Hi John and welcome to the Oasis,
I wanted to assure you that you are not alone, I walk MANY of the same paths as you and those I am not on now I was on
I struggle with these things and others everyday but I continue to try becoming the man He created me to be.
It ain't easy when you have lived most of your life on the wild side BUT I have also learned that He is using that part of me as well, you see there are people that will come here or to you in the world that your experiences will touch IF YOU LET them, you may not even realize the Lord is using you, you see I get so down on myself and feel so worthless BUT most times I am not seeing how He is using it
You see I suffer from deppression anger and even angxiety (sorry for the spelling) I use to do drugs and drink even smoked cigarettes but the Lord is IN HIS timing removing these things one at a time, and I will wait on Him
When you stumble you have 2 choices lay there and feel sorry for yourself OR get up and tell satan GET BEHIND ME!!!!
I know it is not always easy BUT also remember God loves you ALL the time and UNCONDITIONALLY.....no exceptions!!
God bless you brother and I hope to hear more from you
Ps
Look through the studies here and the counseling pages they ARE AWESOME!!!
Cuc