ANCESTORS TO JESUS

BOOK DESCRIPTION

I received Christ unaware. Something took place in the spiritual realm without me knowing about it. I thought Jesus was just a joke, fiction figure that was made up by some bored person. Little did I know that I would have to go back to the same Jesus to ask Him to heal me from chronic headache, stomach problems (severe bloating and constipation), back pain, chronic dizziness, angry children who did not love me, broken marriage, suicidal thoughts, broken family relationships (siblings and mother), unforgiveness, not knowing why I was born, sore feet, evil spirits that could not go. No human being could help me, only the Son of the Living God. Neurologists, ENTs, Gastroenterologits, General practitioners, sangomas and false prophets could not help. I never grew up in church so I was clueless but God was merciful to me. I came to the knowledge of Christ in June 2013 and He began to heal me and teach me the Word because I had never read a Bible in my life. I have a sense of purpose, I know why I am here, not everyone does. This is what makes me want to wake up in the morning because I live for His glory. People do not come to Christ because they have been given a distorted picture of our God. Before He is God, He is a Father to me. Jesus was there for me when I did not have a human being to lean on, even the ancestors I grew up knowing they protected and blessed me. There was no sign of a blessing in my life but curses all the way. Now I am protected by the Blood of Jesus and I have infinite hope. Even when circumstances give me evidence that I do not have what it takes to do the work that God has given me, He encourages me and I appreciate it. The primary purpose of my existence is telling the world about Jesus. This is where I have confidence, my degrees do not matter anymore. Christ gives me joy that is not explainable, when I wake up during the night it is Him I think about, in the morning it is Him as well. When I play my music it is Him as well because I live to glorify Him with the music He gives me. Every battle is a spiritual battle, whether we like it or not. One thing He assured me of was that "It is done". This was even before I opened the Bible to even know that it is written on there. We serve a supernatural God and the problem is not so much the devil because Christ destroyed Him at the Cross. The problem is our flesh (putting ourselves, our feelings, thoughts, first). Satan cannot work without a body hence Ephesians 6:12 and he uses the people closest to us. Glory be to God we have Jesus to lean on and the Holy Spirit reveals things before they happen so we know how to pray. The level of idolatry even in the church is not on and God wants His people to turn to Him and stop being deceived. When Jesus heals, He does a perfect job. We just need to look at only Him and nowhere else. God does not help those who help themselves by using the things of the world but those who cannot help themselves but rely totally on Him.

GOD AND ANCESTORS

When you think that Ancestors bless and curse us without the knowledge of Jesus you are right. This knowledge is based on the Old Testament. God’s blessings were conditional, they were based on what they did and if they did not do right God punished them and demanded that they slaughter for forgiveness of sins. In certain parts of the world we did not have the Bible and this is the only thing we knew about God and ancestors. God knew that there would be people at this present age who still hold on to this belief because this is how things have always been. "U-Thixo usebenzela emfihlakalweni" (God concealed Himself). Since Adam sinned in the Garden of Eden, eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, the entire human race was under a curse, poverty, sickness and relationships characterized by strife entered the world. God kicked Him out of the Garden of Eden and He was distanced from God for his sin and so was the entire human race (Genesis 3).

When God gave Moses the Ten Commandments He instructed Him to build an alter where he would make a sacrifice with a goat (bull, sheep, pigeon are used later in the Bible) to take away the sins of the people so that blessings would start flowing again (Exodus 20:24 make an alter of earth for me, and on it sacrifice your sheep and cattle as offerings to be completely burnt as fellowship offerings. In every place that I set aside for you to worship me, I will come to you and bless you). This was exactly my thinking about the ancestors and God still blessed us because we did not believe His Son Jesus was real. God knew no one on the face of the earth would ever be able to fulfil the Law, He made it so that we can know wrong and right ( What I have come to realize is that -uBawo,u-Nyana no-Moya oyi-Ngwele have always been there God. Because of our sins we had to go through our ancestors in order to communicate with God. This makes so much sense as sin in the Garden of Eden distanced Adam from God. As we did not know about Jesus and God knew we did not know about Him because we did not have the Bible, He always answered us when we communicated with Him through our ancestors. For me ancestors represented Jesus, the Son of the Living God because I worshipped them not knowing that I was compensating for Jesus in my life.

When you take a close look at ancestors, they are demanding. It is always about what you are not doing right, you have to slaughter and then things get better and then you are back to square one again. There is always something that was not done right or a ceremony that was not done for you as a child. All the problems that we go through are attributed to you or your parents not having done some ritual right. Life in the Old Testament was all about rituals. This was exactly how my life was fourteen months ago and I went through hell here on earth. I clearly understand the lyrics behind the song "akukho ukuphumula lapha emhlabeni" meaning there is not rest here on earth, life is a constant struggle. I am here to declare that there is rest (ukuphumula) here on earth. God wants to give us Heaven (inside out) on earth and we just need to receive and experience it through Christ Jesus.

You know I nearly messed up this testimony had not my daughter insisted yesterday that we go to watch Smurfs 2. It was just a divine appointment.

I was sick and no sangoma, nyanga or doctor could help me. God just reminded me this morning how He healed me. I was being legalistic in this book due to things I hear. He reminded me that even though He found me deep in sin, He helped me still and the only thing that pulled me out was the belief that God loved me and He would never leave me. I did not believe in prayer but had no choice because God led me to Prophets who told me that the only way out was prayer and I prayed. I vividly remember how I used to cry when I was saying this "Thixo ndicela undincede, ndiyazi u-Thixo uyandithanda angekhe andishiye". At that point I was not even thinking about the things I had done but only that God loved me the way I was. I am even crying now as everything is still so fresh in my mind. It will be forever fresh because this is how God healed me, gave me the ability to love Him back and the hunger to read the Bible and more about Jesus. I never on a single day thought about my sins until I was completely healed.

God was very strategic with me. He saw how I was just against the church and the Bible that He had me born again without even me understanding what I was doing. In Grade eleven I had this girl (umzalwane as we call born again people) who used to hunt me down and wanted to do this prayer with me. Out of all my friends she just wanted me. I found her odd and annoying. Why would anyone be interested in praying with you when you did not even ask them, it freaked me out. Little did I know that God wanted to make sure that today I would not be crazy leaving my family behind. Eventually, she found me in class alone and she sat me down and told me to repeat after her the prayer of Salvation. I remember she said I had to mean it because I was all smiles as this was so odd, I wanted to burst out laughing, she looked and sounded ridiculous telling me about prayer. I got myself together and I repeated after her, I do not remember the exact words but it went something like this "Lord Jesus, thank you for dying for my sins and forgiving me, please come into my life". Something felt good about it but it just did not mean a thing to me because I did not know what I was doing. After while I thought she was just being silly. I thought that the good thing was that I got her off my back by doing that stupid prayer. If anyone would have asked me what we prayed about, I would not have been able to tell them because I could not have remembered, that was just odd. I never told anyone as I thought it was so stupid.

I used to love gambling so much at High school. Only now do I realize how I just never wanted to gamble anymore. I really pictured myself as this adult who would be out gambling all the time. My closest friends in Grade eleven were not gamblers, it was only me. Now I see how Jesus just takes away the addiction when you are born again. I was not even conscious about it.

MY TESTIMONY

I used to have chronic dizziness as a child and a very slow digestive system, which became severe later in life. I will come back to this later on. I believed that our ancestors bless, protect and curse us when you do not do things their own way. Ancestors would need to be thanked by slaughtering a goat and blessings would flow. This is from my mother’s side (Tswana people). My daddy clearly indicated to my mom that none of those things were done in his family. My mother never really got to do any ancestral ceremonies at home. When I got older, out of curiosity my husband and I started to see inyanga (witchdoctor) with the belief that he would tell us what the future held for us. I used to think that the term witchdoctor was inappropriate, rather a traditional healer. We started with a Zion nyanga, prominent leader in the church although I hated church. We consulted him at his place. This guy was just an excellent counsellor more than anything else. He prophesied and said that ancestors wanted to give me a gift and this somehow, maybe a baby. He also said that we were going to definitely break up and he suggested a procedure where he would use blood and muti to keep us permanently together. That was just not appealing to me so we never did it. Remember that the Bible says in Leviticus 17:11 the life of every living thing is in the blood and that is why the Lord has commanded that blood of animals be shed on the alter to take away people’s sins. The gentleman passed on and we later moved to another one. Wherever we went we told this. The sangomas questioned how the rituals were done when we got married. We did everything the way it was supposed to be done. All the nyangas also said that there was a ceremony that they had to do for me at home and only my parents could fix this. My dad had already passed on at the time. They said nothing would ever really work out for me in life until the ceremony was done.

We were off sangomas for a while and just went on with our lives. We moved to our own place and our marriage, like most marriages slowly lost its spark and things moved from bad to worse. I was still obsessed with my ancestors and loved them dearly. The blood that we needed to be re-united with was the blood of Jesus, the same Jesus I did not want. At the time I just had no clue and was not interested to know who Jesus was. I have now come to realize that God loves us first and gives us the ability (Grace who is Jesus) to love Him back.

ANCESTRAL WORSHIP AS PART OF TRADITION

When God created the world everything was perfect. There were no idols, it was just only God, Hence He does not tolerate rivals (I John 5:21 -my children keep yourself safe from false God). Safe is a very important word here because there is only one God and He shares power with no one. Worshipping ancestors, slaughtering of goats and use of muti is part of our tradition. I used to think that the Bible was just a silly idea to take our land from us because we used to depend on tradition before the white people came with it. I have learned the hard way that tradition nullifies the Word of God. One would argue that God created everything even muti, I agree but the enemy uses what God has created for good for evil. Ancestral worship somehow compensates for the lack of knowledge and experience about Jesus. This makes so much sense to me because people believe in God but feel there is something missing. This void is too big because the person who has to fill it is big Himself, the Son of the Living God.

Jesus at the Cross was an intermediary between us and God. When it comes to slaughtering, we slaughtered until we were embarrassed to invite people, I will elaborate later. We were told by the nyanga and believed we had to continue doing it until things got better. On the contrary, they got worse. Ancestral worship clearly gets us cut off from God. We will wonder why we are sick, why children are going astray, why our marriages are falling apart, why we cannot sleep at night, why we or our children cannot get jobs, why we lack financially. It is because we are not under the mighty hand of God. Being under the Mighty hand of God means confessing that Jesus is Lord and He died for our sins in order for us to be reconciled back with God (Romans 10:9). All of this never made sense to me and I did not care about sins being forgiven because I did not know the implication it would have on my life here on earth. What I knew was that if I did not go to church I would not go to Heaven but I really did not care because I knew I did not qualify anyway so why bother. I used to say to a friend of mine that she can go to church but a heathen like me was okay. God could only do so much because we were running away. Let us not try to figure out what is happening in our lives, we know we have an enemy who is out to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10).

God has existed from the beginning of time with Jesus and the Holy Spirit who was only manifested in the flesh much later. My dad used to tell me that God’s name in Xhosa is u-Qamata and there were ancestors as well whom we did not worship but believed in their existence and their ability to bless and protect us. God spoke to us through the prophets (Hebrews 1:1 in the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways , but in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things and through whom also He made the universe). Somehow the belief is that God shares power with ancestors. Now I have come to realize that we serve a Triunion God, God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit (John 8:58 " Very truly I tell you", Jesus answered, " before Abraham was born I AM"). In the olden days ancestors were believed to be closer to the people and God was there but He was distant God. I do not know why I am saying in the olden days because I believed this until June 2012 when I had an encounter with the Holy Ghost. God being a distant God makes sense as Adam and Eve, after eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil were kicked out of the garden of Eden and therefore separated the whole human race from God (Genesis 3:22-24). Ancestors as intercessors between God and man represented Jesus because there was no way we could just go to God on our own as our sins separated us from Him. For people who do not know Jesus, there is always a way through which they gain access to God until the truth about Jesus is revealed (Acts 14:16-17 in the past He allowed all people to go their own way. But He has always given evidence of His existence by the good things He does: He gives you rain from Heaven and crops at the right time, He gives you food and fills your heart with happiness).

Sin then distanced man from God (Isaiah 59:2 It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore). God concealed Himself from man (u-Thixo usebenza emfihlakalweni). From my experience I have learned that there is only one God who shares power with no one (Isaiah 43:13 "From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch anyone out of my hand. No one can undo what I have done."). Some ancestors are in Heaven and others in hell, following them is a danger because you cannot be sure who is in Heaven or hell. Ancestors through nyangas and sangomas only bring us destruction, I will elaborate later relating to my own experiences. After God had shown me who Jesus is, I decided to follow Him and let my ancestors in Heaven rest. Those that are in Heaven are alive because we serve a God of the living, God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (Acts 3:13 the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of our ancestors who created the Heavens and the earth). They worship Jesus there and I also worship Him here. I will seem them in Heaven at the re-union. To really get close to God is through Jesus (John 14:6 I am the way, the truth and the life. No one come to the Father except through me). The only arbitrator between us and God is Jesus (1 Timothy 1:15 for there is one God and one mediator also between God and man, the man Christ Jesus).

Ancestors were a vehicle with which we could be carried to the knowledge of Jesus who leads us directly to the Father. This makes perfect sense to me. We never had the Bible but we called and still do our God uQamata (Xhosa). In Zulu God is Velinqange but it is the same God. Jesus is the primary Ancestor to the because He was risen from the dead. He uses their faces to send messages to us in our dreams. That is in fact God communicating to us. No one has ever seen God so when He uses a face you know then you can listen. Sometimes you may not know the people but what is important is the content of the message, is it in line with the Word of God. A move from Ancestors to Jesus comes with much more revelation, visions and power without using anything in the physical world (nothing tangible just the Word of God).

The thing is God created the worshipping Ancestors scenario (Leviticus 18:25 God in His glory created everything, and He put control of the lower realms in the upper realms, and he put over each and every one, in their lands and by their nations… He gave them sublime angels to be princes over them… Now, God in his glory is the God of gods and the Lord of Lords, for the entire world. However, the Land of Israel, the center of the civilization, is God’s portion, dedicated to His name; He does not appoint over it any angel as an officer, marshal, or governor. Instead, He gives it as a portion to the nation" which unifies His name, the seed of his beloved…which unifies His name, the seed of his beloved). He knew that a time would come when we would receive the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He truly knows the beginning form the end.

