connecting

[deepwaters]

Hello out there. This is my very first time here. I have recently come to the end of myself. I am so thankful that God does not show us everything that is wrong with us all at once. I am also thankful that he never stops showing us the sin in our lives so we can deal then heal. I am resolved to get my emotions under control. I have been wounded so deeply, and I have let anger and unforgiveness completely take over. I have not sought any kind of revenge, my solution? Sut down and write the person off who has inflicted the injury or disappointment. My attitude, all I need is God anyway, forget all of these immature, hurtful people. Sounds great, until you look around and you are all alone. You cannot deny the common denominator, me.

I am working through a book right now called, "Healing is a Choice". I am on Chapter two and I feel like I am going through a heart/spirit root canal. That book has lead me here. This is part of the work. I have to find people to connect to. I would go and find a church but we are Military and we will be relocating very soon. I also like the fact that I can be completely honest in here. I plan on finding a home church in our new location.

One testimony before I go, God used Chapter one to get my heart ready for a huge shock. One of the biggest perpetrators of my deepest wounds phoned, my father. Haven't spoken to him in about 5 years. My parents divorced when I was an adult and he disappeared from all of our lives. This was not the first rejection I have suffered at his hands. I never have had the courage to tell him that he had hurt me. Usually, I talk about nothing emotional, just hows the weather etc. This call was different, I felt the Holy Spirit give me the courage to say what needed to be said. I am hurt. His response was shocking....he apologized, and affirmed his deep love for me. He took responsiblity for the hurt and for the last 3 days he has been calling. My father is not saved, but I watched our merciful God perform a miracle through him and he heal a big part of my heart. I am not done yet. Unfortunately, I am still hurting from others in my life...but the encouragement I received from this experience is more then words can describe. When my father told me that he loved me, a flood of hurt was released. I cried from the most innermost parts of my soul. I could feel the deep walls just crumble around my heart and I responded like a little girl, " I love you so much daddy!" " I have missed you so , so much." Instantly, I was set free! I am so free! In an instant, I saw my father as a sinful, broken, human being regretting the pain he caused. I recognized that he was a train wreck before I was even born...I was just collateral damage. I saw his pain, and forgave him for hurting me. I am learning about what real forgiveness is all about.

[Zinnia]

Dear Deep,
Wow! Sounds like God has taken you on a journey lately. That book sounds great. Who wrote it? Praise God that your Dad called and apologized! That is incredible and could only be as a result of prayer. I'd love to hear what you experience as you read the rest of the chapters if you have come this far and only read chapter two! Keep us updated. Prayers to you!

~K