Pines Pages

[dema]

I'm proud of you.

[Pine]

Thanks Dema....that means a lot to me!

Please pray the Lord blesses this work. I have my dream of what might happen. But I want more that His will be done if my dream is not His.

Our sweet Savior is good to us. He is very very good to us.

[Pine]

I'm really worried that the dates that I put the events down are not correct. I never thought of when things happened before. I asked the detective not to send it in just yet so I can think about the dates some more. This is consuming my every thought. I tried to take a break last night and go to a social thing. But two different people who know about this caught me so we spent much of the evening telling me their thoughts. It was so frustrating and draining because they get stuff so mixed up.

[dema]

The best way that I know to remember dates is to think about what you were wearing and what you had been doing or thinking about and see if you can tie that into events. What was your cousin wearing? When did she get the tea set? When did they paint the shed or build the shed or is there a piece of something in your memory that you can tie to another event that you can put on the calendar.

But, if you don't have the dates right, then that is because you were a child there. Actually, when police take two testimonies after an event, if the two agree too closely, they know that something is wrong.

Also, if a person after a crime says the exact same story every time they are asked to repeat it - then they figure something is wrong. In other words, if you don't make mistakes in your testimony, then they figure it is rehearsed and don't believe it. The fact that you are laboring over dates means it is more likely accurate from the cop's point of view.

You might just put a disclaimer in it at the end stating, "I am not certain about the dates but I know that I was wearing such and such a dress, so I had to be at least 8 and I know that I didn't have my bike yet so I wasn't 10 yet." Or something like that. Did you have your teeth? If you were a snaggle tooth you were 6ish. But, just say that you are only so sure of the dates and let him file it.

[Pine]

Dema I can't remember what I wore yesterday let alone 30 years ago.

I gotta keep remembering He is in charge, not me. And believing in His will being done.

It's effecting my thinking so much I have to step away from work at times. I am glad snowy is here to help me. She's turned into a wonderful young lady. I don't know what I'd do with out her.

She didn't know what I'm doing. I didn't tell her at first. But then I realized I'm teaching her that when she thinks something is wrong, that she is incorrect. I need her to know to trust her instincts.

[Pine]

This has been a very interesting process. It's amazing the evidence one can find when one looks with the guidance of the Holy Ghost.

After the grueling task of sifting through pictures, journals, and letters from child hood on I have a small stack to present the authorities. And I feel pretty good about the statement as long as they give me some lead way on the dates.

I can't even describe how this process has been. Sifting through the pictures and staring for hours at one while questioning if that is him hiding in the woods or just a funny looking bush or tree. It gets so hard that at times I just don't want to live to see tomorrow.

I can't sleep. I do sleep but even in my sleep I'm sifting through pictures and memories. I wake exhausted.

Tomorrow I get some questions answered and deliver all the scraps of information that might possibly help me in this.

Worried someone told him. But God says He has this. This has been one of the hardest times that I remember yet such a blessing to have him rushing in to remind me this is His battle not mine.

I had two women spend 2.5 hours praying over me yesterday. Was an amazing event! God was there. AMAZING!!!!! I don't know how to even describe what happened. Pictures that came to me during this was that little girl, little Pine, Jesus took her hand and took her to the field of daisies. Her fav spot. She was safe there. That's probably why it was her favorite spot. But she couldn't look at Him because she was afraid of Him. But she would allow Him to hold her. She just sank in His arms. So tired. Tired of this exhausting battle. (the past that she lived). By the time this session was over I didn't have this huge hate with in me. The one toward those who hurt me. When the memories are bothering me I have new memories to go to. Memories of God being with me and showing His love to me. It doesn't take all the struggle away or make life easy. But it makes it easier and I get a much needed break from the mental stuff. There'll be a time very soon I'll have to use this tool often. Right now my mind is trying to figure out things, but soon it'll be the authorities job to figure things out and I'll have to let go.

