Journal entry Day 4

[Rabinantha]

Forgiveness... without it there will be "bitterness in your spirit that can affect other parts of your life. Your faith will feel like it's tainted with guilt."

My faith is tainted with something, that's for sure. I've always felt that my faith and my relationship with God isn't what is should be. To explain it, I think it would be like being married to a prisioner. To connect with them you actually have to do something on your own. They can't come to you. And when you do go visit them, there's a thick glass that separates you. It makes it hard to see what they actually look like, hard to feel them, hard to hear them.. ultimately it makes it hard to love them. And before long, you stop going to see them as often. And then it's easy to forget about them. And then you feel guilty for being such a terrible person and you start the cycle over again. I love God but some days I don't think I love Him enough. Maybe forgiveness will help break through that glass..

Reading through step 3 made me think of a couple people I'd like to forgive, but I don't want to seem prideful. How do I forgive without sounding like I'm better than them?

One of the people probably doesn't even know how much she hurt me. So how do I forgive her? Do I tell her how much she hurt me and then tell her I forgive her? Or do I just do it quietly, in my heart?

Another person I'd like to forgive gets defensive very easily. She has a lot of problems admitting that she's messed up. And in the case where I need to forgive her, she knows she messed up and still won't admit it. She had lied to my face several times even though she knows that I know that she's lying. So how do I forgive her? I was told that I can't wait for her to admit her wrongs and that I need to forgive her whether she asks for it or not. And I'm ok with that. And I thought I had forgiven her. Until I read today's step... So again, do I tell her verbally that I forgive her? Or is it a matter of the heart? If I tell her verbally I'm afraid that she will get defensive and the argument will pick back up where it left off.

I'm confused..

[Mackenaw]

Hello Rabinantha

God bless you this day.

I really believe the studies on this site, including the 14 Day CCCC Study, will help you grow in your relationship with The Lord. The more we get to know The Lord, the more we understand Love, as He is Love.

I was one that was very slow in my growth as a Christian. It wasn't until I learned that God actually wanted me to get to know Him and that it was possible to be in a relationship with Him, that I started noticing changes. Before that, it was only head knowledge, and not heart knowledge because it was based on my knowledge of myself, more than my knowledge of God and my knowledge of God within me. Once I understood it was truly possible, I desperately wanted to love God and to feel it within my heart and I devoured the studies on this site, and asked lots and lots of questions. What I found was, God truly wanted me to grow and whenever I sought Him, He answered -- either through His Word, through His still, small voice, through another person, or through a blessed Holy Spirit inspired study. God can be very creative in the ways He'll use in getting our attention. God is so very Good. And, woooooooooohoooooooooo, I fell in love with The Lord in a way I never imagined possible.

As far as forgiveness, because it is such a miraculous blessing from God, our old nature and Satan tend to interfere. If you say to The Lord that you forgive someone, it not unusual at all for the thought of the offense to pop right back up, and if we allow, that thought will have us imagine all sorts of crazy things and within a few minutes our emotions get all out of whack. That is why we are told to take every thought captive.

If we have told God that we forgive someone, and the old offense keeps plaguing our mind, we can stop it by saying "I have forgiven this person for that offense, so thought leave me now in the name of Jesus." We can do this with any thoughts that are contrary to God and our faith in God.

There have been people in my life that I held resentments towards them for things they had said or done, that I never mentioned it to them, but instead -- I confessed it to God and proclaimed I had forgiven them. And, YES, the thoughts would come back to my mind on occasion, but I shoo'd them away in the name of Jesus. The resentments faded away! Most never knew they had ever upset me, therefore, to tell them would have only hurt them, and I never felt the need to tell them. God is Good!!!

There have been a few that I have had to stand up to. The relationships were different after that, but, in actuality the previous relationship had been built on falsehoods, so the new relationship -- built on truth -- was different, but better because I no longer felt the need to bite my lip and put up with their nonsense.

I hope this helps. If you have any other questions, please no hesitate to post them.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[dema]

What Mack said - forgiveness is between you and God. It is letting it go. Rarely will God want you to even tell the person. And if he does, you will know. But I wouldn't tell the person unless you know you should.

[Rabinantha]

Thanks you guys! That helps a lot. Now I can work on truly forgiving and forgetting. On to day 5!