Day 3 of MCFC Two by Two

[loveiskind]

Surprisingly, I had a lot to write about this step this time. Parts of it were hard on me, though.

Clothing--I have never been one of the fashion-trend followers. I don't like clothes that show off parts of your body. I don't know if it's because of my past abuse, but I have never been comfortable when guys notice me.

I love the bit about being YOU-nique. I admit, I used to try to impress others, but now, I just want to learn to love myself, and want to take care of the temple of the Holy Spirit.

I've been working on planting new SEEDS and pulling up WEEDS. I will admit I have done some of the things mentioned in the Seeds & Weeds study, and although I have repented of them, I am still ashamed that I did them. However, I'm glad to say that I have not wanted to do those things in a long while. I do have other things, such as fear and worry, that I need and want to work on.

Since I began counseling in June of 2006 (right after my 40th birthday), one of my goals has been to renew my mind. Counseling has helped, but the programs, studies, and people here at Oasis have been an incredible help. What a way to supplement the counseling!

Before I was diagnosed with depression, I was so down for over 2 years. At home, I had to pretend everything was okay, to the point of holding my emotions in. When I'd go to church or something, my emotions would come flooding out. I'd start crying and not be able to stop. Friends would ask what was wrong, and I wouldn't be able to tell them; I honestly didn't know what was wrong. At one point, I finally asked my primary doctor (at the time) if he would prescribe antidepressants for me, because I felt I needed them. Since I was there for a sinus infection, he said "Let's treat one thing at a time." He didn't even ask why I felt I needed them. The next month, I had an appointment with my gynecologist, who's female. By the time she walked in the examining room, I was crying. She asked what was wrong and how long that had been going on, and I told her--I even told her about the other doctor not giving me anything. Right away, she said she was prescribing some antidepressants for me. It took a while to get the right medicine for me, and the right dosage. Funny thing--since then, the other doctor would act angry with me whenever he'd see me. After a while, I had my gyn refer me to another primary doctor, who is great. He doesn't mind when I see another doctor for something; he always asks if I need refills on any of my medicines, and if I ask him to try something that a friend suggested for my health, he's willing to do it. Plus, he has a great sense of humor.

I can't help feeling that my health problems today--chest pains, back pains, ear problems, etc., are a result of the emotional problems then.

[dubya]

awesome Loveiskind, you are doing great and growing

[mlg]

Love is kind, thank you for being such a caring partner. Now I'm so glad to see you make a beautiful garden. I see you pulling weeds, planting seeds, and being YOU! Keep striving and we will do this together. I couldn't have asked for a better partner, God knew I would need you to do these steps with.

luv ya

[Mackenaw]

Hello Loveiskind,

I love you, dear sister.

God bless you,
Mack