Anxiety and Grief

[Drowning in fear]

On July 7, it will be 6 years since my little daughter went home. My anxiety has increased to such a horrible level I'm not functioning well at all.

I'm dealing with a chronic problem that could get worse and kill me, BUT my anxiety has me thinking that the pill to treat it will kill me. And I'm just a wreck.

When my daughter died? The day before I prayed to God to take her home. So why am I such a horrible terribly fear of death? Like all the preaching and reading doesn't stop this fear. It's a horrible agonizing thing

I know God is there and I know heaven is there. So why do I doubt and why does this fear still rule me? Does that mean I don't truly believe and there is something 'wrong' with me? Wrong with my soul?

I just hurt. So bad and I miss my baby

[dema]

I'm so sorry. I lost a grandchild less than a year ago. The disbelief is intense and just doesn't seem to stop. They say denial is the first stage of grief - but mine still has not stopped.

I cannot imagine losing a child. I see the pain of my daughter and her family - I still cannot imagine the pain. It is beyond comprehension.

Fear? We all want control. God wants to have control. But we want it. And losing a child is the biggest loss of control I can imagine. If God would let that happen to you then what else might he let happen? This is the being that I have to trust my future to? This is the being in charge of eternity?

I think that is totally frightening - totally against all that your head can think. But God does know what is going on. And he is worthy of trust. He is the maker. And he is in control. He gave people free will and mankind has made a lot of bad choices. Jesus weeps when we hurt.

Feel free to PM me. I am so sorry for your loss. Forgive yourself for your fear. Otherwise you get into a snowball. There is a balance between faith and being human. And we do have to take care of ourselves as though we were taking care of someone else. Yes, you need to trust and you need to have faith - but balance that with being kind to you. It is difficult to know where the balance is when we are in it. Really difficult. But err on the side of giving yourself grace. God is love. Remember that. Jesus cries for you. Why would Jesus cry? What good does it do? Think on that. Hugs.

[Drowning in fear]

Dema - thank you so much. I really think that is a big part of it. Forgiving myself for my fear and doubt. Because God knows what I've been through and I do think some of the worries is normal.

[candc]

hello again. sorry to see that you are in so much pain. if we read your first post correctly, you have two wonderful childern who are with you now. can't say why the Lord took your child, but can tell you that the evil one will take advantage of you over it every time he gets a chance. just don't give him the chance.

[realtmg]

Drowning,
I agree with the responses above.
And........You are not alone!
Perfect love casteth out fear.
We serve a LIVING God.
He knows all! me....
Smile for me!.............

GBU Dear one.

Real