Renewed Mind, Renewed Life

[lyl1114]

Hi everyone...

I have found this Oasis community exactly 2 months ago. I was living a life, daily dreadful life, without any joy. I was depressed and had a hard time taking care of my family. I would wake up in the morning just looking forward to going to sleep again. I have talked to my doctor who just told me to exercise, join a church community, talk with friends to get my mood back up. I thought I needed more than that. I just was unhappy. I tried looking for christian doctors who will help me but to no avail. I couldn't really talk to family or friends. But one day, two months ago, Lord lead me here. I just didn't want to be depressed and unhappy with my life anymore and took the challenge to do the studies, first the cccc, then Spirit of Truth, and recently finished MCFC studies. I have been raised in a Christian family before I was even born but coming here and doing the studies helped me to know my Father God, Savior Jesus, and friend Holt Spirit, PERSONALLY.

Yesterday as I talked with my mother and sister, they told me that I have become a different person...BETTER! I rave about this site and what I have learned and how it is bringing me closer to God and how I have learned to deal with life. I have a renewed mind!!! and my life has changed because of it. I am so blessed and so happy. Everyday I used to look forward to taking naps with my younger daughter while my older one was at school, barely get through and go to sleep for the night I just didn't want to deal with my life. My waking times were grouchy, grumpy, and unfortunately, I took it out on my family, especially my kids. Just thinking about it now is bringing tears to my eyes because it breaks my heart that I treated my own kids that way because of my unhappiness.

Now with a renewed mind, I take on each day with challenge and excitement. Although my body is tired, I want to spend quality time with the Holy Spirit...reading the Bible (although it isn't much), praying and talking with the Holt Spirit, and learning about God. My problems still exist but I find myself not being overwhelmed by it where I feel trapped. Instead I find myself lifting up that problem to God and I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me and give me peace. I still pray about them...I don't know where God will lead with them because the problems involve other people & I cannot control what they do, even though their actions impact my life. I am trying to find peace with doing my best and asking the Holy Spirit to guide me and them.

Anyway, like I have learned, this Spiritual walk is a procedure. I have to keep running this race until I get to heaven. And I have to recruit more people to the kingdom of God...how can I not share this great treasure called God's grace! I am not confident in myself but I will pray and believe the Holy Spirit will lead me...He did it for Moses! He surely can do it for me if I am willing.

I have good day, and I have bad days. I have great moments, and I have very depressed, anxious moments. But I am able to shorten the bad and try to dwell in the good. My life isn't perfect...it will never be...I am not perfect but God is. I will try to live my life for The Only Judge that really matter at the end and store up treasures in heaven.

So grateful to GOD, to this community, and to all the members here I have met. I really do feel love for you all!

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hi Sis
First let me say I am SO glad for you being led here and finding that love and peace
As I sat and read your post it really brought a tear to my eyes for all the obvious reasons but also because it reminded me of how I felt over 2 and a half years ago when I first came here, it was awesome but please do not do as I done and get swallowed back up by that pain and life of this rotten world.....STAY WHERE YOU ARE!!! in HIS ARMS!!
You need to know I have been encouraged by some things in the last week or so but I also needed to see this post to remind me I have allowed myself to become somewhat BACK to where I was, it's time to start moving forward AGAIN!

There was so much of your story that I could copy and paste into mine, the depression, sleep feeling empty lost....all of it
and you and I along with ANYONE else that reads this NEEDS TO KNOW and always remember THAT IS SATAN'S TOOLS!!!
he will use them at our weakest moments to destroy that which belongs to God......us
It is up to us to see through his deciept and stand in his face and say NO!!

May God continue to give you and us all the ability, knowledge and strength through Him to fight this and become what He meant for us to be.
God bless and have a great weekend!
Cuc

[dema]

[lyl1114]

Today was especially a busy day full of chores...not fun. But enjoyed them with a joyous heart. Only the Holy Spirit can make chores enjoyable. . Normally I would be complaining but today was different. PRAISE GOD! He really is changing me, one day at a time. If I want to keep this relationship going, even though I will probably fall in the future, I will have to spend each day seeking God. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

He is really allowing lots of great things to unfold in my life lately. For one, today, my husband who for almost a year at his new job was getting harassed and people making false accusations against him and making it almost impossible to work, God finally vindicated him to everyone.
Romans 12:19
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

PRAISE GOD! Hubby and I praised God together. God truly is awesome. In the midst of trials, if only, we seek him, He will answer.
Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

HALLELUJAH!!

