Geselle's first journal on the road to Healing

by **geselle** » Sat Jul 30, 2011 8:08 am

Thank you all for being here for me, It really help a lot to know somone cares..

by **geselle** » Sat Jul 30, 2011 8:44 am

I have decided to day make a big decision.. For me it's big because it means I have to go through some painful stuff and I have to give them to God and allow him to heal me..
I had to ask myself a few questions. I am ready to give it God?? Do I really want to go through this?? Am I ready to face this deep dark place?? am I read to open that door and walk through the pain?? Am I ready to let go and let God?? Am I really ready...

I don't know But I am going to try.

On my road to healing!! this is where I have fallen short

Not allowing God to Love me, How can he
Not trusting God to protect me... After all no one was there to protect me How can I trust God to do that.
not allowing God to tell me how special I am.. I did not want to here because I am not special...
But most of all I kind of Lost my faith along a bad road of cutting,deep dark depression, lost of self, anger at God and believing the lies of the enemy...
I don't really know if I am over these thing full or delivered from them, but today I made a decision to try..
Recommitting my life to God and trying to believe what he says I am instead of say " yeah right whatever, I don't believe that"

I know it not going to be easy..
My life has never be easy, but yet I survive...
why not allow God to walk with me and talk with me and tell me I am his own, WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOOSE.
I never feel acepted anywhere I go... Alway too quiet, and never say a word...
even when I say Hi I feel invisible, but that's just it I only say Hi...I have Nothing else to say
So today I have made the decision to allow God to help me through this road to healing because I can not do this by myself..
I hope this works...
please pray for me...
I have soo much going on, It's just too much sometimes, too much to talk about, too much for one person to go through at one time..
It's just too much, trying so hard to stay positive... yet I fall really bad some times..

Thank you

by **dema** » Sat Jul 30, 2011 10:22 am

by **geselle** » Sat Sep 24, 2011 10:27 pm

by **geselle** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:40 am

I need help.
I have made up my mine to do something, not telling any one anything cause i don't to be talked out of it. I am tired of the ups and downs, feeling good one hour and then not feeling good the next hour. SO sick of it. I don't care what happens hell or not I don't care anymore. If God loves then why am I this way why do I hurt so much and why am I not over this. I don't really care about that either. I am just tired, I am tired, of my life tired of the same things over and over, Like there is no way of getting out. well who care but i think i might have found something that might help. at least if i am not around no one would bother me no one would tell me to shout up, and i would have to feel the way i do, and i wouldn't have to hide and say I am fine and try to find things to talk about when I know and ask myself what the hell am i doing. so either way I don't know and i really don't care any more.... bye all
thanks for listening

by **dema** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:39 am

Geselle, you know that you do care. This life is a test. And it will all be a memory someday. And seem small relative to where we are then.

Figrue out how to get OUT. Be willing to live in a little efficiency and be a waitress in a coffee shop. Be willing to make a change. I wish that you would find a waitressing position and keep your day job and just work all the time. Waitressing keeps you too busy to think. And makes you run around until you are too tired when you get home to do anything but sleep. Save your money and find another place to live. Make a CHANGE. Don't stay put. Get busy.

Or get a dishwashing job. Something with distractions. Something to keep your mind off, get you away from the stuff that is getting to you and to put you money in the bank so that you can GET AWAY.

It is your mind that has you stuck where you are physically. Change your mind!

by **momof3** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:40 pm

Hey geselle,

Ive been gone for a while from Oasis and am just now catching up on some of the posts. I came across yours today. I dont know anything about you...or your life, or your struggles..but I hear the pain in your heart.

I was wondering if you have looked at or thought about doing the counceling steps here in Oasis?
Ive seen so many lives healed in them. Ive seen so many who had no hope find it. THere is hope, sis. I just want to tell you there is a better way. You dont have to live in the pain you feel. The good Lord created for a reason and has given you a purpose. There is a reason He put you here..and its a calling He has placed on you and you, alone.

Im praying for you. Like I said, I dont know whats going on but He led you here for a reason.

In Jesus,
love momo *Pray*

by **geselle** » Thu Dec 01, 2011 9:26 pm

hi
I haven't been here in a while, and I have not post anything..not sure what to say at the moment. Maybe share what has happened in the pass month.
This morning I cut my arm up and my leg, I don't even know why i did it. I just just overwhelmed, i don't know.. I'm not thinking streight, kinda confused. i am reading my bible and trying my best to stay in the word but sometimes i just don't know what happens. It's been a long road, along day and i am tired. not complaining just writing.

thanks for listening....