anime's journal

[ILuvAnime]

DAY 1)

wow, this is gonna be weird, anyone can read this!!!! *sigh* Please God gimmie help me 2 REMEMBER this and 2 stick with it!

I cannot believe we're leaving China in 2 days!! I'm having trouble accepting this. It almost doesn't seem like reality. Living in a 2-bedroom condo for 5 months? I'm not sure how I can cope. *sigh* and what about socially?? I'm not even sure how 2 act! Its been sooo long since I actually hung around a group of kids...so i'm scared. What if I'm a freak? Or what if I'm considered a nerd? Or worse, what if the popular kids draw me into their little group? I don't wanna be there! I just wanna do what God leads me to do....what is that exactly??????

I can't believe Mama (grandma) is dying. She's ALWAYS been there, from when I was born. I don't want her to go...but at the same time, i think its whats best. She'll be in Paradise, with her Father. She'll have a new body where she can run around and play, and best of all, no more pain. She's lived half her life in pain, and now, it's only a matter of time b4 she's out of pain 4ever... *sigh* She's gonna luv it there, it'll be...well, actually...Heaven. But I'll miss her soooo much, and knowing me, its gonna be hard. It probably won't hit me at first...but a few days afterwards, the reality of it will finally punch me in the face, and I'll be crying for a few days.... *sigh* i sigh 2 much!!.....oh well!

Aunt Jen isn't being fair AT ALL. she wants us to MOVE back 2 Ohio, not just visit. She said if we're not staying for AT LEAST a year, we shouldn't come at all. That really hurts me. she WAS the one who asked us to come, after all. I understand this is hard for her, emotionally, but its hard on us 2. But luckily, my mom is coping quite well.

If anyone reads this, they're gonna think I'mma complete kid, but I don't care: My mom is a wonderwoman. She hasta handle booking flights, packing, taking care of me and my lil sibs, AND NOW she's actually feeling ok, despite what my aunt is all whining about. Thank u God for my wonderful mother, whose helped me thru good and bad, whose even helped me with my relationship with our hold Father.

welllll its time for me 2 go eat smthing (probably chocolate.) so byeeeeeee

[ILuvAnime]

DAY 2)

yay, i remembered 2 come back 2 this!!!!

We're leaving 2morrow 2 go 2 Beijing, then we stay in a hotel overnight, then we get on a plane the next morning and head 2 The States. *sigh* I'm trying not 2 have panic attacks.....but its not easy. I'm having stomach aches (which usually happens) and I'm all jittery, but it usually stops after I get on the first plane, and doesn't come around anymore. I just wish I could be confident that nuthing will go wrong....oh well.

Ugghhh its like....like I'm torn between 2 worlds almost, china and america. I don't even know which one I belong 2. Last nite, we met with all our chinese friends, I started crying becuz i was gonna miss them all so much, and started 2 ask my mom if i could stay in China. she said no, since I'd be alone all day cuz my dad works and they already booked my plane ticket...now this morning I'm glad I'm going back. this is like a rollar-coaster of emotions, one I can't wait to get off of. its so weird, i JUST got out of my depression and then this happens? I'm starting 2 wonder what God has in store for me...hm.

My Aunt apologized 2 all of us, PTL. I'm still kinda hurt, but I'll get over it. right now we need 2 focus on Mama (grandma) and taking care of her and Papa (grandpa). I can't wait 2 see them- they even said in the email seeing all of us will make their day, so I'm very happy becuz of that. I praise God i have such a wonderful family. We've been thru many bad times, but we've had good times 2. I also thank God that my mom's family accepted daddy, cuz daddy's family...well, it's pretty um...messed up.

Speaking of daddy, i'm gonna miss him so, so much. I know all of our friends here will help him with everything and anything he needs, but still, i've never been away from him for more than 5 days. I'm lucky tho- my daddy has always been right by my side thru it all. I know some people whose dads didn't stick around for their childhood, or they're off fighting in the war, while my dad just did maitenince jobs and now he teaches. I have it off easy. It just feels hard. And who knows, this situation might help us 2 grow in the Lord, and me and my dad's relationship.

