Trying to be Godly in the mist of sin?

[josinella]

I married an older man (63yo). He is a hard worker, a little vain, conservative to a fault and very old school. I was heavily in debt when he met me and attending school on loans (an attempt to improve myself to land a better paying job). He bought a house for us, after marriage, and we are supposed to be paying bills together. In recent times, I have not been contributing for a number of reasons. I have children from another relationship that need my support, I also have personal debt that I am trying to pay off (he knew about). He expects me to put all my money (including child support) into his account to pay off debt. However, my personal bills aren't included. I started keeping some funds to put gas in my car, etc. I ended up going to the casino that is close by, at times winning enough to keep afloat. I have since given up going to the casino because it got me into more debt that I am trying to hide from my husband.

The annoying thing about my husband is that he makes financial decisions without consulting me, which drains funds. That still voice tells me that he is an impulse buyer. When things start getting tight, he puts pressure on me to contribute, which I haven't been because I think he needs to stop. He needs to get the big picture that we are a family and it is not all just about him. I think that he is trying to recover from losses he incurred from the previous marriage. I want to confide in him about my gambling but I feel if I do it will turn him away from God, since I am the one that is the pray-er and church-goer in the family. His credit is good and no one is going hungry and my desire to gamble is gone. (I took the survey on the "Bets Off" website and scored a 4, not compulsive.)

I have been looking for a full-time job for a long time (working part-time) which would be the answer. But I feel that we need to come to the table about finances so everyone is happy. And he needs to drop the "macho, I'm in control" attitude and become one with me. I just hate how some men feel the Bible intends for them to control us and miss the message that is really being given. I know that I am not perfect but I am willing to confess my sins to him. The inner voice has not given me permission to do so, and I don't know why. But I know that He knows best. I feel like things are going to come to a head, which is why He doesn't want me to self disclose. I have given all of this to Him but it is my nature to not keeps secrets from my spouse.

God has been using me, though. I was asked to speak to a group last weekend. Scary and nervous but I felt good knowing I answered the call. It has been a lift knowing that I don't have to go to the casino and that God has it all. I just don't know what is to be revealed about my husband but I think it is going to bring him closer to God. I am wrong and a sinner, and I ask that God give me strength to do His will and to keep me on the path of righteousness. I see His hand a work and I am in awe of His power, understanding and saving Grace. I wish I had been in this place before I started going to the casino, I probably wouldn't have went and would have had the courage to confront my husband about his spending instead of trying to do it myself.

[Dora]

Hello Josinella

I'm sorry you are struggling in your relationship. Are you doing the marriage study?

It sounds like finances are your only problem. Or probably more like they are your biggest problem. Which is very common.

Can you put together a budget so he can see your money is going where needs be. Let him see on paper how far it stretches. Let him see your plan as to how you are going to get out of debt.

You're right about the child support. It is not debt support, it is for the children. Food, clothing, supplies for the needs of the children. I would stick with that.

There are some lessons can be learned from Esther when dealing with the king of the castle. She like you was the one who knew God. But through much prayer and showing respect towards her spouse, through gentle and graceful ways, and by making him happy and content she won him over.

May God bless and keep you. Continue to listen carefully to that voice that guides and protects.

I hope to hear more from you soon.

[Mazelyn Abad]

Hello Josinella ,

I will pray for you sis .
What Pine and MDBren has told you are both right. And I think that you have to tell your husband about your secret, going to casino...because it will get worst if he find it out from someone else that you. I know it is hard and very scary...as you've said you're the one who brought him to CHRIST. If he really accepted Christ as his personal Saviour he will not look at your mistake but in you honesty. And by telling him the truth is much easier that keeping it to him. I know we are in different situation and problem in marriage and I've never been in your situation. But before confining him the truth ask GODS guidance and wisdom first.
May you find the right time to tell him the truth. May GOD bless you and guide you and your marriage.

[josinella]

Thanks for all the posts!

I was really confused as to what to do and concurrent with the post, I also prayed and received His response. I wasn't expecting it so fast but I understand His direction is clear. There is more to the story that He knows and as I find out, or He allows me to know as He feels that I need to know. My husband is an impulse shopper and he is also a drinker. God has my attention now, so as to use me to do His will. So I will prayerfully follow His direction, I don't know His plans.

Thanks for all your encouragement, ladies and sisters in Christ. It is very meaningful to me.

Love ya!
Josinella

[Carley]

Bless you josinella.
I am new here, so I truly hope not to step on anyones toes. I read this post wih such a full heart, seeing the wonderful encouragement from the ladies.
Isnt it GRAND that the Lord gave you such direction so quickly. AMEN. Sometimes we forget that He is the ONE who knows ALL the reasons for ones behavior and thoughts, for HE knows ALL the secrets. Seems there may be some difficult eyeopeners ahead of you and your husband, am betting that you will stand on the Godly outcome, for when the Lord is in the midst of us we will succeed through His Grace.
Many prayers go out for you and yours my dear lady josinella.
Carley

[josinella]

Thanks, Carley

[josinella]

FYI:

I told my husband about my gambling. Didn't go over so good, as I expected. But it allowed me to open the dialogue to issues that I was having at home that led up to it. It is too soon to tell how things will fair but the interesting thing today is I felt better and gave Honor to God. I think of David in times like this, a sinner, yet glorified God in all he did, took his problems to God and repented. I feel repentent today and I am not so much worried about what defense my husband is going to launch because I know who my Redeemer is. I fell into a snare, yet God has forgiven. I feel closer, I feel I can let go of the control. That was what the gambling was about, not waiting on God's blessing, thinking that I could control things doing it my way. But, I can give it to Him, not underestimate His saving Grace, just give it to Him and witness His awesome power.

Trying to be Godly in the mist of sin? Going to a deeper level in my relationship with Christ. Glory Be to God, forevermore! Amen!