It's the little things

[Chihirolee]

Hello, this is my first foray into Chrisitanity Oasis, and I really don't know where to start. But since I'm an societal oddity, I figured here would be the best place to start to begin telling a bit about myself...

I call myself an oddity because I'm only 22, but have been married over 2 years now. My husband is only 8 months younger.
We never formally dated, and actually around the time we started to get to know one another, I just broken off a relationship of 4 years and did not want to "seek" a relationship while in college. But he came along in one my classes and he was so strange that we became friends by the end of the semester, but we never talked outside of class. However, come summer time, we hung out all the time, because he was hsowing me a whole new world as a metal worker and traditional blacksmith. Plus, he lived on a farm, and the big city where my college was just not for me (I grew up in the country), so going to his was literally a breath of fresh air. Needless to say, our friendship kept on into his college foray starting that fall. I don't remember the day, but after he had graduated college and got a job, we just had a random discussion on getting married. I remember we both laughed at the idea since we both were still young and we never even went on a date. However, we decided we should marry, and that next fall we had our wedding. We were actually heavily discouraged from getting married because of our ages, and honestly that was extremely aggrivating for both of us.
Our first year was immensly difficult because I had an extremely hard life as a child (he knew about this) but I never expected how negatively my past affect me. I was immensly depressed, still in college, and my saddness and frustration really affected him. I was sick of counselers and our friends urged me to go to one, but I had to deal with them for over 7 years, and grew to really hate them. I don't think it helped that we lived in a college "married" apartment that was 20' x 40'...But we pulled through, and after graduation we found a house near his family and have since settled there.
Our second year wasn't nearly as hard as the first, but my husband went through quite an identity crisis, and went into a very deep depression. At that time, I just let my Biblical knowledge and own experiences rule my thoughts so I could be there as best as I could for him, even though there was fear he was done with me. But as spring rolled around, he was able to do what he loved again, and he got so much better. That summer became one of our best and busiest summers yet, and we are now into our third year. My husband still has negative thoughts from time to time but that's understandable. I am still struggling with my past but I'm not near as depressed and affected by the negativity as I was early on in our marriage. For both of us, looking at our marriage well into the future is depressing and daunting, but when we take it day by day things are much better for both of us. I am not sure how deep to go into all this, because there is a lot more to everything here. Our marriage is of friendship first, and that's really how we have been able to get through the hurdles we've had thus far. Plus, we felt more empowered by seeing those around whose marriages that were completely failing. I know it's a bit wrong to say that, but we have been so quick to pick up on other peoples' mistakes and why they weren't doing so well, and so far our problems haven't been based on what's making these marriages an uphill battle. It's hard to really describe how our problems differ, but we have yet to find any couple struggling the way we are. I don't know, I just try to take life day by day, and in my eyes, the little things really matter....I am not sure what else to say

[mlg]

Hello chihirolee, welcome to the Oasis! I've read your other post here in the forums as well as this one. I believe you are on your way to seeking the path of healing in your life....and that what you find is to be found in Truth and Love....and that Truth and Love is found in God....Keep searching....keep sharing....we are here for you.

Take care and God Bless