Daddy asked me 2 go 2 the store with him yesterday. It was pretty emotional, he wanted me 2 hold his hand like i did when i was 6 yrs old. I didn't even feel embarrased, so it was ok i guess. he looked like he was gonna cry and kept going on about how much he'll miss all of us and me. Apparently, I'm special 2 my daddy. He said God told him I was special when I was born...which really, I'm nuthing special, just a normal girl trying 2 live her life for God. anyways, so then i told him we had skype and stuff, and then i said we'd hafta celebrate my 13th birthday over skype, and i was excited for that. My dad actually swore and said he wouldn't be there for my 13th birthday (i was born in May, he'll come 2 The States in June). I told him not 2 swear, and that we still had skype so it was gonna be ok.

i should go now. byee

[ILuvAnime]

still DAY 2)

2day me, my mom, and my little siblings were going to get pics for our visas. I was wearing my coat from my best friend, Sierra (i realize i talk about her lots), but it was kinda dirty on the front. I ignored it and put the coat on anyways, along with my baggy jeans with a tear in the knee. When we got to the photo place, my mom grimaced at my coat. I asked her why. She said "I'd rather u NOT wear that coat when we travel..its so dirty." I glanced at my coat and was like "whats wrong with it? what does it matter?" and she just gave me a look. "What, u think I look like a tramp?" i asked. "Um...yeah" my mom said. "So what? its not like they can throw me out of the airport" i said. "No, they can't but....it looks like I don't take care of you" she said. I glared at her and said "So ur mother is dying, and ur worried about me having a dirty coat?" my mom just turned away.

*sigh* i dunno why i'm saying this, but i wanted 2 say smthing and im kinda mad so i need 2 wash my coat now. byeee

[ILuvAnime]

we're leaving for Beijing 2day, I'm soooo scared n nervous. Pls pls pls God let us be all right and let our trip be quick and easy, in Jesus' name i pray, amen.

[ILuvAnime]

we made it!!!!!! easiest trip ever!!!!!!! we flew from beijing 2 chicago, i LUV chicago!!!!!

everytime i prayed God answered within 2 minutes. i'm serious, it was amazing and moving. God's tryin 2 teach us smthing, i just kno it!! GOD IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!

well i'm like totally jet-lagged so byeeeeeee!!

I LUV U JESUS!

[ILuvAnime]

hiiiiiiiiii srry its been a little while but i've been getting over jetlag and stuff, but here i am!!

MAMA'S (grandma is mama) OUT OF PAIN!!! no she's not dead (PTL), but a hospice lady came over 2day, and gave mama some medicine, and now she feels great!!! :D :D :D

its so weird....when Mama was in pain, i was in the worst mood ever. i was moping around, kinda worried, some bad memories from the past tugged at my mind a lot. but now that i see Mama smiling and back 2 her old self, i feel great!....is this a God thing? or is it just emotions? i wanna figure it out!

more later :D

[tdub]

Young lady, I respect your honesty and reaching out to your brothers and sisters in Christ. You and your family are now in our prayers. Please take time to read Psalm 91:1-10 and listen to our Father and lay your head upon the bosom of Jesus and submit to the Holy Spirit as He moves within you.
Palsm 91:1-10
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 This I declare of the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him. 3 For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from the fatal plague. 4 He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. 5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day, 6 nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. 7 Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. 8 But you will see it with your eyes; you will see how the wicked are punished. 9 If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, 10 no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling.

In the perfect bonding love of Jesus,
tdub (a grandpa in Christ)

[ILuvAnime]

ty for the verse tdub, i really like that.

ur sister in Christ,
anime

[ILuvAnime]

i have chickenpox AND ringworm. my aunt is having emotional issues, my grandma is in a lotta pain, we're waiting for the doctor and its 10:06 at nite... God, wats the deal????