Jill's thoughts for the day...

[xxJILLxx]

yeterday morning i was thinking about how the pastor of our church here at home said a lil saying that caught my attention.

"We need to put our heartbeat in sync with God's."

Meaning what moves His heart should move ours and what breaks his heart should break ours etc.

So here i was pondering on that and thinking how can i do that?

A memory of my childhood came back to my memory.
I remember when i wa a lil girl when i was troubled or scared or even just sleepy or wanting love i would climb up on my dad's lap. There i was safe and seure and very much felt loved. I would lay my head on my dad's chest and listen to his breathing and his heartbeat. I remember i used to put my hand over my chest to feel my heartbeat as i was listening to my dad's. Mine was alot faster, dad's was calm and steady. I would hold my breath to slow mine down a bit to catch up with his heartbeat then try to time it with my dad's and breath slower.

Thump thump... thump thump

thump thump... thump thump

if i concentrated realy hard enuff i could match it, not identically but pretty darn close !

thump thump... thump thump
thump thump...thump thump

i told my dad yesterday that i was going to post this and i saw tears in his eyes and he said "dont forget to write how you used to suck yr thumb!" silly daddy! ♥ Later yeterday evening we were outside and my mom built a fire and my dad came over and put his jacket around my shoulders and said " I still gotta protect my lil girl." and added "you wanna hear my heartbeat?" and we both started to giggle .. I love you daddy ♥♥♥

but like my dad's heartbeat how do i realate all this with my heavenly Father?

well the Holy Spirit was showing me that sometimes i have to slow down trying to do so much too fast without listenning to the guidance of His heartbeat. And sometimes i have to ask him for help to get me out of a rut and and go to catch up with Dad's heartbeat.

pacing myself

I love you Father!

thump thump... thump thump
thump thump... thump thump

He lead me to colossians 3:12
Therefore , as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

His heartbeat

thump thump...thump thump

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

wow! what an amazing few days i have had!

Hes been teaching me sooo much. amazing what He will teach u if you are willing.

ok ok

first off i am so proud of my 15 yr old son!
He is in a dance group/ drama group for our youth group he is now a leader in youth. Wednesday night he performed his dance with his group called Arise in front of the rest of the youth.
Saturday he is going to perform the dance at another church that is nearby and sunday he will perform in front of our whole church during service.They are supposed to tape the dance and you tube it so hopefdully all yall can see him soon praise dancing to the song "you are worthy"

i wanted to sincerely thank all who have prayed for my family, we have come a long way. This boy has turned into a young man with a heart for Christ. I am so excited to see what God is going to do with him. A boy who used ot fight me because he didnt want to go to church... wow ..God is soooo good to me.

He has told me that he is concerned for his sister and has been getting the rest of the youth group to encourage her , and they have.... This is a girl who was cutting on her self , and suicidal... you guys God is soo good to me.. she no longer cuts .. she broke ties with old "friends" and last nigth she went on a youth trip with her brother and the other teens from the church and came back in good spirits!

My lil nathan will be starting back up in JBQ( junior Bible quiz) this sunday.
This lil boy has been such an encourager to me. We have worked so hard praying for the other two

Yesterday nathan told me "Mom, you know everything happens for a reason maybe we cant afford cable cause God wants mariah to be bored so that she will like going to church" He is so right on! Such an inspiration!


will write more later...

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

wOw!


I am absolutely head over heels completely fallen in love with our God!

How could i not be?

He surprises me when i least expect it
He gives me fine jewels and heavenly riches
He writes me poems
He listens to my every word and loves to hear me talk!
He provides for me
He cares for me and mine
He holds me tight at night when i am alone
He wipes my tears and kisses my cheek
He knows how to cheer me up
He encourages me
He BELIEVES in me
He wants me to succeed
He counsels me
He rebukes me out of love
He holds my hand!
He is so passionate! YES HE IS!
He makes me laugh
He always knows how to say the right thing at just the right time
He comforts me
He is always there for me

How could i not be completely head over heals fallen in love with Him!
It is so good to know i could never outgive my God, but it sure is fun trying

Passionate about His passion

God is passionate about us! Let us be passionate about His people!

His heartbeat

Thump thump... Tnump thump

♥Jill (aww do i have to share Him? Hes just too good to me i dont wanna ok ok ill share Him )

[xxJILLxx]

ok so the last few days ive been ok

got a lot on my mind

hes been teaching me about purity

and how to hold every thought accountable to the Word of God

every action

and ive been working on this since i got saved but more intensely lately

then i get a picture of how Jesus washed His disciples feet in my mind
that is so powerful! A king , the one who would lie down His life for us washed their feet, a servants job. a slaves job... wow , that is LOVE

and i think a King washing their feet what a beautiful picture and example we are to follow, That i am to follow. And not just my family and friends but to those who cant stand me.
And trust me there are those who just cant stand me because they dont understand my cheerfulness and bubblyness. i get comments like is she for real? Does she wake up that way? She lives in a dreamworld not reality. Id much rather live in the state i am in tho which is happy and free. And must keep a pure mindset to it all., and not be judgemental when i hear stuff like that.