THE TWO KINGDOMS

There are only two kingdoms. God's Kingdom through Christ Jesus and satan's kingdom. Sangomas and nyangas are in this kingdom of darkness. In the black culture those who still practice this sincerely believe that nyangas and sangomas are a link to ancestors and ancestors act as intermediaries between God and people. This to us was also the truth because we did not know any better, in actual fact it was deception from the enemy. Had someone come to me and said the nyangas and sangomas operate in the Kingdom of darkness in the first half of last year (2012) and prior to that, I would have blown them off and gave them a piece of my mind. I could not understand how my Christian friends just turned away from ancestors and never attended traditional ceremonies. I thought they were just letting go of their African culture. I was listening to one of the shows on radio and the caller was entered into a competition. The presenter said that the caller was going to phahla (talk to ancestors) and the caller was very bold and said he did not phahla. I really thought the guy was not in touch with his culture and did not appreciate what ancestors do for us. Even the presenter did not expect that answer, I could hear from the tone of his voice. God is amazing though, He comes right down to the level of our faith and forgives us for worshipping ancestors out of ignorance (Acts 14:16-17 in the past He allowed all people to go their own way. But He has always given evidence of His existence by the good things He does: He gives you rain from Heaven and crops at the right time, He gives you food and fills your heart with happiness). Now I know the truth and it has set me free (John 8:32 And you will have knowledge of what is true, and that will make you free). I say all of this because I was a thwasa (initiated to be a nyanga) myself which I will talk about later on. We love our ancestors and they are alive not dead but do not need to worship them anymore, I will also elaborate later on this one as well.

WE NEED TO BE GOVERNED

When we were young we prayed at school, sang hymns and knew who God was. I remember at home we used to sing hymns sometimes even though we were not church goers (Jeremiah 2:1-3 I remember how faithful you were when you were young, how you loved me when we were first married, you followed me through the desert, through a land that had not been sown. Israel you belonged to me alone, you were my sacred possession, I sent suffering and disaster on everyone who hurt you, I the Lord have spoken). This is exactly how it is when we are young, Primary and High School.

In the absence of a parent there is just a void. In this instance I am referring to God the Father. If Jesus is not in your heart, satan occupies His place. We can only get close to Him through Jesus, otherwise He is just distant but still loves us dearly. My life without Jesus was falling apart and my self- worth was tied to education and what I thought I would achieve on my own. I remember Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and now I just realize how the bread of life who is Jesus is central right from the physiological needs to self actualization (John 6:35 35 Jesus replied, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. Reading the Bible, even if it is five minutes per day is part of my daily diet, not a task but simply like feeding a baby inside of me who needs to grow and fight for me. There is something about not having a stable Christian life that leads one into self destruction. We are not sovereign beings, we need to be governed, either by God or satan, there is no middle ground. I felt worthless without Christ, my happiness was determined by circumstances that I found myself in and it was so inconsistent (Jeremiah 2:5 what accusation did your ancestors bring against me? What made them turn away from me? They worshipped worthless idols and became worthless themselves).

Everyone needs someone to lean on but we all know how human beings can let us down (Psalm 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people), even we let ourselves down. When we grow up in life we face challenges and turn to people for advice, friends or family. If they do not lead you to God for solutions, they will surely mislead you. It will not be their intent to mislead but their solutions will be based on their own experiences. Life is not a smooth ride, it is actually difficult without Jesus. I love it when God says lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding).

DIVINE PROTECTION

When you are not protected by the blood of Jesus, you are easy target for evil spirits and witchcraft, just a no brainer. People you trust and hang around with play a critical role in decisions that you make. After we had paused on consulting nyangas for a while, we went back again as if we had not had enough of the fear that came with all the things they said. Remember, our mind set at the time was that they were God’s servants and a link to our ancestors. Tragedies, big or small lead people to seek advice from nyangas. You cannot fight evil with evil though. We do not think of muti as evil but it is. When a sangoma tells you that muti works to send back whatever was done to you it goes against the word of God (Romans 12:19 "never take revenge, I will pay back" says the Lord. For the Scripture says "I will take revenge, I will pay back, says the Lord"). If you believe in God, you cannot seek revenge. The enemy fools you in your head into thinking that what was done to you and the perpetrator has to feel it as well. You are not God hence you cannot take revenge. When it comes to God’s Word we cannot just take a part of the Bible that suits us and ignore the rest. We take it as is, that is if we want Him to solve our problems while we stand aside and watch. He does it so well that you can see you have not done a thing but just trust Him. You will never boast about how you can settle your own problems but you will praise Him and Glorify Him for what He has done and will do for you.

Often when you consult a nyanga, you will be told that you need protection from evil spirits and you will feel compelled and justified to protect your family. Sometimes you are told about things that you do experience, for me dizziness, headache and fatigue. I used to sleep at work and everyone around me found it funny. I am HR by profession and I knew that it was gross misconduct and a dismissible offence. It never really bothered me though because I knew that there was no way I would be fired with my ancestors protecting me. God surely must have been laughing when I had these thoughts because it was Him protecting me all along, as bad as I was. He truly is loving and love is patient and kind. Well, that is who He is (1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love). I would sleep when capturing notes and when I woke up after a few seconds, I could not even read what I wrote, it just amused me. Sometimes it was at the dropping of a pen that I had in my hand that I would wake up. The nyanga used to say that the ancestors made me sleepy. Now I know that this is exactly a sign that you are under satan’s attack and you need Jesus to rescue you. At the nyanga they sometimes tell you that you have bad luck, under a curse. When we are not cleansed by the blood of Jesus we are under a curse because of what Adam did in the Garden of Eden. Things moved from bad to worse, our marriage was merely just a paper. It was pretending we were happy and had everything under control. Pretending is hard work and leaves you feeling even more miserable. Funny how you are the first one to know you have problems but the last one to acknowledge that you are only left with a marriage license.

There is a ritual that is done to protect the house from evil spirits (ukuqinisa umuzi). The nyanga comes and puts small sticks and needles with muti on them in the corners of the house and corners of the gate. This is coupled with sand mixed with muti that is sprinkled in the whole yard. They also sprinkle water mixed with muti inside and outside the house. How does one really fight evil with evil, it results in chaos. This procedure was done twice in a five year period. Part of it was to cut us with a razor, a very small cut just to have a drop of blood and put muti on the cut. My children hated this but our thinking was that nyangas and sangomas are God’s servants but they are actually satan’s agents. We were clearly deceived by the wicked one and fell for it because it is considered part of tradition. God clearly states in the Bible that cutting the body should not be done, the Zulu translation puts it clearly as ukugcaba (Leviticus 19:28 Do not cut your bodies for the dead). Other people use a cow’s horn or hooves of a horse and God hates these things.

Without the Blood of Jesus, evil has access into your life. You will be constantly looking over your shoulder all the time. In the Old Testament the Blood of animals temporarily cleansed people of sin and protected them. When God sent an angel of death through Egypt to kill all the first borns, He instructed Moses to put animal blood on the door posts so that the angel of death would pass-over those houses covered by the Blood and they would not be harmed, Exodus: 12:7 & Exodus 12:13). In the New Testament God reaffirms this by saying that the Blood of Jesus was a sacrifice made once and for all to take away all sins and bad luck as we call it (hence there is no need for the blood of goats). The thinking in the black community and other nations as well who do not serve Jesus as the Son of God is that blessings and protection are through the Blood of animals. This is not just one sacrifice, you do it over and over again. With the Blood of Jesus it is easy because He was the sacrifice once and for all (Hebrews 9:25-26). I used to believe in the blood of goats and chickens with a passion but I did not know any better. When you do these things out of ignorance God still protects you but will send you signs that He is there. If you do not take heed then you are headed for trouble. The only thing that the devil is afraid of is the Blood of Jesus because He knows that it gives born again believers authority and power (Matthew 28:18-19 Jesus approached and, breaking the silence, said to them, All authority all power of rule in Heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Go then and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them into the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit). He has been given the power and because we are in Him and Him in us we also have the same authority.

I do not know how to thank God for the Blood of Jesus. Where would I be without Calvary?

With the Blood of Jesus we have divine protection (Revelation 10:12 and they overcome him by the Blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony). We overcome satan by the Blood of Jesus.

EVIL SPIRITS

When things got really worse last year (2012), I was in the garage and it seemed like I had my car keys and locking and unlocking the car. The sound was there but without the lights, it was just like in the horror movies, this was when I began to develop a little fear. Before this happened, there would be a sound like a huge wind on top of the garage and I told myself this evil had another thing coming. Believe me, no muti helped here. On other occasions there would be loud foot steps in the ceiling and when we called ADT it did not help, they could not find anything. A few years ago my daughter used to complain that there was a police officer who sat on her at night and scared her. She would call out to us screaming and crying. Sometimes in the middle of the night I would hear a heavy sound in her bedroom, something as heavy as a table being thrown against the wall. Only Jesus pulled me out of this one as well (Psalm 121:7-8 the Lord will protect you from all danger, He will keep you safe. He will protect you as you come and go now and forever more). I feel completely safe because I know He never sleeps and watches over me all the time. He is my rock and my hiding place forever and ever. We used to have a huge problem with amashongololo in the house. It was terrible and I used to be terrified of them when I was still in crèche. I do not remember much from those days but my experience with amashongololo on my way to crèche is so vivid. There was a small path we had to walk through on our way to crèche and they were always on our path. It would be a mission to cross it. Satan uses those things we fear to torture us.

In October last year (2012) we bought our daughter a puppy. At this time I was in my fourth month in my relationship with Jesus. When we brought the puppy home it was fragile (6 weeks) and I kept her in the house. For about two days she made sounds like a cat. This put us in an awkward position because when we were praying with the Zion brothers and sisters there were cats at the gate that cried at about four in the morning. They cried like they were being slaughtered. The Prophets sprinkled water mixed with coarse salt before this happened. They bothered us for a couple of days. Satan can manipulate the physical environment and I already knew this. His plan was to get us be concerned about what the neighbors would say when the sound came from the house so that we would get rid of the dog and cause strife in our family. He knows that where there is strife the Holy Spirit cannot work. As the Holy Spirit made me understand the importance to spend time with Him everyday I knew that I had to stay in the word and pray. I used to confess all things work for good for those who believe (Romans 8:28 all things work for good for those who love Him, those whom he has called according to His purpose). Satan always wants us to do something about our situations without seeking guidance from God first and waiting on Him. Had I not have believed that Jesus is the answer to every problem, I was going to get rid of the dog, break my daughter’s heart and bring strife into my home. Sowing the word is important as that is how you change circumstances around you. God wants you to do this because Jesus gave the authority and paid a heavy price for you to have dominion (James 3:18 and goodness is the harvest that is produced from the seeds the peacemakers plant in peace). It is critical to avoid strife at all cost. Rather be an idiot and just pray. Someone else would think you do not want to be in control and are irresponsible. Well, Jesus is responsible for you, so it is okay for them to say that. After a few days the sound she made was gone and satan lost, He lost at the Cross when Jesus crippled Him, we just walked in His victory. I am not worthy for what God does for and I just never get why He does the things He does for me. I look back and think of the things I did and I realize how much I have been forgiven through Christ Jesus. With this in mind I cannot stay with an unforgiving heart not unless I thought I am bigger than God. I am just not worthy at all but I am thankful. Our dog only started to bark after a year, I was getting worried about her because I have never see a dog that could not bark, he was under satan’s oppression.

As I am writing today (22/10/2013), I heard a big banging sound in the ceiling, satan hates it when we spread the word about Jesus because He knows it is going to set people free. Listen now, I know I have authority over Him in Christ Jesus, I just said satan I resist you, go away in the name of Jesus. His little demons run for their lives in the mention of the name Jesus (Mark 16:17 believers will be given the power to perform miracles: they will drive out demons in my name). I remember I used to get so terrified before and went to stay outside the house. Now in Jesus name, I go nowhere, satan and his demons go in Jesus’s name. He uses fear to torment us because where there is fear, faith gets suffocated and he can manipulate the physical environment so well. He will always try but if you are born again and have the Spirit of the Living God in you, he cannot affect you.

CONTROL OVER EMOTIONS

When you are distanced from God you easily fall into sin and addictions take their toll, it may be food, alcohol or just terrible thoughts that you cannot even tell your best friend. Outbursts of anger are easily manifested. I used to be obsessed about customer service and made sure I gave someone a piece of my mind when I was not satisfied with the service. As sweet as I was, I would just turn into someone else and feel ashamed after that because of being so rude but I would never apologize. Things I was not happy about were legit but how I went about it was just terrible. It was very easy for me to call a person an idiot right in their face and how undeserving they were to be in that position because they did not have work ethic. Come to think of it, none of us deserve a thing in this life because of our sins. God was just too merciful to forgive our sins and take us back as His children by punishing Jesus at the Cross for us (1 John 1:2 and Christ Himself is the means by which our sins are forgiven and not our sins only, but also the sins of everyone & Isaiah 53:4 but He endured the suffering that should have been ours, the pain that we should have borne). What we deserve is punishment which He poured on Jesus. When God was changing me, which He will be continually doing until Jesus comes back, I used to get embarrassed when I had to go back to the places where I made a scene because I was not that person anymore. I carried a lot of rejection which manifested itself in anger hence I would react very quickly in a terrible way when I did not get service that I expected. When it comes to customer service, customers just need customer service, just for people to do what they are required to do.. Where one encounters exceptional customer service then it just becomes an exception not the norm. I on the other hand was passionate about customer service because I worked in a call center, it is the only experience I had which involved a whole lot of complaining customers but I loved it.

Driving used to be a nightmare. At the time it was normal for me to be angry in the street while driving and just swearing back if I was sworn at. Using very bad language and using finger language was just spontaneous for me. Somehow I felt like all the time when I drove I had to encounter someone who had to hoot at me or just complain. Retaliating gave me a sense of control and being able to defend myself but then it stole my joy. I would go on for hours being miserable. There was a day at my child’s school when I parked in the wrong place, which everybody did anyway but when I came back I had a note on my windscreen with a whole lot of swearing on it. When I approached my car the lady, from a distance told me check the note on my windscreen. I did not really get to take a good look at her because it was from a distance. I did not even notice the car. Anyway, when I looked at the note, I wished she was there and believe me I would have physically attacked with everything I had. This takes me back to when I lost my first job, I was involved in a physical fight. I threw the first punch and the rest is history. I never told anyone at home though just my hubby. I just told them my assignment was a short one. What I learned at the time was to put my hands in my pockets. I learned by myself, I did not rely on Jesus hence when I was confronted with another situation I was ready to go at it again and fight. Only when God changes you does the change become permanent. Even when you have the same situation you do not go that far. The Holy Spirit quickly pulls you back to silence the flesh (emotions). In order for this to happen, you have to be in a close relationship with the Holy Ghost and enjoying Jesus on a daily basis. If not, you are bound to really blow things up. In certain instances things may go out of control a bit and you just repent and move on. The Holy Spirit will keep reminding you that you cannot go to bed angry otherwise your dreams will be messed up and make you feel miserable when you wake up in the morning (Ephesians 4:26 if you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day).

