Grey Rock

[Grey Rock]

Day 12 Grace & faith....
Each day there's something else to pass along grace & fath concerning my situation... When he gets al amped up and ready to have his 7 yr old temper tantrum, I give him grace. I have to or else.. it's my faith in Christ that He will make things new each day.
I give myself Grace as well. Because I know if I open my mouth it's just going to add fuel to the fire...
Grace and Faith Grace and Faith.... I still truly feel that God is giving me a way out and no matter what I need to just stop worrying I keep clinging to the mindset that God is giving me Grace and by giving me Grace it increases my faith

[Grey Rock]

Love one another and how to love your neighbor

There is a time when I loved everybody I loved life I loved all the blessings God gave me and I especially love the people that God placed in front of me. One of my biggest reasons wanting this divorce is because anything that I love and anything that I put my full passion into my husband has found a way to destroy it and take it away from me.
And to keep it away from me.
The only thing he can't take away from me is my daily Bible reading in my prayers that I send up to God for me and for other people and also my praises to God. Those are the only things he's not taken away from me. And I praise God for that and for them.
I wonder sometimes if that's what my biggest problem is is that I love too much shall we love too much I give too much. But like I said before this man has taken away and I'll love out of my soul. And that's What hurts the most
Loving him, loving on him, showing any kind of love to me, literally puts my stomach and nuts. Because I feel like I'm feeding the devil when I do that. He took me away from my family. Family I've only seen twice now three times in the past 20 years. Alone of course because that opened the door for him to drain our finances, have sex with prostitutes, and everything else while lying to me saying he didn't do it. When I had phone records and bank accounts to prove to him that yes he did do it. I forgave him of course because I'm commanded to love. But how I mean really how am I supposed to love this man when all he does is abuse me. Last year this time we were separated separated because I called the police on him. And while we were separated he was only living 12 houses away on the same street. I thought then that it was time time to sell everything time for me to get back with my family because God it opened the door for me to do so. So I collected everything in the house and I had a estate sale, by myself. It was quite refreshing and I actually loved getting rid of what I had gotten rid of and accomplished one of the biggest physically active feats I've mastered through Christ to date. I even sold the house by myself and put everything that was of any value to me in a storage unit. I had returned to my former happy-go-lucky self during this time all the while he was reforming prostitutes in bringing them to Christ, or his exact words. He's in Christ using Jesus as an excuse to hook up with 12 or 14 prostitutes. And he wasn't shy about doing it either. Anytime there was a legal matter that he needed to come to the house for he made sure to tell me about it while adventures that he and his prostitutes were cooking up. They were all going to buy a sailboat sale around the world bringing Christ to every Nation. It sounds good, and it sounds biblical, in his warped mind. I asked him if he was going to name his boat the ship of fools. Of course I had a few other grass remarks to make about that but anyway I love the fact that God was opening the doors for me at this time and my neighbors were so so very helpful and so loving. I did tell them what was going on behind closed doors. Because I was confessing a lie to them a lie that I was the perfect happy little housewife that just loved life and loved everything God had to offer. I was very pleased that God gave me the ability to sell this house. He opened the door literally. The people across the street had a brother that was looking for a home and my neighbor said make this happen so again another way to praise God and to love the offerings that he was giving me. It took me 4 days to draft up all the legal papers for the cash offer on the house and I did all this around the tattered ruins of the home that once was around me. In the final hour in the day that they were to sign the papers for the final sale on the house they never showed up. I called him three or four times no answer. I called them the next day no answer finally I received a phone call from them and the man was very apologetic because he lied to me. He lied to be by now missing non-disclosure anyway sale fell through. Time to fast and time to pray. I threw a blanket down on the floor and I grabbed some nutritional drinks and my Bible and I literally late prone on the floor pray to our God and what to do next.
I believe God told me to let my husband come back home and forgive him but I couldn't do it not yet anyway. Because I needed to leave the state and go be with my family. While I was gone he moved back in the house. Forgive 70 * 700 ,love thy neighbor ,rebuke the evil one, do nothing out of vain Glory vengeance is mine saith the Lord.... And all that other stuff we learn in the Bible about love handing things over to God etc etc I've done that. I've done that for years and years and years and years.
Years..
I need to show myself some love I need to love on me for a while because not only has the husband forgot about what it means to love ... And I thought here too because I so much, anyway, love the love to disappear. Through anger,strife etc. I need to love me.. sorry I posted this late but I started with it last night and it was just too late to finish in order to post it before my required time was up concerning this Stone

[Mackenaw]

Hello Grey Rock,

God bless you this day.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm lifting up prayers to The Lord, in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. God The Father's will be done.

I want so much to give you some direction, and so many scriptures are racing through my mind right now, yet I must be sure it is God that is leading me, and not me trying to twist scriptures to fit where they don't.

What I do know right at this moment is that Jesus loves you, and God hears your prayers.

God bless and keep you, dear sister in Christ,
(sister) Mack

[Grey Rock]

Thank you back at all. I totally get and understand what you're saying. I do have plethora of scriptures running through my head as I did this counseling path. I'm in a very toxic abusive relationship. I'm not happy. Any biblical grounds concerning my marriage doesn't apply anymore. He killed it he killed us he's trying to mentally kill me. But, I have strength I have wisdom I know who I am to Christ and I know that my Jesus is going to be right beside me as I start a new journey in life without all this toxicity meeting me every single day. God bless you Mackinaw
Seems my journey has ended here with the stepping stones and I thank you for all your kind input. God bless you

[Grey Rock]

Added thought.. I thought I would have more feedback from others while doing the steps... I feel again I've hit a dead end while seeking counseling..
God bless everyone that reads this journal

[Mackenaw]

Hello Grey Stone,

God bless you this day.

While it may "feel" as if you have reached a dead end, the seeds of Truth -- the blessed scriptures that you feasted on throughout this 14 day study -- will not come back void.

Isaiah 55:11 (KJV)
11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

Grey Rock, it is obvious that you hunger and thirst for God and seek His face no matter the situation. So too, it is clear that you dine on The Word of God.

Matthew 4:4 (KJV)
4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

Hallelujah!!!

I am truly sorry for your living situation -- that it is so oppressive, and that peace is found only when you are able to separate yourself from your husband and slip away ...escaping to spend precious time alone with The Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:15 (KJV)
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

1 Corinthians 7:21 (KJV)
21 Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather.

Some may say I'm twisting God's blessed Word, and maybe I am, God forbid, but I know that God does not desire His children to live in torment.

Grey Rock, there are so many wonderful studies on this site, and one of my favorites is a Study on the Holy Spirit -- a 7-day study. It truly blessed me, and I recommend it for you, since you regularly dine on God's blessed Word, and the Holy Spirit study (The Spirit of Truth) also incorporates blessed scripture -- The Word of God. Here is the link if you are interested: https://www.christianityoasis.com/spiri ... tepone.htm

God bless and keep you, Grey Rock.
Mack