[lyl1114]

what goes up must come down
after a day of high energy and spirit, the days followed with the opposite. Why is it that the ever existing problems seemed to not exist one day and then they become MAGNIFIED the next. Oh, how weak am I...
So, my original problem of my parents...I cannot change them yet they continue to bring me down...I cannot just abandon them if they were to go without a home...why after giving this problem up to God must I continually have to deal with it?!?! It is affecting my daily life as this problem exist and take up a lot of my mind and sometimes I can't function...just STUCK in this hopelessness...it has and it still is affecting my relationship with my husband. God, what do I do after I lay this problem at Your feet?
Past few days, I am fighting to think of good things...weeding out the bad in my mind...listening to Christian music and trying to recite bible verses...talking to the Holy SPirit...yet I feel like unless the problems are fixed I will always feel depressed...
Oh, how I am such a cry baby...how today, I can't seem to find the strength to feel joyful in the Lord. Life is tooooooo complicated...my mind is tooooooo cluttered...my heart is tooooooo anxious. Have I lost focus? How subtle the enemy can crawl back in and make a mess. Am I doing something wrong?
Even in this state of mind, can I still tell God I trust Him? Is this spiritual walk suppose to be a roller coaster ride? UP and DOWN? I wrote that I probably will fall but didn't think it would be so soon and I wrote that I will try to minimize my time on the ground to pick myself up quick...realizing at this moment that I cannot pick myself up. God, help me...pick me back up. This is harder than I thought...Is it ok for me to feel terribly guilty and ashamed for this? I know which way I should be running but my legs are weak...

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Dear Lord I ask you to show lyl that she is not alone on this ride, that I and many others are in the seats next to her on this roller coaster but we all need to trust YOU ARE at the controls.
Lord please give her rest and show her we are here for her and will pray for her and with her until time ends.
I ask that you do as only YOU can and release us from these burdens in our lives and show us how to be one with you and forget about the trials of life and leave them totally in your hands
Please Lord I ask this be your will and I ask it in your name
Amen

Lyl I need you to know as I read this post I seen so much of my words here, you are not alone sis, although we fight totally different battles they are so much the same and the defender of us both are the same as well
May God set your mind at ease very soon
Cuc

[Mackenaw]

Hello Lyl1114

God bless you this day.

Is it normal to go up and down, well, I think it's very normal...life is hard and throws some huge curve balls at us. But, you are doing well in seeking God. We NEED Him. Amen! We NEED Him. Yeah!!!

Check out the story of the Prophet Elijah when he ran for his life at just hearing that an angry queen was after him. This right on the heels of him being used of God in a remarkable way. Read I Kings chapters 18 and 19. Amazing story.

Lyl1114, keep seeking The Lord. We walk by faith, not by sight. The Lord is with you, even in this trial.

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[dema]

You might read Ecclesiastes. There is a time to weep and a time to mourn. There is a time to be angry. We cannot deny our humanity. We CAN lay it at God's feet. As we weep or rant or ... well, we need to do those things. And give it to God. Often we can't truly give it to God until we've done the Ecclesiastes thing.

It is so hard to find balance, the middle, moderation. I am amazed at how, if you do concordance searches, the Bible tries to steer us to this balanced place. Don't think too highly of yourself, but don't you know you will be with Jesus at the judgement?
Be humble, but know who you are in Christ. Oxymorons.

Hugs.

[lyl1114]