In October this year (2012), I bought a take away for my daughter for thirty six rand and I was charged three hundred and sixty rand on my debit card. It took five weeks for them to return my money back into my account. At first they told me that I had to get a bank statement from the bank and that was when I really told them they had to think again. The old me came to the fore but the difference was that I did not cripple anyone’s self- esteem. I just told them that their systems were inefficient, they may as well have taken the money out of the cash register and given it to me but they said it could not be done. My problem was the system because people are people and they do make mistakes hence when we build systems we make room for those mistakes and ways to remedy the situation when it arises. During the five weeks I was just amazed at how calm and patient I was. Someone nearly had me think that I had to really fight and prove a point that I was the customer. I thank Jesus that I hear His voice more than a human being’s voice (Hebrews 12:14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord). This verse does not mean that a person’s position of righteousness will change because they lost their temper (they do go to Heaven and God still loves them because they are born again), it means that one will not be able to hear God as they ought to, they lose sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. I never lost my peace even when I went in the store to buy and told them I was still waiting. I made sure I told them that had it not been for Jesus, I would have switched the engine off on the drive thru, taken the keys out and gave them a piece of my mind until they gave me my money (Proverbs 25:28 if you cannot control your anger, you are as hopeless as a city without walls, open to attack & Proverbs 16:32 it is better to be patient than powerful. It is better to win control over yourself than over whole cities).

HEARING PROBLEM

As a child I used to suffer from my ears producing too much ear wax. This started way back when I was in still in my early years of High School. When my ears got full I lost seventy five percent of my hearing. I used to go to Zola Clinic to have my ears syringed in order to get my hearing back. When I got there all the time they would tell me it was because I used ear buds to try clean my ears and it pushed the earwax further into the ear and caused partial loss of hearing. I then refrained from using an ear bud. I would just go to the Clinic to syringe. I remember the feeling I would have after syringing. Absolutely amazing, for me I heard amazing things, all sounds in the environment I was in. For someone else it would be a trivial thing because their ears were functioning well, I got super excited after the procedure. It got to a point where they refused to syringe me because syringing would cause damage on the eardrum because of the pressure of the procedure. I was not using ear buds anymore but partial deafness always came back. When I was working I went to GPs and the one Doctor tried to syringe me but it was not effective because it was a different kind of syringe with no pressure. I then went to an ENT at Lister building who advised me to use olive oil to soften the wax and then come back a few days later. I wanted a quick fix and I then I went to another one in Mulbarton Hospital who wanted to clean my ear with an instrument like a tiny teaspoon. The pain was excruciating and he resorted to putting me under general anesthesia. I was happy with this procedure. I could not always go to theatre all the time due to limit on the medical aid. When the earwax started again I then resorted to the oil that the Doctor at Lister building advised me on. At first it blocked my ears even more. I remember at work a colleague of mine used to make a joke about my hearing and said that he needed a loud speaker to speak to me even when he was right next to me. We used to have so much fun over this.

HEADACHE

As the years went by I developed a headache. This pain was only on the right of my head, not the entire head. When it stroke me, I would not be able to move, I had to just keep still. Any movement made it worse. I went to GPs, ENTs and all I could get was pain killers. I was told to drink water but I was drinking water. When I went to one ENT he checked me and found lumps around my neck. I remember he told me that he had something to discuss with me and if I was comfortable discussing it with my husband in the room. I just laughed and insisted he talked to both of us and he suggested that I might have been HIV positive. I went for the test and it came back negative by the Grace of God, at the time I knew nothing about. I then went to a Neurologist who did a brain scan and operated on me to check my lumps which the ENT was concerned about. Everything came back negative and the pain was eating me up alive. He prescribed pain killers. I had a friend of mine who got pregnant and somehow this softened my heart. I fell pregnant a few years later without planning it and I just did not have second thoughts about it. I was happy about it and I just did not even believe it myself. During the pregnancy I had no headache at all. After the baby was two months the headache intensified to the point of suicidal thoughts. I went to a sangoma and she told me that my ancestors were not happy and I had to go to the dam where they would ascertain that I was supposed to be a nyanga. At this point the pain was severe that I wished I had sleeping pills and end my life without even being mindful about leaving my family behind. I was never really convinced about this nyanga story so I opted to go to Lesedi clinic to consult a specialist physician. After a while, I was admitted into a Psychiatric ward because I was diagnosed with depression. I remember someone made a joke about me being admitted into a Psychiatric Hospital and I felt bad but never said anything. At the Hospital I consulted both a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist. The Psychiatrist asked me if I had suicidal thoughts and I painfully answered yes, holding my tears back. I remember we had a session as a group where we meditated, listened to this lady telling us to imagine we were in this peaceful place. We were also given CDs to listen to but it never helped. Results were just temporary. Upon being discharged the Doctor then prescribed Synape forte. I was tired of Panados because I would have to take them every hour because the intervals of the pain were very close and it was not working anymore. After the four months of leave were over I went back to work. On my first day when I had just done about ten kilometres, I had a panic attack while I was driving. I started crying uncontrollably for no reason at all. If I was out of the car I am sure I would have ran all over the place. By the Grace of God there were traffic officers nearby who came to me because I had my hazard indicator on. One of them saw the state I was in and he drove me back home while the others followed us. I wish I had taken their numbers to thank them for helping me. It was God’s hand at work and I did not know. My eldest brother was also admitted to Hospital for panic attacks, worse than mine though. Now I realize that there were no panic attacks but just demons. The Doctor moved me from Synape forte to a less strong pill, I do not remember which one. Later I had to go on Panados once more.

When you looked at me you would never have even realized that I had these things going on in my life. This is exactly how satan works. Now I understand how a person commits suicide. When you are not in that person’s position you will not understand, you would think the person is silly because you are looking at him/her life from a distance and deduce all is well. You do not know that the devil has them cornered and they see no way out. This is what the devil does when you are not under the mighty hand of God, he does as he pleases. Remember that without a body he cannot work, he uses people in your life. We should look beyond the people and identify the enemy for who he is. A person made in the image of God is not your enemy, they may consider you one but you do not have to see them as enemies otherwise you give satan an upper hand (Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places & Ephesians 4:27 don’t give the devil a chance).

One of my colleagues suggested that we go to Pastor Chris’s conference. God’s hand stretched out to me again and I did not realize it as usual. I thought Christians were just a bunch of people with no life and just in chains all the time. Little did I know that one can only find freedom where the Spirit of the Lord is (2 Corinthians 3:17 For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom). I was at home the other day, I do not know how I came across Pastor Chris Oyakhilome on television because I just never wanted anything to do with Christian gatherings, they annoyed me. The only part I saw was when he said there was a person with pain on the right hand side of their head, they should touch it and he prayed. At the time I took it by faith but I find it strange now because I wanted nothing to do with Christians. I guess God wanted to show me that I could trust Him and the Spirit of the Living God activated my faith because the faith that we have when we get born again is not ours, not natural, it is Jesus’s faith (Romans 12:3 ) and faith comes by hearing the Word of God. From that moment I was healed but still did not give God credit for it. A few months after the pain came back and something inside of me (The Holy Spirit) led me to pray the Lord’s prayer, I was with my husband in the car driving my son to school. I only remembered about two or three lines of the Lord ’s Prayer. When I started to pray it got better but I could not continue with the prayer because I did not remember it anymore and just did not believe it even though the Holy Spirit prompted me. I see why Jesus could not do many miracles in his own town because of the people’s unbelief (Mark 6:4-5 Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household." And He could do no miracle there except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. He wondered at their unbelief). God is not moved by need but faith. It does not have to be enormous faith but just believing that He is who He says He is, (Acts 3:13 the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob-the god of all our ancestors & Hebrews 11:6 And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him). I felt for a moment that it was helping but again it did not make sense that prayer would really help me. It is ironic because I knew I was healed when Pastor Chris was praying. I tried to think and found that it was not possible that I would pray myself and get healed. The thinking got in the way because I did not know the word of God. The only reference I had was experience and common sense which do not apply where Jesus is around. His Resurrection power dictates to our problems and His Word does exactly what God sends it to do (Isaiah 55:11 so also will be the Word that I speak-it will not fail to do what I plan for it, it will do everything that I send it to do). I suffered because of ignorance (Hosea 6:4 my people suffer because of lack of knowledge). The pain was back again and I went to the first nyanga we went to who told me that I had to be a nyanga myself and he said I was delaying the ancestors, I had to finish the process. In the interim my marriage was a mess, my children did not love me and my career was going nowhere. After a while the headache went away, God stretched out His Mighty loving hand to me again and I missed it as usual. The headache kept coming and going even when we were slaughtering goats for the ancestors. At first when I slaughtered a goat and practiced to interpret the bones I got better. I thought that was where my healing came from. Even the second time around I got better. This is satan’s way of luring us into the kingdom of darkness.

When one gets healed by sangomas, it does not mean that they are truly healed. These people get their power from demonic spirits (spirits of the dead). What happens is that they have power over these demons that torture us and they have the power to order them to stop. It is not really getting them out of your life but is simply a door for more demons to come in. Once one gets healed, somebody has to be glorified and it becomes the ancestors that we slaughter for (demons). It is not our real ancestors but imposters that use our ancestors to access our lives. They can disguise themselves as our ancestors to manipulate us (2 Corinthians 11:14 And no wonder, for satan himself masquerades as an angel of light). We open the door ourselves to even more powerful demons to torture us, we give them access. Remember that in ancient times, people used to cast out demons (exorcists). This was before Jesus came down on earth. They never drove out demons in the name of Jesus and glory never went to God but to the person or those spirits. Whoever you give glory to will control your life. In my case, I gave glory to demonic spirits not even being aware I was.

Satan is the author of idolatry. Even with sacrifices in the Old Testament, God put it clearly to the Israelites that sacrifices would be done at one place of worship that He chose (Deuteronomy 12:11-14). He does not however forbid us to just slaughter and enjoy the meat (Deuteronomy 12:20). In Leviticus 17:8-10 God says " Whoever of the house of Israel or of the strangers who dwell temporarily among you offers a burnt offering or sacrifice 9 And does not bring it to the door of the Tent of Meeting to offer it to the Lord shall be cut off from among his people. 10 Any one of the house of Israel or of the strangers who dwell temporarily among them who eats any kind of blood, against that person I will set My face and I will cut him off from among his people that he may not be included in the atonement made for them.

ADDICTION AND IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME

I used to suffer from bulimia for a long time. My teeth were never really white, they were yellowish because of constant throwing up. My metabolism was very slow even as a child, I never experienced going to the toilet everyday. As a grown up still I would go to the toilet after two or three days. I already accepted it as a condition that I had because it was slow from my childhood. When I was about nineteen I began to drink hot water with vinegar every morning. When I was doing my second year at Tertiary I threw up in the morning after drinking hot water with vinegar and that was the last time I drank it. I grew up fat and so I always had a weight problem. In my early twenties I joined a gym and drank lots of water and worked out everyday. My thinking was that drinking lots of water and working out would solve the problem. I was never a big eater, I just ate right. The condition got so bad to such an extent that when I ate out, the food refused to come out and I would be terribly bloated.

My tummy could only take fruit and veggies and when I put other yummy stuff like ribs it would go crazy. It could only take small portions. I would have intense stomach cramps and would not even be able to sleep well because of the bloating. I resorted to eating very small when we ate out. In the interim I worked out a lot and looked really good. On other days I would just binge because I would want to eat the amount of food I wanted to eat and enjoy it and then just throw up. I really got used to it and at the time it worked for me. My husband struggled with this for years, he could not get me stop, he did not know what to do anymore. My looks were such a priority and I did not want to lose my six pack because it really gave me the confidence that I needed. When I gained a little bit of weight I would obsess about it. At this time I had been to GPs already and always they would prescribe something that would never really help me that much. The doctors would always tell me about exercise, water and a healthy diet. I ate really small portions and did not really like simba chips and chocolates.

As my condition intensified, I began to crave chocolates and simba chips and romany creams. These are things I liked as a child not when I was a grown up. Often a craving would stem from my feelings. When I felt insecure, inadequate, just not progressive and somehow stagnant I would have up to six chocolates and mix with romany creams and then throw up. After this there was a sense of relief and I would feel that I was starting afresh and would not do it again. Even eating a slice of bread or a pie would get me bloated heavily. I used to like bananas as a child and would eat up to four at a time when I went to town with my mother. As an adult things were different, bananas and popcorn were a no go. I got to a point that when I ate a pie or fat cakes I would overeat because I did not see the point of just eating a little that would refuse to come out anyway. The easiest option was to binge because if I ate a small portion of bad food I would not be able to throw it up. The bigger the portion, the easier it was to throw it up and I would feel I did not eat a thing and start my day afresh. I got tired of going to GPs because I did not get help. I would try eating crackers to run away from the bad food but still I would have a whole packet of cream crackers which resulted in rash on the face. When I got bloated I would feel very heavy and gain three kilograms instantly. Water retention was order of the day when I was bloated. It would first show on my face. I used to buy herbex for water retention and bloating. After some time only a small portion of the food came out when I threw up. This was a problem for me because now I was used to just binge and throw up. I resorted to slimming tea, it worked amazingly because I would just have running tummy and all the food would be out, with all the nutrients though. I did not throw up anymore. I did not binge all the time but on certain occasions. I was not emotionally stable though because my marriage was on the rocks while I kept a smile on my face and a beautiful body but on the inside I was unhappy. Pretending to be happy is taxing. I developed tolerance to slimming tea and then tried hamburg tea. It was very strong but did the job. It made me happy because it took all the food out and I would not gain weight. When I was bloated and constipated my tummy would grow from a six pack to a four month pregnant woman and it would be terribly sore. When I tried to walk, a step I took would feel like I was walking on my stomach with the whole body weight. I remember I used to crawl from my bedroom to the toilet (about four metres) and my husband would have to wipe me because I could not even do it myself because of the pain. Hamburg tea did not work anymore and when I tried throwing up the food just did not want to come out.

Now my mission was to get as much information as I could on the internet. My daddy lost his battle to cancer of the pancreas. My daddy always had aloe at home which he drank frequently because he suffered from bloating and constipation as well. I developed a fear that I would have the cancer as well as I was constantly bloated and constipated. The only difference was that my dad, in his later stages of his cancer used to vomit a black substance which was sticky and thick. Not just a little vomit, a lot. I began to worry about my daughter as she was also starting to get bloated. She did not go to toilet everyday and I was thinking of having changing her diet to a healthy one but could not. I had to ask her everyday whether she went to the toilet or not. It used to be after two days or so and it worried me because she also had stomach cramps. I always used to have scopex at home.

