Something about the writer...

The writer is a pastor with 55 years experience in all aspects and branches of the church. It is his desire to help the unfortunates caught up in the saga of sexual sin particularly adultery, fornication, divorce and remarriage.

The writer is also an avid theologian, as well as a pastor of some standing. He is Evangelical in that he believes in the fundamentals of the faith and practices the same. "Being one with the brethren in the service of the Gospel."

There is a great need to view this subject from the point of view of the findings in the word of God about grace. How much grace we still need, when reprehension grips us as we look at these detestable sins in the church.

The Law, unyielding and relentless in pointing every man to a lost eternity, must bow to Grace as a central theme in God's heart. "Where once I was blind, now I see!" However I may view my performance in life as a Christian, it fades into insignificance when faced with The Law! How terrible is its scope! It banished me with a look; it savagely detested my attempts at righteousness! It scorned my religion of self-works!

‘Only by grace are we saved’, is the motto we should adopt for all of our lives. Grace to be saved; grace to live right before God; grace to forgive our sins and our iniquities; grace to oversee us when we do things in our own way; grace to meet our needs; grace to find us when we are slack and becoming worldly; grace in sickness and in dire need; grace which calls us home to Glory in the victory of Christ. Oh, and let us not forget - Grace to forgive others when they sin against us; Grace to repent and to forgive ourselves! THANK GOD FOR GRACE.

 
 

Preface

This subject has been written about - many times, by various writers - yet all of them have been very vague as to the necessary and clear instruction from God's word concerning repair of the spiritual damage caused by the sin of adultery. It needs dealing with.

The writers of books on Adultery and Re-Marriage, do not seem to want to be on the side of, or to be helpful to, the adulterers. They rather side with the local churches and what appear to be denominationally-motivated Overseers.

Indeed, such reasoning is shown very plainly in the Elim Divorce and Re-Marriage Committee Manual. After deep research into the subject, the book ends with uncertainties concerning the raising-up of a fallen pastor. In short they did not go far enough to restore the fallen pastor, all the way to the restoration of his ministry.

Their ruling is this: Pastors, or any members, who have been guilty of sexual sin, such as adultery, may be allowed back into the Movement (after full restoration of course). Or, any members who had been found in this position. Fine! Then comes the body-blow to the whole principle of forgiveness after repentance.

The ’small print’ insists on another view: if a pastor wishes to return to his ministry within the Movement, having gone through all the disciplines imposed upon him, he, nevertheless, realistically, is restricted by the opinions of the local church, who might consider his suitability for a pastorate. The Elim Movement would obviously tell the local church of this pastor's previous demise. Who is going to allow him a pastorate after that knowledge is revealed?

It becomes a no-go situation for this poor pastor, who has repented truly and is yet barred from his calling. He will have to try again in other local churches to find one prepared to give him an opportunity to prove his ministry again! How will he be able to surge forward, with this revealed knowledge about him firmly in the local church elders' heads, hearts and hands?

Yet, brethren appointed to the task of writing of such a book, in reality, offer no final end-product to back-up the ‘green light’ they have taken great pains to show is available to the previously fallen pastor. It remains practically impossible to re-admit any minister back into fellowship with a local church. Who’s going to open the congregation to a pastor who had fallen?

Admittedly, sexual sin in the local church causes havoc and strife, but isn't there room for grace? Even this sin can be forgiven. Can we not ‘keep the door open’ for brethren who, hopefully, will come to their senses and repent? (After all, this is what scripture tells us). We should be there for such men who fall! Are we not in a battle with principalities? A wounded soldier needs help!

This book contains a useful biography, necessary to clarify much that has been studied in the exegesis by the Elim Movement. The fact remains that adultery is a vile sin firmly condemned by the word of God, and therefore it must be judged as such by a local church where the sin has been perpetrated. Any other conclusion than this is untenable.

I hope that what has written here is a very easy-reading book of absolute truth and logic, for readers who want to see how the local church should act and react, when trouble arises in the matter of adultery amongst its members.

The book is written for us to realise that we, likewise, are all sinners every day, and we all need the cleansing blood of Jesus to wash our sins away. Jesus said: "Let him that is without sin cast the first stone!" We all need saving grace in our own lives.

It is the intention of this writer to show, through the scriptures, The triumph of Grace over The Law, and that there is clear judgment upon the sin of adultery. But I also want to show that, under Grace, it is necessary for the Church to help forgive and restore the willingly repentant adulterers, whose sin is perpetrated in this manner, and which has come before the church for judgment.

We are supposing that a couple is regretting their transgression of The Law of God. If and when Christians who sinned in this manner come seeking direction, and are prepared to fully repent, let it not be the sin of the Oversight to deny them forgiveness.

What did Jesus say about the measure of forgiveness we ought to show? See Matt. 18 v 22: "Seventy times seven!" This is the Lord's yardstick when folks repent.

Eventually, when the tears of repentance are shed and righteousness prevails in the situation, it is right and proper in the sight of God that true forgiveness should be a spiritual action we cannot afford to skimp on! It is a matter of Grace vs The Law.

I have found in life that as I treat others with respect and graciousness, so it becomes easier to forgive others. It is a sadness of mine when I find, to my dismay, that comparatively few folks have a ready-to-forgive spirit.

It is sure that God forgives, and it should be the case that Christians forgive folks whom they have had acquaintance with, who have sinned perhaps against others. Even more so, those who cause direct harm to a person. Forgiveness is a wonderful quality. May we all exercise this wonderful, godly, quality. It is a mandatory obligation on our part as Christians to forgive, because Christ forgave us! Therefore, our responses are vital as to our proof of spiritual life. We forgive, for the Lord’s sake, and we strive to forgive for our own sakes! (See the actual scriptural definitions of forgiveness).

Those not affected by the sins of others, of course, are not called upon to forgive, but, rather, to accept forgiven adulterers on the recommendation of the oversight of the church, when their judgment is scriptural.

The idea here is that when the pastor and elders have forgiven a person, in scriptural manner, it follows that the church members should also accept the judgment upon the adulterers. Preferably, members should not treat the forgiven adulterers any differently from other members of the local church who sin. Treating others as you would like to be treated.

 
 

Law versus Grace

Introduction

As I have written in the preface, the subject has been treated vaguely by writers on the subject, for various reasons:

(1) Some consider the subject too difficult to deal with, for when dealing with adulterers in the right way, some folk in the congregation - and indeed amongst the Christian media - will be very often offended and even outraged. Some members would leave the church if too much leniency were afforded to the offending adulterers. These refuse to show compassion towards others who have sinned badly, but who now wish to be reconciled to the Lord and to His Church.

(2) A writer might be over-lenient as to the adulterer's case, and churches would not agree with such leniency. Therefore, the Christian establishment would not give credence to the writer of such a book. Writers are very unwilling to be on the side of repentant adulterers, Christians or otherwise.

3. Dealing with the adulterers means confronting the seamier side of human nature, our flesh. The couple involved in the sin of adultery, called upon to answer the charge of adultery, must be given full privacy by the elders and the pastor of the local church.

4. Confidentiality. That is, of course, if the adulterers have been willing to make full confession before the elders of the local church. The alternative should not be contemplated, because they will be openly exposed before all the church. Yes, all the dirty laundry of the affair.

It is regretable that when perpetrators of the sin of adultery will not reveal all the facts of their sordid relationship, that the case must be heard publicly before all the church. Grace will need to prevail in these situations, as well as sound judgment.

The obvious reason for this is to protect the unity of the Fellowship. It is also necessary to protect the repentant adulterers. Grace, to my knowledge, under such conditions, is the answer to unyielding Law. When we are willing to confess all our sin, our God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

The Stubbornness of the Law-Demanders

A writer of a book dealing openly with Grace over The Law, could be reviled by his own congregation. Possibly, it might cause an exodus of some of the members, because Grace is just simply not taught anymore - at least not as doctrine. Yet, Grace, to the true Church of God, is everything. "By grace are ye saved, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God." Are we not God’s elect?

Many congregations would treat adulterers as lepers, to be cast-out, to be ostracised, without any Christian counsel and love. Who is going to help such a sad man or woman to have the confidence again to serve the Lord?

What chance would they have of finding another local church where they can be nurtured in the things of God? They will desperately need fellowship. Even if they are cast-out after refusing counsel, they will be very bruised and hurt by it all. Inwardly they would want the church’s care and friendship, which is now denied them.

I don’t think it is a case of not showing remorse, but much rather that they just cannot give each other up. Their sin is that they should never have fallen in love as two adulterers in the first place. Having done so, they are confused, unable to give each other up, and the church they love has turned against them.

Like Adam and Eve they are banished from the Garden of Privilege in the church and are left quite on their own.

