Dema's Dreams

[Dora]

You've been such a good friend. I hope you are finding time to rest and renew. Jesus loves you and so do I.

[dema]

I claim that the devil has to pay me back seven times for the money he has stolen from me. He has stolen money from me in several ways lately and it is a lot of money. I claim in front of you my witnesses that I have been tithing and more than tithing and that I have been living up to the requirements of the promises of God to the best of my ability. And God says he will repay. God says, "Prove me NOW herewith" Well, I claim it in the name of Jesus. Praise The Lord God Almighty. God IS in control. Jesus IS Lord. God is good. God is glorious. Jesus is King. Jesus is magninficent and the Devil has to pay me back seven times over.

[dema]

I am being told that victory is available:

1 Peter 5:10 (The Message)

8-11Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.

Psalm 30:5
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

I think a huge secret is to not forget.

To be able to be lifted up and to not forget. I cannot imagine the pain of those who have lost everything.

It is all well and good to spend our days in calm introspection on the Word of God. But, without compassion -

1If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

King James is Charity.

Anyway, we learn from our hurt and pain. I don't know that most people learn much from success. The Israelites tended to believe that their success was due to their own cleverness. I tried to give credit to God for my success - did give it wherever I could. God put me where I am and I am convinced he wishes to prosper me. He has the cattle on a thousand hills.

[Lani]

Beautifully stated sis.
I enjoy reading each of your posts, thank you for sharing.


Peace n Luv in Christ,
Lani

[dema]

Recently in chat, a person I met and love through this site was suffering from a headache. It was a horrible headache. In the past she had tried all sorts of things - prescriptions and such. I felt led to pray for her and stopped chatting to really, really pray for her. I felt power and then I wrote her to tell her I prayed for her. She was writing me to tell me that the headache had just suddenly left.

This healed me as much as it healed her. I have been struggling with "when am I hearing you God?" I think many of you know that issue. I totally believe in God - but sometimes it seems like I must be getting my call crossed with somebody else's.

This was a beautiful thing for both of us.

[dema]

God has been telling me, pretty loudly, that I am where he wants me to be. That any mistakes in judgement that I made were part of the plan. That he wants me to be where I am, exactly where I am and that the sum total is where it needs to be. This is a lesson - it isn't a permanent place.

He has made it quite clear that he wants me to have met all of you and to have taken the time getting to know people like I have. And if I hadn't been just where he put me, I wouldn't have made this connection.

If I want to go onward and upward - and I do - then I need to remember and I need to listen. And I need to NOT hurry. Let go of stress. Slow is fast. On job sites and other in other work issues, I cannot count how much time I would have saved later if I just would have moved slower. Part of the issue is multitasking and my own personallity - and that is another lesson. I am as God made me. And he is just thrilled with me. I need to be thrilled with me, too. And this isn't being stuck up - you should be thrilled with you, too.

I need to remember. I need to remember a lot of things that have to do with compassion. In the wake of a hurricane or tsunami, how do we survive compassion? It hurts too much. God hasn't answered that question - but he has said to remember how it feels. To remember how it feels.

My car was acting up again last weekend and my husband drove me to my appointment and charged my battery and had it all happy when I came back. It has little interior lights that aren't on timers, like for the make-up mirror, that will run down the battery if left on. But who sees a light behind a visor?

And the dishwasher broke the morning after I had terrible, terrible financial news. And the message was "do you trust me?" I thought God would fix it. But, he used it. I found the manuals and problem online, and hubby and his friend fixed it. He and the friend had been pretty estranged for a while - and I kindof had too from the friend. We had dinner together and now it works. Didn't cost anything other than maybe a $20 plastic piece that snapped ($8 plus tax and shipping). Dunno if we even need that.

And in the process, hubby managed to find time to dig holes for my blackberries. Hubby and I have been having a lot of issues - I don't know if you can realize how healing this is???

It has to do with trusting God. Things going smooth really don't teach us much, unless it gives us the time and resources to reach out to others. This life isn't about lying on a pool on a mattress. It's school. It is learning and growing and taking something with us. We can't take money with us - but there are a lot of things we can.

[Dora]

God has been telling me, pretty loudly, that I am where he wants me to be. That any mistakes in judgement that I made were part of the plan. That he wants me to be where I am, exactly where I am and that the sum total is where it needs to be. This is a lesson - it isn't a permanent place.

What a terrific feeling!

I woke up thinking of you.

Good thoughts.

Sometimes things we have a grasp on start bubbling up because we really never had a grasp on them...just stuffed them down and quietened them. So some things you have shared about might start bubbling up and make you wonder why now. It's ok to not want to deal with them. But they will bubble over one day and you will have to deal. You may be 80 years old when you have to deal. But if they are bubbling at all, I think they will one day won't be able to be held into place and you'll have to deal. I did that with these present issues. I knew they would boil up and over but I was willing to wait because I did not want to deal. The fear of dealing can be worse than the actual dealing.