At night, under the blankets I used to Google in search for a solution. I came across so many people with the same condition and it gave me a sense of comfort that I was not alone. I picked up that apples, pears, broccoli, cauliflower, bananas, milk, starch, red meat, yoghurt were not good for me. I found out that yoghurt with live cultures was good for me. I began to choose my food carefully and I was better. This only lasted for a short while, I am human and I wanted to eat like everybody else and I was back to being tempted to eat bread or a take away. I came across metabolism boosting foods and smoothies, most of which were not nice as they had carrots and spinach. This smoothie I did only once and never again. I had a list which had foods that caused constipation and bloating. Fruit which helped me a little with were blueberries, kiwi, paw-paw and water-melon. Veggies were lettuce, tomato, spinach green beans and squash. When it came to constipation good food was kiwi, guava. All this choosing of fruit and veggies was taxing on me. Initially I thought all fruit and vegetables were good for our digestive system. I called this condition my problem and it really became my problem, I owned it. At the time I did not even know Jesus and how to use God’s word to speak to my circumstances. I did not know that I was a citizen of Heaven and the right I had to healing which Jesus gave me when He was at the Cross. I would sometimes compensate by eating amakip-kip (colour pocorn) which would get me even more constipated. I resorted to enema from the chemist. It did not work at all. I saw a procedure on the internet where you go and they clean your inside to get rid of everything that could not come out. I remember my hubby and I going to Rosebank in a house which was used as an office. I do not remember what the nature of the business was but the people we were looking for were working from the cottage but they were not there at the time. When we tried to call them, they did not answer so we gave up on that procedure. I tried digestive enzymes which were a complete waste of time because they did not work at all. At this point I took some days off gym because I did not have my throwing up and tea to help me. I have never been a person who ate breakfast and some people suggested that it might have contributed to the problem but I just knew that was not true. There was a time when I joined Sureslim and it did not help me at all. My body was ideal at the time and I don’t really know why I joined. Some people suggested that I drink more water, I could not even respond to this because I was drinking way too much water. My days were very inconsistent, two days I would be okay and one day I would be back to square one. Sometimes I would be okay for the whole week depending on the food that I ate. My metabolism was super slow still. I used to stick to kiwi, berries and a smoothie (pineapple, pa-paw and orange). Being deprived of food was taxing though. I went to see a Gastroenterologist and he did colonoscopy and everything was okay inside. He asked me to look around and check if there were any people my age there. Not at all but I was relieved that there was a queue which meant I was not the only one with this problem. He told me that I had to choose fruit, veggies and no carbohydrates at all, he actually confirmed my theory that I had to choose fruit and veggies and not to eat carbohydrates. He also confirmed that All bran caused bloating as well which is contrary to what All bran has to do. He prescribed probi-flora which only worked for a short while and I was back at it again because I would just want to eat real food. I was on the internet again and came across oxygen pills from House of Isis in Rosebank. These pills worked wonders. I used to take eighteen capsules per day. I was truly relieved and back to gym again full force. They are called oxygen pills and to me they were like oxygen. As is the case with all pills, I developed tolerance. No Doctor, ancestors, nyanga or sangoma could help me in this regard. What Jesus did for me was to rewrite my genetic make up. There is nothing like a hereditary disease, it is a generational curse and comes from the pit of hell. Only the Blood of Jesus can break this curse.

BACK PAIN, FATIGUE, DIZZINESS, SWEATING AND SLEEPING PROBLEMS

I used suffer from back pain, lower back. Every morning when I woke up I used to feel like I was run over by a truck and had to drag myself for the first hour of the morning. At this point I was tired of Doctors because I was not getting any help.

I remember when we went to this nyanga who was initiating me that I used to sleep each time he spoke to us. I would listen for the first few minutes and eighty percent of the time I was asleep. He used to say it was the ancestors making me sleep. My shoulders used to feel very heavy. He attributed it to the ancestors. This is an indication that you are under satan’s attack but I did not know this as I was yielding to his will.

I would go to gym but when I came in the house I would feel a little dizzy and tired, at this point it was never very hectic, it was just occasional and I was used to it. When I was outside the house I was okay, the trouble would start when I came in the house. My looks never showed it at all but I would be walking feeling very dizzy. As a child I have always suffered from slight dizziness and for me it was not out of the ordinary. As an adult I suffered from insomnia, I just could not sleep at night. Around twelve or one o’clock in the morning I would not have any sleep at all. It is okay to just have no sleep and lie there thinking. I used to lie awake dizzy. I used to lie down but my stomach and my head would be turning. In my head I would see objects with abnormal sizes. I would see a house that was small like a matchbox and a couch that was large like castle. Sometimes it would be different objects though. The experience was terrible because it was coupled by heavy dizziness. As a child I experienced this a lot and then it started again when I was older. It would come and go.

Late 2011, I began to have someone (an evil spirit) coming in the house when we were asleep. Immediately I would not be able to move or talk even when I tried to. I felt like there was a force holding me down. After that this person would hit me and I would try to hit back but could not. I was not scared at all at this time because I knew I was in a battle and my ancestors would fight for me. Little did I know they could not. I remember telling my husband that the only thing I was waiting for to scare me was if a lion appeared before me. I had this much bravery because I had Christ in me but did not realize it. I tried to fight out of my own efforts. No blood of goats helped me in this regard because the nyanga that was initiating me said that slaughtering would help. It never did, no sangoma and Doctor could help me here. I was on my own. Sometimes the sangoma would give us something to burn in the house so I could sleep but it would only work for a few days and then it would be back to square one. Only the blood of Jesus can protect you against evil. When God sent an angel of death through Egypt to kill all the first born sons, He instructed Moses to put animal blood on the door post so that the angel of death would Passover the houses covered by the Blood and not be harmed ( Exodus 12:7 & Exodus 12:13). In the New Testament God reaffirms this by saying that the Blood of Jesus was a sacrifice made once and for all to take away all sins and bad luck as we call it hence there is no need for the blood of goats (Hebrews 9: 25-26). Glory be to King Jesus! I sleep like a baby, He does keep His promises (Psalm 3:5 I lie down and sleep, and all night long the Lord protects me).

When I went to Doctors about dizziness and fatigue they would question my diet and assumed that it was a lack of nutrients in the body. I did not eat breakfast and even now I just eat breakfast occasionally but I have Divine health by the Blood of Jesus. I respect Doctors because God has made them but there are certain sicknesses that only the Blood of Jesus can heal. When you are not covered by the Blood of Jesus you are not safe. The enemy can devour you anytime (1 Peter 5:8 Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring in fierce hunger, seeking someone to seize upon and devour ). He is not in a hurry, one step at a time until the illness becomes part of you and you accept it. Now I tolerate no sickness in my body. I know I am a citizen of Heaven because I am born again and I have rights. I have a right to have a healthy body because God says so (Proverbs 4:20-22 My son, give attention to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your eyes; Keep them in the midst of your heart; For they are life to those who find them, And health to all their flesh). What I love about the word of God is that it is true, mighty powerful and will never change, just like Him.

In 2009 my husband lost his job and I had no choice but to let go of the helper that I had at the time in order to cut costs. We worked with my sister who helped us a lot but we had too many debts and it could not cover all our costs. In 2010 by the Grace of God he found another job which paid him far less than he used to earn but at-least it was a salary. Now I was back to my helpers but I fired and hired all the time. When I fired them I could not do the work myself. I would do it for two days but it would leave me tired and I would have to go without a helper for weeks before I found another one. I could not find a helper that could cope with the washing even though we used a washing machine. I remember one Saturday I hired one. I picked her up from the Mall. I thought it would be an idea to buy her a pie before she started working. When we got home I showed her the washing and then I had to leave for gym. When I came back around twelve, she was gone. My son said that after I had left she asked which door she came through. The washing was only for a week. I am sure she took one look at the washing and realized that it was just not for her, she was gone and my son and I made a joke about this one. I kept on hiring and firing still. Only two of the helpers that I had could fit windows into their schedule. I started to do the washing myself but ironing became a problem. I had to sit with a lot of unironed clothes in the garage. When I tried to do the washing myself I would feel like I was touching needles and I just stayed away from it.

In 2011 my dizziness intensified and my days at the gym shrunk terribly. I would panic about taking my daughter to school and fetching her. My hours in a day shortened, time would just go by without me noticing and in no time I had to go fetch my daughter from school. I felt like such a loser when everyone in the house went out to school and work and when I looked around I had not done a single thing because the fatigue and the dizziness were taking their tall. I missed by daughter’s graduation at school because I was just in a terrible state. She was so sad because all the other children’s moms were there. I could not really tell my children things I was going through, I just said I was not feeling well. My daughter cried because the sickness did not show in me, from the outside I looked fine. I was worried about going on vacation because I had already made all the arrangements but I could see that it was not going to be possible for me to go. A week before the vacation I began to itch, the whole body was itchy. It would happen in intervals. This was when I told myself the vacation was just not possible that year. By God’s Grace the itching stopped two days before we departed. When we were in Durban I was perfectly fine, no dizziness, no fatigue, no headache and I wished we would just live there and not go back home. The only problem that I had was bloating and constipation. I could not eat as much and always had to go to gym in the morning before breakfast. When we came back from Durban everything started from scratch again. I just felt helpless and regretted the day I was born because I was losing passion and the will to live. I went to a marathon at Virgin Active Soweto, I always went to marathons. About two weeks before this I just felt like saying egameni lika Yise, u-Nyana noMoya oyingcwele (in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit) when I phahla (spoke to ancestors). Ukuphahla for me was like prayer to my ancestors. There was no particular reason why I began to say this. Somehow there was a bit of change in me. When I was at the gym after a shower, I was fastening my bra when I felt my muscles below my left shoulder twisting and pulling inside. I wanted to ask for help but I could not speak. I felt extremely weak and I had never in my life experienced such intense dizziness. I felt myself slipping out of my body and could not ask for help still because I could not talk, I was slipping into a bad place, it was horrible. I am in tears right now because writing about this part of my testimony is hard, that day is very vivid in my mind. By the Grace of God there were ladies with me and they held me before I could fall. When I felt that I was back in my body I saw them blowing air for me with their towels, I was dripping wet with sweat. I think that was supposed to be my last day, in satan’s calendar. When I told people that were supposed to be concerned about me, the only response I got after telling them I had a near death experience was "mmhhh". The other made a joke about it but deep down I knew I was not loved but just tolerated. It hurt me very badly but I just kept quiet as usual. Sometimes in life the very people who are supposed to shout and defend you, just turn the other way.

I used to have a sweating problem. At the gym I would sweat a lot but I just thought it was normal and I was burning a whole lot of fat. Even during the day I used to sweat hence I always bought sleeveless clothes. In 2011 in intensified terribly. I remember one day I went to do my hair and I was the second client on that day. It was just the two of us. The wait was for about an hour but when she was done with me my armpits were so wet. The sweat covered an area as big as a soccer ball. I was wearing a green shirt which had only short sleeves, it covered only the shoulder. When I went out I was so embarrassed by the sweat because I had never in my life seen even a man sweating like that. The thought of going to fetch my child from school like that made me feel uncomfortable. I had to go back home to change the top. In 2012 it got even worse. I changed my nightdress three to four times in one night. What was odd was that I was ten kilogrammes lighter than I am now. My bed would be terribly wet to the point that it would feel like someone just poured water on it. When I took out the nightdress, I would ring it and sweat would drop like water. Amazingly the Blood of Jesus healed me and now I sleep with a thick winter nightdress as opposed to when I used to sleep with the super light ones. Not even a drop of sweat comes out of my skin. Today was very hot (29/09/2013) and I was wearing a jacket the whole day and I did not even have a drop of sweat. I do not use expensive roll on anymore but I am super dry by the Blood of Jesus. There was a time I used to Google sweat problems and I never won as usual. I do not remember which programme I was watching the other day but there was a procedure that was done to minimize sweat problems. I respect doctors but that would have been a very long route which would have just minimized the problem. Jesus does not minimize, He takes away all sicknesses (Isaiah 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed ).

OUR FAMILIES

When you are not under the mighty hand of God you are under satan’s control and do not even realize it. We used to have horrific dreams, my husband, son and daughter. Stress was order of the day. What I thank God for is the ability He gave me to keep my children safe from all the drama. We create the problems and have our children carry the burden as well. In most instances I found that the one partner tries to defend themselves by exposing the other and children are now like the jury. The one partner tries to win them by exposing the other and vice versa, it is just inexcusable. Rather be seen as a bad party, it is okay, as long as you protect your children. Our children were not there when we decided to date and they were not part of decision making when we decided to mess up. They should never be exposed to what parents go through. They may pick up something is not well when the marriage is on the rocks but we need to try and put on a good show for their sake. It is sad that they have to carry such a heavy burden, they are only children, it is not fair. Without the love of God in you, you cannot fix your marriage. You only need Jesus living in you and showing you what love is so that you will be able to give it. Human love is limited to when things are well but when the going gets tough and the person tells you they love you but act contrary to that, then you retaliate by loving them less too. This is human nature and we cannot run away from it. A strong nation begins with a strong family unit. I really got to understand this even more last week. When there is an emotional gap and pretence in a marriage, it impacts children in an immense way. The one thing I learned was that as a couple, we need to know that nothing is about us as individuals, but about Christ. Where there is unity there is power but satan works hard to steal this.

There are things in the natural that we should ignore e.g. weight gain may be a problem in a relationship, as insignificant as it sounds, it may have a devastating impact on our relationships. When this happens, it changes our perception about how our partners view us. It is just perception not a true reflection of how things are. We are not sovereign beings and satan capitalizes with every situation and puts thoughts in our heads and our flesh responds very well to this. The only weapon is taking the situation to Jesus and allow Him to deal with our hearts inside out. We do have to take care of our bodies but not from an angle of desperation but taking care of God’s Temple (our bodies). These small issues have an impact in the spiritual world, we have to guard our hearts at all costs. A woman’s place is on her knees in prayer at all times, not only when the going gets tough but giving praise to God at all times. When there are challenges, I have learned to meditate on Romans 8:28 all things work for good for those who believe and Isaiah 54:17 no weapon formed against me shall prosper in Jesus’s Mighty name. The enemy is always at work and speaking the Word of God is key, not positive talk because God’s Word carries power and authority. In every situation we need to zoom in and identify the enemy, satan, not a human being (1 Peter 5:8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour). In the natural it seems like it is a person who is an enemy, this is not true, he uses people and no one belongs to him because he did not create a single human being. What I love about God is that He responds to prayer. What is critical though is to always take care of our hearts, no bitterness, anger, unforgiveness and taking offense should reside in our hearts. When it comes, we need to take it to Jesus through prayer and using the Word of God. We have been forgiven to forgive others and satan hates this because he knows he will have less access to us. The Word of God can melt our hearts and keep out the negative thoughts in our heads (2 Corinthians 10:5 we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ). Only the nature of God in us can establish strong, stable families. I respect psychologists and therapists but they can only do so much. Therapy is temporary, Jesus on the other hand fixes relationships permanently. What is amazing is that He will make your partner love and respect you. He can only change us when we are being honest about what we go through and admit when He shows us our faults, He loves a repentant heart. He is perfect and He is a Supernatural God, there is no god like our God ‘’akekho omunye u-Msindisi, akekho omunye onoThando, akekho amunye wangifela’’ (there is no other Savior who died for me and loves me) that is why. What we need to realize is that we have to be in a position of helplessness in order for God to help us. He does not help those who help themselves, He helps those who confess that they cannot do it on their own, they need Jesus. When you try to help yourself He will step aside and just look at you, He helps those who cannot help themselves (Hebrews 4:10 for those who received that rest which God promised, will rest from their own work, just as God rested from His). When you rest, it is not physical rest, it involves praying, confessing the promises of God when you speak to your problem and reading your Bible, you will access Grace. Our problems are spiritual hence they can hear us. They can only hear and bow down to the Word of God in Jesus’s name. Positive talk does not carry weight, it makes you feel good but the devil will still make you a punching bag. When you do not speak the Word of God and speak what you see, you will always live in the natural and never tap into the supernatural which manifests itself in the natural after the Word has been spoken. When you are born again you operate like God operates, you speak the same way He spoke when He created the Universe.

