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WHY
ME, GOD 
By Criss Tina
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God, It's just me
What did I do
What could this be
I have not a clue
You took his life
We're left alone
No more his wife
Cold as a stone
My childhood dreams
Did not come true
Left with only screams
I am so blue
It's
just me and our child
Till death do us part
This path is too wild
You've broken my heart
A
bitterness clouds my mind
She was two, when we watched him go
Our child is so pure ... One of a kind
How was I supposed to know
It's said, your truth is like a candle
That looks within our soul
you wont give more than we can handle
My heart feels
black as coal
I think you've confused me with another
I'm not that strong ... I'm meek
I want to be a real good mother
But, I feel so very weak
As I
look back with tears
I recall the unexpected fire
Our home gone and new fears
Because of an electrical wire
That
was ten days before he died
We were totally broke
Every night I cried
On fear, I began to choke
Then
arrived that fateful Day
We all went for a swim
He tried to swim all the way
But now, there's no more him
There was nothing I could do
But watch him, as he drowned
I was calling out to you
But, you were not around
Frightened and all alone
Because of fears and doubt
Heart, hardened like stone
What is the right route
Homeless, we began to walk
We truly had no choice
I heard the whisperer's talk
I now hear, a new voice
One
of anger and of pride
It Told me what to do
Since my love had died
My choices, they were few
No
family here, no friend
Anger began to grow
My heart could not defend
Why me ... I did not know
I
kept this deep inside
As my child, I did care for
I lost me, on this ride
And entered man's world door
I became my lil girls' Mom
Others puppet on a string
I felt like a ticking bomb
The pain began to sting
A
fantasy world began to sprout
While, I hid from the world
I would fade in and out
While my head just twirled
I
did this for six years
Hiding my emotions from view
I blamed myself in tears
Of what I failed to do
I
needed no one else but me
And that included you God
I was blinded by anger, you see
It was just one big fraud
To
try and fill my empty heart
I turned to men at night
But, when it was over, we would part
With the morning light
I
would walk through any store
With my head held low
Not being noticed anymore
Just your average Joe
Loneliness was my best friend
Besides my lil girl
My heart, to her I did lend
My oyster's, greatest pearl
We
went to shop for a gift
The lady there was kind
My spirits she did uplift
Her kindness eased my mind
She gave my daughter a balloon
At first I was scared
But I found out very soon
It was because she truly cared
I worked at my daughters school
I even tried to diet
To become somebody's fool
I now find it a riot
I
was trying to get attention
As I knew it not before
I did things I will not mention
I felt lower than the floor
It
was at my lowest point
That I now know You did hear
A friend You did appoint
Which would prove to be so dear
She offered me some work
At first I just said no
My heart strings, she did jerk
I finally said ... Guess so
She
told me she would train
And that I would be fine
I thought I was insane
To think this job was mine
I
got scared around others
And now I'm going to sell
Treat customers like brothers
I thought it would be Hell
At
first, I was so scared
Everyone was my foe
Upon them I just glared
I wanted them to just Go
But
as time passed
I began to feel at peace
Time passed so fast
My fears, they did cease
My
boss invited me to Church
I was still mad at You
My soul I decided to search
And find out what was true
I
was accepted there for who I was
Not for who I'm not
They were nice to me just because
I liked it there a Lot
The
next two years passed
My wounds began to heal
I learned the truth fast
The lies were not real
It was never my fault
For the death of my love
The reason is in a vault
Of my Father up above
Free
from most past fears
Though, I still have bad days
There's a new kind of tears
The tears of love and Praise
Many
times we're tested
To see what we will do
To see if we are bested
Or seek that which is true
I
now have a group of pals
that You have had me meet
Just a bunch of guys and gals
But they are pretty neat
Things are so much better
Though, I still miss my love
But reading Your love letter
I know he is above
The letter of which I speak
Is called the Holy Bible
I now know the truth
And know I am not liable
I
believe you have a plan
I now know this is true
And when it is all over
I'll be home with you
Your lil girl

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