Ella's Call

[EllaMay]

So I decided to start the many called few chosen study because I have gotten such great spiritual growth from the healing path! I thought I would start this one and I'm a little hung up on something. I feel as if I might be misunderstanding something. Does the few chosen mean that God does not choose every Christian or does it mean that not every Christian chooses to follow?
I know that since starting the healing path God has sort of "slipped out" in casual conversation! That's never happened before. I've never just mentioned it in passing, but lately in the past 14 days it's happened twice That's so unexpected and interesting I want more!
I'm hoping to really grow more and to take my time and to soak in the truth of each lessons. For this lesson it's all about choice and freewill. The extra free will study emphasizes that God allows us to choose to follow Him and we should do so with a willing heart. I want to be so willing and I want to be so helpful to Him! But I'm not going to lie I get intimidated by what people would think and I really want to stand out but I am afraid.
Ella

[dema]

Obviously God is working in your heart and working so that you can speak out. Listening to his guidance on this is so important. The fool speaks all his mind .... a wise man keeps it til afterwards.

A word well placed is much more valuable than trying to thrust your beliefs onto others. Be aware of the fear and praise God through it.

As far as the chosen thing - that is one of the deep and debated subjects of the church. Personally, I believe that God already knows. And so he basically chooses out of knowing already who chose out of free will. Is your head spinning? Well, many heads have spun over that question. No easy answer.

Hugs.

[EllaMay]

Dema,

Thank you for the insight. I guess that really is a head spinner! One day I hope to ask God, but for now I think I'll just trust where He leads... wherever that may be.

I know there are many many MANY things I would like to change about myself in order to become more like Jesus and that's going to be a long exciting journey !

I know what you mean about choosing words wisely and I need to remember and keep that in mind!

Thank you for the kind words and for answering my question!
Love,
Ella

[EllaMay]

Step 2 was all about some basic characteristic of being a Christ follower. Those included Love, Honesty, Trustworthiness, and determination. I think I would like to think that I am most of those things but often times when I really look at myself I realize I am not. As far as having a good attitude I used to pride myself in always having one, but lately I don't seem to be in the best of spirits and it really does affect everyone around me. The question is, Who am I? Am I trustworthy, honest, and all those good things? Honestly often times I do not live up to the standard that Jesus set... I mean if even looking at someone with lust is adultery then how much worse is everything else I do? How much worse are lies and mean words!

I may not be up to the standard but I want to strive to do my best with God's help and with God's grace :D

Ella

[EllaMay]

Step 3 this step really spoke to me about the clothing issue. I know I have struggled and still struggle with my clothing options. I personally believe that being sloppy is not a good representation of our Lord that is in us all, but I fall into the bad trends of the world and continue to struggle with it. I think it's crazy embarrassing when you need to have your boyfriend tell you "hey I don't think you should be wearing that" but I'm glad someone had the heart to tell me even if it hurts to hear. Now for about a year I have been trying my best to look nice and not too revealing. It is so easy to fall into the worlds ways and maybe the trick is to NEVER let your guard down. The seeds and weeds study really got to me. The devil can plant things without me knowing and I should pray that God remove weeds that I don't know about daily! Also it is always my choice.
Blessed day!
Ella

[EllaMay]

Step 4- Today's lesson was all about peer pressure and how we conform to the worldly ways. What really stuck out to me is that we cannot judge others and that God puts what is right or wrong in our own hearts. Also it really got to me in one of the studies where it talked about doing things eventually out of love for God and not fear of punishment. If I was honest with myself I'm not avoiding fornication out of love for God but out of fear of consequences. If I was honest I would say I honestly don't know what it means to do it out of love for God and not please others and live up to their expectations. As awful as this sounds if God wasn't part of the equation I would still do it to please everyone around me. I pray that through this course and this time in my life God will begin to show me what it means to do things from a place of love and I pray He will give me the strength to go against others if that is what He wants of me.
Love,
Ella

[EllaMay]

Today I'll need to go through and look at myself and ask God what His calling is for me. I know for now He wants me to be content with my situation and just draw nearer to Him. It gets hard I really want to live in the city. I miss working, being with friends, and going to church. I am praying for another option to present itself for me. I really can't take this much longer! I'm such a city girl, but I'm also a workaholic and I'm afraid maybe dumping me in the middle of the woods was the only way for God to make me take the time to draw closer. I still miss it though. Especially church
Ella