The more we slaughtered goats in the hope of making things better, they got worse. In the midst of this God gives you relief still and you think it is the blood of goats or your ancestors (Hebrews 13:15 let us then always offer praise to God as our sacrifice through Jesus, which is the offering presented by lips that confess Him as Lord; Romans 10:9 if you confess that Jesus is Lord and believe that God raised Him from death you will be saved & Hebrews 10:5 for this reason when Christ was about to enter the world, He said to God : You do not want sacrifices and offerings, but you have prepared a body for me. You are not pleased with animals burnt whole on the alter or with sacrifices to take away sins).

The Psalmist prophesied about our Messiah, King Jesus in Psalm 40:6-8 Sacrifice and meal offering You have not desired; My ears You have opened; Burnt offering and sin offering You have not required. 7Then I said, "Behold, I come; In the scroll of the book it is written of me".

As I have clarified earlier, ancestors are alive worshipping Jesus in Heaven hence we do not worship them but worship Jesus as they do as well. Ancestors were created by God, how then can we worship the created instead of the Creator? I certainly do not want my children to worship me , I did not created the universe, moreover, when I die I will not rise again on the third day. I was born the same way every human being is born. Jesus was there before the beginning of time John 1:1 -4 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 The same was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men". This is the foundation I have given my children, Christ is different because He was born of the virgin Mary. Nothing in the physical (between a man and a woman) took place for Him to be conceived (Luke 1:26-38). Unlike John the Baptist, the parents were old but God gave them the ability in their old age (Luke 1:5-25). Same thing with Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 17:16-17). Making Jesus Lord of your life translates into Him taking all your problems away for free. I do not know how much money I spent to get rid of my problems, all in vain.

Often when the love is gone in a marriage we pretend to be happy when we are not. Sometimes we find ways of making ourselves happy which in the long run bring us more trouble. We end up regretting the bad choices that we made and live with shame and guilt. At the time we felt justified doing things to make ourselves happy because our partners were just not interested in us anymore. Often we do things that we do not want to do but feel compelled because of the situation we find ourselves in. When you do not have Jesus as your counsellor this is order of the day. I know people like being self-righteous and have a holier than thou attitude but let me tell you, deep down you know things that you have done or thoughts that you had but would never disclose to anyone. This is where Jesus comes in to heal our wounds and love us so that we can love our partners and children unconditionally. We can then raise them in a way that God wants us to. The only way to a stable, strong and loving family life is Jesus (John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"). The solution to our problems starts with us being honest with ourselves. I used to engage in self deception and pretending when I was with others that I was happily married. It was just a defense mechanism which did not last long. You talk happily married and act the opposite way, human nature again. When things got really bad in 2009 I had to tell my friends and acquaintances, somehow it made me feel better. What is ideal though is to tell Jesus about it because you know He will sort it out. A human being will advise you based on their experience which is limited to what a person can do. We serve a God of impossibilities and His power is limitless (Numbers 11:23). When God created Adam and Eve, He created stability which Adam gave away to satan. With the coming of the Messiah, the Son of the Living God, dominion is ours again just like it was in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 1:28 God blessed them and said to them, "be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature & Luke 9:1 when Jesus had called all the twelve together, He gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and cure diseases). Adam and Eve were happy and had everything they needed, when the snake came into the picture, everything was messed up. With Jesus in our lives we have to be bold that Jesus bought us healthy families by His blood. When God created them He intended for them to always be together. When the stability in your family is disrupted, know satan is stealing from you. The solution is being born again, pray, read and confess the Word of God. You need to hear God’s voice to claim your family back. Being in a loveless marriage is no child’s play, it’s horrible. You may not get divorced but miserable, not worth it. You live in the same house but live different lives and always putting on a picture on the outside, it hurt. Only Jesus can make your husband love you, He gives him supernatural ability which starts with loving Jesus first and then you.

Denying that I had problems in my marriage was just a defense mechanism to protect myself from the hurt. I put on a happy face all the time in public but I was drowning in my sorrow. I could not tell them at home, the Holy Spirit just could not let me. At the time I did not even know it was the Holy Spirit, I thought it was my ancestors. The marriage moved from bad to worse.

I love my kids in a different way now and can boldly confess that I never truly loved them with unconditional love . I loved them with cheap human love. This human love makes us write off and mistreat our children when they put us in shame with the things they do. Some resort to beating up older children out of frustration. A person may feel justified to do this but it pushes the child further away from you, it should not be like that. It is completely understandable because you do not have the love of God in you, human nature is manifesting itself. Even if you are born again and have the Love of God in you, you are not walking in the spirit yet and not relying on Him to guide on how to raise each child because they are different. Some are strong willed and you just cannot try to take that away from them, it is for a purpose that they were created like that. You need the Holy Ghost to shape their behaviour in the way that God wants. Resorting to physical punishment is okay only with small children. With older children, the devil throws a party in hell, firecrackers and the biggest balloons ever. If you are a born again child of God and still struggle with beating up your children, shouting at them, threatening them and writing them off or losing your temper more than you ought to, you need to get closer to Jesus everyday so that He can guide you on how handle the child (read your Bible every day and pray).

This testimony is not very old (July-August 2014). I had a problem with my twenty two year old. He just did not want to go to church anymore, he hid behind his studies. On the one day I lost it and I told him he could just go stay with my other relatives who did not want this going to church stuff. That was harsh of me but I thought I had to take a stand. From that day on he switched off. He spoke to me only when I spoke to him, very short answers, no conversations anymore. I tried to have other children over who were his age from the church and I think I just made the situation worse. I could feel he hated me. I asked God if I had to go and apologize and He just did not answer me. I did it anyway but it did not help. I stayed praying for him and there would be change but when he started being chicky and leaving everything lying around, the basin a mess after brushing his teeth, I just thought to myself I could not wait until he got a job maybe in Durban and go live there. I really thought that I had done my job as a parent, he has a qualification and the rest is up to him. On the other hand I was praying for him.

In August the Holy Ghost revealed to me that he was not changing because I was a hypocrite, you cannot pray for someone and then when they do exactly what you are asking God to change you love them a little less or just feel that they are driving you up the wall. I was very happy when I saw small changes but this was inconsistent. I was compelled to do it God’s way. He did not want my attitude towards my child to change even if he did wrong because God does not treat us like that. He wanted me to love him still even if I had to pick after him. I asked Him to love my son through me and give me the strength to do it His way. He does not want us to write off our children when they do bad. They do not have to deserve our love, we simply have to love them. He then gave me a scripture Isaiah 54:13 where He says He will teach our children Himself and give them peace in every area of their lives. Initially I was using Isaiah 44:3-4 For I will pour water on him who is thirsty, And floods on the dry ground; I will pour My Spirit on your descendants, And My blessing on your offspring; 4 They will spring up among the grass Like willows by the watercourses.’ 5 One will say, ‘I am the Lord’s’; Another will call himself by the name of Jacob; Another will write with his hand, ‘The Lord’s,’ And name himself by the name of Israel". This did not work because I was a hypocrite. In Isaiah 43:18 He says "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past". When I first got this scripture, it was for someone else but from this verse my eyes jumped to Isaiah 43:25 "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more". Observe how He starts by saying, forget the past in verse 18 and then says He has forgiven our sins and will not remember them anymore. What I was doing was contrary to the Word. I did not treat my child the same way God treated me. Each time he did something I would quickly pull out (in my mind) what he had done before and then it would aggravate me, although I did not say anything because I knew satan thrives in strife. I knew that if he was walking in the spirit life would be easier, this is Isaiah 44:3-4. You see why it did not work, hypocrisy. Even when I was trying this route I would tell him to do something and he would not. Now things are different, it has only been about two weeks since I have been doing it God’s way. I was watching TV the other day and he did not really block my view but he almost jumped out of his seat asking if he did not block my view. This was huge for me. He began to do dishes, clean his room, watched his favourite programmes like Joel Oesteen. When I ask him to do something he does it and if he forgets he apologizes. We even have conversations that he initiates, it is just amazing. He talks a lot but I appreciate it. Before, he was getting distant even with his eight year old sister. Now they are as close as can be, Jesus has filled the gap. They have always been close but each time satan had access, there was a gap. I remember when I was still being a hypocrite, I used to wake up in the morning and praise God in advance for changing him and glorify God but I did not do it God’s way, that is why it never worked.

Now (October 2014), my home has supernatural peace, His peace (John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid). This is Heaven on earth. Let us look at the Lord’s prayer (Matthew 6:10 your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven). We need to pray prayers that bring Heaven down here, this takes walking in the spirit though. I will never forget the day when the Holy Spirit told me that "IGQITYIWE" (IT IS DONE). With every challenge I come across I know the solution is already there. This is exactly what Jesus died, for us to have dominion, taking us right back to our original state before the fall of Adam. We are not just saved to eagerly await the Rapture, there is work to be done.

We already have the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things). The issue is letting it manifest in the natural. When you have tried it all except Jesus, this is the time turn to Him (Deuteronomy 4:30-31 when you are in trouble and all those things happen to you, then you will finally turn to the Lord and obey Him. He is a merciful God. He will not abandon you or destroy you, He will not forget the Covenant that He Himself made with your ancestors & Hebrews 3:15 if you hear God’s voice today do not be stubborn as your ancestors were when they rebelled against God). God’s voice is talking to you now, to give your problems to Jesus (Matthew 11:28 Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest). God has just been merciful to us and we know we just don’t deserve it. When you are under satan’s control your conscience does not function properly. Well what can you expect, when a baby is born into this world their daddy is satan because they are born into sin, and Jesus came to give us life, not to make bad people good (1 Corinthians 15:22 for as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive). When Adam sinned in the Garden of Eden, sin and death entered the world. They were distanced from God like any person in the present age who has not made Jesus Lord over their lives. When they die they die and go to Hell, they will never go to Heaven (John 3:16 for God so loved the world He gave His only Son begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life). Without Jesus we have the nature of satan and that is why we hurt each other so easily without even thinking twice about it. Just observe how selfish a small child is, he does not have to be taught this, it comes naturally. No one teaches a child to be selfish, it is innate. Sigmund Freud, the father of Psychoanalysis call this stage the id, where the child would pull out any stops to get what they want when they want it. observe human beings, there are people who would destroy other people’s reputation, their lives and even kills to satisfy the pressing need that they have. Life only begins when you are born again and walking with Jesus. He gives you a taste of Heaven on earth. There is this song in Zulu "akukho ukuphumula lapha emhlabeni" (there is no rest here on earth, life is hard). This song was appropriate back then because we had not known the truth about God’s rest in Christ Jesus. When you are born again and walking in the spirit, He teaches you right from wrong in a Fatherly way, things you used to do without feeling anything begin to feel uncomfortable. How you perceive God will determine the impact He has in your life. Once you know that you have been forgiven once and for all by the Precious Blood of Jesus (Romans 4:7 Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord will never count against them & Psalm 32:1-2 Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the LORD does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit), this is bound to fill you with gratitude because you know you do not deserve it. Moreover, such a Big God having an interest on how you feel, what hurts you, what makes you laugh, what you need, just makes you humble. I believe He can change any heart. People that go around displaying a tough look and control on the outside and hurting others along the way are really hurt individuals themselves. They have mastered the art of being harsh in order to protect themselves. This is an ego defense mechanism which never yields positive results in the long run. One protects themselves from hurt and disorganization due to past experiences.

My daughter used to live with my mother since she was nine months old. Before then she used to live with my mother in law but when she passed, my mother had to take her because I preferred my family to raise her than a helper. We would fetch her over the weekend and sometimes did not as I worked on some weekends. I took her back when she was four. She never ate anything I cooked and she just said she hated me all the time, never told me she loved me. Someone used to make a joke about my daughter not loving me and loving her dad, it hurt but I never said a thing because it was evident but I did not know why. She had a hard time hugging me, it was as if I had visible germs. Her staple food was vanilla custard. She would eat bread when I made her but not cooked food, she said it was the worst food without even tasting it. Since she was two until she was six and a half, she never really knew a mother daughter relationship. Satan just stole four and a half years from us. When she came back to live with me she was impossible to prepare for school. I had a wonderful helper then, who really took care of her. I would observe how much she struggled to prepare her in the morning. Eventually she left and I had to prepare her myself as I was still looking at staffing again. It was hard, she would scream like she was being beaten and scream "leave me alone’’. Looking at her being the way she was hurt me badly because I did not know what to do. Sometimes when she was in the car already, she would just pee deliberately. She would have an expression which said, yes got you now. When I dropped her off at creche you would think that she would cry, not at all. She was very, very bold, not a tear. When holiday time came, it was challenging for me. We never enjoyed the holidays at all. I could not even send her to my mother because she was not a baby-sitting grandmom. She would do it occasionally, even with my first child this got me to be responsible. As young as I was, I saw myself as a mother. My mother’s mom was very strict on her when it came to baby-sitting hence my mom was a little strict as well. My mother in law on the other hand, her arms were wide open when it came to baby-sitting. We went wherever we wanted with my husband. Even with my first child (son), she was amazingly supportive because I was very young and still in High school and had to study. I thank my mother for training me to be a responsible parent at a young age, to be accountable, this is love.

