I have grieved the Holy Spirit.

I do daily! He is so good he forgives readily.
I know a woman who felt as you do.
Only she was going to loose her life because of her mistake, by the hands of humans who were just as sinful.
What did Jesus say to her?
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
John 8:3-11
They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
God bless and keep you.
My prayer is that you forgive yourself because Jesus has.

God loves you and so do I!