I love you sis. Those were my thoughts today. I pray that you are able to glean something out of there to help you with your walk. You are beautiful.

[dema]

I guess I don't really know what I'm not dealing with. Certain things make me illogically angry - and I stop to look at those things to ask "Why?" I am reading, "Wild at Heart." It makes me angry. It says that every man needs an adventure, a damsel and a battle. Why does anyone need a battle?

That makes me angry.

I know that I didn't stick around with strong Christian men because they were bossy. And frequently illogically bossy. "The Bible says....." And yet what they said was taken out of context. Also I am very smart and that tends to turn that kind of man off.

I'm an engineer and 53, so one would think that I would have had a lot of issues with men blocking my path - but I really haven't. Had some pranks - if I wore a dress they would have me climb under something or over something. So, I quit wearing dresses. But, I didn't make a big deal about it. Men tend to initiate their own and it was actually kindof an initiation.

I'm not bragging about being smart - I'm trying to explain that it has adversely affected the way I relate to men. It is this man ego thing. My first husband found a bimbo to fight with that directly led to the end of the marriage. He was abusive to me during the last year of marriage. Lots of things indirectly led to the end. He wasn't winning any battles, I didn't need saving, he wasn't having adventures - I've known that for a long time.

I guess part of why that book makes me angry is because my first husband needed those things. When we married, I had issues. The issues probably related back to the bus incident I've mentioned to some of you. Three teenage boys did whatever they wanted on that bus including grabbing at girls, breaking windows, burning girls' legs with cigarettes, holding them down and feeling them up - as far as I know everything was above the waist and over clothes. Nobody did anything to stop it - it was the time in history when the criminals were sueing and winning in court and everybody was afraid to confront the criminal. It was before the good samaritan laws that resulted because people had been sued for botched CPR. Like without the CPR the person would have been better off? The abuse went on for months before I was taken out of the equation. Probably went on for years - I don't know. I got over the issues. Sometime in my first marriage I got past them. And getting over my issues gave my husband issues because then I wasn't broken and he didn't need to prop me up.

My current husband has never been happy with anything as long as I've known him - that isn't true, of course. It just seems that way. I ask him WHAT would make him happy. He doesn't know. Probably the same issues.

I HATE THAT! I hate it with a passion. I love that he got my car running the other day and drove me to an appointment and fixed the dishwasher. I LOVE that. I love that he is going to Sunday School and church with me every week now and participates in class. He's been perceptive in certain issues. He also belittles me - not all the time. It isn't abuse anymore. It is subtle. He needs to be THE MAN. I don't want to be his damsel. I don't want to be anybody's damsel to save.I've BEEN saved. Jesus saved me. I'll stop in my tracks for Jesus. But MEN???? I wish they'd get over it. Or maybe I don't know what a woman is supposed to do.

I know what my mother does and has done her whole life with my dad. And they've been married over 50 years and can accomplish big projects together - so I guess it works.

And, I hate that men like to fight wars. That they feel like they have to beat others in order to win, that being a victor is part of their makeup.

So, if these are symptoms of something that will bubble up - then I really don't know what that thing is. That I haven't worked through my ex's abuse? I can talk about it. I can tell funny stories about how he and bimbo had a fist fight in the ditch in the front yard and three police cars came and hauled them both off. How he was so drunk that he kept falling all over her while they were fighting - and I wasn't home and he told me about it as soon as I got home so I wouldn't hear it from the neighbors.

I know that the anger is there. But, I do have men that I really respect and whom I think are very wise. My assistant pastor is one of them and he says that I am daunting. But, he has realized how much I need someone to just respond to me on occasion - an email every couple of months, probably, responding to some insight I had and wrote him about. I need that.

Daunting: One day in Sunday School, he talked about the woman caught in adultery and why Jesus wrote in the sand. Saying, he'd always wondered about that - and I said that if you stop and picture it, you can hear the noise of all the people making excited angry noises. And the authorities ask Jesus and probably hardly anyone heard. But, as Jesus writes in the sand, gradually people turn to see why the authorities are just standing there looking at Jesus. And gradually a hush comes over the crowd as they wait expectantly - and THEN Jesus speaks. And everybody hears - and so EVERYONE is convicted in their hearts.

And his mouth fell open. And then he closed it. Like people do when they realize it is open.

So, this is so much of who I am. My sister said that it was hard being my sister when I was the one with the brains and the boobs. My sister has been successfully married to the same man for 32 years. My sister isn't daunting.

Please, don't be daunted at me. It should be "daunted by me "- but "daunted at me" says what I mean. Does that make sense?

If you are daunted, then you might stay away. And I want you.

[dema]

So, at bedtime God revealed to me that I had not forgiven someone who hurt my child long time ago. And I had to picture him getting eaten by alligators a bunch of times and then I let him go.