At my daughter’s first creche she began to have problems in her second year. She began to have a problem with submitting to authority. Please never take it as an admirable attribute when your child does not want to submit to authority. Always remember that this is human nature which is hereditary from Adam (Jeremiah 17:9 who can understand the human heart? There is nothing else so deceitful, it is too sick to be healed). When someone has a difficulty with submitting to authority then there is an element of pride involved. Satan was kicked out of Heaven because of His pride. The one thing that God hates the most is pride (Proverbs 6:16-19 there are seven things that the Lord hates and cannot tolerate: a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that kill innocent people, a mind that thinks up wicked plans, feet that hurry off to do evil, a witness who tells one lie after another and someone who stirs up trouble among friends). When Adam and Eve had dominion, they did not have this sinful nature.

As bad as we are God loves us unconditionally, He just wants us to come to Him and forget about our shortcomings. He knows it is human nature hence He was strategic by coming down Himself to die for our sins so that we can be His children and hear Him when He speaks to us. How can you please your parent if you do know what He is saying. A self-righteous, religious person would argue that we have the Ten Commandments but I say we have the Spirit of the Living God as Jesus nailed the Ten Commandments to the Cross (Matthew 5:17 Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfil). This does not mean that we just continue to sin, we are not prisoners of sin anymore. Even when we sin, it feels uncomfortable (Romans 6:17-18 17But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, 18and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness). God promised to give us a new heart and He will because He knows that our hearts are naturally evil ( Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? & Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a new heart and a new mind). We do make mistakes because we are not perfect but habitual sin does not control us anymore. I love Matthew 5: 17-20 and will break it down when I write about the Law and Grace because the Lord wants this to be a testimony not a teaching.

Satan is very gradual with His victims (1 Peter 5:8 be alert, be on watch. Your enemy, the devil roams around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour). With my little one I had just told myself that she would be a child who needed anger management and therapy to alter her behaviour. She always uttered hurtful things and she mastered the art of revenge. I always wondered what type of a person she would be when she grew up and it worried me but sometimes I liked it when she would defend me because she never said hurtful things to me in front of people she knew took pleasure in seeing her hurt me. When she would pick up that someone would capitalize on it then she just never entertained them. The one time she pushed me to confront a teacher who allegedly hit her on the backside and I did it in an ugly way, very ugly. The teacher’s explanation was that she was trying to have her sit down, not hit her. I thank God that He forgave me for it, whenever I confronted a person it was ugly. The Holy Spirit does change us amazingly from glory to glory. I then never took her back to that crèche the following year. At the new school she was happy but towards the end of the year I sensed something was not right. She pretended to be sick so that she would not go to the end of year concert. I ignored that but at the beginning of the new year things got bad. I took her out of the school during the first week. I knew she was a tough child and would not shed a tear when I left her at the crèche. On her first day she cried and did not want to let go of me. At this point she was older and used to crèche life. This was very odd for me. On the second day it got worse and I just could not take it anymore. I stayed with her at home for a week and took her to another one. She was developing teacher phobia. Two weeks was long enough even there, she was extremely unhappy but never cried when I left her. Eventually I took her to a Christian school and she settled well there. I landed at these Christian schools by God’s ingenuity. I did not care about Christianity, I was looking at the pupil teacher ratio. I always looked for a school at the last minute and never had a second option. What I was primarily looking for was academic results which I never found on the internet for these schools but did not have an option. Although she was still a tough child but somehow she got a bit better. She is an intelligent child but the pace at which she moved was terrible, very slow. The teacher advised me to time her at home when I gave her a task e.g. to get a glass of water for me. It never worked instead it created more strife. I will elaborate on this one in my subsequent writings and show how Jesus is Mastermind in everything. The school had to move the following year and I had to get her another school. I took her to another Christian school. This was in 2012. She found it very hard to settle, we struggled a lot. She was absent from school for twenty three days. On some days I was very sick, on others she was sick, vomiting and diarrhea and on others she did not want to go to school. Before things got worse in 2011, her digestive system was exactly like mine when I was a child, she would go to the toilet after two or more days. It has to be noted that extreme behavioural problems are just demons, it is as simple as that. When they come out of a person or even a child, it is a terrible experience. It is characterized by screaming and crying, not normal crying, it is just something else (Luke 4:41 Moreover, demons came out of many people, shouting, "You are the Son of God!" But he rebuked them and would not allow them to speak, because they knew he was the Messiah).

I am pleased to say that she is supernaturally fast this year (2014). Last year she terribly slow as well. The thing is, satan can only have power over us by the words we speak. Her teacher last year used to tell her that she was slow, she internalized this and used to utter it. Funny how I never addressed it with her or the Principal. When she first started at this school I had to go to the Principal because my daughter complained about her calling them stupid and lazy. I asked the Principal to do it in a loving way because she came from public schools. She used to work at this Christian school years ago and just came back. The point I am trying to drive home is that words create, satan is just waiting for us to agree with him and his negativity. This comes in the form of a human being in the natural when it is actually him. It is just terrible how he uses the people closest to you. Anyway, we have the Holy Spirit to teach us how to deal with him, he is truly sneaky. What we utter gets created, the same way God created the universe.

LAST STRAW

In 2011 I used to feel extremely bored with a huge sense of emptiness. It was far worse than the emptiness I used to feel. I remember telling a friend of mine on the phone that I was slowly slipping into depression.

The last straw in my life was in January 2012 when I started to have something like a tornado inside my stomach. I would have extreme anger like I would just drive and never come back or just run out the door. It was very intense and my husband and I would only argue when we talked to each other. I just felt like going away forever. I began to then have invisible spider webs on my face. When I tried to remove them I could not because I could not feel or see them. My nose began to itch inside, not normal itching, a weird kind of itching. When I was alone in the house I would feel like the dolls were looking at me, they looked so alive and intimidating. I remember on the other day my husband was showing me a document and when I looked at it I could not understand what was written on there. I could not identify the writing, in my eyes it was not English, it was like six letters in a sentence that were far apart from each other. It was strange letters, not our English ones (visual hallucinations). On that day when he gave me the document I could not even talk, I was like a zombi and I just gave it back to him. I remember it was on Thursday because the following day he was going to go to work. The entire weekend I was like a zombi, the only thing I could do was work, windows and all household chores, I just could not stop. On Monday I was better and asked my husband if he did not notice how I was. He said he did but suggested we went back to the nyanga, I refused because I just had this bad feeling about him because his muti was not working. The spider webs on the face were getting worse and this affected my son as well. When I used to pick him up from school I felt that he had "isichitho", I cannot explain it in English but it is when someone in not likeable, when they are around people they annoy them by their very presence. When my husband called the nyanga he asked my husband what to do because he did not know what to do anymore, this was when my husband clearly saw we could not go back to him anymore. Later on I developed this thought that someone was sending an sms and spreading lies about me. I called three of my friends asking them if they heard anything about me and if they got that sms. I called another acquaintance and asked them about this sms. I could not help making these phone calls. I was really getting paranoid.

I began to experience extreme fear. After picking up my daughter from school we went to a Mall that was fifteen minutes away from home as compared to the one that was two minutes away from home. I felt I was being followed. I was even scared to hang the washing outside. I really felt that my life was over and when I looked at my children it just broke my heart because there was nothing I could do to help myself. We then decided to go to another nyanga, this was the one we used to go to years ago and he said that I had to pray and not go out of the bedroom before praying. I found it odd for a person to tell me to pray when I was in trouble, especially him being a nyanga (Ezekiel 14:4-5 When any of the Israelites set up idols in their hearts and put a wicked stumbling block before their faces and then go to a prophet, I the Lord will answer them myself in keeping with their great idolatry. 5 I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols). The first time we went to Him was about a few months after I had delivered my baby. The headache was cornering me into strong suicidal thoughts. When we got there his thwasa (student) said that my ancestors really wanted me to work for them. Well, she told me problems I was experiencing but I was not really convinced about this but I saw it as the only option. They suggested that I had to go to the river in order to assess if this was true or not. The nyanga gave me muti and said we must pray over it and we used it but there was no difference. This nyanga used to be a prophet in one of the Zion churches.

Back to the latest visit to him after some years. When I got there they put me "esifuthweni" (steaming) and the water had muti in it. After this we went to the river and we had a bucket of water with chicken blood and muti in it. I was told to pray to my ancestors and I would leave all the sickness there. The other lady who came with us was being initiated as well and she was the one who mixed all the blood and muti together. She was new in this but did it with such confidence, if I did not know she was being initiated, I would have thought she was the nyanga herself already. Not too long ago she was a prophetess in Zion church. When she came to be initiated her whole body was black like it was burnt and she recovered while she was there. One thing I was astonished by was her ability to pray so well and she seemed to know God but she was into this nyanga stuff as well (1 Timothy 4:1 But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons).

In my world the two did not mix, either you pray to ancestors or God, not both. Now I know that we can only worship God, I learned the hard way though but I am thankful that God did not send me away when everything else was not working and I was desperate for Jesus. I am sure that is why she was sick because she was mixing God with other stuff (Leviticus 19:31 do not go for advice to people who consult the spirits of the dead. If you do you will be ritually unclean. I am the Lord your God & Leviticus 20:6 if anyone goes for advice to people who consult the spirits of the dead, I will turn against him and will no longer consider him one of my people). When the water touched me I experienced more or less the same thing I did when I had a panic attack. For them this was confirmation that I had to be initiated. Another sign for them was that the chicken that they cut its head at the river ran headless, obviously it would. At "endumbeni" (a tree dedicated to ancestral spirits as a communication centre) the prophetess prayed and told me to ask ancestors to heal me and help me with anything I wanted. I only asked for what they thought I deserved, that was it. I did the same thing at the river as well.

I told this nyanga that I was being initiated already but they asked what tribe that nyanga was from and said it was a Venda person. They then said that getting initiated using his Venda tradition was not procedural, I had to use Xhosa tradition. They suggested Xhosa wristbands and necklace. I was put off by this and they even said that my ancestors from my father’s side were fighting for me, they wanted me to work for them as well. We went to another sangoma who told me everything I was going through, head to toe. She suggested that we do a ritual to return all the evil to where it came from. She told me it was lies that I had to be initiated, I connected this with one we went to a long time ago and told me that it was witchcraft when I was still a young child, a necklace was thrown in the water and my name was spoken over it. I thought he was the most ridiculous person ever. Anyway, when I got home I had a dream that if we went on with this there would be two coffins as a result of the ritual. As much as I wanted to go on with this, my dream and my husband spoke against it and we never went back. Now we were back to the one who said I had to pray, we did not find him but found his thwasa who suggested a Zion church.

We went there and I was told that the only thing that would get me out of this mess was prayer. I had already began to say "egameni lika Yise, uNyana noMoya Oyingcwele" (in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit) when I prayed to my ancestors. I felt much better but did not realize that the contact I made with God was making a difference. I began to see amazing change in my children but I did not know why (my daughter was beginning to eat my food and asking for it when I had not cooked, I was afraid it was going to change).

I went to the gym one day and I experienced the worst form of dizziness, I have already told you about this one. When we began to pray with the prophets, I experienced even more change but I regressed when we began to use "iziwasho" (water prayed over and some mixed with muti). All the symptoms came back. Before iziwasho, when they prayed for me, demons came out in the form of screaming and crying out loud. They said it would take a couple of times before they would completely go, it happened only once though. This happened to my baby daughter, for a couple of times at home as well but at the time I knew exactly what was happening, it was tough to see her go through it but I knew all the evil was leaving because it could not stand Jesus. The prophets always wanted to know my dreams and I told them. I once had a dream that the prophet was holding two half full cups filled with blood. I did not like the dream at all. In another dream I was sitting with two young people, a boy and a girl and the one said that what we need is jeyes fluid (it neutralizes muti) and the other one said these things get transferred to children (generational curses).

The church came to our house, which is now a home, for prayer and a ritual for driving out evil spirits and protection. I was stunned when my husband told me about the rituals they were going to do that evening, I did not think that they would use the same procedures that are used in the kingdom of darkness (nyangas and sangomas).

I told the prophet the experience I had with the Holy Ghost. At the time I did not think it was the Holy Ghost, I thought it was my ancestors from my dad’s side. I was just busy with washing and involuntarily, the Holy Ghost was praying through me and in addition to the things He told me, He said "sisi, ndivumele ndiphume, ndenze umsebenzi ka-Thixo" (my child, allow me to come out to do the will of the Father). The prophet said that spirit came just to protect me but would have to be drained in the river and put "endumbeni" (a place, bark of a tree where the spirits are put for further use). Communication is done with ancestors under these trees as well. The prophet gave us waitsbands and I had already put away the initiation ones. Before we went to church, the nyanga who was initiating us said if we ever went to church and threw these things away we would go crazy. When I had the hallucinations I had all the stuff on my body still so it was a lie to keep me in the kingdom of darkness. I had already put them away anyway and I knew he did not know what he was doing. The spirit he prophesied from must have told him we were going to go to church. The prophet said that it was going to be difficult for me to work for God because I had to be initiated by the church and asked if there were any elderly people on my father’s side who would help me, I could not think of any elders because there weren’t any. I was devastated by the thought that I would always have to be dependent on a person to get well. I decided to throw away his waistbands and we went to another Zion prophetess.

At this time in addition to spider webs, I still felt something like a tornado in my tummy. It made me angry and I felt like running and never coming back. Each time my husband and I talked we fought, I could not stand his sight at all. She gave us "iziwasho" (water mixed with white powder) to drink and it made the whirlwind in my tummy to go down a bit but made me like a zombi, I was extremely tame. My hubby also experienced the whirlwind but not as bad as I did. For him it got extreme when he was at work, in meetings. It pushed him to have outbursts at work but by the Grace of God it was controllable. This prophetess told us it would go away and we just had to ignore the anger inside. She also gave us "isipeyiti" (enema), water was mixed with muti. We had to "ukugabha" (drink water and throw up before meals) and "ukufutha" (steaming) as well. She came to the house to do a ritual to protect the house, she asked us to buy two live chickens. We bought a white one and a small black one. While we were kneeling down, she used both chickens to hit us with while she was praying for us. She hit us with them until they died or unconscious. She was asking God to take out the bad luck and the evil in our lives. She then gave us waistbands even for the children. The whirlwind and spider webs got worse now, her things were not working anymore. She also said we had to put money, silver coins where we prayed for our ancestors so they would bless us. All of this was not working and God had showed me that He was there and He answered prayer so I stopped going and we were looking for a place of worship. I continued to pray and on the one night it was so bad that I could not even kneel down and pray, I was praying in bed. I prayed and fell asleep and when I woke up I would try to continue. While I was awake with my eyes closed and feeling weak, I heard a voice, an audible one as if this person was whispering in my ear, I felt safe though. He said "vula amehlo, ndizakuthandaza mna, kudala ndithandaza" (open your eyes, I will pray, I have long been praying). I felt so safe upon hearing this voice, the same sense of safety I had when the Holy Spirit prayed through me for the first time. It felt like I had taken many cans of red bull, with no side effects, I had amazing energy, knelt down and began to pray. It was just amazing. All this time I did not think it was the voice of God, I thought it was ancestors from my father’s side. It was after the Holy Spirit had taught me about Him and Jesus did I realize that it was the voice of God. I still find it hard to believe but I believe it because it happened to me. What makes it odd is that it happened to me, an ancestor worshipper, God is truly merciful and I am so undeserving but I know He loves me and He will never leave me.