Of course, there are couples who have no conscience about adultery because they are not saved at all. It is crucial that Oversights do know their members as faithful servants of the Lord, so that something practical can be done – eventually – for these folks when they fall off cloud nine. The dreadful thing about this so-called ‘love’ is that there is no conscience, no conviction of their sin, and they will reason their situations out to the last. Even the most loyal of members have fallen this way.

Only in the event of such a couple defiantly opposing any scriptural disciplines invoked upon them, should there be cause for the sad pair to be banned from the Fellowship until they fully repent. This might mean for always. The Church has to be prepared for this eventuality.

The weight of the matter should not be overdone by some churches. We have to adopt the stance, ”there go I but for the grace of God.” It is so obvious that this sin is a sin common to man.

I guarantee that if a young female in the church was a good-looking woman and a very handsome young man came on the scene to tempt her, then it is more than possible that she could, similarly, be tempted, even as the unfortunate adulterers were. WE ARE DESPERATELY HUMAN. Only by the grace of God we are what we are.

The whole point is clear: human nature is very vulnerable to these affairs flaring up. Therefore we have to be a lot more understanding about them. Of course, we need to be strictly scriptural, but with that understanding in mind:“There go I but for the grace of God!

The ‘Innocent Party’

Very often it will be the case that the innocent party, who is also a member of that local church, will be too broken to face an elders' meeting. Also, the innocent partner might eventually become very malevolent towards the guilty pair, to the extent that it would be impossible for both parties to co-exist in the same fellowship.

Can it be said that the aggrieved innocent party (or parties, as the case may be) is innocent in the sense of being sinless? Motives are hidden deep in the heart of man. "The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked ABOVE ALL THINGS - AND WHO CAN KNOW IT?" Very often, over the years, I have found that the rancour in the so-called ‘innocent party’ corner can be foul and unspiritual to say the least.

Jealous; incensed; the desire to get-even with the partner in the legal marriage who had so badly sinned, and who has been found out. A hellish atmosphere is produced and the result is predictable. How innocent, then, are the innocent parties? Yet, who would dare challenge her or him?

Why do we grovel to the innocent partner’s bitterness of spirit? Don’t they also need counsel? It is rare to find an innocent partner to be humble and sorrowful and pliable in the hand of God in this situation. Instead, there lies within these folks enormously mixed feelings of great hurt, sorrow, grief, disbelief, that the guilty partner has brought about this dreadful betrayal.

However, it is true that other feelings come into the equation, which bring the innocent partner to anger, to get back at the guilty partner, and, eventually, hatred takes over. The hatred comes as a form of jealousy that her husband, in the case of the wife, has bowed to the advances of another woman. The same attitude also goes for the husband who has been betrayed in this manner. 

Yet, an attitude of humility is the only way to find God’s will in the whole saga. It could well turn out that the guilty partner may come back into this atmosphere of real love from the wounded partner. He will find it easier to say no to the partner he had sinned with.

Excommunication?

Possibly – but only in the case of an heretic, such as adjudged by John Calvin. Servatus was hounded by Calvin and brought to trial. The judgment imposed was out of Calvin's hands and the penalty for heresy was death - in the most cruel of ways. Servatus died in absolute agony of body and soul! Burnt at the stake.

Who has the right to excommunicate a brother or a sister? Only The Church of Rome uses such a term. Consider the argument for ex-communication: When a couple marry, they enter into a contract. They become married to each other, married to the Church of Rome, and also married to Christ.

 

It follows. Then, that in accord with Romanist thinking, if a couple wish to divorce, the contract of marriage in their eyes would forbid it. In the eyes of this Roman Church, the offending adulterers would be denied communion, denied access to all grace, and also denied fellowship with God.

The thinking is this: a marriage broken also breaks the covenant between God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost. Something terribly wrong here. The Law prevailing; the Roman dogma also prevails. Here is where the word ‘excommunication’ comes from – the Roman Catholic Church.

 

Yet it is also true that the Protestant Church must deal with this type of sin by the eventual putting-out of the Church the offending brother or sister. If no repentance is found in them, who, despite being found out and adjudged guilty of such an offence of adultery, try to make evil good, and thereby maintain an outward show of self- righteousness before the whole church… such must be ejected from the church.

God's grace aboundeth more? Unfortunately, this seed of Romanism has passed into the Protestant Church, and is the big reason why churches throw out erring Christians for sins like adultery. We must give such folks our best compassion and practical help. We should not throw such folks out forever, but we should always offer them hope of reconciliation when they cease from their sin.

When challenged, illicit love hurts. Feelings are very real, therefore we must deal with these very real people with a very real problem. Love blinds these folks so much, that they cannot see the wood for the trees. They are not heretics; they are not criminals or vagabonds. They are (assuming the relationship is not just about lust) in love - rightly or wrongly - and they need loving help from loving people, who are gentle and firm in the way of the scriptures.

The Church must try to establish, by discernment of spirit, whether love alone is blinding such folks, or simply plain lust. Tragically it will be many a day before one or other of the party recognizes that she or he has been, and is, an item of lust! The break-up will be inevitable.

 

We must not read out to them the riot act without first addressing them with much more feeling than church protocol allows. Even democracy has its fair side. It is the attempt to use theocracy against the accused that is reprehensible. We are dealing with real people involved in a much bigger saga than intelligence allows, and it can include pastors as well as church members. Folks do not realise what drives them until it is too late. We fight against principalities and powers, who work on our feelings and weaknesses.

Years later - many years later - a fallen pastor might say, regretfully, “if only I had not looked at her, then I might not have fallen so dreadfully. I have lost my ministry and my wife. I am, of all men, most miserable.”

The local church would have to be seen to be on the side of the innocent party under these conditions. But there is always a possibility that the Oversight will err too much on the side of the wounded party, when they fail to discover the evil of strife breeding great danger in the innocent party’s camp.

Is it any use for the Oversight to be counseling the guilty partners if the innocent partners have long since decided to fight their way through every vestige of sanity left to them, thus making it impossible for the Oversight to reconcile the legal couple? This area must be looked into first before tackling the whole business to hand.

 

The harmony of the local church is paramount. The fact that the guilty parties will not be able to co-exist in normal harmony in the local church, is more probable than not. No forgiveness from the fellowship, and no way back again into the fellowship.

This is why the local church must work together to bring about an atmosphere where the miracle of restoration may come to pass – that is assuming that the guilty pair have seen the error of their ways, and are ready to go back to their legal partners.

Of course the spiritual innocent party would not be unhappy with this state of affairs. He/she would feel vindicated and relieved to have the guilty partner back. I wish all cases were that simple. I have found that, generally, the innocent partners want to get their own back and, consequently, they worsen the situation. Certainly such folks get a lot of people sympathising with them. All of them make sure the conversations are one-way traffic! 

 

The Rejected Guilty Partner

Under these difficult conditions it is much better for the guilty partner who has repented and who is forgiven of God, yet who has been rejected by the innocent partner, to start all over again in another fellowship. As for the aggrieved partner, the broken heart needs to be channelled into a spiritual pathway, even if that partner cannot accept the guilty partner back again.

It also is my experience that love does work, in some cases, as the innocent partner determines to forgive her guilty partner in a gesture of love for Christ. She or he will be much better suited to fellowship with the local church in the blessing of God under the terms of Grace for the innocent party.

It may be that the innocent party can forgive his/her erring partner, but as for forgiving the other guilty party in the scenario, it may be beyond the innocent party's ability. In this case, the co-respondents should be counseled and encouraged, even if they are repentant, to leave the fellowship - for unity's sake. We are all so terribly human and thus vulnerable to the enemy’s attacks in the wake of this mayhem in the local church, caused by the adulterous pair.

Human compassion has its limits. Besides, it is a lot to expect of anyone. Grace, to them, will need to be prayed about, so that they will be able to forgive, and allow the offence to be left with the Lord. Again, it may be better that the offending party finds fellowship elsewhere and, by compliance, he will show understanding conerning the sensitivity of the situation. Time is a great healer.

None of us is above being tempted! In fact, in many places around the world, where those who people have been fiercely judgmental over another's adultery, those same people have found themselves in a similar position months, or even years, later.

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone," Jesus said. Sin not only happens with all of us, but many sins escalate - and this is one of them. The sin is so conceived in the mind and brought into the reality of sexual sin. Truly, “the heart is deceitful and wicked above all things, and who can know it."

I remember well a situation where a couple went into a local church and, after the first meeting, they stayed behind to confide in the pastor and his wife about their adulterous relationship.

When the couple returned home the ‘phone rang. It was the pastor they had sought counsel from, and whom they had seen just a short while before. This pastor tore into them so much they were devastated and damaged by this verbal assault.

There was no constructive counsel, no love, no place to go, and no help whatsoever. They were simply cast off from fellowship in that church – period. Here is a classic description of excommunication in a Protestant church.

Churches Should Not Use The Word ‘Excommunication’

Where there is an opportunity, there is hope of reconciliation. This is grace.

