Forgiving the unforgivable

[HickoryNut]

Todays lesson was on growing your garden. The work chart seems overwhelming at first, but I realize I can use it to take the many field trips that are offered, and I look forward to them.

As far as forgiveness, I feel I am getting closer. The pain is less intense. Maybe this goal is obtainable after all.

The mind/body/spirit relationship was enlightening, and very logical.

[HickoryNut]

I was supposed to have written this last night, but it got late and I was very tired.

I learned of the need to fill the mind with positive truth; and its something to look forward to.

The assignment was a bit much, and I am still working on what I want to put in the columns, 10 is a lot to fill up out of no where. But I will continue to work on it.

Heading in the right direction, I can feel it. Although proper forgiveness is still to be accomplished, I have reached the point of wanting to. This is a big step, since I never had the desire to before. And with that has come a sense of calm, peacefulness, Hugh Prathers "quiet answer" (who by the way was a Christian).

On to day 7...

[HickoryNut]

I guess I was so tired I didn't realize I had made a short post of day 6. I confused myself there by making another, made me wonder which step number I was actually on!

Today was about pulling those weeds, and trying to do so from the roots. Its pretty clear to me that the root of my problem is my anger. Anger over loosing my mother. And there was someone front and center that would be the cause. I had a valid reason, and so a valid target, this has kept the anger alive. The pain and the tears that the frustration accompanies the anger is a price I am paying, not the person I blame. As long as the blame remains, so does the anger, and the negative grief it carries.

TIme to practice eject and filling the empty spaces.

[HickoryNut]

I found todays lesson rather relaxing after 6 and 7. Not that it didn't pack itself full of good information.

I have completed my chart and am beginning to establish routines. I hope to do well.

An important daily routine is to "eject" the anger I feel towards the person I have to forgive. And to say a prayer for her daily. I also have to work on the other person involved. She was ignored as I blamed one person instead of two, but now I have to let go of blame on both their parts so a not to simply shift the blame to her, that would start another patch of weeds.

I am feeling more peace, and less noisy thoughts as the devil is loosing his grip. Forty five years of pain is easing more quickly and gently than I would have expected.

I think I'm getting there.

[dema]

I'm so glad. I think you will feel much lighter when you are done. That anger and unforgiveness is a heavy burden to carry. It affects everything.

I've found that just realizing that it is allowing the perp to take even more from you than what was taken initially helps me to let go. I don't want to allow the person continued power in my life. I want them out of there. *kick *boot

I think my daily prayer "for" her would be "God, take her and get her out of my head. Amen."



But it is pretty well true.

God bless you on your journey.

[HickoryNut]

Two interesting things happened. Last night I got a phone call from "the person". They had been down to visit their daughter, with whom I am close, on their farm, and she had sent strawberries home with them for me. This morning it was dark and rainy and we were expecting thunder storms, so I couldn't make the 15 miles drive to pick them up. Well, I asked her to toss them in the freezer, and she hulled them for me and froze them. At least she is making forgiveness a little easier! .

Todays lesson was good, but I am getting overwhelmed. I can't go from zero to 60 overnight. I am still trying, for the first day, to achieve my 10 goals, I didn't make them all but came close. I am however, going to begin the 40-day habit as a starting point. I know the course is attempting saturation, but its just too much too fast to do all it says.

[dema]

Love yourself. And give yourself a break. Keep in mind the rest the seventh day rule. Stay on the same lesson a couple of days. Maybe go back and do an older lesson after a break. Skipping two days loses momentum. It is easy to quit then. But going back and reviewing keeps the momentum going. And skipping one day as a day of rest can be a good thing.

[HickoryNut]

What a nice lesson today. It didn't add to the pressure, but rather was quite relaxing.

I like all that was said, and have taken it to heart. It will help, I am sure.

My sister-in-law did not act alone, her sister took an active role. God says I must forgive her too. She is 80 years old and facing surgery today, major surgery on her back. I was able to pray for her to have a good outcome so that she can find Jesus before she dies.

I surprised myself because I have had the occasional encounter with her and find her still trapped in her ways, making it easy for me to hate her for what she did to us. I don't know if I have fully and properly forgiven her, but I found it possible to pray for her.

I feel good about that. Not as a form of bragging, but to know the anger isn't ruling my actions anymore.

[HickoryNut]

I am surprised that the course is almost over.

I don't know how to comment on todays lesson, it was quite revealing.

The last set of lessons are less specific about pulling weeds and such matters, so I have had less new things to say about my struggle for forgiveness to be in my heart.

I am just plugging alone, taking each lesson as it comes.

[dema]

There are other lessons. There is Spirit of Truth which is good. The other lessons are less gut wrenching.

Glad for you moving forward.

[HickoryNut]

Thank you Dema, its always nice to get your feedback.

I would not believe how far I would come towards forgiveness in so short a time. The course is great, even the couple lessons that tried to overwhelm me. I am surprised how often I catch Satan trying to cloud my thoughts and I have to kick him out of my mind. Then take note of what button he pushed so I can pull that weed. I can tell the teachings in the counseling course are sinking in.

[dema]

I see you got your name change. Lol. Good for you.