Real Solutions Family

[realtmg]

As many of you know, I am recovering from alcohol, drugs, and gambling addictions, primarily. I have spent years in jails, prison, and rehabs for the choices I made due to my addictions. While reading this forum's past and recent posts, I have noticed an increasing number of posts from family members and friends of people with addictions, seeking understanding and answers to questions. Since my experience has been as the addict, I can't always help those people as I would like to. However, God has a way of bringing people into our lives to enlighten and to help us cope. Any of you who have any aid or advice to offer to these people as they post, are encouraged to share their experiences, strengths, and hopes.

This forum is not only for the addicted, but also for the loved ones and friends of those addicted. Those people also need support. They are the ones who get the calls in the middle of the night, who worry when they don't hear from someone for days, who sit in the hospital waiting for word...

I bring this up as I found this poem I wrote in 1987 while in jail waiting to be sent to prison, right before Mother's Day. I would like to share it with you...


To A Cherished Mom

To my mother on a special day
I really don't know what I want to say
I wish I could take you out to dine
And make you feel - really fine.

It's honestly sad on this day to know
Your only son is reaping what he has sowed
I'm on my way to prison, and it's all my fault
Reason being, I didn't listen to my mother talk.

It's hard on me knowing all I've put you through
But I told you years ago, what was coming due
I wish I could feel free as a dove
But most of all, a son you could be proud of.

I don't write this to make you feel sad
But to tell you of a son you should have had.
You have my love and reverence, in the highest degree
When my head is right, the way it ought to be.

My deepest desire is for you to be happy
And hopefully one day, you'll see me as pappy.
I know that you have shed many a tear
Knowing that I'm confined in here.

I've come up for myself with lots of excuses
But we both know the cause was alcohol abuses.
I've come to the conclusion, as you can see,
I'm not the man we wanted me to be.

I've learned the hard way that, "pain is gain"
With God willing, many nights and days remain
To see my precious mother smiling with joy
And say proudly to everyone, "THAT'S MY BOY"

You and I know if it wasn't for prayer
I wouldn't be here, nor would I be there.
I often look back to when I was young
Remembering the thermometer you put under my tongue.

I'd rather have you, mom than anything in this world
Even more--than the most precious pearl
You've taught me-it's better that words be few
And I haven't given you what you are due.
But this I do have, "A TRUE LOVE FOR YOU"

Thanks Mom and Happy Mother's Day

Love, Tim

More than 20 years later, her prayers are being answered one day at a time as she did not give up and gave me over to the only one that she knew could help.

That One is God. May you find Him now.

Luv ya, Real

[bonbon1]

I was truly moved
I think your an awsome son. A son of God, Keep up the good but hard work, serving is not easy, but the rewards are great LOv ya

[cryptogirl46]

hi, Real, i was so touched by your testimony. PRAISE GOD N TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!
I have an alcoholic daughter who broke up with her 7 yrs live-in BF. I did not realize until now how really bad my daughter has been addicted to alcohol! She was finally given the choice to resign from work. She had been a "frequent flyer" in the ER; it seems like it is her routine to end up in the hosp. monthly since Feb. for overdosing herself with hard liquor that are so foreign to me!. Last mo. was the worst, she also ODd on her prescribed antianxiety med! That time she ended up in ICU...we thot we were going to lose her!
We thot she had already hit her "rock bottom" but every day is a struggle with her still. Praise God for our Pastor who is always available to help us and who keeps encouraging her to go to rehab. I also praise God for my family and the so many Christian fam. who are praying for her and for us. It is so frustrating to see her still unwilling to go to rehab at times; it is so stressful to have an alcoholic child! I just keep asking God for more love, patience, mercy and grace as I/we deal with her.
Hopefully she will finally go to TeenChallenge after her b-day on June 19th as she promised. I do not know if any one is familiar or had heard of this place? Please pray that my daughter will give herself back to God and that she will really go to rehab!

[cat57]

thank you so much for your testimony I also have a son who is making poor choices due to addiction to drugs and alcohol your testimony gives me hope that he can once again clean up and come back to the Lord thanks hope your walk has continued to draw you closer to our AWESOME GOD

[realtmg]

Home alone -- depression highest for those living alone

The number of people living on their own has doubled, over the last three decades, to one in three in the UK and US. New research published in BioMed Central's open access journal BMC Public Health shows that the risk of depression, measured by people taking antidepressants, is almost 80% higher for those living alone compared to people living in any kind of social or family group.

For women a third of this risk was attributable to sociodemographic factors, such as lack of education and low income. For men the biggest contributing factors included poor job climate, lack of support at the work place or in their private lives, and heavy drinking.

It is known that living alone can increase the risk of mental health problems for the elderly, and for single parents, but little is known about the effects of isolation on working-age people. Researchers in Finland followed 3500 working-aged men and women for seven years and compared their living arrangements with psychosocial, sociodemographic, and health risk factors, including smoking, heavy drinking and low physical activity, to antidepressant use. Information on antidepressant medication was taken from the National Prescription Register.

Dr Laura Pulkki-Råback, who conducted the research at the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health, explained, "Our study shows that people living alone have an increased risk of developing depression. Overall there was no difference in the increased risk of depression by living alone for either men or women. Poor housing conditions (especially for women) and a lack of social support (particularly for men) were the main contributory factors to this increased risk."

She continued, "This kind of study usually underestimates risk because the people who are at the most risk tend to be the people who are least likely to complete the follow up. We also were not able to judge how common untreated depression was."