It transpired that this same condemning pastor and his wife broke up some time later because of adultery. They are no longer married. How careful we must all be when judging others.

Necessarily, there must be discernment and insight into the whole episode, not allowing for human sin, but allowing kindness and firmness. Yet, at the same time, pointing out very lovingly the scriptures they had violated by this illicit love. Time should be offered to the perpetrators of this evil they wrongly call ‘love’, so that in a given time, a way might be found to a satisfactory scriptural outcome for the church and the couple involved in the sin.

Avoiding further mayhem is the wisdom of counseling - but not with compromise. The word of God is the supreme factor which we must honour and vindicate. Whatever the outcome of such debate in the Church, The word is final and conclusive.

 
 

Chapter 1

Prayer, and Working at Relationships

A loving church must understand that there will be many tears and hurts, and attempts by the unfortunate adulterer to run away from the discipline imposed. It is indeed hard for any person who has gone this way of adultery.

There will also be great mayhem in the innocent party's camp as the situation goes on and is not yet resolved. Many folks love to advise and get in on the act. They stir up such a war. Now is it not very obvious that such mayhem will cause the adulterers to run away and begin somewhere else, instead of returning to their former partners? They will sin again by re-marrying as adulterers.

It is vital that the innocent party should make it easier for the repentant partner to return to the family home! Here is the crunch after all is said and done. Is this badly-hurt innocent partner indeed ready to forgive the wayward partner, without reserve and in an atmosphere of calm and humility?

How rare this is! One can sympathise with the hurts of the innocent partner because it is probably the truth that the guilty partner wants to continue in the adulterous relationship, and it is this begrudging attitude that forbids a return to normality in the marriage. It is also sad that the innocent partner does not seem willing to seek counsel because he or she is ashamed.

It is more probable that things have become so badly out of harmony that things have become very sour, if not hostile. The reasoning is simple: the guilty adulterer wants to continue the affair behind the partner’s back in an illicit relationship. Sadly, the innocent partner is very often too ashamed to ask for counsel and help.

The further scenario is that of an innocent party (so called) who is incensed and ready for a war with her husband (or wife), which attitude will end in much aggravation for all concerned in the situation.

Such an aggrieved partner will stop at nothing to get even with the aggrieving partner. Fights might ensue; stone-throwing will intensify the boiling-point atmosphere caused by much malice, so that neither partner can be allowed back into the fellowship. The point here is this: Both sides are in a no-go situation where the so-called innocent party takes the law into her/his own hands.

The whole principle here is to keep the unity of the fellowship at all costs. Only if the parties involved can meet amicably should any church attempt to bring about reconciliation between the parties – there should be an atmosphere where they could at least talk and receive counsel and obey that counsel.

Of course there will be scenarios where one of the parties is bent on having that illicit partner, whereas the other one in the sinful scenario could perhaps show signs of weakening towards common sense and the appeal of the church Oversight.

There will be a tug-of-war, probably ending in the pliable partner being persuaded by the stubborn guilty partner. The relationship is already floundering. This relationship will not last long. The lesson here is for the innocent partner to be absolutely firm, in that the guilty partner must never again meet the other adulterous partner in the saga. Secondly, that true repentance is seen to be working.

The innocent party might not seek for help and counsel and thereby allows the guilty partner to return to the marital home. It is very doubtful that this couple will ever be able to reconcile the marriage whilst the guilty partner has serious sexual problems about the opposite sex! Counsel is absolutely necessary if the couple is to avoid a further and worse situation in their marriage.

Returning to the marital home after one or the other partner has been unfaithful, can only be possible if there is a genuine repentance and a terrible sorrow at what he or she has done to the injured partner and family. The unfaithful partner comes back to a wrecked partner, and a wrecked home life and environment! How will the children view the return? If they are young, it might be relatively easy. But, for older children, they will find it very hard indeed to accept the return.

 

A beautiful calm lake is rent apart by someone throwing a small stone into it. The ripples go from side to side in minutes. Aggravating this sensitive situation is simply non-productive, and damaging to any hope of return to the harmony the couple had at the beginning, when they were first married!

Only an atmosphere of willingness and of putting away the past is going to help create any sensible conclusion in these cases. Wisdom is to throw no stone that might cause a ripple of further discontent. Ripples turn to waves and waves to torrents. TSUNAMI! 

The church should also understand that the repentant adulterers need to feel love, agape, from the fellow church members. He and she will need trusted folks in the local church to confide in and pray with, as they wrestle together against spiritual enemies. It is the ulitimate anathema that any secret confidences should leak out from the elders to the church.

Very tender pulses drive the repentant heart. It is yet tender and certainly not at all ready for rigorous interrogation. Little by little, let the Holy Spirit bring such a person back to life and sanity in the church. Keep the church alive with readiness to help those who fall in this manner.

Use extreme patience and loving counsel and much prayerful love towards this unhappy person or persons, as the Holy Spirit uses with each one of us! We are those who must give account!

How relevant it is that we who are leaders in the Household of God SERVE those who are in the membership of the local church rather than dictate from the respective denomination’s riot book.

Sometimes, it is necessary that such repentant souls might benefit by going to another Fellowship, rather than to suffer even one careless and unforgiving word from a member. It may be better, after all is said and done, and when all judgment is given, and time and effort has been spent by the pastor and his Oversight. It is not always the best thing to do, to rejoin a couple back into fellowship. Human nature cannot forget. It is a pity that all local churches are not instructed concerning the rights and wrongs of such cases, from the scriptural point of view.

It is very important that the whole church is educated in the art of how to deal with, and to respond to, the situation a local church Oversight is dealing with. It is more than important, but rather it is vital, because in all these cases of immorality dealt with in the church, lack of knowledge of what is going on can so unnecessarily bring gossip and even upset to the unity of the church. The members will then be well-versed in the scriptural aspects of each case.

It may not be possible to mend the damage such relationships have caused in the local church. Under such conditions, the wise thing to do is to move out and start again in a church elsewhere! A good pastor will happily give these folks a good reference.

However, I would admire anyone who is determined to face all the various attitudes of the members of the local church in the spirit of humility. I believe that, in time, the repentant soul will find favour again amongst the Fellowship. God will raise-up such a genuinely born-again soul! He or she might then be in a position to be used of God again in the future.

If someone in the local church is disgruntled for too long, despite the scriptural arguments and appeals for unity, then let them be the ones to leave the church. Bad attitudes stop the flow of God’s blessing. Even after instruction, some folks rather give vent to their feelings. Knowing the scriptures is no guarantee that, in these situations, the parties concerned will behave as instructed. “Ichabod” (the glory has departed) is always the fear even in a good church. It will be a tragedy if a once lovely and useful member of the church is so misguided in this way.

How unthinkable. We, as the Church, must not grieve the Holy Ghost. Better to put out of the local fellowship such a person who is wallowing in accusations and bitterness, or tongue wagging - because scripture demands it, that he/she forgives entirely the sins of others.

The Lord will raise-up the born-again, repentant, adulterers. It is His prerogative to do so. It is His Church! Did He not say, “And the gates of hell shall not prevail against it?” Are we not hewn from the same rock? Are we not vessels made of the same clay?

 
 

Chapter 2

Dealing With Adultery

in the Church

The first step of redress is to charge the offender with adultery. Probably, by sheer chance (God sees all) or, should we say by divine intervention, a member of the church has seen the sad couple in a car engaged in more than passing conversation! The blindness of hurried love can be easily found out!

Such illicit meetings in the car would become the regular pre-arranged meeting place. Now, it is the solemn duty of the member who has witnessed that too-close encounter in a car, to face the couple and to demand that they cease from their ‘stolen love’ activity. The alternative would be to inform the pastor of the church.

Of course, only if they will not hear the brother or sister who had seen them so close, or worse, deny it, should the pastor be brought into the situation. Lies come easily to determined lovers. How foolish of them to suppose that Christians are fools who would not find out.

Lying and adultery go hand in hand, even those who had previously never lied since their conversion! Here is a make-believe situation – a fantasy enacted – but it will end in much sorrow. It is also to be understood, that from puberty, when our sexual powers begin to be felt, some adolescents cannot hold their feelings sufficiently when tempted this way.

The weakness continues into adulthood. Others who sin this way know full well what they should be doing when they are tempted, but they choose to ignore their conscience. They are enjoying the attention of a woman not their wife (and vice versa). Other folks do not have such unlawful tendencies towards the opposite sex.

This is a large subject in itself. Only the Holy Spirit conscience is needed in these situations where one is tempted: by a glint in the eye, a wry smile, a forward move on the part of the temptress or tempter. These follow their base instinct. The problems first arise because their pride brings out the sexual weakness. 

 

Are Church Members Blind?

To the contrary, church folks are not dumb or blind. They will find out! Church folks are very smart in finding out about the actions of sinful folks in the congregation! One of them is bound to see or hear something that will lead to the exposure of the adulterers. I am certain that the Holy Spirit of God is very quick to bring to attention these illicit meetings to the flock of God. He will show someone, and the ‘game’ will soon be over (the game of deception).

