a promise we should make our spouses

[Lionhearted]

isn't this a promise we should make our spouses?

To be your lover when you need to be loved,
your doctor when you are ill,
your army when you go to war,
your umbrella when life rains down on you,
your rock when you get weary,
your shield when you need defense,
your spirit when you are drained,
your pillow when you need to rest,
your voice when no one can hear you,
your ear when no one will listen,
your comfort when you feel pain,
your hero when you are under duress,
your sunshine when darkness falls,
your answer when questions arise,
your inspiration to overcome obstacles,
your hand to hold when you are frightened,
your kiss that wakes you everyday,
and your "I love you" each and every night.

I am yours... all of me.

.... isn't this what Jesus promises us and He tells us to love others as He has loved us.

[mcpeak]

Yes Jesus does want this. If only it could really be like this for my wife and I Lionhearted. I would die for just half of those things but no matter how hard I try to show my love, she rejects it. To ask for her to love me, she refuses. I hold her hand when she is scared. I doctor her when she is sick. I calm her when her world starts to fall apart. I run and rescue her when she is in trouble. I would do anything in this whole world, give everything I have for her to only love me. Not just say it but to show it. Words after a while mean nothing, promises are nothing if there is never anything to back them up. Nothing. I've begged God asking if this is a test, a lesson I needed at this time in my life, for patience, to be humbled, to get better at perseverence, to learn how to cling closer to Him when I find myself all alone in the middle of a crowd. He is always there and He has finally started to break through my thick skull that He is really all I ever need. I've learned that now. but what do I do about my wife? I made a promise, a vow in front of God and everyone. I sit within one foot of a beautiful wife but in all actuality we are 1,000 miles apart seperated by a wall so high it touches the sky. Why won't God show me, give me sign what to do? Will I be given a special place in Heaven or something if I stay married and spend the rest of my life alone and miserable? I've made a point to get very still listening on many many occasions listening for that small voice telling me what to do. Where to draw the line but.....nothing. Why? I don't understand Lionheated. It's been 9 yrs in June. I do not belive that my God, a loving merciful God expects me or anyone to live forever this way but I wish so bad, want so bad to do what He wants me to do this time and He won't give the a sign. My heart says go. Not just for me but that it would be the best thing for everyone invloved but I've made so many bad choices in the past, ones I made without asking Him so this time I want to do what He wants but He just won't show me what it is. I'll turn 50 this month. I'm either the nicest most patient man on Earth for staying with her this long, or I'm the biggest fool in the whole world for wasting a good 7 1/2 yrs of my life waiting for her. No, it's not all just about me, me, me. I think the fact I've stuck in here with her for 9 yrs proves that. God please, I beg you...tell, me, show me, write it in the sand or in the clouds. WHAT DO I DO????? I can't take this loneliness any longer and sweet poems or writings like what you wrote remind me what love is suppose to be like, what I've been missing, what I gave up and continue to as long as I stay with her. God help me please. Help us both. I beg of you........

[momof3]

Hi Mcpeak...God bless you, bro.

have you done the "till death" study? its a 7 day study...and my brother, the Holy Spirit will speak to you through it.

here's the link to it...one of the issues it deals with is...MARRIED BUT UNHAPPY..read through the whole thing, bro..not all of it will apply to you, but you will find answers from the Lord.

http://www.christianityoasis.com/TilDea ... /forum.htm


Im praying for you and your wife...God's will be done in all things, including your marriage. You will be surprised at what He shows you through this study, my friend.

in Jesus,
luv momo

[mcpeak]

Thanks Mom. I just read Til Death Do Us Part and WOW!! It helped me a lot to understand what is more or less happening to us and has from the git go. If only I had read it 9 years ago. Now it's time to do some serious praying asking God to guide us one small step at the time towards doing and being what He wants me to do and be. I love this website and all of the wonderful loving people here. Thank you, thank you. And thank you Lionhearted so much for all you do for everyone here. You are both to me.

[Lionhearted]

Hi mcpeak

I too understand the hardship that marriage brings into our life sometimes. When Darrell and I were married we were both unbelievers, then 4 years into our marriage God called me. This put a huge wall between us, the wall you speak of that reaches up to the sky. And the closer I grew to God the further I got away from Darrell. The best way I describe it is that if you picture a triangle with God at the top and us at each corner on the bottom the exact portion that I grew closer to God was the equivalent portion to how far I grew away from Darrell. What is supposed to happen is that husband and wife move up each side of the triangle equally in their growth to God bringing all three of you closer together equally.

For many, many years I blamed Darrell for this. Blamed him that he was not saved. Then after those years, I moved onto blaming God for it. WHY O WHY did you call me? I wish I never would have met You!! I would scream out to HIM shaking my fist at Him for putting me in such a lonely, lonely place. What kind of God are YOU!?!

For years and years brother, I cried out to Him. Making our home life a living hell, literally. You see brother, Darrell's first wife was a backslidden

[mcpeak]

Yes, now I feel so stupid and ashamed. Not just for expecting something from my wife that she is not capable of doing but more for DEMANDING God to do something that He obviously does not want to do. It's a wonder He hasn't struck me with a lightening bolt but that's just more proof of what a loving merciful God He is. He filled me with 1,000 dump trucks full of love when I was born and I think what hurts the most is not being able to share that love with my wife. I truly felt that every day that went by that I am not allowed to shower her with the love God gave me I was committing a sin. For so long I've screamed at Him begging Him to just take all the love out of me if He refuses to allow me to share it with the woman I love but it wasn't that easy and now I realize that. I must first shower God with love and cling close to Him. Then I'm sure He will begin to help us begin to do what we must to get back to the place we should be and where He wants us. If it is His will for us to stay together then He will pave a way, if not He will give us strength to survive the change but through it all I now know to always love. Love Him and everyone I meet and my life will be a whole lot better.

[momof3]

heya bro, dont let the feelings of stupidity and guilt take root in you. cast em off and move forward. Now that youve read through this, if you wanna, go back and read each day, one at a time and post your thoughts and feelings in here. its up to you..you dont have to, but it helps to get em out and really take a look at them and let the Lord search your heart and plant seeds of truth in the process.

God bless you, bro. will keep you and yours in prayers.

in Jesus,
luv momo

P.S....Lion...Amen, sis. God is soo good. love you, sis.

[Lionhearted]

hey peak!

Yes, now I feel so stupid and ashamed.

momo is right .... rebuke that feeling ... don't walkin bro. if God is convicting you don't let the enemy turn that into sumtin sour ... which is what he loves to do, to stomp all ova us.

It's a wonder He hasn't struck me with a lightening bolt but that's just more proof of what a loving merciful God He is.

amen and amen ... He IS that!!! i've got the marks all over my "hips" from wrestling with Him ... just like jacob did; personally, i think God prefers us to have a "straight-on" battle with Him rather than walking in self deception.

keeponkeepingon