It seems that the more you love tho the more yr apt to get hurt. Wondering why that is... hmmm

i will write more on this at a later time Hes still schooling me, and im still searching

but interesting stuff then i wonder ok why is He transforming into all this.. it seems like He draws me in to look deeper at love .. love at all costs.. when u have loved all u can .. love just a lil more

i wonder what is He preparing me for...whats His plans

its been on my heart to mission to china for awhile now and i have fallen away from learning my chinese cause my computer is broken at home now once again

and when i tell people that i wld love to mission to china they kinda look at me crazy like a look of oh boy shes dreaming she cant do that she dont have the resources, shes divorced, she has 3 kids etc etc.. but why wld i have such a heavy heart for it then?

but then i think of all the people God used and when He uses poeple its the ones who you would least expect Him to use because then those around that person will be like wow look what God did instead of look what Jill did. So i am hopeful in that . I am hopeful He is molding me for something huge to glorify Him. I just pray i make HIm proud and He keeps me focused.

theni think wow me these kids been through alot and we were brought through the fire. i had horrible storms and then i think wow satan must have been pretty threatened to throw althat in there and now look...

my kids are doing amazing
i am well and in love with our God
I adore Him

ok thats it for now
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

"woman", He said " why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him , and i will get him."

She truned toward him and cried out in Aramic, "rabboni!" (which means teacher)

Jesus said, "do not hold on to me, for i have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them , i am returning to my Father and your Father , to my God and your God.

am i expecting Him?
isnt He right there with me always
am i telling my potential brothers and sisters in Christ?
How many times i just go about my life and get wallowed up with my own problems and affairs and forget He is there and then has to remind me

Who is it you are looking for?

he calls my name

and even when i pray and read the Bible everyday sometimes i forget that Hes right there
sometimes i dont recognize Him becasue i am so wrapped up in myself and others
sometimes i forget the call He has placed on my life

i want to love like Him but i have had many people came into the store today and didnt say God bless you like i usually do or have a blessed evening i thank Him that he rebukes me out of love. Thank You Father ♥♥♥

I need to keep reaching and not get so wrapped up in other things.
Need to learn balance, ive never been very good at multitasking
and i wonder how many do several things at one time but i feel that whatever it is im doing at that moment needs my undivided attention.

struggling with balance

or am i being to hard on myself?

more later

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

Balance...

david and all the Isrealites were celbrating with all their might before God, with songs and with harps, lyres tambourines, cymbals and trumpets.

when they came to the threshing floor of Kidon, Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark , because the oxen stumbled. The Lords anger burned against Uzzah, and he struck him down because he had put his hand on the ark. So he died there before God.

1chrn 13: 8-10

i need a healthy balance Hes teaching me that

God loves praise but i must be careful and serious at times too.

trying to find the balance in my praise n worship and servanthood to my loved ones...

but how do i do that without being a stick in the mud? that just isnt me
i like living carefree! He is showing me that i must be cautious and not let my guard down in the celebration.

Uzzah , though sincere in his desire to protect the ark, had to face consequences and David was reminded that his obedience to Gods laws was more important than his enthusiasm.

Gotta keep focused...

the advise from our friends and colleagues is no substitute for God's direction


thump thump...

gotta catch up with His heartbeat again

thump thump...
thump thump...

hard to stay in sync with His heartbeat.. but so grateful He waits for me to catch up! amen?

God is good

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

feels like im alone today i picture myself as a single blade of grass today and this is what comes to mind

like a single blade of grass in a big wide open field
the wind blows on me and i am blown this way and that way
the root is staying put but the wind blows and blows
in the distance i see storm clouds
i dont want to be alone in this field
where have the other blades of grass gone?
have they dwindled?
where they uprooted by the wind?
i watch as the wind starts to pick up
the dust rolling around in the wind
gets in my eyes at times
stings my skin at other times from the whips of the wind
crinkling up my toes to keep steady foundation with the soil
i get scared of being alone
i look around and hope the wind doesnt carry the seeds he has laid off
i stoop down to secure them
wind blow on me all u can i am not going anywhere
i will stay here forever
i will wait in my lonliness
for He is faithful
I wil wait on the Lord



i have spent time with Dad i have fellowshipped, i have praised and worshipped, i have meditated on His word, i have encouraged others, something is missing

i feel alone and very well know that i am not, just feel that way

more later

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

EXPOSED


standing exposed in front of Him

search me Holy Spirit

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them:

the Lord has shown me some areas that i need to work on
frutration is one
trust issues another
negative self talk another
there are more 17 to be exact

i must keep my standards high, act wisely,and do good whenever i can
I should not be concerned with how much of the Holy spirit i have but how much of me the Holy Spirit has.
Submitting myself daily to His leading and drawing constantly on His power.