 

Unfortunately, the adulterers do not suspect that the church will find them out. It is the one scenario they will not have anticipated. The Lord has many ways of making the truth about the sin of adultery become known to the local church.

There are eager principalities; there are myriads of angels who are sent from the Lord as His messengers! God is on the side of the married partner who is left in the dark as to the escapades of the traitorous partner.

Such a situation will eventually be reported to the pastor and fellow elders. They will have no alternative than to put the adulterers out of the local church – that is, of course, if the offenders do not quickly repent and seek forgiveness from the Lord and counseling help from the local church.

Much harm can come to the local church. One or more folks will be badly affected. The quicker it is dealt with, the better, for the healing of the church.

It is imperative that the pastor, along with the other elders, have great insight into human nature, so that they shall not easily find aspects of the adultery too distasteful to mention and deal with.

The work of the oversight is to bring to light the sinful works of adultery the adulterers committed (from the scriptural point of view) in the course of the examination, and then to expect repentance from the adulterers. There can be no other conclusion.

Without the couple’s repentance the church has no other choice but to turn them out of the fellowship. The motive of the discerning and wise Oversight is to stop the offensive sin in the church. (2) They will be seeking confessions of repentance from the offending parties. They will need godly wisdom and discernment. If the couple ‘comes clean’, then it will be the mercy and graciousness of the Oversight not to demand the sordid details being revealed. Sin must be stopped immediately. 

If the adulterers cannot honestly and openly admit the sin, and be willing to show repentance to put away the sin, it is sad, but also imperative, that the couple be put out of fellowship.

The responsibility of the erring couple is to be open and willing to accept the elders’ kind words and to repent immediately. Such openness revealed in this manner will lead the couple to have their eyes opened, and the truth revealed thereby. It is also vital that the innocent party is counseled to forgive the guilty partner, and that much interaction between church and the now restored couple is undertaken, because the innocent party is not perfect yet. No-one is.

It is also worthy of note that the innocent party will know the scriptural texts, i.e., that she or he can divorce if this is preferred. It has to be faced by the now repentant adulterer that the aggrieved partner does not wish to seek conciliation. She is scripturally entitled to a divorce.

In this case it might be worth the effort by the oversight to plead for the repentant adulterer, who is now willing to return to the aggrieved partner. There is also the scenario where a partner has had several affairs.

It is when the facts are clearly known, that it is very usual that the partner will know all about the scriptures that reveal permission to divorce! She or he may not seek reconciliation. Have the adulterers realised this? What if things go wrong with the illicit relationship? Supposing this love of your life, this ‘beautiful’ illicit relationship, was to end and your marriage is over?

The Guilty but Repentant Adulterer Returning to the Legal Wife

There will be times of deeper hurt than at other times – and for a long time to come. Hurts like this take a long time to mend completely; that is, if they ever really go away. However, God’s grace is always given liberally to the saints who are hurting. The innocent partner is a brick, as we say, to take the adulterer back into the marriage.

However, let not the innocent partner lord it over the guilty partner. Neither let the guilty partner assume too quickly any familiarity that makes the sin of adultery look a mild thing. This sin, committed against God, should cause the repentant adulterers to give due reverence to Him, and also towards the innocent partner. In other words placing new values on the MENDING of the relationship.

 
 

Chapter 3

The Domino-Effect of Adultery

We, in our church, experienced the break-up of our new church because adulterers amongst the flock were found out too late. It was discovered that there were TWO COUPLES caught up in this terrible adulterous wickedness.

This great work had begun with six members and in the 18 months that followed we were in the position of having 150 members. I call the work great, or rather unique, because the work flourished so quickly, and we saw every age group joining the church. Converts and healings were witnessed, showing the Holy Spirit’s presence with this church. 

Unfortunately, probably because of the magnitude of these sins in the new work, there took place an exodus from the church of these same fine people. Can you imagine the hurt, the loss, the failure I felt, as I looked at this broken work in the local church for the last time? “Ichabod” (The glory has departed) was in place in the form of unconfessed sin, and this is how the church was lost. I say broken church, because these sins are devastating even to a well-established church.

The church had bought a one-and-a-half hectare piece of land and was looking forward to building a fine church there. Instead, we had to sell the land and left the area. I was devastated and crushed by all these tragic circumstances. It took a long time for me to recover! A fire station now occupies that parcel of land.

I had to go elsewhere to pastor a church. You will understand something about the anguish I suffered. I even felt responsible for not seeing these scurrilous actions of secret sin within the church much sooner. Perhaps I could have nipped it in the bud, but in reality things had gone too far! It was too late! I will never forget the hurts I suffered when the church finally closed down.

The folks could not believe it, nor did most of them want to stay and learn to eventually forgive those who had perpetrated the sin of adultery. Many folks badly stumbled. It was a pioneer work.

The Apostle Paul on this Subject of Adultery

The Apostle Paul gave the following judgment, which, eventually, would become the practice in the Corinthian Church. The erring brother or sister must repent sincerely of his / her sin before God, as shown in 2 Cor. 2 v 6: “Sufficient to such a man is this punishment which was inflicted by many.”

The perpetrator of this sexual sin, of having his father’s wife, was a gross sin, and had to be judged similarly to the charge of adultery. Paul, not being ignorant of the devil’s machinations, taught that this erring brother should be brought back into the fold. We are not told at what stage of the saga he was asked to return, but I guess it would be due to the sorrows of this man. Paul exercises Grace over The Law.

If only, in this century, we were as caring as the great Apostle Paul! This is the way all churches should act when confronting adulterers or fornicators in the church.

If No Repentance, Put Them Out

We may not favour any-one into the sin of adultery! Is he / she your best ‘tithing contributor’? Maybe she / he is very wealthy, or very influential with the elders and pastor. It matters not. He / she must be warned firstly, as the news of the adultery has come out. If he / she quickly repents then the whole episode should end in forgiveness and peace for all concerned.

However, if the adulterer / adulteress will not repent, then that person must be put out of the church, no matter who it is. This is the grim decision the church must make. God demands it. The procedure the elders would adopt is to give the offenders at least three warnings. If the adultery is publicly known then the whole church should be party to the decision to cast the erring souls from fellowship.

The man referred to in the 1^st and 2^nd Books of Corinthians needed to get to a place of real spiritual understanding of his crime against God’s certain laws. He had been put out of the local church as the judgment upon his sin of having his father’s wife.

“Handed over to Satan for a season!” See 1 Cor. 5 v 1-6. The Apostle does not say grace covers this sin! It does not, except, of course, if repentance by the adulterer/adulterers is obvious.

To be “handed over to the devil for a season” should always be the outcome of the Oversight’s banishment from the local church when sin like this is perpetrated against the Laws of God and not repented of.

The judgment of The Law is upon every sinner who is outside of God’s grace. But all who enjoy God’s grace can be forgiven and restored. Those who hesitate in these sins will be put out of the Fellowship, BUT NOT EXCOMMUNICATED. Rather, “for a season.” (A period determined only by the time it takes to repent)

There have been cases (rare, I hope) where a couple has refused to leave the church. How does an oversight react to this scenario? The church officers should get together with the local church, with the motive of full approval being sought by the whole church, to ignore (shun) the offensive couple or person. Being ‘sent to Coventry’ as we say is a hopeless situation for the stubborn adulterers. They will leave eventually.

The only reason they stay is because one or two members are not sure of the facts or not sure of the seriousness of this sin, and will converse with the banished couple and be brought into a compromise situation: dangerous liaisons. Gossip almost always creeps around the fellowship and so an unease with the situation agreed by the pastor and elders might develop. Any undue liaison has to be challenged. 

Why? They may even like the offending couple, so that when the issue is resolved and the couple are asked to leave the church, these misguided members will give them audience and fellowship. They may leave too. The Fellowship must be absolutely solid in their commitment to put out of fellowship those who sin willfully.

If the couple is sent out of the Fellowship “for a season,” it may be that the couple will never return anyway. These are the risks in a scenario where there are folks being judged guilty of adultery, and who are unpredictable in their reactions.

In any event, The local church must stand firm when a member (or members) commit adultery. ‘Every case stands upon it own merit’ is the way forward. The essential ingredient is that these folks are offered a time for them to repent and thus return to the local church in the spirit of humility. What joy there is when this happens.

The Criteria

It is imperative that the validity of the accusation of adultery is verified. Without decisive proof, rancour will come, and the couple involved will seek to exploit this lack of evidence. Confusion will surely follow. The couple can lie their way out of being disciplined, and we should not be surprised if this happens. Lying always follows easily along with, and after, adultery.