[EllaMay]

Step 6- I actually got on my knees and asked God if He has orddained me for anything. But to be honest I don't believe I am. I suffer from pride and it seems every person annointed in the Bible was humble and didn't feel worthy of such a calling. Well I don't feel worthy because I am too prideful and I don't see how God would want someone like that representing and leading His lost sheep. Instead I will continue to work on my pride and maybe one day He will have an ordinance for me
...is ordinance the right word? I'm gonna stick with it
Love and Blessings,
Ella
P.S. I have noticed that I am less stressed and a little bit more able to trust God with what's going on... Just a little but it's progress!!!

[EllaMay]

Step 7- I have so much alone time it is crazy! I'm so excited to start to know the Holy Spirit better. We all need a best friend and I can't wait till I build a relationship with the holy spirit! I just noticed on the days that I did say good morning to the holy spirit my day really was better! I'm so uplifted from this study and so happy God has led me to this wonderful site!
Felling so so blessed right now!
Ella

[EllaMay]

Today's step is all about spiritual gifts and that we as Christians need to use them and contribute to the body of Christ. All I can seem to think about is how I just cannot say no. My mom asked me if I would take care of the baby when she went back to work and last time I wanted to leave she said me being selfish and wanting to start my life is wrong and that I need to put others first. Today I got off the phone with the girl who was supposed to be my roommate and told her I couldn't go. What originally I had thought would be a few months of babysitting has turned into possibly 6 months! I know I need to suck it up and sacrifice, but when is my life going to being! I know Lord I really want to be there and help out and I know my family needs me, but I had a roommate I could have stayed with! I have another one who is looking too! I don't want to be a mom to the decision that someone else made to have a kid. I love my baby brother he is a sweetheart, but it was their decision to have it and their greed they have to work for not mine. I have my business moving along well now and I've got friends on here, but I really wanted to move. I know my boyfriend is planning on proposing soon and I don't want to say yes just so I can escape my home! I don't want to help anyone anymore. I don't even want to sing I've been so sad. I wish I could have a hug. I wish I could just have some help through this and I wish I could have said yes to that roommate.

Being nice is making me sad and making me want to run away from my problems. Being nice is making me bitter.
Ella

[EllaMay]

Today was all about judging people. The Bible says not to judge others who may not know the TRUTH. Should we judge our fellow Christians when they are doing wrong? I'm not sure, but I don't think so. I've accepted my situation and hope that things work out well in the end. Whatever that may mean. God is in control and I'm willing to sacrifice my time and life in order to help someone else. I pray that eventually (soon!) I will get out of this situation and get to live my own life.
Ella

[EllaMay]

Tell someone about God's grace? Oh wow well I only talk to a total of two people a day so I'll tell my boyfriend and hopefully encourage him. I couldn't help thinking that before I found this site I felt so confused and lost and condemned. The people closest to me made me feel worthless and like heaven wasn't an option for me. I knew what I did was wrong and yet I still continued in sin. Then I stopped and got into it again! They convinced me that since they had done it before they were saved that I would be judged more because I knew exactly what I was doing and I was a strong Christian when I sinned so much. Maybe they are right, but if I ever get a chance to feed truth to God's sheep I don't think I'll included that. If there's something God says I have to say that's on my heart then I'll say it. I'll try to gently lead them back to the path because to be honest I almost lost it. I was withering away and it was so tough that I would never wish that on anyone. Not even my worst mortal enemy least of all any of God's children. It is not my place to say God will judge someone more than myself. I am not the judger of souls or people and if I ever stumble I ask God to gently rebuke me and set me straight. You never know what God is doing in someone's heart. If it wasn't for this site I don't know when I would have recovered. In so short a time I began to love myself again and accept that I did sin and that I was redeemed! That I was saved. That my heavenly Father took the time to personally help me through this site and all the amazing people I have met. That my Father still loves me even after I have sinned. Even while I continued to live in sin knowing it was wrong. Lord I ask that next time I sin and need rebuking (and I'm sure there will come a time) you send good loving people into my life. I pray that you can help me completely forgive the people closest to me who hurt me during this time.
In your name I pray,
Ella