Unbelief

[Worship Leader]

I just thought I share my spiritual struggles and problems in full detail that has been bothering me for so long. Something that has been on my mind for a long time.

I am one who has never been in a relationship. Every time I hear testimonies about someone blessed with a relationship with a male or female, or someone who had just been engaged to be married or has been married, instead of being happy and moving on, I would be happy for them, but be in depression and be so convinced that it won't happen for me. In the chat rooms, I have chosen to even walk away from my computer when people are talking about relationships, marriage, ect.

For so long, I have believed that God can do anything, but give me someone to share my life with one day. I don't know why I have felt this way for so long and it hurts me inside knowing I have not come to trust God to fulfill this for me one day. There's a part of me that has no expectancy of a relationship leading to marriage one day and runs away from this emotional depression by avoiding those who are in a relationship, who are engaged or married.

I tend to separate myself from others who are in a relationship and tend to hang around those who are single, but even still I separate myself from them. I don't know why I have this struggle or even why I have this odd personality on this issue, but it's been a doubting, discouragement and depression stronghold on my part. I have beaten myself up with shame because I react this way and because I have thought this way for so long.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Worship

God bless you this day.

Thank you for sharing what is on your heart, Worship. Actually what you revealed about yourself is not uncommon to most of us, in an area of our life -- be it, a relationship, a child, money, house, a great job...whatever. If we don't have something we really want, we can easily be tripped up.

When you feel you want to separate yourself from those that are in a relationship, how would you describe the emotion of what you are thinking or feeling at that time...if you had to describe it in one word???

I'm sending up prayers for you, Worship. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[CamaeC3]

Hello Worship! How are you?
After reading your post, it reminding me of a time in my life where I thought very similar, and hopefully God will speak thru me to give you some words of comfort or advice...though I don't know everything you have gone thru, I understand that feeling of why can't I find someone to love and share my life with, why does it seem so easy for everyone else?? that type of deal,... but the truth is maybe there is something within yourself that God is trying to prepare for your future mate.

When you are consumed with something that involves yourself in happiness or any other form of fullfilling want you want, it doesnt leave much room for God. I know it is not easy to be alone, but maybe to put it in perspective I will share a bit of my experience. I struggled to maintain any type of real relationship thru high school and college. I didnt understand why no one wanted to commit to me, my problem...i was interested in the wrong guys. Maybe deep down I knew I wasnt ready to be in a relationship until the guy that God had in store for me came into my life.

But when you try to help God, it usually turns chaotic, . I almost forced myself to date some people, but were never real relationships and they were destructive emotionally. When I let go of what I thought I wanted, and Let God show me and guide me to live my life for him, that is when I found my future husband. But here is the ringer...When you take your focus off of God, no one else can ever fit or fill that void, no relationship, job, experience, opportunity, money, and I am sure you know this, but I am just backing it up because when I was younger I thought once I was done with this, or got a steady job, or was in a commited relationship that everything would feel secure and happy in my life....but putting your faith in those things leaves you feeling empty eventually. So instead of focusing on "Why do you get upset when you hear about others getting married or engaged" Think instead, You dont know what God's plan is for your life or who will come into your life, why waste it being upset and down because things arent happening right now? How will you know if the opportunity is there, if your focused on the negative side??

Matthew 6:33 "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you."

I hope some of my shared experience is helpful to you! Praying for you that God will work in your life, that you will find his purpose for your life and that you will trust in Him!

Your sister in Christ