I had a dream day days later and my deceased father came in a hurry with his hands raised in the air and angry saying "ubaphahlelani aba bantu" (stop praying to these people). This is how I stopped praying to the ancestors.

I just kept on praying and on 19/06/2012 I bought my first Bible and began to read this supernatural book which is alive. I got my healing back except for the feeling of having something hanging over my head when I entered public places e.g. malls. We were looking for a place to worship and went to one near our home (old apostolic church). When we got there, they asked us to throw away anything we would have on our bodies, we did. When we got home we were in a panic mode and I opened the Bible and God said that having those waistbands was like a hungry man dreaming that he was eating. It means they were useless. I actually laughed because in Xhosa it sounded hilarious, God, as Mighty as He is, can also be humorous at times. At this church they encouraged us to throw away any stuff but my husband was a little scared still. Eventually we threw away the initiation stuff we had at home, blankets, bangles, necklaces and bones for initiation. I felt so relieved when they were gone. I stopped going to this church because they believed that the water they made you drink would make you well. I know only Jesus healed me, no water can heal a person. God allowed this back then (Acts 14:16-17 in the past He allowed all people to go their own way. But He has always given evidence of His existence by the good things He does: He gives you rain from Heaven and crops at the right time, He gives you food and fills your heart with happiness). I have been praying ever since and I have testimony after testimony still. My husband on the other side never completely threw all of his away. The Holy Spirit let me know and he led me exactly where he hid them, I forced him to throw them away. Men are sometimes a little delayed because they reason a lot. Around August I was completely healed, the thing hanging over my head was gone. I was overjoyed when I went to the mall the other day and when I stepped in, I looked up and felt it was gone.

All these problems above were sorted by the Blood of Jesus, all of them not some. It is truly amazing, praise God! Glory be to the Lamb of God! I love you Jesus!

It has to be noted that if a person or people can cast out evil spirits, they can still be false prophets. If an evil spirit is cast out only by using the Name of Jesus and nothing in the physical environment then the prophet is genuine. If something like water, iziwasho, Vaseline or any other thing is used then know that it is a false prophet you are dealing with and the spirit they prophesy from is not the true spirit of God. There may be false and true prophets in the same congregation. King Jesus says that you will see them by what they do (Matthew 7:20). Remember that exorcism existed before Jesus walked the earth, they used to use things to drive out demons. Glory then would go to that person. Someone has to be glorified when you have victory. In our case it was the ancestors which we had to sacrifice to. That was really an entry point for demons to come in. Remember King Jesus was accused of casting out a demon by a demon beelzebul, the prince of demons (Luke 11:14-19). A person operating from a stronger demonic spirit can cast out a less stronger demon.

YOUR IMAGE

I look at how I dress now and how I used to dress. I had no problem showing flesh but now I really cannot do it. This is why I will never be judgmental when I see someone who really has parts of the body shown in public that are just not appropriate to be shown. Always remember that this is human nature which is hereditary from Adam Jeremiah 17:9 who can understand the human heart? There is nothing else so deceitful, it is too sick to be healed & Galatians 5:19 what human nature does is quite plain. It shows itself immoral, filthy and indecent in actions). I will give you this much, an empty, hurt heart will make you do this. Deep down you know that you are hurting, you suffer from self- esteem and self-worth problems but you would never portray that. You always portray a confident, self-sufficient person who is in charge and in control of their lives. Deep down you know that it is just a mask you have to put on every day. The only way one can get out of this prison is to be close to Jesus. Fellowship with the Holy Spirit on a daily basis so that He can show you how much He loves you. Once you receive this love, you will have amazing peace, you will not worry much about what you wear. Somehow, for me it got easier to just put an outfit together without even cracking my skull about it. You will not rely on people praising you for you to feel good. God reassures us that we are adequate and He loves us and that means so much more than all the people in the world telling us that. I am not saying there is something wrong about being praised but once it gets to a level that you get bothered when people do not praise you then it is a problem. This can be either with the way you dress or your body. Jesus works from inside out. Your motivation will always be intrinsic, from Him inside of you and it would not matter what another person thinks. Sometimes people would tell the truth about how we look and it would hurt us. This means that your joy will be stolen for probably the entire week. We do not need to go through that. When you are born again God can guide you on your weight, your food, your clothes and the list is endless. Life is just easy with Jesus. Sometimes the very person who would mock you about your weight could be the closest person to you. This happened to me after I gave birth to my third child in September 2014 (last month). I was deeply hurt but did not say anything, it also happened when I was pregnant. I got home and prayed and the Holy Spirit gave this scripture (Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms). This scripture made me feel much better.

When you are in a relationship with Jesus you need to be honest about your feelings so that He can help you. He will strengthen you in the most amazing of ways. Satan always wants us to see a bad picture in us and on the outside play super brave people. He knows that if this happens we end up being a mean people, irritable, judgmental, impatient, get angered quickly, cannot tolerate mistakes from others. This is exactly where He wants us. Glory be to God we have a way out, Jesus. He is the permanent way out. I used to have happiness, not much of it because I was pretending, which was so inconsistent, on the one day I am up and great, on the other day I am down perhaps because of bad dreams. Now I know that when I have dreams, I just pray and do not receive them by the blood of Jesus. Before I knew Jesus I used to have dreams and things would really happen the way they appeared in the dream. The difference now is that Jesus gives me the power to stop the dream from coming true. Yesterday (17/10/2014), my son came back from picking up his sister from school. He was in a state of shock because he nearly had an accident. He described it the exact way that God showed me in a dream. The dream was about two or three weeks ago and I pleaded the Blood of Jesus over my car. When I woke up to pray I just declared with my mouth that I did not receive the dream and the Blood of Jesus covered my car and my children and God sends angels to watch over the car and my children day and night (Psalm 91). I covered my children by the Blood of Jesus because they use my car most of the time now that I have a baby. My son was shocked when I described the scene before he could tell me the whole story. Come to think of it, I was worshipping the entire day, busy with household chores and enjoying worshipping, singing out loud and dancing to the Lord. I think worship should be a lifestyle because it releases power from Heaven.

Christians are not just people who are going to Heaven, they are soldiers of God who are trained on a daily basis and change circumstances with minimal effort because we just talk and God takes the word and creates something with it. We do not create, He does through us. When you are a Christian, there is no complaining about any situation, you know the solution was ready when Jesus got resurrected from the dead. The challenge is a move from the natural into the supernatural world when we look at situations. You have to know the Word of God in order to know what is in the spirit (I do not mean knowing the entire Bible). The more you put the Word in, speak it and pray, the Spirit man gets stronger and your thinking will be aligned with God’s Word. Once this happens, you look forward to anything the devil throws at you. When there is nothing, you will wish that there was something because you know that you declare the blood of Jesus, no effort at all. You just wait and see what God does, absolutely amazing. Our minds never understand matters of the Spirit hence it is important to be in the Word (1 Corinthians 15:50).

Once you feel confident on the inside then life becomes just amazing. This confidence is not your own, our confidence is linked to things. The confidence I am talking about is the confidence that Jesus gives you on the inside, it is intrinsic.

Satan is very gradual with His victims (1 Peter 5:8) I look at my dress code now, very different from what I used to wear. The stronger my relationship with Jesus got, the more I had a desire to dress appropriately, covering my body. I remember when I used to get people telling me that I did not dress like a married woman. I used to take it as a complement because I was obsessed with looking younger than I was. In the early stages of my relationship with Jesus, about a year, I still dressed in a way that now I would never even think of now. The more time I spent with Him, the more I wanted to dress in a less revealing manner. Now I cannot judge someone who dresses inappropriately, they just need the love of God. Only He can make those changes inside out. No amount of telling them it is wrong will make them change, instead it gets worse.

FORGIVE

Jesus redeemed us from the curse of the Law. We do not have to worry about the Ten Commandments anymore because we are Spirit led beings. It has to be noted though that no one has ever been able to keep the Law because it is Holy and perfect and human beings are not. Jesus sets us free from a prison of sin because unforgiveness is a sin, sin of the heart which is very dangerous (John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed). God does not guarantee that we will be loved back, we have to forgive for our own good. When you forgive and love you will most probably be mistreated even more. We have to be in a continually forgiving mode. Jesus says we have to always forgive (Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven). You cannot control how people think and feel. You are only responsible for your thoughts, feelings and how you respond. The only person who gets hurt is the one who has been afflicted but refuses to forgive. This makes one to look over their shoulder all the time. We have to be like children when it comes to forgiveness, when a child gets punished, they will not be angry for long (Matthew 18:3 Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven"). When you are certain that God has forgiven you of all your sins, it does not matter what happens, you have to believe it like a small child. If you do not, you will not grow spiritually and satan will rob you of your position of righteousness and this translates into unbelief. You will certainly not have Heaven on earth that God has given us.

People with unforgiving hearts are always looking over their shoulder, very suspicious. If one has to be constantly looking over their shoulder then where is Jesus? Once there is fear in us and we react to it, know that satan is at work. When we work with God to heal our wounds, fear disappears (1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. So then, love has not been made perfect in anyone who is afraid, because fear has to do with punishment). When it comes, we just use the word God and talk back to satan. We need to remember that we are not sovereign beings, the devil can still put thoughts in our heads. The danger is when you do not know the word of God, you readily accept thoughts that go against the word of God. Victim mentality and feeling the situation is not fair gets us nowhere. You can only give what you have received. If you understand that you do not deserve to be forgiven and God has already covered your past, present and future sins, you will extend mercy to others. If anything goes wrong in your life as a Christian and you think God is trying to teach you a lesson because you missed the mark, you will never be able to forgive because you are not in agreement with God but satan (James 1:17 every good thing comes from God). You will expect others to earn your love as well and pay for their mistakes and feel guilty.

There is no fighting to do because Jesus won the victory on the Cross. The only thing that is left is for us to walk in the victory that Christ gave us at the Cross. This involves following the Holy Spirit, which is not easy but doable because you do not do it alone. You cannot follow the Holy Spirit if you do not spend time with Him. Reading our Bible becomes critical because the Spirit man inside of us cannot grow if we do not feed Him His daily diet. He needs to be in a position to react to certain circumstances that you did not see coming. In many instances one would feel that God is not fair when He demands that we forgive and love those people who hurt us. It was also not fair for Jesus to go to the Cross when He had not committed a single sin (2 Corinthians 5:21 He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him). It was also not fair for God to compromise Himself and come down to save us from ourselves. He had to be willing to leave His Throne and be raised as a child. For a Mighty, Powerful God this is demeaning but He did not care because He wanted to save us by being crucified for our sins. We need to forget about victim mentality and realize that we are more than conquers in Christ Jesus. Victim mentality goes with complaining and blaming everyone around you. A person in this state never grows or learns from past mistakes. When I look back I think how, had I known Jesus certain things would not have even touched me because of the power that is in the Blood of Jesus. When you are not covered by the Blood of Jesus you are not safe, you are easy target for satan. The other thing is that you are under the curse. When Adam fell in the Garden of Eden, sin, poverty sickness, depression and every problem we have entered the world. The only way to escape the curse is the Blood of Jesus. Once you are washed by the Precious Blood of Jesus, you move from being God’s enemy to being His child (Ephesians 1:5 God had already decided that through Jesus Christ He would make us His sons and daughters-this was His pleasure and purpose ( Roman 5:10 We were God's enemies, but he made us his friends through the death of his Son. Now that we are God's friends, how much more will we be saved by Christ's life!). With the Blood of Jesus you are not accessible to satan. Although he has a legal right to tempt and persecute us, he can only have access if you give him access. Sin gives him access, unforgiveness, taking offense and bitterness are sins. Unconfessed sin is also very dangerous hence God wants us to confess our sins (1 John 1:9 but if we confess our sins to God, He will keep His promise and do what is right: He will forgive us our sins and purify us from all wrongdoing). He wants our conscience to be clear because if not, satan will attack us on the very unconfessed sin. He will keep on reminding us and torture us with the sin. Guilt will set in and then it might manifest itself in sickness. When we confess our sins and receive forgiveness, we get relief and healing (Acts 24:16 and so I do my best always to have a clear conscience before God and human beings). God wants our hearts pure and free from a guilty conscience (Hebrews 10:22). He does the work when we just allow Him. He can love through you when you ask Him to. It makes forgiveness much easier because He does it supernaturally, you cannot even begin to take credit because there is no strategy you had to follow. You just responded to the voice of the Holy Spirit. You confess and move on. It is not that when you do not confess God will not forgive you, you have already been forgiven at the Cross but confessing makes me feel God is really a Daddy to me before He becomes my God. Even when I have done something wrong I know He will not judge me but embrace me each and every time and then correct me. I just thank Him for the Blood of Jesus, without which, I would not be here.

When you find yourself in sin, run to God and confess. Often the enemy does not want us to go to God because He knows it will be an opportunity for Grace, who is Jesus to showcase what He can do with a person in sin. It is just the same scenario like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. They sinned and hid from God. They never spoke to God which in the present time would mean that we would just run from God, not pray anymore and stay away from church. For the enemy to lead you into self-destruction, he has to isolate and depress you first. A prayer less life leads to defeat. We have the Holy Spirit to pick us up when we fall. What I have come to realize about God is that He has everything ready for us, prosperity in all areas of our lives but He still wants us to pray. It is amazing as well how He answers prayers we never prayed (unprayed prayers, I call them). He just loves spending time with us and appreciates it when we run to Him for help. We have to rely on Jesus every second of the day, this will give us dominion. There is no room to be independent, we need to be in the Word of God every day. This is a relationship that needs to be nurtured, we should not run to God only when we are in trouble. It is really not fair for Him, it is like we are using Him and do not really love Him. This is how it was with me when I first went to God, very desperate but He showed me His love and forgiveness and I just fell in love with Jesus. He makes us love Him, it is not natural to love Him because of our fallen state from the Garden of Eden. Before Adam sinned, He fellowshipped with God, enjoyed Himself with Him and surely eager about everything that concerned God. When he sinned, he hid from God. This is our natural self but when we get born again and feed ourselves with the Word, we fall in love with Jesus, it is simply supernatural. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would fall in love with Jesus, God truly is merciful. Christ now is my life. Our walk with God is gradual and continuous. We just have to focus on Jesus and not on our faults, the Holy Spirit’s job is to change us from glory to glory with our consent.

