Momof3's journal

[momof3]

1/16-Friday

Woke at 6 this morning..the sun isn't up yet. This is the time I like to get up..to read His word and spend some time in prayer before the rest of the family wakes...and I get to watch the sunrise. This is so awesome, to start the day watching the sun come up and realizing again that this is yet another day full of God's promises.

Received an email from Mari. Taylor had surgery and it went well. The biopsy results came back clear and I praise the Lord that its not the disease we were told it was that Taylor has. In praying over this, we have prayed that she would not have this condition and yet for His will to be done. I can't help but think about the scripture where the man asked Jesus for healing if it be His will..and He said it was His will to heal. In thanking Him for the results, I had to think to about what if the results were different...would I still be thanking Him for His will...the answer is yes. I'm learning through all this family has gone through recently that no matter what the Lord's answer is..it is what's best, even though we don't how it could be now.

I'm struggling a bit with the kid and the choices he is making. This, too, I have to leave in the Lord's hands. May the Lord reach him, no matter what He has to do to do so. Zach is His before he is mine. He doesnt want to hear anything about Jesus...I believe its because he would be convicted in his thoughts and actions at this point. May the Lord's will be done in this.

My prayer today is that only His words will be heard. Only His love will be shown and that I will be humbled in Him today.

[momof3]

1/17-Saturday

I went to bed last night, ready to read. I thought I had taken my bible in with me, but couldn't find it. I got up and searched the house for it, as I'd had it yesterday morning and usually leave it in the same place after reading in the mornings. Still, I couldn't find it anywhere. Its so funny how we can get attached to certain things. For me, its my bible. I have others-even in the same translation, but I wanted mine. Its broken in and fits in my hand. Beside my bed is another book I hadn't started reading. It, too, is a bible, but written in chronological order..with short descriptions in easier terms of each few chapters and what is going on in them. I started at the beginning. As i got to the chapters about Cain and Abel, I read the description about the chapter. It said that it was unclear why Cain's offering was not acceptable to the Lord. The Holy Spirit made it clear to me why this was so. Both brothers were giving unto the Lord their sacrifices. Abel gave the best he had while Cain gave just to be giving something. He did not give the best he had. He put no thought or true sacrifice into his giving to the Lord. When the Lord did not accept his offering, it was not because God needed more, it was because of the state of Cain's heart. Cain's countenance fell, and instead of hearing the words of wisdom from the Lord and offering his best the next time, he became jealous and envious of his brother. Even after all of this, including Cain murdering his brother, the Lord still showed His mercy toward Cain by placing His mark on him. I wonder how many times I have done the same thing. How many times has my countenance fallen because the Lord was speaking to me about what I was giving to Him and I didn't want to hear it, but instead felt sorry for myself and let sin and flesh rule.

My prayer today is that the Lord will search my heart. I don't want to give only to give something...to say I put in my time. Lord, lead, guide and direct my steps, my heart, and my mouth. Your will be done in everything today. I wait for the day we will be called home with anticipation, but today is yet another chance to do what it is You have called us to do. Show me Your will today. I also lift Zach up to you today. Show me what to do with him. Reach his heart, no matter how that will be done. In Jesus' name.

I found my bible . When the sun came up, there it was..in the light. Go figure.....

I love all of you. You are all in my every prayer.

[momof3]

1/19 Monday

This is a great way to keep up with what day it is

I have to say that last night in C O O L Church, my spirit was torn. Maybe it was my own understanding. Since my mom passed, and even before, when my mom asked me if I thought my sister was heaven, Ive asked myself about that. The passages about Samuel resting..and all the other passages about those sleeping in Christ said one thing to me...then the passages about the Lord saying He was the resurrection and when He said to the thief beside Him that "today" he would be with Him in Paradise..and then about the souls rising from the grave upon Christ's crucifixion all said something else. I don't know why it mattered to me at the time my mom passed. I guess I wanted to know that she was still aware...that she was in the arms of Jesus and was so overfilled with joy...I had a hard time thinking she was sleeping and aware of nothing. This question burned in my mind after she passed. To some extent, it still does...but either way, she is at peace....and through that, Im finally at peace with it. Im sure as time goes on, that which the Lord wants to show me, He will.

i love you all and youre all in my prayers.

[momof3]

1/20-Tuesday

Woke this morning at 6:30, had a really hard time getting out of bed. I had one of those restless nights where you are caught between sleep and opening your eyes to being wide awake. Usually on these nights the Lord is wanting me to talk to Him, or He is wanting to share something with me. I had gone to bed doing a study on the topic we talked about in C O O L church this past Sunday. I've always been one to check the word and thought i had this down.....then O pointed out scripture I had read before, but maybe didnt understand how it coincided with others Id based my beliefs on. So, all in all, truth was revealed. It's so very true that when we ask for the Lord to show us...He does.