Their sin-heardened hearts will cause them to leave the fellowship for always. Those who sin, rebuke before all, the scriptures teach. If a couple will not leave the church after this discipline of being cast out of fellowship because of their sin of adultery, it is the wisest approach to offer no fellowship and no co-operation from any member.

In this way there will be no reason for the couple to stay in the fellowship. They are to be ignored. The contempt by them for the church protocol in these situations will make it impossible for the local assembly affected to ever see them return to the fellowship after their sad departure. They grow contemptuous and impudent and Holy Spirit hardened.

However, thank the Lord for those who having been reprimanded and cast out of the assembly, but who return after a time of the Lord‘s chastisement. Just as a lost lamb coming back into the fold is a wonderful blessing. May we always look longingly for his/her or their return, like the father did for the Prodigal son.

 
 

Chapter 4

Forgiveness?

 

The Principle Theme of Grace

Without Jesus dying on the cross and thereby paying the price of our sin, there could be no answer to The Law. But, thank God, Jesus died upon the cross; He was raised from the dead for our justification, our sanctification, our glorification. God’s elect have a rich inheritance.

Therefore, it is paramount that we understand this New Covenant in Jesus wherein all who are His elect, may drink freely of the water of Life. However, it is my strong belief that many who are in adultery, and who are the Lord’s children, should never be put out of fellowship without first pointing out the terrible implications of their sin before an angry God.

Such folks are exposed to His anger without grace. Adultery breaks that Covenant until their sin is confessed. Of course, the couple involved will say: “We are saved for time and eternity!” But are they? The bible qualifies only folks bound for eternal life – the redeemed, the elect, who walk by faith in the footsteps of Jesus. Paul said: ”Examine yourselves to see if you be in the faith.” 

“Whosoever committeth sin is of the devil,” John declares. Adulterers should be counseled in this manner. Committing sin means to practice sin. Adultery is practicing sin. “Because the devil sinneth from the beginning,” John declares; it is obvious that Christians MUST stop committing adultery and thus sinning in this manner. Born-again Christians ought to practice righteousness!

Once the Oversight of the church have lovingly pointed out these condemning scriptures, including the scriptures showing God’s terms of grace, the couple will be made to face the decision that will change the situation or worsen it. Give up the relationship or suffer the grim alternative, to be put out of the church. Like Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden.

Counselors must be sensitive because these folks might love each other very much, or else they would not have been blinded in this situation. Pointing out to them that there is no argument as to whether they love each other or not, the spiritual yardstick is clear:

‘Are they practicing righteousness or are they committing sin?’ If Counselors go for the jugular and say “what they have is lust and it’s got to stop now,” then there is a risk of losing this couple altogether. Love, if it is a strong love, is a blindness which they are (hopelessly) hoping will turn out to be beautiful to all the saints – eventually. This is their mentality. The real sin is in falling in love with partners who are not the legal partners. This is the gross sin. No-one must be under any illusion, falling in love is not an innocent venture when it involves a partner other than the present legal wife or husband. They commit sin from the very first wrong feelings for another partner.

The necessary step of putting out of fellowship the erring couple should nevertheless be a sad step to take by the church, who should pray without ceasing that the couple be convicted of their sin and return to obey the disciplines of the church.

The Righteousness of Christ Imputed to Us

The couple could not have understood this, or else they would never have done such a dastardly thing as to commit adultery. Grace tells me that the only terms of this grace are that we walk in grace and value that inner righteousness of Christ. Faith is the spearhead of our inner righteousness in Christ. It pours out as we think, speak, have faith, and live, for Jesus Christ.

It follows then that such couples who have, in principle, sold their birthright (Christ’s righteousness) for a mess of pottage, so to speak, are always in danger of having their faith blown apart. The scriptures tell of folks who “make shipwreck of their faith.” The scriptures tell us that some confessed, with tears, that they had become the enemies of God. It is unfortunate that we all are capable of bringing into fellowship those who seem to be saved.

All we have is their evidence of repentance, initially anyway, and their faithfulness to most of the meetings. How do we know who are heirs of eternal life and those who are imitating these heirs? It is sometimes very difficult to discern. Yet it is crucial in the local church that we do discern who is coming into fellowship (unless they outrightly declare unbelief). Particularly in this generation.

 

A Nice Club?

It is logical in this age of so much violence in public places, that there will be those folks who will opt for a nice club of folks where they can be sure of no violence. To many of these folks a church offers a good club atmosphere. They do not drink, they do not fill up the place with smoke because the members of the church don’t smoke. It is a clean environment for them to be in. They will join in or seem to join in; they will always be there at functions in the church, although they are not very keen on devotional meetings. They always have a golden excuse for not being in them. But they are nice people, very courteous and obliging. But they are wells without water! They are not the redeemed – not the elect.

How is this State of Affairs Posible?

It has to be faced that the Church at large is Laodician – neither hot nor cold. There was a time when these folks I mention (who like the church as a good club) would never dream of staying in a church BECAUSE THE HOLY SPIRIT WOULD BE SO STRONG IN, AND UPON, THE PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH, THAT THESE ‘CLUB’ FOLKS WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO STAND IT. It is more than possible that amongst the adulterers in the church are these unsaved folks, masquerading as saved saints. Otherwise, spiritual counsel would be heeded much more than we are witnessing today.

Genuine Saints Come Back to the Lord

Nevertheless, it has been proven, countless times, that our lovely Lord Jesus has brought back to the Fold the worst-dyed sinners who started off very well as Christians. God does not forget His own, even when they go astray.

Love Shown for a Brother Put Out of Fellowship 

See Paul's entreaty for the condemned man, in 2^nd Corinthians, who was put of fellowship for a season. In 2nd Cor. Ch. 2 verse 7: "So that, contrariwise, YOU OUGHT RATHER TO FORGIVE HIM AND COMFORT HIM, LEST PERHAPS SUCH AN ONE SHOULD BE SWALLOWED UP BY OVERMUCH SORROW. WHEREFORE, I BESEECH YOU THAT YOU WOULD CONFIRM YOUR LOVE TOWARD HIM." Here is a classic case of The Law of God being superseded by grace. Undeserved favour.

The kindness and grace of the Apostle is seen in these words above. "Otherwise He could be destroyed." We have no proof in the text referred to, as to whether the fornicator had given up the co-offending woman or not. Grace is that wonderful substance that holds out the olive branch of hope and forgiveness, but if the erring couple are set in their adultery and refuse to leave each other, then there is no other way than to put them out of fellowship – forcibly if need be.

It has to be said that for all the fellowship, including the pastor and the elders and deacons, this decision will be a sad parting, and the sadness of a loved one going away for the last time.

This is, of course, love extending hope from the hearts of all the church that the erring souls will eventually return in the spirit of humility, the humility that is willing to bow to the Lord’s demands. May the Lord grant grace to the Fellowship to love such an one, or both parties, as they rejoice over those who return with repentant hearts. It is a regret for all fellowships when a couple bluster their way through the disciplinary hearing, and will not heed the pleas of that hearing to repent and give up the adulterous partner.

Such a couple who refuse to part from each other should be put out of the local church until they repent. No matter how much love is shown by such a couple, expulsion is the only option. But, equally, it is paramount that the sinning souls must be brought back into loving fellowship, when it is seen by all that true repentance has been made. But otherwise the couple must remain out of fellowship until this Biblical requirement is obeyed.

It is the more likely scenario that the man in the Corinthian Church who was having an affair with his father’s wife had repented, and had given up the woman. Paul is very concerned for the man’s spiritual state if he be left out of fellowship for too long. This is the emphasis and sense of the text. Grace is God's undeserved favour to us who love Jesus. If we do not love in that divine love fashion, then how can we rule in the House of God? “By love compelled.”

In 2 Corinthians Chapter 2 v 11 you will see the sense that I had intimated earlier, "Lest Satan should get advantage over us - for we are not ignorant of his devices." Christian influences are more likely to be beneficial if such folks who had sinned adulterously were disciplined within the church, rather than out of it. Being “handed over for a season to Satan” is a curse no one should want to face. 

Wisdom from Above

Paul, no doubt, remembered dire escalations of violence and oppositions by reason of Alexander the coppersmith, who did him much evil! Or Demas, whom Paul failed to keep on course for the Lord, and who went back to his former life and lifestyle. (We do not know to what degree Demas went back "into the world." He could have gone back to his job and his source of income, and family cares. He would compromise in some areas as his family grew up and things got very introverted to the family only. We stop and muse this thought).

In our twenty-first century how raw is this church. How Laodicean; how slack in every part. How many of these 21^st century Christians would be able to do better than Demas? Living in the thick of the world around us many amongst us do not know what is worldly and what is not worldly! Our goal is holiness – our standards are Jesus only! Our common commission is to be like Jesus.

