Grey Rock

[Mackenaw]

Hello Grey Rock,

God bless you this day.

I'm happy to see that you have continued the 14-day study. Your approach will serve you, because you are focused on God and His blessed Word! Ask The Holy Spirit to give you those nudges -- those little reminders to refocus on The Lord.

Prayers continue to rise to The Lord, in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. God The Father's will be done.

God bless you, Grey Rock,
Mack

[Grey Rock]

Weeding my garden. Day 7
I really enjoyed the analogies used within this teaching as I am an avid gardener. When I'm in my flower gardens I feel so close to God. Again, within his teaching I missed the right stuff down on paper. And again, I cannot. But again, I can do it in my mind.

Personally, this is basically what I have done for years and years and years. Fighting the good fight. Leading the Garden of my mind continuously. I must, therefore I do!
It is not easy. Not easy at all considering the fact that my husband has objectified and compartmentalize me. Example: yesterday, June 4th was that 10 year anniversary. Nothing, not even a peep out of his mouth concerning what should have been a special day. This is the 10th wedding anniversary where he has done absolutely nothing or even said anything concerning this day. Just another Day in Paradise..... About 8:00 p.m. last night we were sitting outside I asked him what day it was. His answer while it's Saturday he says. I replied Saturday... Do you know what today's date is? He had to think long and hard about that before you replied June 4th.. and I asked him just June 4th ring a bell to you at all? And he says well.... It's our anniversary. Isn't it he asks questioning... And again he says with absolutely no emotion at all happy anniversary... I think we had a good day.... And also says, did I tell you that you look nice today?..At 8:00 p.m. in the evening... And then he gets up and goes back and watches TV....
This marriage is a lie. Nothing absolutely nothing is biblical about it. Except for the fact that he shows up for church on Sunday. Sprouting his smiling little face, a mask of course. One of many masks that he wears in public.
I believe the holy spirit is telling me to pull up this gigantic weed and throw it into the compost bin ..
That one thing I'm looking forward to today is church. Today is Pentecost Sunday. I'm really looking forward to see a flowing of the holy spirit in church today. I'm just really really embarrassed to have him sit next to me...
He also distracts me during praise and worship. I feel.. no I know, he interferes during my special time praising the Lord.. he breaks my concentration by playing the perfect husband rubbing my back rubbing my shoulder when I am just trying to focus and praise God... I do my damnedest to ignore him and stay focused on the Lord...... It's no easy task...

[Mackenaw]

Hello Grey Rock,

God bless you this day.

I love how you are diving deep into this study. The Holy Spirit is definitely speaking to you through the Blessed Word of God (Bible scriptures) within each step on the study.

We worship in spirit, not in spite. The battle is real, and the enemy of our soul, satan, will use any and every opportunity to distract us from worshipping God and from allowing God's love to flow through us. HOWEVER, Hallelujah! We have the indwelling of The Holy Spirit to nudge us and remind us just who we are and to Whom we belong.

John 4:23-24 (KJV)
23 But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.

24 God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

Ephesians 6:12 (KJV)
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Continue on with the steps, you are doing great. The Holy Spirit is Awesome and He continues to lead you into all Truth!

John 16:13 (KJV)
13 Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.

Prayers continue to rise to The Lord, in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. God The Father's will be done.

God bless you, Grey Rock,
Mack

[Grey Rock]

Sunday I was able to go to church again. Through 2 surgeries and all the time going to get tests done bla blah blah.... I physically could not go.
It was great!!! My church family were greeting me with open arms. Love, pure love. How great is God that He puts people in my path... I was lost in praising Him...
However I stumbled with my path here. I know I committed to 14 days.
I don't feel I disappointed Him.
But, I'm a person of my word so let me go to day 8. .

