Help and advice after adultery

[Rachelb]

Hi everyone, I am new on here. I was baptised 3 years ago. My husband is not a Christian. My husband has had a brief affair, it only lasted a few weeks. He is deeply ashamed and sorry. I want to make our marriage work. I am so hurt and betrayed. I have read the bible about this but am struggling so much. The other woman came to see me and told me lots of personal disgusting details which tore me apart. I don't know how to find any peace, I am making myself ill. I keep praying but can't find peace. Please give me some advice. How do I find peace and move past this?

[Mackenaw]

Hello Rachelb

God bless you this day, and welcome to Christianity Oasis.

I am sending up prayers to our Lord in the name of Jesus on behalf of you and your husband. God's will be done.

This type of betrayal can feel similar to blunt force trauma. God can and will heal you, so keep seeking Him with your entire being.

God is faithful and can be trusted ALL the time. We humans, however, are flawed and we flounder often, because temptation is all around us due to the work of Satan in this world. Marriages are under attack, even when between 2 Christians.

You said:

I want to make our marriage work.

As a child of God, keep your focus on God, and when and if your mind wanders -- replaying the details of the betrayal -- ask The Holy Spirit, Who indwells every Born Again Christian, to help you to stop thinking on those things, but to think on good things and the hope that is in Christ Jesus.

This particular betrayal is over. Do not give it power by thinking on it.

There are all types of spiritual warfare within marriages. As Christians, we are betrothed to Christ, yet we screw up all the time, betraying the relationship. Christ, however, is forever loyal and faithful. He fights for us -- He fights for the relationship.

Rachelb, put on the full armor of God, and fight for your marriage.

Rachelb, The Lord loves you so very much. I encourage you to continue to seek Him through prayer and through His Word.

I hope to hear from you again.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[Rachelb]

Thank you so much for your wonderful reply. Your words make such sense. I will ask the Holy Spirit to stop my mind dwelling on this horrid time.
God bless you for your support and wise words.

[dema]

What does your husband want? Why did the other woman visit you? Did you want her to? Is she trying to keep him? What has he done to make things different?

Part of feeling secure is knowing changes have been made to make things different. Changes SHOULD be made to make things different. What is your life like? Do you have time for romance in your marriage? Are you both so busy working towards your goals or taking care of your children that you don't spend time together?

When the wound is a little less raw, a marriage encounter weekend would be good. Not to encounter this experience - but to encounter who you and your husband really are - and what you as a couple really are.

It is important to fix what was broken prior to the affair. Because something was - his attitudes perhaps? Some men have a mental image of never saying no to a woman. Perhaps he has lost his hair or something else and wants to know if he can still conquer. (Yes, men really do feel that way. Women do too - but I think a woman often picks up on a look or an extended touch and gets the ego boost she needs. )

The Love Languages is a good book.

Whether it is his attitude about himself or whether it is the time and energy spent on your marriage, something needs fixing. Fixing it will not only fix it - it will give you more confidence in a different future.