It is unlikely that Demas gave up his faith. Paul would never have taken on a man as his close ally who had not first had the credentials of a born-again Christian. I have no doubt that he is in the glory today. This is why we have to be careful in our examination of those who we find in the throws of this terrible sin, which, Jesus says, is amongst the sins common to man. Some we counsel are not saved and have fallen as is their nature. With those we counsel who are indeed born-again, we need to tread carefully, wisely, and thoroughly, stating the facts, and also stating the scriptural reminders of who they are supposed to be – children of light.

See 1 John 1 v 6-9: ”If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and the truth is not in us. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another and the blood of Jesus Christ God’s Son cleanseth us from all sin. (Darkness is this sin particularly.) If we say that we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”

Now here is the crunch for these folks: It cannot be denied by adulterers that they are sinning, so they need to repent, as shown in the following verse: “IF (IF and we will, or IF and we might, or IF and we will not, are the possible Greek meanings for the word “if”) WE CONFESS OUR SINS, HE IS FAITHFUL AND JUST TO FORGIVE US OUR SINS AND TO CLEANSE US FROM ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS!” Here are the plain Holy Spirit-anointed words to those born-again saints who commit sin! Don’t be “IFY!” Confess your sin and put it away forever. 

We should take note of Paul's clear ministry of self-denial! Beware lest an innocent-looking task in the family takes up time we need to serve the Lord. It happens. But, equally, it has its antidote in repentance and the washing away of all sin in the blood of Jesus. Do not procrastinate! Do not exhaust God’s patience! Draw on God’s grace whilst you can, by making a full repentance and turning away from the source of your sin.

 

Perhaps Paul's lifestyle was just too hard for Demas. Paul would lament over him. Paul found the calling of God possible to engage upon and fulfill, because God gave him the strength to go through. "My grace is sufficient for thee.”

He had to live the life of faith to survive. It was too much for him and he returned back to his previous life, which Paul calls “the world.” He could not walk as narrow a way as the Apostle. Of course, this is my opinion of how I see Demas and Paul in their appearance in the word in this place.

Even with John Mark, Paul had to guard against demanding of this dear young man his own disciplined brand of lifestyle. Paul expected a Spartan life-style for John Mark. A problem escalated, and John Mark was relieved of his position as assistant to Paul.

Barnabas, however, was able to bring John Mark to maturity - where, it seems, Paul could not! It was later, when Paul was again imprisoned, that the dear Apostle Paul requests that John Mark should come to assist him again. John Mark had graduated under Barnabas.

I must quickly state that the Apostle Paul was not wrong over John Mark. The whole area of this story concerning John Mark with Paul is to show that we all have differing personalities and that some people respond to some folks more than others. My school days proved that to me.

Teachers who seemed to be kind to me, I responded to, but others I did not respond to. They were very good teachers, but quite detached from sentiment towards the pupil. I felt that the teacher did not like me at all, and that I would not learn much from him.

It is the way we react to certain folks. Maybe Barnabas was different from Paul altogether. Whereas Paul was unrelenting in his deportment from day to day, perhaps Barnabas had a little more time for this learner John Mark, and was able to do more with him than Paul – in a less demanding situation. It is right, therefore, that the whole oversight are not clouded by the dominant views of the others, even the views of the pastor himself. The whole oversight must be guided by the Holy Spirit, to come to a harmony of agreement by the Spirit. 

 

Sowing and Reaping

It is right to suggest that there is a principle here of sowing and reaping. We reap what we sow. Paul was not wrong, but his example and how he lived was perhaps beyond John Mark at that time for him to follow; but the seed had been planted and little by little John Mark was growing in the Lord. John Mark reaped a great deal from working with dear Barnabas. 

See how one person's influence can be effective on a person, whilst another person might not wield such influence. Elderships need this conceding attitude one to the other as they realize how valuable each one is in the counseling of others. Church ministering as it should! How vital is the whole-Body ministry of the local church.

Perhaps Paul could have treated John Mark more delicately – but this is how it was and we have to know that God was ruling overall. Paul taught the merits of the grace of God, but his lifestyle was hard. Barnabas was perhaps gentler, and in a more comfortable environment in which to encourage growth in John Mark. Barnabas was gentle but equally as uncompromising as Paul, as to the Holy Spirit’s requirements in his and Mark’s life.

It is certain, however, that it is God who has His way in the lives of His children, no matter what, and by the lowliest of helps along the way - or the mightiest. He steadily brings His children to maturity. God uses whom He will to help each one of us when we are in need of help in our spiritual walk.

The point of these observations is to show that sometimes when adulterers are brought before the oversight of a local church moving in the principles of the word of God, then it is that same God Who chooses elder brethren who can minister life-giving grace to such folks, and yet WITHOUT COMPROMISE.

In no way are other men necessarily better folks than others when judgment is required. God will use whom He will. Equally so, it is absolutely necessary for there to be strict adherence to the judgment “inflicted of many.” There is no room for lenience beyond the boundaries of the word of God by any of the elders in the local church – repentance, or out of fellowship. Barnabas could have done nothing more with an adulterer if such folks persisted in their sin! Even the Apostle Paul could do nothing, except warn them of the consequences of their sin.

Some elders may be compassionate, yet full of compromising words. Compassion must be confined to the situation and the offending person, and that compassion must be shown with understanding of the person’s plight, weighing it up against the faithful word of God.

Yet that compassion is not mixed with feelings of wanting to ‘get the person off the hook!’ Other elders can be unrelenting, and adamant that punishment should necessitate excommunication.

The point here, again, is the need to detach ourselves from the persons we have to counsel, and judge only as the word of God allows. Showing compassion is not an open cheque to unlimited graciousness outside of God’s word. The Oversight will need to be strictly in command of the situation, allowing for no leniency that might offer a way through for the adulterers to continue in the church. There must be no compromise shown by any of the persons making up the Oversight.

The Apostle Paul shows us the right way to counsel any brother or sister found in the sin of adultery. His attitude was one of ready compassion and care for the offending brother. It is clear that the Oversight should refrain from judgmentalism. Sin is always at the door where tongues speak judgmentally without knowledge! (Judgment is a scriptural command of God, but ‘judgmentalism’ is an human sin)

Terms of Acceptance or Rejection by a Local Church

1. Full admittance of the offence as charged.
2. That the couple will need to be removed from any officership or position they might have held in the local church.
3. A set time of probation – perhaps 12 months – before resuming any position in the church.

(4) They must be under close observation by the Oversight who should, after 12 months, give their recommendations that the brother or sister resume their duties in the church if they have not continued their sin.

(5) Restoration is absolutely vital to them, for they also must give account of their works of faith and of righteousness, and of faithfulness in the works they had abandoned when the sin was discovered. 

6. The couple should never be seen in company with that opposite sex member he/she had sinned with ever again, without others being present. The innocent partner must be counseled very lovingly and delicately as to whether this situation and conditions are suitable to her. If she is too badly shaken by the whole episode, then it may be that she should be advised to seek fellowship elsewhere, or the guilty pair might be advised to do this even though they have repented. Indeed, if the repentance is genuine they will see it as quite right under the circumstances. It may well be a consequence of the sin they had committed.

 
 

Chapter 5

Paul’s Judgment in this Case

In one Corinthians chapter 5 vs 1-8, Paul saw that trouble could escalate for this church if the fornicator was left undisciplined in the fellowship, without chastisement for his sin of having his father's wife.

The underlying problem might have been that if this man got away with it, other incidences of fornication might follow. In Revelation Chapter 2 v 14, we read about the doctrine of the Nicolaitans. The doctrine Baalam taught was to force idolatry and the resultant moral laxity upon the Israel of his time, and this was a false doctrine designed to seduce many of the people into sexual sin. In the same chapter we also see evidence of the Lord's condemnation of this terrible sin. They ate things offered to idols and committed fornication.

The man guilty of having his father's wife, might well have become embittered. The word "fornicator" is used to describe this unusual sexual relationship. Why the word “fornicator” is used is uncertain. We would call it adultery and/or incest today.

We can be sure that this was a terrible sin which had to be addressed by the oversight of the local church at Corinth. Paul insists that the man be put out of the church. This is what the local church did in obedience to Paul’s instructions.

Paul is equally adamant that such a sinner should not be left out of membership in the local church for too long! "Lest the devil gain an advantage." 2 Cor. 2 v 10-11.

Here is a very grey area in the local church. God forgives, but it is almost impossible for some saints to forgive others who have sunk into the sin of adultery or fornication. Yet here is a classic case of Grace superseding The Law. God forgives. WE MUST FORGIVE.

Adulterers Found Out - The Church Aware

There are those who would comment, quite pompously, "If he / she has done it once he / she will do it again." Consider that our God is able to keep such folks from falling. Because of their calling in grace and election, there is always the hope of these folks returning in triumph as they are reconciled to the Lord and to the church. We must be there for them.

If you think it is true, that “if she or he has done it once, he or she will do it again” or that folks would never say that, think again. I know first hand that a couple went to the pastor of a church for help in their plight as adulterers. This pastor said exactly as quoted above: "If you have done it once, you will do it again.”