Taking heart in all things because i know that God works for my good if i love him and am called to HIs purpose

Not thanking God for my problems per say but for the strength he is building in me through the difficult experiences.

I am sure that Gods perfect love will see me through

Yes i said it I am sure!

beating those negative thoughts!

so what is it i need to discard?
time for a garage sale
wow where did all this junk come from?
adds up i suppose
well i dont want to pass down any junk so i will throw it out
offering a few items to those who need them
and in the process gaining treasure

there those shelves look much better now

I am loved
I am a child of God
I am the apple of His eye
I am trustworthy
I am a warrior
I am a conqueror
I am stronge
I have thick skin
I am focused
I am running to the goal
...

I am none of these without Him
Thank U Father
Hope i RE-present u well


♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

Building back up my strength in Him today


I knew that once u start helping others that it would drain you but i had no idea it wld be this much.

i read the virtue study here today was very well needed

sometimes when u help others who have had a similar past as myself i find myself bringing up those memories that i had set up on the "do not touch" shelf.

Trying to learn how to balance that aspect of it all.

Listened to a few different sermons today .

Letting Him search my heart and examining everything he brings to my attention that He thinks needs addressed.


♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

REFRESHED!
ACTS
3 And the next day we touched at Sidon. And Julius courteously entreated Paul, and gave him liberty to go unto his friends to refresh himself.



WOOO HOOO!

I emmersed myself in Him < my best friend!

funny thing happened yesterday.

I was taking my son to football practice and waited over my brothers house for them to finish . feeling a little frustrated i wanted to read some Psalms to get my focus off my frustrations.
then i realized hey i forgot my bible! I try not to do that but i did

anyway in my glove box incase of emergencies i have a book Purpose Driven Life along with my journal that was designed to go along with the book. I had read the book many years ago and for whatever reason decided to keep it in the car.

so i get to my brothers house and his wifes brother has been staying with them because he got into a lil bit of trouble and was trying to get back on his feet. Well i have had many a time and opportunity to witness to him to come back to faith and i have counseled him on a few occasions and had taken him to church with us.

He was talking bout i have this daily bread book and its just not enuff for me. Ding Ding Dng! bells go off and ohhhh ok God u want me to give the book to this man. earlier i was rereading a few chapters in it and had wrote some thoughts on the pages. So anyway he was so thankful that i had loaned him the book and i believe that some of thoughts i had wrote might apply to him and his situation. God intervention! He is very willing to learn and wants to improve just seems like hes had a bit of a few circumstances that he got the short end of the stick for.

So anyways thats it for now

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

ok after realizing lately that i had got to do some weeding i decided to do the counseling steps again.


~DING DING~

Round #1
*taps gloves*

**comes out swinging**
my struggles are with shame and guilt and all those negative thoughts that creep up in my mind


the forgiveness i think i got a handle on is just the thoughts that get me so intimidated and second guess myself constantly.
**takes a few jabs**

and frankly im tired of it!

i realize it comes to be a hinderance to how i serve our Lord and i certainly cant have that! No way! He deserves to have all of me and for me to be the best christian soldier i can possibly be. and i cant be my best if i am not giving my all.
**FIGHTS BACK**


i have to let go of these so i wont be hindered in His work. It is a must and lot of these stemmed from verbal and other forms of abuse that im not letting them get the glory for ! I realize that i have begun to carry these and now are getting way too
heavy once again to bear to the point its wearing me down.
**receives and uppercut** ouch that hurt!

retrain my brain once again cause somewhere a little bit of a root broke off and grew a whole mess of weeds that i thought were already pulled.
** I AM NOT GIVING UP!**

i thought if i posted here than i could be able to go back and reread often for my own personal reference.

so here i go again but i know i am not alone.

K thats it for now.

~DING DING~
round 1 over
**goes back to corner to regroup and rest for a bit **
was a tough round but im feeling good about this !


♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

while in the corner i am letting myself soak up His grace.

I get a visual

The pores of my skin are dry like desert ground
one little break and it could crumble
i see a pool of Gods grace that i always knew was there
i choose to place others in the pool which is good
and i see them coming out fresh restored if u will
how many times have i been to the pool lately?
I wallk over to the pool
Dip in my toes to check temperature
ahh just as i had remembered
very still and warm with love
i will sit here for awhile and bask myself in His grace
im starting to feel refreshed
i take a sip of his grace and savor the taste in my mouth
i feel it affecting every part of my being as it goes through out my body mind and spirit
Thank u Father for your grace for it is suffient for me indeed
Im sorry i havent used the pool of grace in such a long time
i was spiritually dehydrated if u will .
When i rise out of the pool i will be drenched with His perfect grace and love
but for right now i will sit here and bask in His grace
so peaceful here so serene
why i chose to stay away from His grace i have no idea ...

But so glad it is here for me

♥Jill