Got a call from Phil this morning. He received his final orders and will be going to Korea on March 13. His girl is going too. The chances of both of them being given the same orders to the same post was next to impossible..yet we prayed. If this was the Lord's will, that they should have a life together, for the Lord to open the door for them to be stationed together. Phil is learning the importance of praying for the will of God in His life. I pray he always does as he starts this journey overseas...and as a (soon to be) husband and shepherd of his family. May the Lord's will be done in his life in everything.

i love you all and ask that you keep my boys in your prayers.
You are all in every one of mine.

in Jesus

[momof3]

1/24 Saturday

God is so good. In the hard times He brings words of wisdom, thruth, understanding, and encouragement. I've not spoken to a girl who sent me the following in over a month, yet, the Holy Spirit placed it in her heart to send a message today....just what I needed to hear.

"We want the whole plan, but we are actually made to have the faith for....THIS DAY, THIS BATTLE. We have been created to have faith for this moment. In the middle of battle, we can't see the whole battlefield. Just today's fight. All of the heroes of Hebrews Chapter 11- Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Joseph, Rahab...and the list goes on- had now faith. They did not worry about what might come. Even Jesus told us not to worry about tomorrow- that each day has enough trouble of it's own. So instead of focusing on the battle in the midst of the hard times stand back and know there is a bigger plan in store and that God provides you the necessities to face each one! God Bless You today."

I want to thank you guys for all of yor prayers and your love. i love you all so very much.

in Jesus,
momo

[momof3]

1/25 Sunday

The fog has lifted well.......at least the spiritual battle. The last week has been one of those...very trying...funny how the enemy will strike through those you love the most.

I take care of my aunt and cousin. They are 80 and 60. My aunt has had severe anxiety attacks since my uncle passed away 2 years ago this month. As crippling as these attacks can be, they can be just as draining on those around the ones afflicted by them. My cousin was born with several physical problems and is more like a 15 year old emotionally than 60. She is very sweet, has a sweet spirit and they both love the Lord. They have been taken care of all their lives..and are very used to being care of. So, now I had to decide whether or not I wanted to have a servant's heart and if so, on who's term..mine or His? Ok, so Who am I really serving? Enter, Steve and Zach. Each one of them has their needs. They chose to do some things that hurt very deeply...they were material things...keepsakes that had been passed on to me from those who are now gone home....but the thought that these young men could think so little of what meant so much to me...so, in comes the pity party. Not to mention the fact that they are hurting themselves as well...all these things swimming around in my mind...and the enemy saying....see? whats it all for? what is it you put so much faith in? does He answer you?

What was meant for seperation and strife..and to cause me to stumble and lose hope in what the Lord is doing in all these lives.....well, last night the holy spirit said it was time to talk. Ive been studying the book of James for a while along with others...but the focus has been on James. The Lord had led me here to talk to one of my sisters...and lo, and behold.....what does the holy spirit lead her to? James (i dont think He is mincing words here)

So, James it is....and how double minded can I be? Who reached me? Can He reach the boys? Was I just as lost as they when He reached me? Is anything they have done any worse than anything I have done? These were all questions I had to face...and the list went on. Each time I had a question, the Spirit would whisper to me a different scripture. (He has an answer to everything ...and im so thankful He does) There was no condemnation, only answers. I hated the way I was feeling. I hated the cloud i was under. James....this is where the Lord met me in this. Suffice it to say that as the night went on, the peace came back..and my faith was made stronger. Several times during the night I would wake with another insecurity the Lord wanted to talk about. I dont know if you can call this "taken to the woodshed" because the only pain i felt was from those selfish things I was holding on to. As I gave them to Him, He gave me peace and re-assurance. This may be elementary to some...if not most of you...but as we know...the enemy hits us where it hurts...and I needed a huge reminder that He is in control. We better practice what we preach and be ready for the battle when it hits. I can see that its not a game the enemy is playing, there is nothing fun or funny about it...it is a battle. He wanted me to see that though it is a battle for souls...He has gone before...and is in control....His will be done.

[momof3]

Wednesday-Feb 4

This too, shall pass. Im clinging to the promise that the Lord has all of this, He knows my heart, and He will show His will in all these things designed to take my eyes off of Him.

Psalm 91
1He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

3Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

4He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

5Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

6Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

7A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

8Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

9Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

10There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

11For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

12They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

13Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

14Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

15He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

16With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

[momof3]

Thursday-Feb 5


Psalm 121
1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

2 My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.

6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

8 The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

[momof3]

Feb 16-Monday

Was just going to sleep this morning at the time I would normally be waking....so needless to say i slept till noon. O.O Things have been so chaotic around here lately. The song Move or Move me comes to mind often. Last night I was reading in Ephesians. What an awesome word there is there. He reminded me that our paths are laid out for us. We only have to choose to be there and not go off on our own. The Holy Spirit also says in Ephesians through Paul to keep our hearts full of Psalms to the Lord. How quickly I forget..how easily I can be distracted. I hate the fact that I can become more concerned about me than I am about the needs of others around me. The Lord has brought us through so very much and has never left us. He has guided each step and opened every door...He has never led any of us down the wrong path..and has worked in ways I would have never thought possible. Ive seen some amazing things..Ive seen some unbelievable miracles. Although my flesh cries out for Him to bring me out of this place, I know this is exactly where He will move..and is right where He wants me..to show me, to grow me, to reach and heal my family with His truths. Lord, help me to keep my eyes on You only. In Jesus' name.

