BlueBirds Journal #2
Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 11:07 pmWell, here I am again. Today I just have a few things I would like to share. First for those who read my resent post thank you for reading for those who responed thank you. Almost five months ago I came across this site and started the 14 day program and it went well. But I needed more because a lot of my problem was my sexual acts that I was committing and the porn thing was starting to take over. I joined this forum and I would write something from time to time and once in a while I would join the chat session on Monday nights. The problem is that the chat thing is something that is hard for me to do because I have such a hard time keeping up with what is going on. I am not a fast typer and I always seem to hit the wrong buttons and everything I write disappears. IT MAKES ME MAD! 
But my not writing lately is because 1. this forum went from private to public and 2 because I thought I had a handle on my situation.
I came to the conclusion that I don't care if someone reads my post and thinks I am a fool or thinks I am a wolf in sheeps clothing or I am a hipocrite. This site and this forum is suppose to help people and bring people closer to God and I belive that is happing here. Some times my mind can bring foolish thoughts around and it drives me crazy.
I also realize that I do not have a handle on my problem.
Before I came to this site I would get drunk and get that courage from the drink then I would adventure with the bisexual life style. The only time I could get myself to do this was when I was drunk. I also spent lots and lots on porn movies that I would watch fro a week or two then I would get bored with them so I tossed them in the trash and bought new ones.
As time went on I finally got sick of the bisexual life style, I just seem to lose interest but I kept the porn thing going because I could get for free on the net and not only that but the selection was so great. Here's the thing. I no longer paticapate in the bi sexual life and I am doing my best to stay sober but I still have that craving to masterbate. I think alot of that has to do with the fact that I have to much free time on my hands. (I am one of the unemployed). I don't know about any of you but I hate that guilty feeling when I give in to porn or any of my other addictions and I have been trying to use that for my good so that I will stay away from those things that heart my walk with God. I also use the other stuff I talked about in my other post. I still sometimes fall but I am still maturing and I need to have patience with God and keep in mind that He has my back and as long as I keep my eyes on Him I can over come these things in my life. To be honest, I don't know why I even got into the bi sexual life because I like women. Maybe it was because I was going through a I DON'T CARE FAZE in my life or maybe it was the drinking or maybe because of something that happened to me in my childhood years. I don't know but I do know this. God loves me, He has FORGIVEN ME and FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY PAST and I need to forget about it too and move forward because if I don't I will get know where and I want to be able to serve God with all my heart, mind , and soul. I want to hear the words "well done my faithful servant" when I get to heaven.
I don't know if this is still being said around here but this is something that I heard here and it is soooooooooo true. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION LET GO AND LET GOD
Gbu all
But my not writing lately is because 1. this forum went from private to public and 2 because I thought I had a handle on my situation.
I came to the conclusion that I don't care if someone reads my post and thinks I am a fool or thinks I am a wolf in sheeps clothing or I am a hipocrite. This site and this forum is suppose to help people and bring people closer to God and I belive that is happing here. Some times my mind can bring foolish thoughts around and it drives me crazy.
I also realize that I do not have a handle on my problem.
Before I came to this site I would get drunk and get that courage from the drink then I would adventure with the bisexual life style. The only time I could get myself to do this was when I was drunk. I also spent lots and lots on porn movies that I would watch fro a week or two then I would get bored with them so I tossed them in the trash and bought new ones.
As time went on I finally got sick of the bisexual life style, I just seem to lose interest but I kept the porn thing going because I could get for free on the net and not only that but the selection was so great. Here's the thing. I no longer paticapate in the bi sexual life and I am doing my best to stay sober but I still have that craving to masterbate. I think alot of that has to do with the fact that I have to much free time on my hands. (I am one of the unemployed). I don't know about any of you but I hate that guilty feeling when I give in to porn or any of my other addictions and I have been trying to use that for my good so that I will stay away from those things that heart my walk with God. I also use the other stuff I talked about in my other post. I still sometimes fall but I am still maturing and I need to have patience with God and keep in mind that He has my back and as long as I keep my eyes on Him I can over come these things in my life. To be honest, I don't know why I even got into the bi sexual life because I like women. Maybe it was because I was going through a I DON'T CARE FAZE in my life or maybe it was the drinking or maybe because of something that happened to me in my childhood years. I don't know but I do know this. God loves me, He has FORGIVEN ME and FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY PAST and I need to forget about it too and move forward because if I don't I will get know where and I want to be able to serve God with all my heart, mind , and soul. I want to hear the words "well done my faithful servant" when I get to heaven.
I don't know if this is still being said around here but this is something that I heard here and it is soooooooooo true. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION LET GO AND LET GOD
Gbu all
