How old is too old for sibling rivalry?

[Pert]

(((SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THIS BEING SO LONG! THANK YOU FOR READING!)))

Let me give you all a little background on this before I start.... I am the youngest of 4 girls. Myself and my 3rd sister (so the youngest 2 kids) still live at home with our parents. I would like to change that soon. I actually moved out of state and lived on my own for 5 and a half years. During that time I worked 2 jobs and earned my bachelor's degree. I moved back to Ohio because my parents and I agreed it would be best for me to start a career and get established in my hometown rather than the tiny college town I lived in.

Anyway, it's been 2 years since I moved back. During that time, I've gotten a good job, bought a new (used ) car, tried to make new friends, and professionally I'm actually doing fairly well. My family life, however, is NOT.

My sister treats my like crap. Sometimes I think she hates me! I've actually prayed "Please God, just help me stop doing whatever it is that makes her so mad!" The minute she comes in the door she starts yelling at me. She yells at me for everything, from not putting the dishes in the dishwasher the way she wants to not buying her preferred groceries. She doesn't respect my space or my things, even when I try to take up as little space as possible. She turns off what I'm watching on tv because "it's stupid anyway".

I spoke with someone on this before and I was told to seek my own counsel and to be in prayer. I've been doing that, but my emotions still get the best of me sometimes. Just dealing with her makes me SOOO angry sometimes, but I don't want to lash out so I hold it in. And that just makes me want to cry! Sometimes I get nasty back and that just puts her bad attitude in overdrive. I want a relationship with her, with all my sisters, but she makes it so hard!

I have worked really hard these last 2 years and I'm ready to move out. I've saved enough to get started on my own again. The problem is, that I'm worried about my parents. My dad is disabled and can't really help out much around the house and he doesn't work. My mom works full time, but she gets tired and sometimes needs help. Not to mention I've been helping them out financially. And what if she turns her rages toward them?!?!

I used to feel sorry for my sister. She didn't go to college and works a part time job. BUT THOSE WERE HER CHOICES. We were dealt the same cards, and she played herS, I played mine. And I'm tired of apologizing for what I have. I'm tired of apologizing for making more than she does. I'm sick and tired of her treating me like crap because she's not happy with her life!

I feel heartbroken, but at the same time, this is making me depressed. I have to worry about my own mental health. I just don't know if pursuing a relationship is worth it!

[Zinnia]

Dear Pert,
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with your little sister. Do you have a good relationship with your other sisters and your parents? Have you tried talking to them about this? It seems you hit the nail in the head that she is jealous of you. This may seem impossible right now but have you tried talking to her when she is in a calmer mood? What if you took her out to eat and had a nice evening together. Talk to her about what she wants out of life. Or if she has a better relationship with another sister, maybe one of them could do this. What do your parents think about her actions?

I guess I don't have any advice, just a lot of questions! I'll pray for you and you are welcome to write back if you'd like. Maybe a little brainstorming and a lot of praying will help you break through the barrier. She sounds like she is miserable and trying hard to make sure you are, too!

~K

[Pert]

Thank you for your feedback! I have tried talking to her one on one, but it doesn't work. As far as my parents, I have talked to them about it but they really don't think it's as bad as it is, and I'm being a drama queen. Seriously though, I've gotten to the point where I'm just ready to move. I know it might hurt my parents financially at the beginning, but after a while they'll adjust. They can always ask my sister to help out more! I have to just think about myself, because I don't think anyone else is. My mental health is in jeopardy, and I don't think this worry and stress and tension is how I'm supposed to live. Maybe this is the Lord's way of telling me it's time to go back out and stay out of the nest.

Oh, and this is an older sister. I'm the youngest of 4.

[kimberly]

Sibling rivalry goes way back to almost the beginning. It IS about jealousy, and since you are not rubbing your way of life in sister's face, you're not the one with the problem. She's unhappy in herself, and no-one, including you, can make her happy. She's angry, and needs someone to take it out on.
This is an emotional ride for you, though, I know. Your approach of prayer is the best one. Ask the Holy Spirit to woo her and draw her in- ask God for the perfect laborers to come into her life to speak healing and peace into her heart. She's broken and hurt in her heart, and who knows her better than God? You are so right to trust Him and His ways. Often, it's true that we the family members, are too close to the situation, and the sibling just won't listen to us.
Also, let this be your mantra: Psalm 19:14 . We're human and we get angry and say stuff- but words are so important. They create, and once they're out there, they can't be recalled.
I'm praying for you and sisters.
kimberly

[Zinnia]

Hi! It's been a few days since you first posted, just wondering how things are going. In reading your notes again, I felt very strongly that it is time to move on and away from your sister. I was in a situation for years where I felt that I had to take care of people and was verbally abused in the process. It's been close to a year since I got out of it and i am still recovering my health. Don't let the stress put you into a hole that takes a lot of time and work to get out of. Start the new year off with a new home for you!

I also live in Ohio. Northeast.

~K