I'm going to do this! I am doing it! And He is helping. It makes life worth living. It brings me a smile. Be joyful for me...because despite how hard it is I have an awesome God who is strong enough to get me through this. When my mind is not thinking about evidence I think about what will the trial be like. I'm trying really hard not to think about that.

[Pine]

I feel so bad for not being able to give right now like I use to. This process is encompassing all of my thought. It's a constant mental battle which causes me to seek very closely the Lords words. I wish I could share what is going on but I think I need to just keep quiet till things are settled.

I feel some peace in that it's all brought to the light. I do realize I have been afraid that I would be punished for what happened. Working on that. I realize how very confusing it is to be raised being told something and then become an adult and realize it's all different. It feels confusing.

I'm was hoping tonight to have some time and mental capability to chat for a while. But phone calls from MO and I'm back to the mental battle once again. I realize just how crazy my sister is. And that she is not on my side. I'm scared of what she will do when this process progresses. If it does.

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Dearest Sis,
Please know you are loved by may here and we know your heart and have seen the pain you have shared, so we all understand your not being in the forums or chat as you were before, BUT please know you have many here ALWAYS ready to listen if you need us but we do not feel any differently about you for we understand the battle you are fighting and know it consumes all you energy and time.
Please keep close to God and all else will fall in place, We love you sis and will be here for you
Cuc

[Pine]

Thank you for your encouragement CUC. I have come back to read that a few times.

God promised me victory.
He has now shown me He longs for victory even more than I do.
If anything comes of this trial I claim it a miracle from God.
Why would he not want victory? He uses the weak, the small, the frail, the confused, the unlearned. Why would He not want to use me? Why would He not want to use me to get victory over evil? I think He'll receive glory in all this. I'm still scared. But bravery doesn't mean being free from fear. And I must do as I feel called in my heart to do. I'm anxiously awaiting to see what He is going to do.

Then David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone; and he slung it and struck the Philistine in his forehead, so that the stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the earth.( 1 Samuel 17:49 *NKJV )

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. ( Isaiah 41:10 )

After all it is written that; He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength...That is of course when; We walk by faith, not by sight. ( 2 Corinthians 5:7 )

For assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. ( Matthew 17:20 )


Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. ( Ephesians 6:10 )

[Pine]

I am realizing I have a spiritual defect.

There's a prayer meeting I have been attending. Me and two others. They lead. I pray as they instruct. Sounds weird but it works. It's like holding me accountable to praying about my issues.

There's a side to me that doesn't trust God. And it's really getting in the way. I keep taking over and shoving God aside. I promised these two gals for 2 weeks I'd let God have control and not take over but I didn't make it 10 minutes. I keep trying. It's like sitting down to rest and allowing Him to work. But jumping up to do the work myself. I do that to my family too. I ask will you take out the trash, then jump up and take it out. Control Control Control. I'm exhausted. i asked myself why i keep taking control back from God and I heard cause He didn't protect me. I don't want to be that way and I'm very sorry. It's the selfish part of me. It's something that must be removed. I wish I could just trust. Just do it! That's sorta like saying, "Just get over it." If only it were that easy. Perhaps there are steps to this. A way to get there slowly.


So much on my mind.

[vahn]

Hey sis

That's sorta like saying, "Just get over it." If only it were that easy.

No , it is not that easy , however , it is not as "hard" as we make it out to be either , in fact , I was about to say "its easier than we think " ..... oh . I said it didn't I ?

You know , sometimes , effort defeats itself , you know what I mean ? like , maybe we try too hard to do something ? Sometimes , I find it best to not take ANY action on my part at all . (of course after a thousand times or trying to do it myself) , it works . My sponsor used to say "vahn , just pray and ask , and leave it alone , you do your part , give Him enough time to do His"

As far as why we act like that with people ?(like tell'em something and we do it ourselves?) .... Well , we're on own on that one ... I do that a lot too , so ....


Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord

[Pine]

It's like trying to open a door with hands covered in Vaseline.