Which Husband Am I Bound To?

[Roberta]

In 1985 I married my first husband. We have three wonderful children together who are now 23, 21 and almost 20. We divorced in 1991. I cited domestic violence when it was really the fact that he was an alcoholic and I was bipolar. He is not a Christian. He lives in CA.

In 1993 I had a wonderful daughter by another man. He and I became Christians in 1994 and we married in 1995. We separated in 2007 due to my bipolar, panic attacks and his verbal abuse. We are not divorced. He lives in Indiana and I live in CA

My ex and I went out to supper one time in 2007 and the sparks are still there. However, we have not seen each other since my grandfather's funeral in January 2008. Last week he called and we have been playing phone tag ever since, until tonight. We chatted for well over an hour. At the end of the conversation he said that he wanted to reconcile.

Last week, husband #2 told everyone in my family (except for me) that he wants to reconcile. I haven't seen him in over a year and I don't miss him.

I want to do what is right by God, but I don't know what that is?

[Lionhearted]

Good morning Roberta and welcome to oasis, nice to have you sister!!

wow you are in a little bit of a pickle eh?

not knowing the background and using the information that was sited on your post; i'd say it was the man that you committed to in God's eyes; if i've read correctly the man you now call your husband, whom the both of you became Christians.

i pray for your strength and vision for what God wants you to do; but mostly for your faith in Him.

robyn

[Roberta]

Husband #1 has never been a Christian at all.

Husband #2 was a deacon in our church.

We were married only because we promised the pastor that we would get Christian counseling. I was the only one who got counseling. When I was professionally diagnosed as bipolar with a severe panic disorder, I was told that I should quit my job- by our family doctor, my psychologist and my therapist. (I was working at Wal*Mart and homeschooling our daughter.) He kept telling me that if I had more faith in Christ I would not have these mental health issues. I kept the job for about two more years.

The verbal abuse escalated so much that one of our neighbors called the police.

By this time our daughter was in public school because I couldn't homeschool and work full time. He continually pointed out to me that women manage to do both all the time and they do it because they have a strong walk with the Lord.

The verbal abuse started escalating to physical. One of the elder's wives and one of the deacon's wives notified the elders of what was going on. The elders asked him to step down. That calmed him down for a while, but then I realized that he had just turned his anger from me and towards our daughter.

He says that he has gotten counseling. He lives 2000 miles away. He works in Chicago five days a week and goes back home to Indiana three days a week. I have no idea if he has changed or not and no one around there sees him anymore because of his work being so far away.

[Lionhearted]

i'm sorry to hear that your choices weren't the greatest Roberta, it must be hard to be in this situation.

i get the feeling that you really want to do what God wants ... the answers are in His Word. i believe that you are truly a woman after God's own heart and will seek His will in this.

nobody can tell you the 'right' Roberta, it is between you and God.

[Kermit]

Roberta,

That is quite a dilemma. There is a third alternative to consider. Perhaps neither one of these relationships is good for you.

I pray God helps make all of this clear in your heart what to do.

I do know there is a passage in the OT that says a man should not divorce a woman then remarry her after she has married someone else.

We aren't under the law, but grace. Perhaps this is a place where love can heal your first marriage but my opinion is remain married to your current husband based on 1 Cor 7.

Here is what Paul says:
1 cor 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

I think you will be happier and better off if you remain separated or reconcile with your current husband if you are both able to work through your issues and remain abuse free.

I hope that helps sis.

God bless you and guard your heart and mind with perfect peace.

[Roberta]

#2 traveled 1800 miles to visit and asked me to reconcile. I said no.

[Kermit]

Roberta,

I pray it all works out for you sis.

[Roberta]

Thank you. I'm very unsure of where God is leading me in this.