panic attack, anxiety, uncontrollable nagitive thoughts
I have been dealing with panic attacks/ uncontrollable shakiness, anxiety, stress for a long time now. It is ruining my life. It has gotten so bad, I can't even control my thoughts that are full of worry. Sometimes in my panic attacks, I can't even think about anything other than "panic!". Any time I am put on the spot, whether I'm being observed by my boss, being asked about my faith, having a personal meet, talking to specific people, talking about specific things, thinking about preaching the gospel, or even sharing my testimony, I can't seem to do any of it with peace. I don't know what to do or how to get in the habit of having positive thoughts. Its like I think I'm going to fail before I even do. Its really hurting my opportunity in life because I feel called to evangelism but when I even think about evangelizing, I panic. I can't even enjoy the good things in life the way I used to. I used to be so energetic and happy without a worry. Nothing interests me anymore and I feel like a zombie most of the time. I really have a problem with what people think about me and I don't even really know what I think about myself. I have to take some pain killers just to get me through the day, so that my mind doesn't run away from me. I am my own worst enemy and I don't know how I can beat my own thoughts about myself. Even when I want to say something in bible study I get nervous and I get really nervous to even just introduce myself in a big group. I read the bible and ask God to free me from all of this but something inside me can't let go.I have had bad past experiences in life and tend to focus on them. Even when I don't want to or try not to, I focus on the negative thoughts I have and the fails in my past. Like running through them over and over. I hope that I can one day live in peace and have the confidence I always wanted so that I can allow God to work through me without me getting in his way. I want to laugh a real laugh again without worry someday. I want to have the ability to focus on in the time I'm in now and not the future or past. I want to care for people and stop caring about what people think about me. Please pray for me.
I'll remind myself that God loves me despite anything I've done and even if everyone else in the entire world left me or didn't like me I have God and He really is all I need. That seems to help me with my past mistakes. Past abuse is something that needs to be dealt with. A counselor can help you stop when your mind wants to go to far and push you into anxiety over memories. Or I should say a counselor SHOULD help you to stop working through past abuse if you need to while helping you stop working on problems that cause you anxiety when you get over whelmed with them. The weed here is you made a mistake in the past. Pull it by not allowing yourself to think about it. Replace it with good thoughts of Gods love and grace and mercy. Or good things you have done or good things that have happened. Or good things you expect to happen.
Jesus not only can defeat the devil, HE HAS ! Where does Jesus live right now ? YES. He lives in us with his Holy Spirit. So.............because Jesus, yes GOD himself, lives in us with His Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit in us and Jesus (the living word) can defeat the enemy in our lives and will in very practical ways. So for me, my victory comes when I don't fight my anxious thoughts. Instead I just tell myself and God that I am powerless over my fears. I admit defeat (agree w da truth) but also admit (agree) that He has overcome my fears, he has defeated my foes, he has set me free. So I just agree w God that my enemy is too big but accept God's victory.