14 day journal

[rain]

k so I just started the 14 day counseling thingy and this would be my first journal entry...
while I was reading I felt kinda bad cause I was getting distracted by everything and everyone and I'm pretty sure it wasn't an accident that I was getting distracted from what god was trying to tell me, over the last few days/weeks Ive been kind of struggling with my faith and I feel like Ive been doing battle with the enemy but where its says "ANY THING THAT THEY SHALL ASK ... IT SHALL BE DONE FOR THEM." it made me realize that I don't have to battle with the devil to keep my faith because God will fight that battle for me all I have to do is ask him.

[rain]

ok day two, so far so good.
I always thought that my problem was that I had an addiction to something(s) but when i look back on it, I don't. my actually problem is that I'm a weak doubter. I'm weak because I don't rely on god enough to give me strength because when I get weak I doubt him and it allows me to fall into my addiction(s) and even though I have stopped doing what was addictive it doesn't mean that they are still calling me and often times I throw myself pity parties because they are calling to me and I cant hear god calling me over the crys of my addictions and I tend to want to give in to them. so if I cant hear god calling out to me then Im gonna cry out to him and I have faith that is will drown out the crys of my addiction(s). so more of this and less of this *aww* and this

[foreverHis]

good on ya rain...

[rain]

day 3......wow....
I think god threw a brick of grace at me today and it hit my in my heart. I spent so much of my life thinking that I could never forgive people that have hurt me or forgive myself for the things Ive done. but it has become abundantly clear to me this week that I need to let it go and dust myself off and keep fighting. I mean I beat myself up so much all the time, especially the last few months, over all the stuff that I didn't think I could forgive myself for and thus in turn surely god could not forgive me, but I was WRONG. god forgives my sins and separates them as far as the east is from the west and never will they meet again. that is how much god loves us, like a true father, he forgives his children because he loves us just that much. and so much in fact that he gave his only son so that we may be forgiven for our sins.

[rain]

mmm...day 4...forgiveness......
thats a touchy subject for me because I think most of what i used to do was because I couldnt forgive myself, and I still have issues with forgiving myself now. even after reading that study I'm still not really sure i can forgive myself, so I guess that means I have to rely on god even more to not only forgive other, and forgive me but also for me to forgive myself.

[splash]

(((rain))) and His grace is sufficent for you little sister

[rain]

day 5...this is getting kinda hard for me.
identifying my problem and then giving it to god is a challenge because I cant put my finger on just one problem, I feel like my garden is so full of weeds that I cant sort through them to find the cause of it all, and currently right now I feel like the god that is supposed to help me sort is very distant from me, I guess he's so far away that he maybe cant hear me right now. but Im gonna keep calling for him until he does hear me.

[rain]

day 6
wow ok, this is gonna be tough, I odnt know that i can make all those changes, its a big and bery intimidating task, but Im willing to try because I know that god will give me the strength I need to make the changes in my life to change me for the better.

[foreverHis]

He sure does give you the strength lil one..he will NEVER leave you or fosake you...

[splash]

You can do it sis. Remember just keep taking the little steps and don't try to look ahead to the end of the journey. Take one step at a time, and if you get off the path just get back on .. no big deal. If you fall down, brush yourself off and keep going... just keep making progress. Don't turn around and look back (that's important!) You're not alone, we're all here with you. You know that when it gets hard Jesus is going to carry you through.