Bipolar.

[Uppy]

Hey everyone.

So I'm bipolar with rapid cycling, I have anxiety, probably some OCD, possible adhd (hard to tell with bipolar sometimes), Chiari Malformation ( something i had to have neck/head surgery for) and a whole lot of other as of now un known health problems.


The bipolar and anxiety is whats getting me though lately, I'm not on medication for it anymore because it has all eventually completely stopped working.

I was doing real well for awhile, especially when I moved out of my parents house...but lately things have been going down hill, fast.

and it doesn't help that my mother is always saying "did you take a valium today? you should have taking a valium before you left, or you wouldnt be getting so upset over things like this if you were on medication" and honestly, I can barely stand having to take birth control everyday to keep my ovarian cysts to go away. And I CAN NOT and WILL not take medication when its not doing anything. ( This may kind of turn into a rant sorry) Some of the medication i was on made me wayy to tired, others, made me soooooo much worse, one a couple caused deep depression, another one increased voices and haluccinations, and then another almost killed me. and ive been on wayy more meds that had tons more side effects, all of which eventually stopped working if they had ever even started to.


Now, I may lose my Disability check, because I may lose my case manager which would make me either have to switch my therapist so i could keep my doctor, and my doctor can't really keep me on if shes only prescribing medication that any doctor can give out.

I am stuck..between taking pills or keeping my check, which I can not afford to live without, i wouldnt be able to help with my half of the rent or do anything... I don't know what to do.........



Sorry I guess that was just kind of a rant because it's around 2:30 am and I'm a bit manic I think...So ya..any advice for my situation?

[mlg]

Sis I know you don't want to have to take pills to be able to get through the day to day...but I have had many encounters with bipolar in my family....and I know that the meds have been important to keeping my family members stable....I will keep you in prayer sis...

luv ya

[Mackenaw]

Hello Uppy

God bless you this day.

Wow, it's so great to see you and have you back here with us. Yeah!!!

I can understand how you'd want a listening ear, and maybe wanna vent a little. Course, you sorta blew my ears off -- but, I'll be okay. just kidding. Even your vents are gentle -- like your beautiful and gentle eyes.

Uppy, I'll lift you up in prayers to our Lord. We know He has the answers.
God's blessed will be done.

Again, so nice to see you, dear.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[Uppy]

Can't sleep.


Ohhh boy what a day. started out great. actually wasn't in too much physical pain ( i have neck problems) and decided that an outting to the action park about a mile away would be fun.


it was great until mom TEXTED me to tell me that Social Security has decided I am not disabled.

Well yayyyy now I have to appeal and do all this stupid stuff...its ridiculous.

There dr who helped them in there deciding i am not disabled did not see me long and basically only did memory tests...

The medication that made me tired...can't really remember which ones they were or how well they worked, just remember switching meds a lot due to the fact that i would get to the highest recommended dose or it would make me so tired that I would walk around looking and feeling like i was under some sort of drug influence. I'd rather be crazy then a zombie that basically has no feelings/ to drowsy to think.


I was looking online the other day for bipolar medications and side effects.

it is SOOOO frustrating/ overwhelming to look through a list (quite a big list in fact) of medication and realizing...ohhh, i've been on just about all of these at one point.


blahhhh. days just keep getting better and better.


theres this song that says "The months they don't matter, its the days I can't take, when the hours turn to minutes and I'm seconds away" Don't really know what the person who wrote this song was thinking when they wrote that or what they meant by it...but it totally seems to fit my feelings right now.

[mlg]

Hang in there sis...it's all gonna be ok....some days seem tougher than others but have joy in knowing God is still on His throne.

My prayers are rising for you. May you have a good day today.

luv ya

[Jesusgirl04]

Hi Uppy, I'm bi-polar as well.. With rapid cycling. I have had numerous problems as a result of being unmedicated. I too, changed meds frequently and many times stopped taking my meds when I felt better or denied I even was bi-polar. For a while I was angry at God for "making me bi-polar". After almost leaving my husband for the 800th time, we finally decided to get serious about my treatment. I researched the meds. One of the things that I had a hard time dealing with was the weight gain with the meds. I felt bad enough about myself without the added problems of being overweight. I found Topamax was an awesome mood stabilizer and I actually lost 40 pounds while taking it. I also take Wellbutrin for the depression. I have since been switched to Lamictal which is keeping me stable as well. One thing that my family and I did was keep a daily journal about observations about my moods, behavior, attitudes... The entries were never long but simple things like "was irritable today", "no problems". We all wrote in it and it was an excellent way to track behavioral patterns, stressors, etc. If i was upset about something, we talked out whether it was rational or irrational and I got to the point where I could quickly pinpoint if my upsets were real or imagined. The other thing I did was develop a healthy support system. This I could really talk to when things starte getting bad and eliminating or restricting contact with those who couldn't or wouldn't be supportive or who were unhealthy themselves. We traditionally expect our family to be supportive and in many cases this isn't so. So you even have to protect yourself on that front as well. I know that God has done great a d wonderful things in my life and I am even grateful for my condition because I know I can encourage others that we bi-polars can live healthy and rewarding lives. Blessings