Abuse: May Trigger

[Moriah_Ruth]

For those who do not know what it is like to live through a traumatic child abuse, will usually have a hard time comprehending why any parent would do such things to a child. Unless one has been in the other person's shoes, they can't relate.

I was physically, emotionally, psychologically, mentally, verbally and spiritually abused. Sexually abused by my brother. I was told that God hates bad people and I believed myself to be bad because of the abuse. I thought that I deserved it because I was bad. Also being told that I'm no good, dumb, stupid, etc.

I grew up believing that God hates me. That He will punish me and put me in hell for eternity. That He will punish me every time that I do wrong or sin. That He will curse me. How does one see God's love in that?

Sure you give a good message in response, however this is not what I see or believe. Unless you have been in my shoes you can't help me. I know all the things that you will probably say to this response because it is like all the others. I'm not trying to discredit you in any way. I'm trying to see God's love for me. Many times I want to give up and say the heck with it all. I'm frustrated and angry at myself.

So you can preach all you want to me but it means nothing to me. Many people talk but they really don't show the Love of God.

This posting is not directed to anyone in particular, only for those who say they understand but really don't because they have not walked in the shoes of those who have been abused traumatically. Also I am venting because I'm really frustrated.

Moriah Ruth

[Maverick_Reborn]

If you believe no one else understands your pain and anger, than show us. The wound will never be healed if kept in secret, the silence benefits no one in the end. Releash your words, for in them are your burdens. Disregard me if you wish, but do not deny your path to heaven.

[Moriah_Ruth]

Repent,

I'm not denying my path to heaven. I know that I will go to heaven, without any doubt. Nor am I keeping my pain in secret, otherwise I wouldn't be here. What I'm really trying to stress is those who say they understand but they do not. These are the ones who have not gone through a traumatic abuse as a child. They come from loving homes. Some Christians homes and others not.

I have been told things from these people who do not understand childhood abuse. Things like, "Oh you deserved it", "Maybe you were looking for it" or "I don't understand" or " I don't want to hear about that", etc. They quote bible verses at you that has nothing to do with what you are going through. They tell you to get over it and stop living in the past. But how does one do that if they have lived a very traumatic abusive childhood? These are things that we don't want to hear. It makes us feel even more unwanted. We ask for answers and understanding.

I'd rather talk to someone who has gone through the same thing as me than to talk to someone who has never been through what I have been through. So please do not judge me or criticize me. For you do not know me, God does.

Again I am not angry at anyone here.

Moriah Ruth

[Maverick_Reborn]

Many people may not have gone through child abuse, but they know pain. Anger and guilt, sorrow and pain, are the same to all that endures it. I do not criticize you, nor do I claim to understand your situation. But, I do know what it is like to feel unwanted and hated. Do not close your ears to others who may not understand the situation, for they may understand the pain.

[Moriah_Ruth]

You may have a point, however I do thank you for your opinion. God's opinion matters the most to me. So I will leave it to Him. Have a blessed day.

Moriah Ruth

[Maverick_Reborn]

I hope feel better and find someone to talk with

[RainaSkye]

Hi Moriah.....I have suffered similar things as you.....it's very hard for me to feel, recognize, or accept love from regular people....although i so desperately want to be loved.....it is even harder to believe God loves me.... When I say this about God, I want you to know I am not mad at God, nor do I blame Him for my abuse.....I believe that God IS love.....I believe God loves HIS people.....all people.....but yet it is hard for me to accept His love without fear....

We were created in the image of God.....God made us believers all one body, where He is the head.....He loves us, tremendously He loves us....If He did not, well it would be crazy....It would be like God creating us in HIS image, and if He hated us, wouldn't that also mean He hated Himself? Since He created His believers to be part of one body.....Since God is the Head....If you are a hand and I am a foot....It would be crazy for God to say, Raina, I hate you because you are a foot, and are doing what feet do (walking, kicking, standing, etc.).....We as humans, at least no one I've met, says I hate my heart because it is beating....i hate my hand because it does what I wanted it to do....NO....We are glad when our bodies perform their functions properly....

Sometimes it's very hard to see God's love for us....But that doesn't mean that it's not there....It is always there, for all of us.....

Yes bad things happen....They happen as a result of free will and sin......And often times when one person sins....first, they sin against God....but second, their sin often rubs off onto other people.....and therefore bad things happen to us... Now, I am not going to say EVERYTHING bad happens because of sin....because some things like death, are just that it was that persons time to go....not that I like using that as an example, but it was the only thing I could thing of....

I'm not going to tell you I am perfect....I'm not going to tell you I have it all figured out...I'm not going to tell you that I am healed of my past....I'm not going to tell you that I accept God's love ALL the time....The truth is, I'm not perfect, I don't have alot figured out.....I am not healed from my past, and I sadly don't accept God's love for me all the time....

What I can tell you is that I want to be healed.....I want to accept His love.....I want you to be able to be healed emotionally and any other way from your past....to let go of your bitterness...and to accept God's love.....and I pray that someday you can be or do or have all those things and more.....but it is a process, it probably wont happen overnight.....and in the meantime if you need to, you can talk to me...I can pray with you....and I know several others who might not yet have seen this would also offer you the same thing....

God bless you

[Moriah_Ruth]

Thank you so much Raina, I so much needed to hear and know this. Thank you for encouraging me and letting me know that you have been where I have been.

Moriah Ruth

[dema]

People hurt others with their easy answers. They don't want to face what is hard or ugly. They don't want to believe that the innocent are hurt horribly by those who should care most for them.

People don't know what to say or what to do. And so they use platitudes. Or repeat verses without thinking. It is an unloving and fearful thing to do.Hate isn't the opposite of love - fear is. And frequently the people who hurt with these empty words are fearful. They want to believe it cannot happen to them. That it cannot affect their lives.

That doesn't mean that all people are that way. It does mean you need to be careful before sharing. Joyce Meyer was hurt as a child - her father raped her regularly for years. She wrote Beauty for Ashes and many other books. If you decide to read the book, I recommend you start after the pictures of the trees. The first part is very graphic and I know many people cannot handle it - it triggers their own memories.

I am sorry you were hurt. And I am sorry you continue to be hurt in a different way.

Raina, you are wonderful at expressing yourself.

Hugs.

[Moriah_Ruth]

Thank you so much Dema for what you have shared. And you are so right. And yes, I have many books and videos here from Joyce Meyers. She is very simple and practical. Even though the negative people like to be negative about her. We all have some wrong thinking or false beliefs, so we should not pick on others for them. We all fall to some degree.

Again, thank you. Blessings to you.

Moriah Ruth

[bgg]

Haven't been here in awhile and not sure why I was led here tonight except that I think the Lord wanted me here to read this post and some of the replies and I saw myself in them. I feel the same way, people can say all they want but unless you grew up in that you don't have to right to give an opinion.

I think for myself I lost my faith because God didn't change my abuser and I blamed him for my life turning out the way it has. Starting to see now that there are Angels all around me, helping me feel and get better. Don't have all the answers but I am looking back to the heavens and asking for his forgiveness and mercy.

I wish you the best in your search for happiness.

[Moriah_Ruth]

Thank you BGG and glad that you stopped by to read my posting. Like you I also blamed God for many things and I got angry with Him. In some ways I am still a bit angry with Him and keep asking questions like "Why"? I keep telling Him that I didn't ask for this. Must I continue like this for the rest of my life until He decides to take me home to be with Him?

Now I do know that God has healed many areas in my life, otherwise I wouldn't be here today doing this posting. Part of me doesn't want to give up even though I have come close. God's strength gets me through. Many blessings to you BGG.

Moriah Ruth