If anyone has wisdom on making the battle of the sexes more of a friendship, please let me know. Both of my husbands have expected to be entertained in my presence. Forget about hanging around - if there isn't an agenda - whoosh - they are gone. Both considered TV an adequate agenda. And so, you may ask, what do you want to do? Just sit around? Well, I would like to have the guy ask me what we can do and brainstorm about it. Instead of "What do you have planned? Nothing? See ya later." Yes, that would be terrific - a discussion about what we want to do.

Actually, Friday we had a miscommunication or we would have gone out spontaneously. Phones issue.

This sounds trivial - but the real issue is when can he be happy? What does it take for him to find happiness, let alone joy?

[Dora]

Dema I don't know right now. But I feel your frustration. And my heart goes out to you. I pray you find the answers and that you find peace. Love you

[dema]

Well, I dropped into the OBHT last night - didn't stay long because I was eating this huge piece of birthday cake when it was nobody's birthday. But, I did think about why. And I realized, the craving hit me Monday night when my husband took off for the office about the time that I got home. And last night, when a friend cancelled dinner out and hubby said he felt like crap and was just going to sleep all evening and my daughter, who I frequently visit on Tuesdays, had other plans - I went and bought a birthday cake. I even had icecream with it. I ate about 1600 calories worth - plus icecream. No, I am not fat. I exercise a lot and have been half doing Nutrisystem. I am 20 lbs almost exactly over my ideal weight and am a hair under the average for women my age. I didn't have a thing for birthday cake until my mother and I made the wedding cake for my eldest daughter. We later made the cake for my younger daughter too. They were gorgeous. My mother has taken up cake decorating in her retirement and makes really scrumptious (and totally without virtue) icing. well, there is some egg white powder in it - maybe that has a tiny bit of virtue. We actually made huge quantities of cakes - all kinds- for rhe first wedding. The family had cake in their freezers for months. I kept going back for cake and icing and it made me think of making cakes with my mommy. (Keep in mind how old I am - but somehow the little girl lives on in most of us.)
Birthday cake and wedding cake are always supposed to be eaten with lots of other people that you love. And so, when I feel lonely, I crave it.

Well, it makes sense now.

A funny, when I get over my craving, I get rid of the rest of the cake. Because I do like it all the time and I don't need it around and my husband doesn't either. So, one day a daughter and grandkids came over and wanted something sweet and I dug the cake out of the trash. It was in one of those snaptight containers and was totally fine. One of them saw me and went and told everybody else - but they ate the cake. A different daughter is coming over in a little while, so this one will go in her car.

[dema]

This forgiveness issue seems to be all around me. Looked this up for a different friend. It is from Wikipedia and I like it a lot:
Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.[1] The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt'. The concept and benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious thought, the social sciences and medicine. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives including forgiving themselves, in terms of the person forgiven and/or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In some contexts, forgiveness may be granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is incommunicado or dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, apology, and/or restitution, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive.

I really like the word "concluding"

"and/or" - I think the concluding is required - one has to give to God what is God's. And I think the demanding has to conclude - you can't go demanding in righteous indignation anymore. However, you can forgive and still go to court, place wanted posters, testify at parole hearings and so forth. Protecting society and seeking justice can be done in conjunction with forgiveness.

The next weird statement is saying - you don't have to tell the person that you have forgiven them. In many cases they would laugh in your face. In many cases, the only person forgiveness helps is the one who is forgiving.

There is at least one verse in the Bible that says that the offender must ask for forgiveness - however, since forgiving is necessary for the forgiver - when a person releases the offender, the person who is freed is oneself. This is all wrap around words - this is what I mean:

If Mary forgives Joe, it is Mary who benefits. Joe doesn't benefit at all in many cases. Mary benefits enormously.

Reconcile is different: From Merriam Webster

a : to restore to friendship or harmony <reconciled the factions>

Reconciliation requires the desire of BOTH parties. Forgiving doesn't.

I think that a lot of people have a lot of problems because they are such idealists. They think that other Christians don't get tempted with sex or don't want to say bad words when they stub their toe or don't get mad when someone yells at them.

Honey buns - everybody does. I heard a preacher preach on the subject and confess to cussing his pet. He blushed when he said it.

God doesn't want you to go kiss a shark.

Matthew 10:16 (King James Version)

16Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.

I think many times when a person, one of us here, one of us sheep, thinks that they just can't do what God asks - they just don't understand the magnitude of what God is asking. God says, "Pick up that rock." and the person goes for the boulder instead of the rock God intended. Maybe a little mindful meditation on God's words is in order?

God can speak to your heart and let you know if you will calmly ask. But when you are saying, "Ican'tican'tIhavetoIhavetoIcan'tIcan'tIhavetoIhavetoIcan'tIhavetoAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!" it is kindof hard for God to be heard when he's saying, "No, honey, just that small one over there."

This isn't to one person. We just went through a book by Marjorie Thompson as part of Sunday school and I've just seen so many people here unable to lift boulders when I am sure that God is pointing at a rock. I really cry for you. Please - stop and ask God. Think about what I wrote - but let God answer the matter.