Dema's Meanderings

[dema]

Thank you

[vahn]

Ah ... The old "they don't understand" thing again . Yeah , well , here's the truth , you're right ! , the fact is that , NO one understands the way each individual is feeling , we only know how WE feel when a similar situation befalls us , but as far far as how the other is feeling , we have absolutely no clue ! You know why ? ... That's because NO two people go through the EXACT same "hardships" ... similar , maybe , but EXACT , never . That is why God made us each individuals , as in undivided (we may be able to split an atom , but DNA . never ! and our souls each have thir own DNA's)

Dema , sister , please allow me to share my own experience(s) , maybe , at least it would shed some light on what is it that I see (again , based on my own experience) .

See , I am an alcoholic (though been sober for a couple of twenty-four hours ... like since 1999 ? ) , in my active drinking days , especially toward the end of my drinking , EVERYBODY , yes , INCLUDING me , knew that my situation was a hopeless one . I knew what needed to be done , I knew all there was to know about the need to change my life , 'cause the way I was living was causing a lot of harm to a lot of people (that were around me , that is) . And people were ALWAYS telling me what I needed to do ! (and they were ALL , right , they were ALL saying the right things ! , and I knew it !! )
Here's the thing , even though I knew I needed to stop , even though I knew people were getting disturbed , even though I knew HOW to stay sober , BUT ... I , was ok with my drinks , and my attitude was , that if they did not like it , they didn't have to stick around , that was ok with me too !

Well , the answer (to their "problem" ) didn't come to me until we , me and the other "half" sobered up . A bit while later , she decided to go back out and "experiment" little more . Here , I found myself on the other side of the fence - trying to tell her what is best for her and "us" , right ? -- Needless to say , I was confronted with the same exact responses as I used to give others , UNTIL , that is , one day , I found myself saying to myself , "maybe they don't wanna change the way they are , not because they are defying MY wishes , but rather , maybe they are OK with the way they are ??? #1 .. who am I to want them to change to something that they are NOT going to be OK with ??? and # 2 ... Why is it that I , am finding it difficult to ACCEPT the fact that is exactly who and what they are ... Ahhh ... Totally different picture we got now don't we ?? , Now , I have to work on the problem of ACCEPTING the fact that I am the one having the problem the way others are , and not as much as they HAVING a problem that needed to be "fixed" .

What is it like today ?? ...Live , and LET Live , let them be who they are , good , bad , or otherwise ! What I had to do was lower my expectations of others .... I , They , and yes , even you Dema , CANNOT measure UP to NO ONE ELSE'S EXPECTATIONS BUT OUR OWN !!! ... So Dema , your hubby will NEVER measure to your expectations of him , and here's the bad news ... neither will you ever going to measure up to his !!! We are individuals because God created us that way !! Your hubby did not create himself nor did you create him or yourself . And the SAME EXACT thing applies to ME and to everyone else !!

Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn