Emotional baggage and possible separation

[Anonymousval]

My husband and I have had many problems during our relationship. First, we married way too fast. After only knowing each other for a month, we ran to the alter. No one ever asked the other person if they had any baggage, we were just wanted to get married. I was hesitant to go forward with it but fearful of saying no because it would really disappoint him. This all changed once we moved in together. He started telling me more and more things about himself and I started to discover that he had little tolerance for children and yes, I have one. I also did not realize that more trouble would come because of his immigration status. I moved to another state to be with him and am finding that it is difficult. I could not believe it! Now we have grown a part in only a matter of eight months after being married. He asked me a few weeks ago, if I had any baggage to tell him about. For one, he is very annoyed by the fact that I speak to my daughters father. Only because we have a daughter together but he is jealous. So I started calling her father only in his presence so it wouldn't look suspicious. However, he asked me if I still had feelings for him. I can honestly state that I do not wish to be with him but that I still care for him. Since I stated this, he now thinks that I am in love with my ex. Now he says that I need to leave that relationship behind or else he wants a divorce. I have chosen to stick it out, even though we have some real financial problems and some critical issues at home. Yet, he is willing to give up because he is angry about something that is not even happening. He wants a separation and to abstain from sex now. So what should I do? I have to respect his wishes but I think it is crazy!

[Mackenaw]

Hello AnonymousVal

God bless you this day.

The trials you are going through must be so painful for all of you, your daughter included. (((hugs))) You and the man you married -- from what you have shared, the two of you are strangers, and strangers that neither of you has much in common with; hence the focus on the things you don't have in common. That would be a difficult situation for most. There needs to be common ground between you, more than the physical attraction.

From what you posted on your profile, you are seeking Christian counseling, but I find I need to ask the question: are you and the man you married Christians? The Lord God loves you both very much, but do you both love and seek Christ Jesus and His counsel? Christ Jesus does love you.

There is a wonderful 14 Day Counseling Study: "COOL Confidential Christian Counseling" Study (CCCC) on this site that has helped countless others grow in their walk with The Lord -- teaching them how to seek The Lord and His will for their life, and I highly encourage you, AnonymousVal, to read it. Here is the link to the study: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

AnonymousVal, I hope to hear from you again. I do care, and am here if you want to talk.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[Anonymousval]

I came into the relationship not attracted to him but hoping it would change. However, I believe that you do need to have some attraction to the partner you plan on spending the rest of your life with. Besides, I believe that when two people don't know much about each other, they have to work even harder to build it. His answer is, "Get over your emotional baggage or I am leaving you." Does he not realize that we have more issues besides my still caring for my daughters father, whom I would never be with and do not want in my life. Does he not realize that he is not loving towards me? Does he not realize that there is more to love than just sex? He only took me out two times during our entire marriage which has only been nine months in. Shows little affection but expects me to cook and clean. Those things I do not do because I love him but because I love Christ. I am a Christian. He told me he is a Christian too. It is by our actions that we show others our Christian walk. People in my church have yet to meet him but they always ask about him because I am in the choir and I commit my time to the children's ministry, but they never see him. It's like we are not even a couple. How does my daughter feel. She is only 4 years old and she ask me, "Why did you marry him mommy?" It made me feel hurt when she asked this because I realize that I put her in a place that is difficult and should have taken my time. I will never marry again. If he has to hide money from me, like I plan on stealing it all, than I am done. He does not trust me because one time, I went and paid an overdue bill without telling him until afterwards. You want to know why, because when I asked him, he replied, "Just wait because I don't have the money," yet he was spending it in my face. If marriage is nothing but upsetting and depressing, no thanks. If men only care about what you can do for them, no thanks. Just sad and frustrated.