WHY ME, GOD

God, It's just me
What did I do
What could this be
I have not a clue

You took his life
 We're left alone
No more his wife
 Cold as a stone

My childhood dreams
Did not come true
Left with only screams
I am so blue

 It's just me and our child
Till death do us part 
 This path is too wild
You've broken my heart

A bitterness clouds my mind
She was two, when we watched him go
Our child is so pure ... One of a kind
How was I supposed to know

It's said, your truth is like a candle
That looks within our soul
 you wont give more than we can handle
My heart feels black as coal

I think you've confused me with another
I'm not that strong ... I'm meek
I want to be a real good mother
But, I feel so very weak

As I look back with tears
I recall the unexpected fire
Our home gone and new fears
Because of an electrical wire

That was ten days before he died
We were totally broke
Every night I cried
On fear, I began to choke

Then arrived that fateful Day
We all went for a swim
He tried to swim all the way
But now, there's no more him

There was nothing I could do
But watch him, as he drowned
I was calling out to you
But, you were not around

Frightened and all alone
Because of fears and doubt
Heart, hardened like stone
What is the right route

Homeless, we began to walk
We truly had no choice
I heard the whisperer's talk
I now hear, a new voice

One of anger and of pride
It Told me what to do
Since my love had died
My choices, they were few

No family here, no friend
Anger began to grow
My heart could not defend
 Why me ... I did not know

I kept this deep inside
As my child, I did care for
 I lost me, on this ride
And entered man's world door



I became my lil girls' Mom
Others puppet on a string
I felt like a ticking bomb
The pain began to sting

A fantasy world began to sprout
While, I hid from the world
I would fade in and out
While my head just twirled

I did this for six years
Hiding my emotions from view
I blamed myself in tears
Of what I failed to do

I needed no one else but me
And that included you God
I was blinded by anger, you see
It was just one big fraud

To try and fill my empty heart
I turned to men at night
But, when it was over, we would part
With the morning light

 

 I would walk through any store
With my head held low
Not being noticed anymore
Just your average Joe

Loneliness was my best friend
Besides my lil girl
My heart, to her I did lend
My oyster's, greatest pearl

We went to shop for a gift
The lady there was kind
My spirits she did uplift
Her kindness eased my mind

 

\

She gave my daughter a balloon
At first I was scared
But I found out very soon
It was because she truly cared

I worked at my daughters school
 I even tried to diet
To become somebody's fool
I now find it a riot

I was trying to get attention
As I knew it not before
I did things I will not mention
I felt lower than the floor

It was at my lowest point
That I now know You did hear
A friend You did appoint
Which would prove to be so dear

She offered me some work
At first I just said no
 My heart strings, she did jerk
I finally said ... Guess so

She told me she would train
And that I would be fine
I thought I was insane
To think this job was mine

I got scared around others
And now I'm going to sell
Treat customers like brothers
I thought it would be Hell
 

At first, I was so scared
Everyone was my foe
Upon them I just glared
I wanted them to just Go

But as time passed
I began to feel at peace
Time passed so fast
My fears, they did cease

My boss invited me to Church
I was still mad at You
My soul I decided to search
 And find out what was true

I was accepted there for who I was
Not for who I'm not
 They were nice to me just because
I liked it there a Lot

The next two years passed
My wounds began to heal
I learned the truth fast
The lies were not real

 

It was never my fault
For the death of my love
The reason is in a vault
Of my Father up above

Free from most past fears
Though, I still have bad days
There's a new kind of tears
The tears of love and Praise

Many times we're tested
To see what we will do
To see if we are bested
Or seek that which is true

 

I now have a group of pals
that You have had me meet
Just a bunch of guys and gals
But they are pretty neat

 

Things are so much better
Though, I still miss my love
But reading Your love letter
I know he is above
 

The letter of which I speak
Is called the Holy Bible
I now know the truth
And know I am not liable

I believe you have a plan
I now know this is true
And when it is all over
I'll be home with you

  Your lil girl