Till the next time...

love all of you so very much
in Christ Jesus

[momof3]

March 9-Monday

Today is 4 years since my mom passed. In the past, today would have been an aweful day for me. It would have been a sad day..a day I would have gone to the cemetary and sat...and waited for some sort of feeling of peace...that life was going to get back to normal one day..that this feeling of total grief would someday pass...that one day there would be only hope and peace...i hoped that day would come...

It is a new day..old things have passed away. I wait for the day we will all be together again at His feet..at His throne, but that feeling of God, please let it be today is no longer there. There is so much work to do yet. I thank the Lord for each new day..each new chance to tell someone how much our Lord loves them and how precious we are to Him. I thank Him for the peace He gives. The hope He showers us with. The forgiveness and mercy that allows us to breathe and just be who He has created us to be...and for changing us, day to day, within...I love my Lord, I cleave to Him and give Him glory in all things today.

till next time..

love you guys.
in Jesus

[momof3]

April 14-Tuesday

There are some dreams you just never want to wake up from. I went to bed last night thinking about the Easterfest and praying for our members, the crew and all the people the Lord has brought into my life. I was speaking to a friend the other night about praying for the same things over and over....and was re-assured that this is what the Lord wants us to do.

In the dream I had that followed...a man came to the door. He said he was there to finish the job. I was a lil confused for a minute but knew somewhere deep inside that he was supposed to be there. He started in the living room. The colors he painted with were the most beautiful and vibrant colors i had ever seen. He removed all the clutter and began building things...all the things that I needed. He moved deliberately and efficiently. Every change he made was one that i would have never thought of on my own. I would have never even imagined that I would love every change he made as much as i did. As we moved from room to room, the house within expanded. He never touched the outside, but the whole house expanded. I was in awe over every change and expansion he made. He kept removing clutter as he went only to replace it with something absolutely beautiful. When he built a piece of furniture, I would say that this or that would fit there perfectly but he would place things there that would be more perfect than what I thought would be. He replaced everything with color, with beauty. Every move he made was filled with total pure love for what he was doing. Not a flaw was found in any of his work. He then built a hutch. I told him that this would be a perfect place for my angel collection. He then, in a voice so sweet, said, "any collection that you would have would have to be placed in light so that everyone can see it". Every room was filled with beauty, with vibrance, with peace, love and warmth. As we moved from room to room, it dawned on me that what he was doing was much too much for me to pay for, so i asked him, "how am i going to pay for all of this ?" He answered, "Don't you know? The bill was paid when you asked me to do it."

I wasnt going to share this dream with anyone. I was going to hold on to it and treasure it in my heart...but as the day went on, and i kept revisiting that place i didnt want to leave, I knew that there are some of you who also need to know that this is what He is doing in you, too. Day by day, piece by piece, glory to glory.

i love you guys. you are all in my every prayer

till next time....

[momof3]

Thurs/May 28

Wow, its been a long time since posting in here. Mostly because what the Lord is doing in me is so new and He is breaking some things in me that ive held on to for so long. Thank You, Jesus.

The gathering was awesome. I was on a holy spirit high for a week! It was good to meet all of you face to face..and to be able to laugh, cry, talk, share, arm in arm and side by side. These are the things we should carry with us. Even though we are back to sitting behind our computers and typing on screen, these are the fruits we should be giving to one another and to all the members the Lord brings here to Oasis. He makes it possible any way He chooses.

During the time at the gathering, i was tempted to call home several times..to make sure the house was standing and no one was tied up and gagged but the Holy Spirit kept telling me no, have faith. So, when i finally did call the afternoon before leaving for home, all was well. All was peaceful and though the boys missed me (i could tell because they both wanted to talk to me ) they said..mom, you should go out of town more often! I wasnt hurt by this statement, i was relieved. I dont have to have so much control over things.....knowing and believing that God has control and sometimes I can be a hinderance to that.

This week, the enemy has been tempting me to be afraid of whats going on in the Koreas. he's been telling me..you shouldnt have told Phillip you would stand beside him if he decided to join the Army...and what kind of mother are you?..and what kind of mother are you to allow Zachary to join too? Again, God is their protector, and their strength, their shield and their guide. His will be done in all things. I will not be afraid. I will pray that the Lord will open the doors He would have them go in, and close those He would have them stay away from.

My prayer also is that the unity we all felt at the gathering will continue now that we are back home. We are called to be of one mind and spirit, united in one common goal...to reach the lost and the hurting with His love. A house divided will not stand. Our foundation is built on Jesus and together, those led here can be shown the truth of His mercy, grace and love for them. We already know it...they are led here by the Lord to find it.

i love you guys so very much and each one of you are in my every prayer.

till next time.....

bless and be blessed!