Bisonfan again day 1
Yesterday I was released from the hospital because of severe suicide ideaation and being bioplar my meds were so screwed up it was unreal. I really did not want to go but friends encouraged me to go. So here I am still struggling with the problems of this world, I am so afraid that I will have to go back in again and relapse because this is the thrid trip in 2 years, there have been numerous er visits where no beds avialable and have lost two jobs because of mental illness. My heart is in so much pain and fear. I want to go back to God and rekindle the fire I once had but it feels that it is burned out. My goal is to come back to God and have a passion that runth over. I think one of the hardest things is that I am way to hard on myself and think I am not deserving of God's love. I am a christian but I wonder if God really would have done that all for me. I have begun praying and listening to christian music, and reading my bible so hopefully the actions become the passion.
I'm glad your home. I know that sometimes day to day life can get very difficult, but when times get hard, remember you have friends here who love you very much. Mental illness is very difficult to suffer through sis. Especially when the meds get messed up, and things seem to be spiralling around you. Just know that God is still on His throne, and He is watching and He wants to help you. He loves you so very much.