The facts concerning human nature show how dangerous the tongue is when sharpened by a judgmental mind! In a local church I attended some years ago, there was a question about whether they should accept a couple who were into adultery. A sister was overheard to say: "Why should we forgive them?"

Because Jesus taught it as necessary to our spiritual development! "God is the one lawmaker and judge!" It is God's prerogative to judge how He will. If Jesus could say to all of us who love Him, “Love your enemies,” then we should have far more care and understanding of another’s weakness for sexual sin. It is good to put on record that the pastor who was so dreadfully vilified in this manner, is today married and forgiven and the pastor of a lovely church. God has raised him up again.

What Jesus Said to an Adulteress

"Go and sin no more.” He didn't condemn the woman. Why then does it follow that so many get in on the act, so to speak, and spread evil abroad concerning the messy sin of adultery? Judgment is always going to belong to God the Judge, and not to any human being, so "Beware lest ye also be tempted." Do not be deceived.

 
 

Chapter 6

What the Bible Teaches

About Relationships

Matthew 5 v 27-32; Matthew 19 v 3-12; Mark 10 v 2-9; Luke 16 v 18. John gives us the account of a woman caught in the very act of adultery. But Jesus said: “Neither do I condemn you – go and sin no more.” He who fulfilled the Law in every jot and tittle saw this woman freed from her tormentors and the devil in particular! Grace does not condemn God’s children, but He gives grace to overcome or go through the fiery trial.

John shows us that grace is always the vital substance in which forgiveness begins and matures in God. The overall emphasis is on the words: “Go and sin no more.” Adulterers, stop sinning and go and sin no more.

See 1 Corinthians Chapter 7, where we see perhaps the only solid New Testament teaching on this vital subject, which gives the local church the authority when dealing with sexual sin.

The Apostle Paul says only what the Ten Commandments taught, and particularly, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Such commandments are written in the hearts of His own. The Church’s stand is always against sin but, equally, it must show grace where grace is required in a given situation. Grace does not substitute the Law! Grace gives His people power to keep the Law. Grace will come into its own – IF we sin we have an Advocate, and the blood of Jesus Christ, God’s Son, cleanseth us from all sin. Let none of us do despite to the Spirit of grace!

The actual scriptures Jesus used in His debate with the Pharisees are found in Matthew 5 v 27-32, and following from v 28 to v 29 and then v 32.

"But I say unto you that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Verse 27 to 32 reads as follows:

"It hath been said, whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: And whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.”  Marriage is shown to be indissoluble in the Lord’s debate with the Jews.

We should note that adultery begins in the heart and in the mind and in the eyes. Jeremiah says about the heart: “The heart is desperately wicked and deceitful above all things!”

Chapter 19 vs 3: “The Pharisees also came unto Him, tempting Him, and saying unto Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?’ and Jesus answered and said unto them: "Have you not read that He which made them at the beginning, made them male and female?”

He further went on to say: "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore, they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together let no man put asunder.” It is simple enough what Jesus taught here.

Jesus, speaking to the disciples after the debate with the Pharisees, beginning from v 10: Later, His disciples said unto Him, "if the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry."

But He said unto them: "All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs which were so born from their mothers womb: And there are some eunuchs which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. NOT ALL MEN CAN RECEIVE IT.” Oh consider your position and repent, lest endless grief takes hold upon you!

So there we have it. Thank God we have grace today and not the strict letter of the Law, for many have re-married and are living in sin according to The Law of Moses. I will be showing as best as scripture allows, that Grace is indeed greater than the Law, in that where sin abounds, grace does much more abound. The Law is for Law-breakers who have not received of the grace of God. Jesus (God) has fulfilled the Law in every jot and tittle – FOR US! Yet, let no Christian be a Law-breaker.

 

Does this make me wrong in my assessments of the rights and wrongs of this sticky subject? No it does not. But what it does do is to highlight the ignorance with which the local churches view sin, particularly sexual-behaviour sin. Attitudes have to change in the churches. Otherwise we will be running out of good men and women in the various positions in the church. If such folks repent, forgive them and restore them completely, as the Lord most surely does.

Can any church today afford to keep putting our of fellowship so many folks who fall by the wayside, without making sure that when they do put them out of fellowship a couple, or any single individual, must be restored to fellowship as soon as they stop sinning? They must come back into the welcoming and loving arms of the fellowship. They must be made to understand that either the position they held will always be there waiting for them, or a similar position at least, upon their return. Obviously, of course, there must be ample evidence of their repentance. Churches must be prepared to show them agape and not lip-service, false-smiling deception!

 

Jesus alone fulfilled the Law in every jot and tittle so that He might offer grace to us all.

Grace to be saved; grace to give us faith; grace to forgive sins AFTER we are saved. The Law does not come into the equation unless we prefer to live by the Law. Jesus said that if we insist on, or live by, the Law, we will be judged by the Law. Grace helps us to live as the Law would like us to live, but if we fall short we should not be condemned with, or by, the world.

Our rule of conduct is that we abide in His grace. To abide in His grace means that we seek to live as Jesus lived, we love God and His word, we seek to be the best that God can make us, and we go through our trials and temptations by faith in the risen Lord. We wear that glorious robe of the Lord’s righteousness (by faith we stand).

Now, who amongst us has not sinned after his salvation? "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." Does the Lord dismiss us as sinners without hope of redemption because we sinned after we were saved? The Law forbids sin, period; but grace is always the gateway to repentance and forgiveness. Indeed, it is only by the mercy and goodness of God that we are able to define what sin is as Christians grow in the Lord. We who have received abundant mercy must show mercy to the Lord’s people who sin but who are today back in the fold.

An elder once advised a repentant pastor, “Sit back in the congregation for four years!” The fact is that no pastor may necessarily be around for four years outside his calling as a pastor. His ministry is called upon as he who must give account. This church should have given the dear man all the help they could to be restored. His work will be cut out as it is, proving himself as a pastor – as he gets the opportunity. As I have said already, he might not get the opportunity. How sad for this man who must stand before the Lord and give account of his life and ministry and works. 

 

Jesus paid the debt of our sinfulness, we who are the elect of God. He who perfectly fulfilled the Law is able to save His people from their sins, past, present and future. We do not refer to the condemnation of the Law. Christ is the end of the Law.

We can see ample room for grace to be employed here, but under the Law there is no leeway. Under the grace of God there is a host of scriptures to help a couple find peace and forgiveness.

In the Old Testament, stoning was the punishment for such a sin. It has never been modified or rescinded by the Lord God. Where there is no repentance, God is not about to grant anyone grace.

Yet God is faithful where repentance is found. He giveth more grace – to His people, of course. It is gross error to suppose that because two people are in love they can sweep away the Law, the common vows of marriage, and decency itself. God has definitely not designed grace to ignore such unrepentant sin under the banner: “Covered by the blood of Jesus!” 

 

So what did the Lord recommend? Whose side did He stand by when He was here on earth as the God Man? "Thou shalt not commit adultery" is as clear in the Old Testament as "Thou shalt not kill." But, thank God, Christ is the end of the Law for righteousness. Because it is the Law of God, Jesus came to be our Redeemer TO SET US FREE from the curse of sin and of death. Nothing in the Bible is plainer than these scriptures. Christ is the end of the Law and His righteousness abides with us who love Him.

Jesus, in the New Testament, took God's stand against the Pharisees, confounding them before all, taking on the debate of the Pharisees about this thorny subject, and saying to them clearly, "It was not so in the beginning." He stood on the side of the Law. It was imperative that He should fulfill the Law in every jot and tittle.

Jesus did not come to prove that we could keep the Law. Neither did He command that we live any more by the Law. By becoming the end of the Law, Jesus is the Mediator of this better covenant in His blood. Jesus is our Intercessor and High Priest Who intercedes on our behalf with the Father, Who responds to grace offered on our behalf by His Son.

Being ‘one flesh’ is the real issue in the Lord's debate with the Pharisees. Two becoming one flesh! He knew that these Pharisees could never be one with their wives without them being spiritual people. They were, in the main, hypocrites. They were not going to be corrected by Jesus.

Deuteronomy 24

In those days, in theory, a man could have up to four wives, and, using the Deuteronomy 24 scriptures, they interpreted these words to make right their own inability to be satisfied with one wife! Any trumped-up charge against the faithful wife was used to divorce her.

She could be brought before the elders by her husband, who would announce that the marriage was over. All he had to say before the witnesses was: "I divorce thee, I divorce thee, I divorce thee”, and that was that. The poor wife had little to say in these procedures. Yet in no way was this law introduced to make the Deuteronomic Law void.

Eventually, as the centuries rolled by, the Jews could have had up to three or four wives at a time and were almost polygamous by the time of the Lord's ministry. Who were they to judge anyone?

