Kimby's Journal

[kimby]

I have to be honest. Posting this on here is the last thing I want to do right now, but I think I need to. I fought the idea of it since last night, have talked myself into and out of it over and over again. I decided to use this moment of strength to start it...before I talk myself out of it permanently.
I don't know where this journey will take me, I'm not always sure its a journey I want to make, but, at least for now, I have taken one step forward on it.

[ciny]

Hi Kimby i know what ya mean by not being sure about posting your fealings it is a big step and proud of you for doing it it has lifted a big weight off of me i feal much better for doing it and you will to keep up the good work praying for you and i belive in you.

[Dora]

Good to see you posting Kimby. Bringing things to light.

Feel free to post your deepest thoughts and struggles. You will always be loved and accepted.

Sister Friend

God loves ya and so do I.

[sbennett]

So happy to see you going in the right direction!! I will be praying that you keep up what you have started and have a closer relationship with Christ!

[Mackenaw]

Hello Kimby

God bless you this day.

I'm not sure if you have started the Counseling Study / 14-Day Path Study, but if you have not, I encourage you to do so.

Here is the link: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

I'm sending up prayers to our Lord on your behalf. God's blessed will be done.

The Lord God Almighty loves you, Kimby.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[deetu]

Thata girl kimby... I'm proud of you

[havingfaithagain53]

Kimby ~

One step at a time. But remember if we are feeling comfortable where we are at.... well.... that's NOT where we want to be. All of us, every Christian has growing to do... when we do one part of our growing, then we start another. Just like The Stepping Stone process.

Jesus never said it would be easy.... He promises to be with us every step of the way! How can you lose with HIM on your side?

Anyway, what have you got to lose by taking a NEW STEP... except maybe satan on your back all the time.... I don't mind losing him do you???? He's the one causing you all this misery anyway... get rid of the bum! Trust me ... it's not as easy as it sounds with that one! He is sneaky, a liar, and so much more of all the things you CAN LIVE WITHOUT!

Praying for you to find the strength to get in the battle... don't forget the FULL ARMOR OF GOD... the only way you can win!

Love & Prayers... Always,
Linda

[Tam]

Uh huh sometimes posting what is going on with us is such a struggle. But once we do it and we see all the replies from those who loves it, it begins to have a new light to it huh!
Press in and post. Talk about what ever and just watch the replies that you will get. Nothing but encouragement here .
I look forward to followin your journey.
Prayers are with you

[kimby]

I'm surprised. The first post was so hard, I expected the second to be also...and it is, but not just as. It's a pleasant surprise.

I'm not sure I am quite ready yet to bust out with what I am feeling, but I think I am okay to share what I am thinking...and noticing.

I've made it through the first two steps. Not an easy feat! But not the insurmountable obstacle I originally thought either. Some moments I feel quite proud of the accomplishment...and then I realise I am only 1/7 of the way through! Keeps the pride in check quite nicely!

What has stood out to me the most over the last few days are the repeats...the things that come up over and over again. It's like I am on a roundabout and no matter where I am trying to go, I end up right back at one of the same few destinations. They may come up with a different appearance, but when we look at them and strip them down they are one of the same brick walls I have already run smack into the day before. I am not ready to share all of them, but how about a sampler platter just so you can see what I mean?

*The first thing that has become dead obvious to me is that what I say I believe and what I know I should believe...does not match what is actually going on. I struggle to wrap my head around this. When confronted I can't deny certain things to be true, but when asked to make it personal...brick wall.
*Take the same idea a step further, from beliefs to actions. I mentor a group of high school girls on a Friday afternoon. We talk a lot about living out the Christian walk. One of the things we discuss often is the importance of time spent with Jesus. So very important, but when it comes down to me sitting down one-on-one and looking Him in the face...brick wall.
*Control. I like it. And if I can't have it, I like the illusion of it. Anytime I feel like something is trying to take control away from me...brick wall.
*It would be easier to ignore this one, but I think I need to put it out there, because it seems like it is one of the leashes that, just when I start to see something good, yanks me back. If I'm honest, I don't really like me. I hear all the time, "God loves you." As long as I think of me being included with the rest of the earth's population, fine. But take that 'you' from plural to singular....brick wall.

Someone said something interesting....the devil takes the truth and twists it just a little. It doesn't look much different, but, nevertheless, it has become a lie. I started to understand that and see its truth in some areas of my life last night.

There is one thing I saw for certain last night though. The truth of the passage in Ephesians.

"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."

or put another way

"This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels."

I won't even attempt to explain what happened last night as I tried to get through a portion of the study. I am afraid if I do someone will send the men in white coats in search of me! My eyes were opened though. Satan revealed his hand, and that will be his downfall. The battle I felt going on around me, over me, was great. He shouldn't have let me know, shouldn't have let me sense it. Big mistake.

[kimby]

What a difference twenty-four hours can make.

Yesterday after finishing the study I felt ready to take on the world and every problem I had ever faced. I caught the slightest glimpse of victory far off in the distance. Today the fog is so thick and dark and isolating. I am overwhelmed. My heart is sad today.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Kimby

God bless you this day.

When we are driving in fog, our hope is that the fog will clear, and clear very, very soon.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.

Keep hope alive!!! Exercise your faith in our blessed Lord. He is still right there with you. Talk to Him. Praise Him. Welcome Him with praise and a determined faith and trust in Him.

Prayers continue to rise to our Lord, on your behalf. God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[deetu]

yes kimby... another tactic of the enemy to keep us down.
little thoughts to make you feel yesterday was a one time thing.

remember the renewing of the mind. post it notes all over the place
keep doing the study. one day at a time
((hug))