While this study clearly identifies some of the factors which increase the risk of depression for people who live alone, over half the increase in risk is still unexplained. The researchers suggest that this may be due to feelings of alienation from society, lack of trust, or difficulties arising from critical life events. All these factors need to be addressed in order to begin understanding and reducing the incidence of depression amongst working age people.

###

Notes to Editors

1. Living alone and antidepressant medication use: a prospective study in a working-age population
Laura Pulkki-Raback, Mika Kivimaki, Kirsi Ahola, Kaisla Joutsenniemi, Marko Elovainio, Helena Rossi, Sampsa Puttonen, Seppo Koskinen, Erkki Isometsa, Jouko Lonnqvist and Marianna Virtanen
BMC Public Health (in press)

[realtmg]

I am always close. PM me if you need help. I am quite and I do not expose what people share with me.
God led me here 8 tears ago. This is my second home.
May God give you the courage to share your burdens to me or in this forum if led to.
I care. I've been there there.
LOVE is a great high.
GBU
Real.......

[momof3]

Its not easy...as a mom...watching your son go through the deep dark prison of drug/alcohol abuse...and all that can go with it. The family dynamics change. I remember a pastor who visited our church. My sons were still little at the time. This pastor gave his testimony....he was young...he didn't want to go to church with his mom. Every Sunday she would ask him to go...every Sunday, he would decline. This went on for months...and he grew tired of her continuously asking him to go. All the while though, his mom was praying. One day the Lord told her to stop asking him, but to keep praying. She did. She stopped asking but never stopped bringing him before the Lord in her thoughts and prayers. From the day she stopped asking, he started worrying. The only person who had ever really cared for him had stopped (in his mind). God used this to open a door in his heart that could not be shut. He is now living a free life...and is ever so thankful to his mom for being faithful in her prayers for him...the greatest love she could have shown. And, above all else, he is saved and being used, much like Real, to reach out to others who have addictions.

As we search for answers....search for words.....worry and wait....let them hit bottom, be faithful in prayer to our Father who loves our loved ones more than we ever can....and can heal the wounds that so many try to cover with drugs and alcohol.


Love you really, Real. God bless you and yours.

In Jesus,
love momo

[realtmg]

momof,
Thanks for the post!.
Prayer is the KEY.
Leave all your worries to the LORD.
HE knows.
Ge cares>
May peace flow into your heart!
Luv Ya,

Real......

[momof3]

[realtmg]

Remember, My mom went through the exact same thing!!! Leave it at the feet of Jesus on Calvery.
GBU and I love ya.
Real....

[millliewilkes]

I believe I am an alcoholic because as soon as something goes wrong or I get upset or sad, I immediately want to drink wine or beer. I have gone through a depression stage after my husband decided to leave me and every night I would drink a bottle of wine. Eventually I lost my job because of my depression & drinking. I lost my home and everything I worked hard for. I am currently staying in my sister's home and although I'm not drinking a bottle of wine every night, I still drink alcohol to the point where I block out and not have any memories after a certain point. I keep saying no more and will go for a day or two without drinking but, then I'll do it again. I need help, support and prayers! Thank you.

[realtmg]

Welcome my friend.
It don't take much of an excuse for us to tale a drink. This I know
I judge no one as only themselves know they are an alcoholic.
People knew before i did that I was one.
I thought i had hidden the problem pretty good. Only you and God with a few people He sends your way can Help.
A,A, has really helped me because everyone there had the problem you and I had.
I strongly state that you find a local group that will give you support and answers.
Get up in the morning and make it your goal to not drink today. Live 1 day at a time.
Get on your knees and pray. Thank HIM for help in keeping you sober that day.
I have seen many come from rags to riches.
The first step I think you have done by admitting you are an alcoholic.
I today to proudly admit that I am a RECOVERING alcoholic.
I try to stay humble and willing to go at any limit to stay sober. Get phone numbers from people just like you.
My Lord can do things that I can not.
Work the steps slow and easy and try to find a sponsor you like band trust.
You have helped me tonight by posting this. we are not alone.
By the GRACE od God I am sober today by living one day at a time. I thank Him each night.
My heart goes out to the hurting ones.
Today i am a completly a different person.
I finally love myself and forgive myself for my past. I know that God forgives me and gives a chance each day.
But staying sober has to be at the top of your list.
The money will come and this obbesion will l;eave in due time.
helping others helps yourself.
For instance, you would be suprised how many people wll rad this and say "This is metoo"
Today I read God's word and try to live by it. I fall short because I am human.
If we fall(slip), He gives us a new chance. Just don't take His for granted.
Commit yourself to come here and post or read. The chat box is apoweful tool that you can get to know people. USE IT.
You are worthy because our Lord created each one of us and I quit asking,"Why Me Lord".
Through HIM i have helped a few as i pray for them and hurt with them.
You now have a friend that God sent to you.
I am always close here and if you have a burning ,desire to take a drink,come her or call any A.A. member.
The Spirit is with you and take a moment to listen to Him.
Don;\'t get ahead of him and do things your way. ( Like I did).
I do want to say thanks to you for opening yourself to me and others.
Try our 14 day CCCC in the forum section and this will bring light to you.
We have a common bond.
May Peace and courage carry you you tomorrow,
Study His Word as it Holy and will speak to you in some way.
Also get an A.A. Book and read the first 165 pages slow and easy.
It has been my pledgure to meet you and will folloe uo on your post.
God canttake all the bad away. Let Him work as work to help yourself by One DAY At A time!
GBU Sis

Real...... .....