[Grey Rock]

Faith Test
I've tried. I really have. Faith, truth, steadfast in truth. Living life with:
Psalms 23
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the House of the LORD for ever.........
As my mantra... MY Mantra. God's word.
Evil is real.. I've been subjected to it for nearly 20 years....
Even after he was baptized, nothing changed for any amount of time. He was still able to use any given mask depending on who he was talking to and what the topic is or was..
Maybe he is a weed I should have pulled...
God gave me a way out last year... I didn't use it..
I fought for my marriage.. Through the worst type of betrayal..
Trust
Let go
Let God
That door is open again...... All of my being tells me to go... And don't come back..
Psalm 23
Psalm 55
Grace Mercy Weeds Faith faith..... Faith

[Grey Rock]

I've been having panic attacks... In my sleep!! Horrible horrible way to wake.. after I talk to my Jesus I calm down.. but man o live
I think it's a side effect of stress... Large amounts for a very long time. He's abusive. Has no respect for me. Yells iat me nstead of talking to me. Has no regard for what he says. Day after day, night after night. I'm leaving the 25th of the month for a family gathering. I have no desire to return. I try to book my return flight and I start shaking... So I stop.
God has plans for me.
I'll leave all behind.... ALL of it.. it's just stuff ... But, it's mine too...
All the rust ,moth, etc.etc
My life, God's purpose, is not to be this way.... Abuse and neglect has NO plan in my life according to God's word..

[Grey Rock]

Prayer life. Freverant prayer. Prayer closet. Holy Spirit. Whatever I ask for I'll recieve.. Careful what I pray for....
Luke 18:2-8
...There was in a city a judge, which feared not God, neither regarded man: And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Avenge me of mine adversary. And he would not for a while: but afterward he said within himself, Though I fear not God, nor regard man; Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me. And the Lord said, Hear what the unjust judge saith. And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them? I tell you that he will avenge them speedily...

Prayer is the only thing that keeps me going. The holy spirit is the only one I come in with because there's no conversations in this album. God answers my questions or has my husband does not. He just yells makes me feel small. I know who I am in Christ I do have a prayer life like you to spread life. And, I also could. Do I listen and act? Of course there's times I don't listen. Of course there's times where I go off do what I want instead of listen to God that's the free will it gives me. I have thought for this marriage I have prayed for this marriage. I truly believe in my heart of heart it's time to go

[Mackenaw]

Hello Grey Rock,

God bless you this day.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm still lifting up prayers to The Lord, in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. God The Father's will be done.

Jesus loves you!

God bless and keep you,
Mack

[Grey Rock]

Thank you so very much Mackinaw. And blesses my heart I know that people out there praying for me.

[Grey Rock]

Today is about surrendering to the holy Spirit. Praying with the holy Spirit having a relationship with the holy Spirit and most of all being led by the holy Spirit.

I believe I have been doing all this. Of course I stumble, I'm in a human form. I'm crying as I write this. Because I look around and I see everything that God has blessed with for the past 20 years.
Everything that I have done in the gardens how I built the gardens to the gardens. It grieves me much knowing that I am sacrificing everything in order to get away from this abuse. But, the holy spirit is in me and with me and..
God's will be done
I've asked the holy Spirit several times to help me concerning my life. Everyday I am met with some.... I don't know how to explain it other than abuse... I truly believe that God has I mean really really hands opened up another road for me to escape this madness.
It is only with the holy Spirit that I make it through each day.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Grey Rock,

God bless you this day.

I, too, love, love, love the blessed Friendship of The Holy Spirit, and as the lyric of one of Queen's songs goes..."You're my best Friend" I could sing from the rooftops about Him. Another such song "You Make Me Feel Brand New" as sung by The Stylistics in the 1970s, and also recorded by Simply Red -- wow, each time I hear those lyrics I think about The Holy Spirit. I can relate to all you have written about The Holy Spirit. Hallelujah!!! Thank You Lord: God The Father, God The Son -- Blessed Jesus, and God The Holy Spirit.

Grey Rock, I'm so very sorry to hear that you are living in an abusive household. That is not what God intended for you. We both know that many would immediately tell a woman (or man) in an abusive marriage that God hates divorce; however, I know God hates abuse, too. Perhaps your planned trip is just what is needed -- a time apart to pray, think and meditate on what it is that God desires for you.

Prayers continue to rise to The Lord, in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. God The Father's will be done.

God bless and keep you, Grey Rock,
Mack

[Grey Rock]

God bless you Mackinaw. Thanks for your continued prayers and comments