Not Sure Why

[rky4881]

Hi .... I'm not really sure why I am here but I have to believe God lead me to this site. I recently loss my husband and my whole world as I knew it is gone and turned upside down. As of right now, life is not worth living, I see no purpose or future. I seem to go about the motions but inside I am dying, the void is deep. I feel like I have to stay strong for everyone that depends on me but it is in the quiet of the night when I become weak. I need pray because my faith has been shaken and as the song, "The Anchor Holds" states all my dreams I held have slipped through my hands like grains of sand. I know everyone says God will not allow the burden we are given to be more than we can bear, but this is more! I do not understand, I know I will never understand, and I will never have the question "Why" God took a man that was so gentle and giving of himself to others answered, at least not on this earth.

[dema]

The grief will lessen. Not go away, but it will become more bearable in time. Hold on.

There are many reasons that things happen. God often looks on as we suffer due to events that were caused by free will. Remember, Jesus wept.

I am sorry for your loss.

[Timothy]

My heart grieves for your loss.
I will pray for your strength of faith.

If God brought you here for a reason, seek Him, ask Him, find out why.
Seek Him first, everything else will be added. If you want suggestions
on where to start, just ask.

And when you find out, share with us, let us know.

God Bless You,
Timothy

[rky4881]

Dema and Timothy,

Thank you for your responses. I am still having great difficulty talking about the passing of my husband. He passed February 11th. He was my best friend. He believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself. He showed me what real love was and was truly a blessing from God. I miss him so much. I appreciate and welcome your prayers.

I was asked if I was up to sharing a little about my husband (e.g., his likes, interests, hobbies, dislikes). His foremost interest and love was for his Lord and Savior. Even up until the day he died he would tell everyone as he pointed to heaven that he put all his trust in his Lord. He had such a sensitivity that was unique when he spoke of his love and faith in God.

Additionally, he had three major loves in his life besides me, they were his children, grandchildren and his pups. He was nothing but a big kid when it came to the grandchildren. He would climb trees with them, play in the yard, chase them, tease them, have food fights with them, everything and anything that would make the grandchildren happy and laugh. He loved his pups or as he called them his girls. It didn't matter if the pup was male or female, they were his girls. I never saw a pup that was not drawn to him. He loved dogs and they loved him.

Plus, he had such a generous giving spirit and he had a weakness for the elderly. Many times he would volunteer his time to help an elderly neighbor. He loved being around the elderly and listening to them. I remember when we had a tropical storm come through, a 91 year old neighbors yard was really messed up with fallen trees and other debris. There was some neighbors who called the county and complained about her yard. She hired some guys who turned out to be scam artists, they took her money and never cleaned her yard. When my husband found this out he went over and spent three weeks cleaning her yard. She tried to offer him money for the cleaning of her yard but he refused it.

In regard to hobbies, he loved golf. I remember the first time he took me to hit golf balls I thought that was the most silly thing but because he loved the game of golf, I did. Actually, I enjoyed watching him swing the club. He also loved restoring cars.

In regard to what he disliked, there was not much. I have to smile when I think about how organized he was and how unorganized I am. That use to drive him crazy and maybe that was one of his dislikes! He would say to me, "Babe how can you find anything without a filing system," I would just smile and tell him to leave my desk alone I know where everything is. He disliked not being on time and I was always running late But, thinking about what he really disliked it was dishonesty and unethical behavior.

There was one big difference between him and I. He always looked for the good in everyone, he never saw the bad. I am just the opposite I look for the bad. However, when someone did exhibit their bad side (dishonesty, etc.) he was disappointed in them but still would give the person the benefit of doubt or a second chance.

He believed "your word" was the only thing you really had and believed it said a lot about an individual's character in regard to rather he or she kept his or her word.

I could go on and on ..... but I guess the main point is that he was truly an unique individual who put other people before himself. He loved life and he loved Jesus!

[dema]

You were truly blessed to have such a man in your life. I know you miss him terribly. But you were given a wonderful gift.

[momof3]

Dear rky4881 God bless your heart.

Yes, you were blessed to have a gift in your husband...your description of him radiates the love you had for each other. He too, was blessed to have been given a wife who adored him...and knew him so well. It sounds like you truly were one. My sister in Jesus...so many times I believe that statement is misconstrued....The bible teaches that we won't be tempted beyond what we can handle...that God makes a way out of that temptation...this doesn't mean that we won't be brought to our knees with the pain and loss of this world. None of us are immune to it since the fall of Adam and Eve. Its important that you know to keep seeking the Holy Spirit in this time..and every day. He will bring you through it and eventually, as you did here, you will be able to remember all these things...all the precious memories..and smile to yourself...and say...I'll see you when Im finished here. In His time. There are still things here the Lord has for you....when that's done, you will be reunited with those you've lost. My son is in the military. Although I live with him at this time, he was deployed for over 3 years...part of that time in Iraq. He used to say at the end of the phone calls we shared, "Don't say goodbye, Mom...say, see ya later". This is the way it is for us.

As much pain as I know you must be feeling, I also know that the Lord will help you through this. Honor your husband's faith...in grieving the way you must, but not without hope..you do have that same hope in you that he had in him. Its just buried under grief right now.

Im praying for you as you take this walk..and you arent alone in it. Read His word...let Him speak to your heart. Listen to music...that may be a little hard but healing comes in tears, too. Don't be afraid to feel. When you pray, tell Him everything...He knows you intimately...He wants to hear your words...your heart...in this, you will see that hope that still lives in you.

God bless you, rky4881. You arent alone in this.

In Jesus,
love momo