Melindas Journal # 1

[branches]

I feel like I have made a mistake marrying my husband. He promised me he would take care of me and I had just had my heart broken so I went for it. I didnt love him but I did care about him and hoped that the love would grow. We have never had intercourse because he is too heavy and isnt well endowed so it would be almost impossible to do but I have herpes2 (i dont have outbreaks) and he doesnt know this.So the face we dont have sex seemed to be a plus. He doesnt even do what he used to do to gratify me, he has stopeed almost all affection and sometimes when I say something to him he doesnt even answer me. My son and his wife live in the house that I own so I dont feel at home there right now, and here in my husbands house there is still all his first wife's knock knacks and I dont feel like this is my home at all. His daughter and her kids were living here but they have moved and left their dogs, which although I love animals, I dont want to have them as pets, yet I am stuck taking care of these dogs and cleaning up after them. I have a lot of trouble sleeping unless I take something to help me, then I feel terrible the next day. There is not enough room in the bed for he and i both, so I rarely rest well. We have separate bank accounts and when I need something I have to ask him for it and the reluctance to give it to me is very obvious. I am also driving a car that is in his name because my daughter has borrowed mine.
I have tried talking to him, asked my pastors to talk to him, and even told him if things dont change I am leaving. I am torn between the possible financial help and the needing to be out of this marriage. I am at my wits end and I want to do what God wants me to do. should I stay or should I go?