit!!! wow! thats alot of candles! I made a wish...although there is nothing more i could ask for, other than to be used by the Lord according to His will......and i blew all the candles out with one breath . i asked him what the other 2 candles were for..and he said one to grow on and the other for my uncle, who passed away 2 years ago. He and i shared the same birthday. This, from a boy who wanted everyone to think he had no heart Of course, being the emotional sap i am, i cried like a baby. My heart overfilled with joy and blessings.

As i think back on the last few weeks, im reminded that it doesnt matter what it all looks like, its how the Lord sees it. We can see everything around us and not look past the circumstances, but the Lord is still there..He is still alive..He is still in control...He is still on the throne of Hope. He IS Hope. He is glorious and mighty. Praise Him in everything..the good and the hard times..He is still working behind what we see.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

i love you all and know that every one of you are in my prayers. God bless yas!



till next time.............

[momof3]

1/2/10

I wasnt going to post anything in else in here. There are things in my life that i didnt want to share with anyone and some of them i still dont...and thats ok..the Lord knows what they are and what He is doing in the midst of it all, but after reading Mack's post in her journal, its clear to me that i am so not alone in my thoughts and feelings. She has told me so many times about the heart of a caregiver..even when she didnt know she was..and i forget easily. I always want to do what's right. I always want to be as loving and supportive to them as i can be. I get very tired and so often think that if its in service to the Lord, i shouldnt be tired..i shouldnt feel the way i do. Through this all....through the changes being made here at Oasis, through the constant changes in life, Im often faced with the fears and emotions ive always struggled with. The biggest of these is guilt. There is a difference between holy conviction and guilt, and the Lord has been forever trying to show me that difference. Even when I should feel guilty, He is all about forgiveness...its often the consequences I feel im left with out of the decisions ive made that keep me trapped in that guilt.

This is also where Jesus is speaking these days. Not too long ago, a very good friend of mine..in his loving but honest way, asked me.."Why do get so weird in things when something changes?" That question has burned in my mind lately..and the Lord is showing me that I carry around what boils down to be pride. It's not a pride that says im proud in my doings, but a pride that says i have the power to control everything around me, including the decisions other people make. I can sit here and think about all the times my mom threatened to commit suicide and all the times i thought that if i could only change her mind.....change her world for her, change the decisions and the behaviors i had, she would have changed the way she looked at her life. There are so many instances in my life where this same guilt would apply; this same pride...and maybe if i had made different decisions, things would not have been as they were. As true as the fact is that ive made some really bad decisions, its also true that God is still in control and will use the outcome to bring about His glory and might in the details of His will.

This brings us to today. The past few months have been tough. Ive had the opportunity to take care of my aunt and cousin now for 3 years. During the last 3 years my cousin has begun to fall more and more. In late October my cousin had a mini-stroke and was hospitalized. As her caregiver, because of her seizures, i was required to stay with her at the hospital most of the time she was in there while we monitored her seizure activity. This took me away from the ministry here at Oasis and i absolutely hated being away from here. Upon my cousin's being discharged from the hospital, the decision to place her in a care home was made. This was not an easy choice to make and the enemy took full advantage of that "guilt weed" he planted so long ago in my soul. Almost 3 months later, the whispers of "shoulda" done this or that continue, though over and over again, the Lord shows me that this was in fact, His will for my cousin.

While my cousin was in the hospital, one night i came home for a shower. Within a half hour of being home, my aunt fell and broke her tailbone. This was the day before Thanksgiving. She has been taken care of her whole life but tends to be swallowed up in self pity when something happens. This brings on a myriad of emotions in me....none of which im "proud" of...all of which bring on more guilt and more repentance. During her recouperation, the Lord opened the door for my cousin to be transferred to a beautiful, Christian care home. She is completely taken care of..no risk for falls, her every need attended to and more...and the fight about her being where the Lord wills continues. We brought her home to spend Christmas with us and through her stubborness to prove a point and further the distance between my aunt and me, in the decision to place her in the care home, she fell again. Thank the Lord she wasnt hurt, but it solidified in my aunt's mind, the need for her to be in the care home. Bittersweet.

My aunt and i both got sick on Christmas Eve with the darned head and chest cold that goes around every year at this time. A few days later, though, my aunt could barely breathe. We started to get up from the dinner table to take her to the hospital and when she stood, before anyone could catch her, she fell again into the kitchen cabinet, tearing a gash in her too fragile skin. It tore a corner whole in her arm like a thin well used sheet. We wrapped it as well as we could and i took her to the ER. They treated her for her cold with anitbiotics, steriods and breathing treatments.. and bandaged her arm as best they could...stitches wouldnt hold, but would tear through even more. A few days later, Monday, she was hospitalized yet again, but this time for pneumonia. She is so very fragile...both physically and emotionally. Her daughter, even more now, fights to come home...it just cant be. I understand her desire to come home...but this is what is best for her. I have to keep letting the Lord remind me that the guilt i feel is not from Him....that He is the One who opened the door to this place..and that this IS His will..no matter how angry she is at me.

The enemy of our souls is relentless in our weakest areas. My thoughts would be that i should be able to take care of both of them....that had i been more attentive to them, neither one would have fallen...neither one of them would have been hospitalized and Sandy would still be able to be home. This again, is that pride that says I should be able to control everything around me.