After posting, I listened to Christian music and God was speaking to me...It lifted up my spirit. When I did this before, I didn't feel this way. This journal has helped me a lot. I usually have so many thoughts that I can't organize and I let them just get into my sub-conscience unsolved and I am feel unhappy and depressed. But this helps me put my thought out there so I know what I am thinking, what is bothering me, and what I can do about it. I actually deal with it. And not to mention all you lovely people who God has sent my way to help me through.
On my way to pick up my daughter, I felt an urge to just say out loud "I LOVE YOU!" to God. Kept repeating as the tears rolled down my face. Then suddenly I felt that God was saying that to ME!!! That HE loves me!
He does, and I sometimes forget. Sometimes, I am not still to hear His voice.
MY problems are still here. My problem with my parents...I cannot even begin to wrap my head around...still. I know this problem may not be big but it has been like a sore to me for most of my adult life (before, I just didn't know better).
Brothers and sisters, what do I do with this problem, besides praying and lifting up to God? How do I detach from my elderly parents who have been a burden to us and expect us to let them live like they do. My sister and I are not financially well off but they want us to support them so they can do nothing?!?! They ARE able to work. I repeat, ABLE. I know they have mental problems too, because if they thought straight and if they cared about us, they would take action when we cry out to them to just help us out by not living like they do. If we don't support them, they will be out on the streets...is that what will take for them to wake up??
Ok, I pray that God will show us a way to handle this but just don't know what to do...I trust but I don't know if that means to not take any action...So confused...Since my sister is supporting my mom now (my dad is with his sister part of the time), she is seeking help with this burden...and I just don't know what to do....
My dad is obsessed with this thing where he is gonna hit it big and that the people he is "working with" will pay him for the work he has done...and my mom is just stuck at home...always sick and always negative and depressed...
Wow, writing that makes me feel like a terrible daughter...abandoning mentally sick parents...

[dema]

I don't think that honoring parents means to be their parent. I think that you should always talk to them nicely, visit them regularly and in general treat them with the respect you would treat them with if they were being responsible. They aren't being responsible. And you aren't in a financial situation to help them. And if you were to help them, in effect your husband's parents would be contributing to their support. Because they are contributing to your support.

I stopped and tried to imagine the situation. And it makes me very sad. If a husband acted that way, I would likely leave him. I would choose my children over a husband who was that way. It is a horrible example for children. It gives them so many questions.

If I was rich and in that situation, I would get them a very small and not very comfortable apartment and the groceries would be very, very basic. I am just thinking. Even if I was really, really rich, that is what I would do. Because they CAN work. And they shouldn't be doing this. And they are wasting their trip in my mind.

Wasting their trip - we each have a calling. This is a short life in terms of eternity. We need to not waste the trip. So, it is very important that we don't allow others to waste their trip by making things too easy for them. We've all seen parents that do this to their children. We want others, particularly children, to not suffer as we have suffered. But we grew so much in that suffering. When we take away the suffering, we take away the growth. We have to be careful to not get in the way of God with over generosity.

The summary of this message is - I don't know. I don't know what you should do.

[lyl1114]

This song describes how I have been feeling lately...and what I come to understand is that God takes His time with us.
Although I cry out for answers, He is already working...I am impatient and I want it answered my way, which of course is all wrong. But in the midst of the storms in my head, I call out and I could hear Him saying He is with me. For that I am VERY grateful and I give Him praise.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me


"Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[dema]

I suggest you make a Praise Journal, or Blessings Journal.

The thing about depression is it is like walking through a door into a dark room. The door shuts behind you and you cannot remember the good things from only a few moments ago.

You have posted blessings in your journal here. How you seem like a new creature to your extended family. How the Lord blessed you financially but only after you made serving him a priority. Make a journal of these things, and any others you can remember. And when you find yourself in the dark emotional room with the door closed, pick up that journal and read it. It will open a window and let some light in.

I have one myself. I know the dark room.

I have read that we make the choice to be happy. I don't totally accept that. Sometimes we need to feel the different emotions - the time for everything. But depression is not a place where we should linger. We need to find ways to escape the dark room.

1. Make that journal and read it the moment you realize you are in the room.
2. Turn on lights
3. Turn on praise music.
4. Look up
5. Get up and get moving. Difficult I know, but you can sit up and stretch. You can walk across the room and throw one thing away. 5 minutes later you can put one thing in the dishwasher - or put one thing away. You can make it 4 minutes the next time.
6. Give yourself time to enjoy being still - to sit and watch a stupid (but positive) movie while the kids nap. Or to nap with them. But make this a treat, and not a habit. You don't do treats every day.
7. Make yourself eat some fresh fruits and vegetables. Put half the potato chips away before you get started. Don't ever take the whole bag.
8. Be aware that depression is an entity, a presence. Learn to recognize it and start the therapy quickly.
9. Watch what you say. The words are powerful. Make your words positive wherever possible.

Hope those things help.