Susi's Stab at a Journal

[susidivah]

Long past few days, but praise God productive ones We had some bad weather yesterday so didn't go to Bloomington to see Leapers or my cousin and her daughter Was very bummed for it would have been a great lil trip and of course meeting one of my lil sis from Oasis! We get together another time and I see if I can help get stuff together for the May gathering.

I forgot this week was the start of Lent. Today in church they talked about this being the day that Jesus revealed himself as Son of God to some of the disciples. And Elijah and Moses appeared? I would've been freaked. I think it's called Transfiguration Day or something? (Mackie help me out here sis if you read this). They have Lenten services on Wed night at my new church which I'm glad. My old church had neat Easter services (very "contemporary") but didn't really place a lot on the time leading up to the resurrection. I remember an old friend of mine used to say he celebrated more on Good Friday for that was when he really saw what God did for us.

So here we go... thinking about what do I, or we, give up as sacrifice? Well I think some people do that every day as a willful thing, not as something that NEEDS to be done (am not knocking any particular denom here)... trying to keep my sacrifice to stay as much in the world and not of it, and never to think I could match the ultimate sacrifice He made for us.

Wow time is almost up here, can't wait to get my puter back Till next time...

[susidivah]

Ah, my Lord, I love you so...

I am getting sooooo excited about my sister, bro in law, and babies coming home! It is going to be such a busy time for them and for me and my parents, trying to help them with their schedules so we can fit holidays, family reunions, and just their own R and R time But I cannot wait...

My bro in law will be coming back to the states not having taught yet at the seminary. His class was cancelled over there due to not enough signing up. I think he's disappointed because he has had problems keeping up with the Mandarin classes too. I reminded him last night of all the things he did accomplish on this first assignment (lots of ESL, Bible studies, coordination of music ministries). My bro in law is a wonderful Christian man and sets his standards and expectations real high, sometimes too much so at least for his timeframe. I think a lot about God's timeframe for him and all of us with our goals. I find anticipation and desire is fine, but during the patient waiting its important to not miss all that's going on meanwhile. That's a big one for me this year while my family is home.

Time to book on outta here... laptop must be getting a good rest but I'm not gonna complain about that...

Sure miss everyone here tho

[susidivah]

TGIF, tho been very tired the past few days...

I can usually gage patience and tiredness at work by two of the members (clients) and it was not very good today unfortunately. Thank goodness the current intern is fresh and can handle a good learning experience . Seriously despite all the chaos with the State right now with our parameters and criteria of treatment services I do love watching people rise to their potential in recovery.

Been praying a lot on a couple of personal things the past few days also. My finances have never been great, but it is a state of a lil worse off now no thanks to me I pray to our Lord I continue to evaluate what I need versus what I want. My instant gratification days have subsided somewhat but still cleaning up the mess (i.e. debt). What I really need is only HIM and that pleasing to honor HIM on this earth.

The other is the expression of most feelings... man that sounds strange! I guess I mean intense feelings like sadness, resentment, and fear. And even love. Seems like walls are going back up these days. Don't even know how to describe it, I just know I continue to truly give to others without a second thought most times as I always have, but any attention given to me and my needs I shun. I remember a lady from the Worship Ministry at my old church had emailed me not long after I was diagnosed with cancer last year. She wanted to keep me on her email list and to offer help to me if I needed anything (being single with no family around has interesting challenges at times). Then she had said let me do this for it will be a blessing to me Dawn knew how I was and that statement really made me think. About how blessed I truly am by getting to work with great people everyday at my work and here at Oasis. All furthers his Kingdom a lil bit at a time

So, I'll keep praying, for everyone on my "list" and me to continue to keep growing...

[susidivah]

Wow... last time I journaled was March?!?

Came in here a few times with good intentions but mind drew a blank... He must have wanted it that way or else I wasn't focused, oh well!

Lots going on, just trying to maintain the calm within the storm spiritually, physically and emotionally. "The deepest part of You is where I want to be"... from Nichole Nordeman's River God (on my COOL space player)... everything is quieter and makes more sense there...

Can't believe all the emotions that came up at the gathering. Peeps were exactly how I saw them to be I felt the Spirit led the whole weekend and that everyone came away learning more. Just have to remember that everyone is HERE at the Oasis although I truly wish we were closer in real time...

Trying not to let compassion fatigue overwhelm, Lord I know you help daily with this...

And I'm in love... I know you'll protect me from the fear of this as well...

time to rawk on!

[susidivah]

Well... was just now reviewing my past entries... and common theme seemed to be tired and fatigued?

Am less so these days... I wonder if it is partly the change in season? God's beautiful sunshine sure does put extra spring in my step as well as many around me. Although my diet and exercise has fallen to the wayside lately (see: BOOT CAMP posted in the accountability forum) my energy is more steady during the day. I love having the volunteer work at the animal shelter as physical labor to balance out my time at the computer and sitting at my full time job. I think it helps a lot

Past couple of weeks I've also been tested... am not always sure if it's just Satan or if its my Lord but I know He doesn't want to hurt me or have me suffer. Fear hath no place in my Father, I know. People from my past can't hurt me when I am in my armor. As much as I pray and want to bring my past friends out of the darkness into the light it still is hard at times.

I know, I know... we grow from trials and tribulations... but I hope peeps realize even "seasoned" Christians can have frustration and even doubts at times.

Thank you Lord for my Oasis family and my earthly family who understand for the most part.

Better get back to work

[susidivah]

Woah...

It's been a while, huh This typing the thoughts and feelings down instead of keeping them in my head and heart is either feast or famine for me... am pleased tho (thank you Lord) been able to keep some time aside daily for mindful conversation with the spirit. It's a wonder He sticks around tho sometimes...

Past few weeks have been full of joy and sadness... two deaths of members (clients), persecution of one of my cousins, one beautiful Christian wedding, time with my sister and niece, and a clean scan

Reminder that God has everything happen for a reason...

And as I tell others and will continue to all blue in the face... what do you LEARN from the experiences, for anyone at any point in the Christian walk?

There is a new bible study starting at the Lutheran church that will take modern day headlines and apply the Truth to it. It sounds like something right up my alley. Not to modify or bend the Word of God but to apply it soundly to all our physical world. For we've come a long way baby, not to forget where the foundation and roots lie tho.

Thank you Lord for this spiritual place of calm and refuge for many... may you continue to work in the hearts of us all to uplift and reach and teach for your Glorious Kingdom...

(Hopefully) more again soon...