Since we are opening this area to all the members here at Oasis...hear what the Lord would say in this...we are not in control..and when we try to control everything around us or think we should, its a trap from the enemy to keep us locked in guilt that is not from the Lord with all the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Yes, we make mistakes...yes, God knows we fall and fail. In the end, if we would realize that in surrendering everything to the Lord's will, He knows what He is doing and when we fall; we only need to seek His forgiveness and guidance. How human we are...He knows. All these darts and poison arrows and emotions and destructive thoughts we carry around within us...the carnal need we have to "fix" everyone and everything around us...at least, i feel that need..surrender, surrender, surrender. How often i feel that only after I do everything i can to control things, then its time to surrender to the Lord....that just isnt His way of doing things. If i could only remember that in surrendering first, then following His guiding hand...the guilt i tend to carry wouldnt be so heavy and i would remember that i am not in control, nor do i want to be.

The word says..Jesus says..His yoke is light...its true. That doesnt mean that we wont face hardships, or live an easy, undisturbed life. It means that when we surrender everything to Him..His strength will get us through. Lord, help us to remember that.

God bless you all and know that each and every one of you are in my prayers. May His perfect will be done ALL things.

in Jesus,
love momo

[momof3]

Monday 6/14/10

Isaiah 57:1-2 The righteous perisheth, and no man layeth it to heart: and merciful men are taken away, none considering that the righteous is taken away from the evil to come. He shall enter into peace: they shall rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness.

Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Matthew 19:14
But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18:10
Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.

thank You, Jesus

[Dora]

Amen


Love you, A LOT!

Praying for you and yours.

[xxJILLxx]

LOVE YOU MOMO!!!!!!!!!!



XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

♥Jill

[jamisfaithnjoy]

is heart warming,humbling for certain and so fact filled ,if I had time,i'd go back and read it again but bedtime calls...Love ya and may God Bless you always

[momof3]

I've come in here so many times...wondering what to say..not being able to find the words to type. My mind was such a blur...as if a heavy dense fog surrounded every thought.

There was a time, not too long ago I was praying about the future and the calling the Lord had on my life. I was sure...I had faith in what I thought He was calling me to do. Nothing could penetrate that faith. Nothing could steer me away, not even circumstances that seemed to point to everything but what I felt the Lord's calling was.

One day while praying, I asked the Lord for a specific sign. I was not testing the Lord..i truly wanted to know if what I thought He was calling me to was in fact His will. He gave me the sign...as He did with Gideon when he wanted only God's will to be done..and wanted to be sure.

Through a series of events..circumstances, I began to doubt what the Lord had shown me. Slowly, my faith in what I thought was His will was fading. Then, after so much prayer, coming in here to praise the Lord for my son's decision to not abort his child after bad reports from the Dr...then to have someone make a mistake that took that baby's life.....

The bible says in 1 Corinthians to be careful if you think you stand cuz you really might be sinking. We get so proud...so out of touch with true life and the deep hurts people deal with. We lose touch with the darkness people live in. We read some of the posts and inside silently roll our eyes as if to say....sheesh....more complaints?? as if we are so above that...we are so righteous we don't have to deal with these petty lil things. We forget where we were when He pulled us out of the mire. We forget the blind, bleeding, dying soul we once were. We forget..and pride takes the place of His grace. We do this...and we say that...and we are whole and complete and sure of where we stand..untouchable to the enemy....

I'm not ashamed to say that in the last months since Zachary's death I have lived on the edge of the jumping off place. I'm not ashamed to say that He was there with me. He stood with me. He sat with me in the darkness. Jesus cried with me at the injustice of this life. He held me when I was angry with Him. He understood. He saw more. He saw the whole picture, where I was blind to it. I thought it was cruel. He knew I would. I thought it was all for nothing..my faith in His plan for healing in this child's life here on earth..He gave him complete and infinite healing.

He gave me a disdain for pretty flowered up words...He gave me a renewed love for truth. He gave me disdain for fake empathy and a renewed passion for His PASSION. Nothing else in this life matters. Nothing in this life compares to what awaits His own.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me. Those who have faced the deepest darkest places of this life understand. Those who have gone to edge of the abyss understand. He is life. He is the only life.

I know you who have been praying and I want to thank you for being His tools, His hands, His light. I truly do love and thank the Lord for you.

in Jesus,
love momo

[momof3]

Not long after my grandbaby passed away, O posted scripture about seasons...listed in Ecclesiastes...this is another one of my favorite passages. Thing is, sometimes, through the seasons, when we come out of one, we are led to a new place the Lord used that season to prepare us for. I was told not long ago that my soul had changed....that I needed to get back to where i was before. Thing is...when the Lord leads you through a season...there is change. You cant go through a season like that with the Lord without being changed. All this time Ive been wondering...Lord...what do I have to do to get back into the place I was in...with the heart i had within this ministry here at Oasis. He has shown me that this ministry was a season as well. It was a life-line for me when He knew I needed what He wanted to show me within these forums, through all of our members, sisters and brothers...times of trials, times of laughter, times of doubting each other, times of lifting one another up...

This season is over for me for now. I want you all to know that you have all blessed my life in so many different ways. Through being who you are in the Lord, my life was changed. Im looking forward to where the Lord leads next. I love you all so dearly and will continue to pray the Lord will touch each one of your lives in the ways He knows you need.

I hope to be able to visit here at Oasis at times. Even more than that, im looking forward to seeing you all on the other side. God bless you guys. I truly do love you.

In Jesus,
love momo

[deetu]

Oh momo, I am going to miss you sooo much!!
you lifted me and others with your words of wisdom and kindness.

Father, I ask that you continue to bless momo with your words and knowledge
I ask that you keep her safe from evil
and have her continue to be a haven for others like she has been here.
Bless her, bless her, bless her, Lord
In Jesus' mighty name I pray
amen

God reminded me that Jesus didn't tell his disciples to stay and wait for people to come to them, but sent them out into the world.
I love you momo

[mlg]

momo, God has such an awesome plan for us...and He does truly lead us in new directions. I hope you come back often to visit...as you are part of our Oasis family...I luv you and pray the best for you as you follow God's will in all things.