The Pharisees were out to trick and trap Jesus, but, always, the Lord had wise words for them. However, Jesus never openly taught the rigidity of the divorce argument of today as was adopted in Old Testament times.

"I came to set the captives free and to have compassion towards the sick in body, mind, heart and spirit." In another place Jesus said: "I came, not to those who are whole, but to those who are sick." Those who have genuine needs. He is always our Great Physician. Here is grace in operation before He died on the cross.

Indeed, what theologian amongst us can deny that Grace has been shown to the sons of men all down the centuries. Grace to Adam and Eve, even though the couple were thrust out of the Garden of Eden; grace even for Cain, for Samson, for King David, and so on throughout the Old Testament.

We have to include grace in the Old Testament just as surely as we are shown those theophonies (reflections of the Christ) in the Old Testament. He was there as The Word; He was there as the means of grace to Noah in the Great Flood. There would be no world today if there was no grace for fallen man. Christ was offered in eternity, for us.

Now here is something I must present to all who read this book. There are instances in the Bible where there is no normality in the records given to us. What we have come to in our generation, are regulations on relationships purely thought out by the Catholic religion. There is an element of truth in the principles of Romanism on this subject, but much has been added so that the whole of the area of marital relationships has been designed to be for life… or else.

Consider now what the Bible states, the accounts of which are a bewilderment to many who have studied this subject thoroughly. (1) Abraham knew two women, his wife and his concubine who conceived seed by Abraham, who, as the result, brought forth a son called Ishmael – who was thought to be the son of promise – but he was not. In fact the line of Ishmael has caused great problems, and still does in our world today.

Certainly it was not God’s order of the one-woman relationship, and this action by Abraham was so wrong. Yet that is how it was, and why the bondwoman had to be ejected from the home of Abraham, along with the child Ishmael. The point here is that God never for a moment forgot Abraham, and he was still the man whom God chose to be the father of the faith. God always chose grace for His elect.

Now consider David the King of Israel, the sweet psalmist of Israel, who had four wives: Michal (given to him by Saul), Ahinoam, Abigail and Bathsheba. Saul later gave Michal, David’s wife, to another man (Phalti the son of Laish of Gillam).

A further scenario in the Bible that is difficult to ‘theologise’ away is the story of Hosea. God told him to marry a woman of harlotry. He did so, and she ran away as one would predict, but Hosea goes after her and she stayed again with him. How can any rational thinker understand God to be a person who would bring two people together when one partner is a prostitute and the other is a man of God?

God could do this because of the Son of God who should come to redeem His elect – by grace. If the union between husband and wife is so dreadfully binding for life, then this story is a ‘misfit’ picture in the bible. The rigidity of the marriage state is made a mockery of! 

The Bible shows us the purpose - as an allegory of the spiritual state of the people of God, the Israelis. But the whole story conflicts with understanding the pure state of marriage. Gomer was the name of this woman, and she had two children by Hosea. How crazy was that? The genealogy was certainly confusing as Gomer produced children to Hosea the minor prophet of God.

Consider Samson, whose libido, to say the least, caused him to be wildly sexual and completely ungodly. Yet he was a Judge in Israel at the time. He committed adultery countless times no doubt. God allowed the judgment to come upon him for his escapades with women and particularly with Delilah. But he was totally forgiven in a time of strict Law.

Yes, the sin cost him dearly, but he is not brought to account over these women, who included Delilah. He was forgiven. However, he was made a captive of the Philistines and he died as one of the consequences of his sin. But grace made sure this man is in heaven today. He was not meant to end his days the way He did, but that is how it worked out.

I write these examples to show that God has been flexible with His own children when they had sinned. In Hosea’s case imagine how he would have tried to explain this unthinkable association with a prostitute, to the elders of Israel? How does God justify the bringing about of this relationship? Dare any of us judge God?

I write this to show that God is free to do as He wishes in all judgment and justice! The Children of Israel learned by this living horror of Hosea’s relationship with a harlot, about how God saw Israel in His eyes. I also write this reminder of Hosea to show that none but God can justify His own actions, and that even the weakest saints amongst us who fall into adultery can be forgiven by God. Whether in remarriage or not.

Having said that, the greatest problem adulterers face, of course, are the unknown actions of this flexible God, for He is never flexible where sin is concerned! He will forgive one case of a couple of adulterers, but not, perhaps, another couple. God sees the hearts of all. This is His prerogative. None of us can put God into a tightly-shut bottle as the genie of Aladdin’s lamp.

The Christians who engage in adultery, expecting God to forgive them, and continue to go headlong into this remarried situation, may have a great shock as blessings are withdrawn and their spiritual future becomes bleak. No Christian who is thoroughly born-again will lose his salvation by reason of remarriage, but the fact that they will stand before the Judge of all the earth to give account is awesome. “TRIED AS BY FIRE,” Paul reminds us.

 

The question is, do we deal with cases of adultery by the Law or by the mercy and grace of God? I think that we would do much better to appeal to the scriptures concerning the stewardship of the saints, that they to abstain from adulteries and all anger and sin, and instead cling to grace.

Despite the Spirit of Grace as Hebrews 10 shows us, adulterers are in danger of treading underfoot the holy covenant of God. There is an abundance of helpful scriptures that show every believer who has fallen this way, that they are committing a gross folly. Ejecting them from fellowship if they will not receive counsel is right.

What I am reaching for in these illustrations is to show that marital relationships give a specific responsibility for two people to love one another as much as possible. If things break down and the couple do separate, it is lamentable, but not the end of their spiritual progress. God will work things through according to their decisions, whether right or wrong.

Our earthly sojourn is governed by the Lord Who redeemed us. We who are seen from before the foundations of the world as heirs of grace, shall never fall completely. We are in a fight of faith, and we shall be judged according to our faith and works of faith. Our wrong actions and the works that follow will also be tried. Many of us will indeed be tried as by fire. It is inevitable. Our vision should be to be presented spotless before the King of kings, with our works of righteousness firmly testifying before the hosts of the Lord our spiritual integrity in this life.

I am saying that God is not about to throw folks out of the running for heaven and home, because two people have made a ghastly mistake. Whatever we do in this flesh, we learn lessons by the mistakes we make. All children of God will be chastened, but, equally, such folks shall be brought forth as pure gold. It cannot be denied. Scripture is all for the child of God! God wills our success. “It is God who worketh in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure.”

I know the mighty words oversights use, such as the indissolubility of marriage; the reasoning that these sins are unforgivable, and beyond God’s ability to repair the sinning adulterers’ lives. But, the facts remain, that God has done it before – forgiven and raised up adulterers, remarried or otherwise – despite the predictions of the churches. “His Grace aboundeth more.”

Solomon had 1,000 wives, so how on earth can we pontificate over what folks should, or should not, do in the light of these Bible characters and their actions? We can at best appeal to the couple to have common sense and spiritual values. To remind them of their first obligation to Christ, and the fact of His enormous sacrifice for them. We can show them the teachings of Jesus when He debated the subject with the Pharisees, and say, “If Jesus was the speaker here, which He was, then what you are doing is wrong.”

Look at the splendour of Solomon and his achievements spiritually, in obeying to the letter the instructions of God regarding the building of the temple. The Shekinah glory fell! Yet look to his end. He is eventually found pleasing his heathen wives by allowing their idol groves to appear again. He apparently backslides. The moral can be drawn here that sinning partners will cause both adulterers to backslide. Their idols are each other - for a time anyway - until both wake up and realize their desperate condition before the Living God. 

Two people become one flesh. “Whom God has joined together let no man put asunder.” So, if Jesus emphasised this, albeit under the terms of the Law, then it is right and good to do as Jesus said we should do. The Law demands it, but grace appeals that we live under the favour of God in gratitude. Gratitude is a quality that wants to please God. So do not try to find scriptures that let you off the hook – there aren’t any. Obedience is better than sacrifice.

The Illicit Lovers’ Trap

“Oh I love him/her so much I want to risk everything for her/him. I will plead our love on the Day that tries by fire.” Because none of us knows God as He will reveal Himself to be in all His glory and fullness, dare any of us presume upon God in this manner?

How blind such couples become. Despite all our understanding of grace we should remember that God can do as He likes with us and still show Himself to be just. If any of us should insult His Holy Person in this manner, we can never tell how God will act or judge.

God will judge such sins of presumption. The Judgment is supposed to be a judgment of the good works of the saints, when we shall receive golden crowns. What crown will these adulterers wear, who throw away all caution and remarry anyway?

Paul gave us rules about relationships based on the gospels-debate between the Pharisees and Jesus. Again, we should compare the wishes of Jesus and the wishes of Paul, that we ought to be clean in our relationships, and pure in our acceptance of God’s Word as a whole; that sin is sin, and that it needs putting away. We may not excuse ourselves.

 

The appeal in the light of this evidence is to show that the central issue was given by the Lord, where he says “They two became