We know that all sins have been forgiven, past, present and future (Hebrews 10:10 And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all). God will not punish us for our sin but the sin will destroy us (Proverbs 11:27 He who earnestly seeks good finds favour, But trouble will come to him who seeks evil). He does not punish us for our sins because He loves us, instead He punishes sin by putting all His wrath on Jesus at the Cross for all of our sins (Isaiah 53:5 but because of our sins He was wounded, beaten because of the evil we did. We are healed because of the punishment we suffered, made whole by the blows He received). It pleased God to see Jesus suffer for our sins because He knew that His precious Blood was our ticket to Heaven and leading a life that is pleasing to Him.

His Grace though, who is Jesus pulls us out of the prison of sin into the prison of righteousness (Romans 6:18). He creates in you, a Holy hatred to sin. We are Christians and still human hence we will sin but we will not sin habitually. Receiving God’s Grace changes you when you rely only on Jesus, not anyone or yourself. If you have an option to trust someone or yourself, you will not receive the ability or enablement that comes with the Grace of God. When you are a slave of sin and in a prison of sin, you are locked up. You do not have the liberty to choose. God’s Grace on the other hand gives you the ability to say no to things that you were hooked on but could not get out of, thoughts that would bombard your mind but you could not control them. When someone is hooked on something, they cannot get themselves out. They know what they do is wrong but the problem is that they are in prison. It takes someone to acknowledge that they cannot do it on their own and they need Jesus even for oxygen.

What is the point of going on living when you lead a hopeless life characterized by stress and turmoil? Jesus paid a heavy price to give us Heaven on earth and we have to work with God to claim it. When you are in prison you need someone with the keys to come open for you ( Revelation 3:7 And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write, ‘These things says He who is holy, He who is true, "He who has the key of David, He who opens and no one shuts, and shuts and no one opens" & Isaiah 22:22 I will place on his shoulder the key to the house of David; what he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open). Jesus has these keys both of David and the keys of death and hell. He went to hell in our place and defeated death so that a born again child of God would never have to go to Hell. This makes me fall in love with Him more and more every day. What is amazing is that He gives us the ability to love Him back. I did not love God or Jesus but when I was in trouble I called out to Him, He did not ask me any questions but simply came running to rescue me. What I felt was the amazing love that He had for me and I think this was because I was born again even though I did not know it. You know, God loves us when we do not love Him. At the time I still loved my ancestors who could not heal me, very ironic. I was desperate when I went to God but He was eager to help me because He loves me more than I love Him. I am saying this because I simply cannot understand why He loves us so much or perhaps why He loves me this much. Just as the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-24), when he was out in the wilderness he did not miss Daddy, he missed the comfort and the provision. He was hungry and we know that physical needs are the most pressing. He rehearsed a speech and said he would tell the Father he is not worthy and would ask the father to take him in as his servant. He thought he would have to earn the father’s love as he thought he had lost it. Little did he know, he never lost it, he just decided to run from it. The father did not even want to entertain his speech, he just hugged him and asked for the fattest calf to be slaughtered for his son. He ordered his servants to dress him with a beautiful robe. This is exactly what God does when we turn to Jesus. He strips us of the filthy gown of sin and dresses us with a beautiful robe of righteousness. Righteousness is free, you cannot earn it. You simply acknowledge that you are a sinner and ask for forgiveness and for Jesus to come into your heart. When you are born again you are already seated in Heaven hence you will operate from a third Heaven. You will speak to your circumstances using the word of God in Jesus’s name and they will bow down to what you say in the name of Jesus. You do not use your own words but God’s Word which is powerful and does what He sends it to do (Isaiah 55:11 God says, "so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it"). Nothing, not satan, not witchcraft, not muti can withstand the Word of God. I know because I tried to fight evil with evil and you simply cannot win.

Forgiveness of sins through Christ Jesus translates into a lot of things. When Jesus healed the man on the stretcher, He said his sins were forgiven (Mark 2:1-12). It translates into healing, physically and in your marriage, your relationships, peace inside (peace in the midst of turmoil), fixing your children, giving you a future when you thought you did not have a future, giving you dreams that you never thought you had, passion and a will to live, control of your life through His Resurrection power in you, financial freedom and much more. Our experiences are different, I write only about things that I have experienced. On the other hand I thank satan for driving me to Jesus, whom I did not believe in and did not love because I thought He was a fiction figure. I thank him for using people to hurt me so that I know I have a shoulder to cry on, a 24/7 advocate who loves me beyond my wildest my wildest dreams. According to God, every challenge has to turn into a testimony. Satan cannot work without a body, he has to use people, whether we like it or not. People are not a problem to us even though in the natural it looks like it (Ephesians 6:12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places). The only way to win every battle, which Jesus has already won at the Cross is to look at every situation through God’s eyes (the Bible and the Holy Spirit). They agree on everything but our mind never does. This is why Golgotha, where Jesus was crucified is called the Place of the Skull. All the fighting is in the mind because satan wants to saturate us with fear, guilt, unforgiveness, paranoia and always being suspicious of people.

God does not say we have to be complete idiots but we need to rely on the power of the resurrected Jesus inside of us to lead us. An example would be someone I came across in July 2013. He was without a job and struggling. At first I helped him and then the second time around the Holy Spirit told me that he was manipulative. In the natural realm the reaction would be to just write him off because he was a stranger and a liar. The love of God is too powerful, you cannot contain it. The Holy Spirit wanted to tell him to stop lying because it all stemmed from fear while on the other hand he claimed to trust God. Fear makes us do things in the natural, try to help ourselves as we think that the situation dictates that we do something about it. Lying and being manipulative is one of the things that satan wants us to resort to. He needs to get back into the Word to strengthen his faith. He has been using his faith but in a way that destroys him. Only the Word can fix him if he allows Jesus to intervene. Only focusing on Jesus and understanding how things operate in the Kingdom of God will set him free from the prison of lies. He knows the entire Bible but it is futile without Kingdom principles. God says that we must rest (Hebrews 4:10-11 10 for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. 11 Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. 12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart). This rest involves depending and submitting entirely to God. When He says you are saved by Grace through faith, you just believe it (Ephesians 2:8-9). When He says by His stripes you are healed, you just believe and confess (Isaiah 53:5). In order to be a sinner, you never really did anything, you were born into a world of sin. There are people who believe they are better than others when it comes to sin. This does not mean they can earn their way into Heaven, they still need to be born again because of Adam’s sin (Romans 5:17 For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ). We need to kick out unbelief with the Word of God (Hebrews 3:18-19 And to whom did he swear that they would not enter his rest, but to those who were disobedient? 19 So we see that they were unable to enter because of unbelief).

Unbelief exist in the head, satan puts those thoughts, "do you think you are really saved when you just messes up like this?" This is one of the reasons why Christians are hard, cold and cannot demonstrate Christ. It is pressure to perform and they will expect others to perform as well and will not have mercy. They cannot forgive from the heart. How can you then give something you have not received yourself. My attitude is a simple one when I have missed the mark, "God loves me still because of the Blood of Jesus, I am righteous, now and forever irrespective of the behaviour on the outside because I know when I walk with Jesus, He will change me". Jesus does not focus on the outward form of religion but He looks at activating the new heart. Once that is right, the outside follows. How can you love unconditionally when you do not think that you are not loved unconditionally? It is easy to say you believe it, just check if it is true when you mess up and the Holy Spirit convicts you, He does not condemn though.

Back to the guy I was talking about, we helped him with groceries and now he was on my nerve about paying a death policy for him. I told him over and over again that I would never do it. He was at home the other day and we went into the Word to show him that God’s children do not go around begging and he must not worry about things but believe God. It took time to sink in but it did. I asked him to believe God for a job, we stood in agreement. I told him I am a human being like anyone else who helps him and we were going to get tired (Psalm 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans). He never thought that he would ever get a job in his entire life. God had revealed to me that He would use him to win souls but it never looked like it in the natural. We always have to make a choice to take His Word and run with it. Around June or July this year (2014) he lost his sister. He was vulnerable and somehow got in trouble with a hundred rand that got lost at home. He lives with his brother, the brother’s wife, their children and his two grown up kids. He called me and he was in such a bad state asking me for money to go to Cape Town to her other sister because his brother and the wife mistreated him. We had been down this road before and I told him that complaining cannot be mixed with trusting God and people are not our problem, we just need to believe in God and pray for them as they did not know the Lord and he did, speak the Word and ask Him to help us forgive and love through us. I told him the story about Abraham and Lot and how Abraham never chose a fertile land but left it to Lot, his nephew to make the first choice and took it. He chose the fertile land. God still prospered Abraham in that land and the land that Lot had chosen got destroyed. I asked him that he was irresponsible and selfish for just thinking about leaving the kids behind because they are still in high school, not even grade twelve. I made it clear he was not going to get the money, he said I could just go with him to the bus station to make sure he was not lying, I told him never. We left it at that I never took his calls for about two weeks after that but God wanted me to extend mercy. I then called him and he came with his daughter. Prior to the sister passing away he was already spirit filled and on fire for saving souls.

Months ago God gave the daughter a dream about saving souls but their Pastor interpreted the dream in the flesh. Initially I had been telling her to save souls at school, just let God use her. She loves the Word of God and we have fun each time they come. This time when they came, she was spirit filled, I could not believe it, just on fire for souls. It was truly amazing. She told me she was praying for her dad because he has lying spirit. I nearly burst out laughing because it was true but I contained myself. The thing is, she told him in his face. The good news is that he got a job, permanent job he never applied for. He started working August 2014 . Praise God! He just cannot believe it. He said he was so glad that they would not make door to door begging for food, he would buy food for his own children. The next step is an rdp house. God wants people to be independent.

When I first met them, they used to critique musicians and people who are wealthy and attributing that to satanism and we had to kick that poverty stricken mentality out of their heads (Deuteronomy 8:18 But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today) (Psalm 35:27 May those who delight in my vindication shout for joy and gladness; may they always say, "The Lord be exalted, who delights in the well-being of his servant) (Psalm 37:25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread).

Jesus came for the sick, even in Church people are sick. We need to wake up to the truth that we need the power of the Holy Ghost even in the smallest things we do like managing children and taking care of our families (household chores). It is clear that God’s rest does not mean we do nothing, we feed our Spirit man and pray. While we are doing this, satan will come up with many destructions which we need to ignore. When you allow him, unbelief will kick in. When you trust God you sound illogical, irresponsible as you do not want to move without the Holy Spirit moving you, you simply pray, use the word of God, confess it and cry if you have to. This is when a situation looks desperate and there is no way out in the natural. Well, it is only the natural and very temporary. The Spiritual world is far more real and accurate. Once someone starts complaining, you should know that they do not trust God at all irrespective of how they claim to trust Him. You cannot trust Him and then complain or panic. In order to really trust Him beyond reason we have to work with Him on forgiveness so that the love in us is perfected. When we nail this then we can nail the sacred Commandment of love that Jesus left us with. All things will fall in place because we are walking in obedience. God said that Jesus is His Son and we must listen to Him (Mark 9:7). In turn Jesus was asked by the teachers of the Law what they had to do to do the works of God. He answered by saying that they only had to believe in the One that God had sent, referring to Himself as the Messiah and not relying on their self- righteousness and earning their way into Heaven (John 6:28-29).

If you believe in God, you have to believe everything that comes out of Jesus’s mouth. Once a person gets a grip of the truth that God lives inside of us and has interest in the smallest details our lives, this will get rid of the fear (1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love). It does not matter how circumstances look, you know in the Spirit there is a solution to every problem, you just need to get it by faith. The one thing that God made sure I got was that IT IS DONE, JESUS DID IT. There is no circumstance or evidence that can refute this truth. It is the truth because He said it. He is too Big, He is in control and the most amazing thing is that there is no one above Him. He seeks advice from no one, how can we doubt Him. What destructs us sometimes are the tall buildings and all the technology. If He wanted to, He would just bring the sky a little bit closer so that we can touch and perhaps we would wake up to the truth that we serve a Supernatural God.

In order to see Jesus as an antidote to every problem we face, we just need to walk in obedience, obedience to faith. Believing that we are righteous not by our own efforts but because Jesus was obedient to the will of God. There are situations that we get ourselves into and He does bail us out. What I love though is that He is not quick about. It is for our own good to just leave us for a while so that we can learn from our mistakes. If we make wrong decisions on purpose and then He pulls us out immediately, He would be a bad parent. He is looking at building character and spoiling us on the other hand. Only He can do this, a human parent cannot balance the two, it is impossible. You cannot love if you do not have God in you, if you are not born again. Human love is cheap, there is obligation and it is based on what a person can do for you or how they treat you. The Love of God on the other hand does not care what you do or what you say or how you treat me but simply just loves you. When I was worshipping my ancestors, God was still with me. He paid off our bond and now paid up the cars as well. When you worship ancestors out of not knowing the truth He forgives and just takes it as if you are worshipping Him. It is different with someone who goes to Church, knows God, knows the Bible but simply chooses what they take from the Bible to accommodate their tradition.

Without the King inside of you it is impossible to forgive but with God it is (Matthew 10:26 Jesus said with men it is impossible but with God all things are possible). What God has done for me, I just do not have words to express my gratitude. He had no reason to pull me out but He did. The only voice I listen to is His because had I listened to a human being, I would not be here. God does use people though but we need to be aware of people that are used by satan. I would not have had a second chance to raise my children and I will be eternally grateful. When I get to Heaven I will still be thanking Him. God fights for us even when we run away from Him. He actually saves us from ourselves. He forgives us when we do not believe in Him out of ignorance, not having opened the Bible our entire lives.

The Gospel is not the Gospel if it is not being preached. God knew that we did not know Jesus for who He is, a Saviour, helper, defender, provider, comforter, and healer. I just knew that Church people are cold and very judgmental. If one has never experienced certain things in life, like addiction, extreme marital problems, they will never understand what you go through and the coping mechanisms that you use. To them you will be this immoral person while you on the other hand are dealing with a lot of pain. I do not have a finger to point at anyone because I know that it was the Grace of God who pulled me out of every situation I struggled with, it was simply Jesus. God simply wants to be God because He is the only God, God of Israel, God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Things never work out when people mix God with tradition. When you consult sangomas there is no room for forgiveness, they say their job is to do the same thing to the person who hurt you, this does against the word of God (Romans 12:19 never take revenge my friends but instead let God’s anger do it; Leviticus 19:18 do not take revenge on anyone or continue to hate him so that you will not commit a sin because of him & Psalm 3: 3 but you o Lord are always my shield from danger, you give me victory and restore my courage). When we believe in God we know we have to obey Him and He gives us the ability to forgive (Deuteronomy 30:6 The Lord your God will change your heart and the hearts of all your descendants, so that you will love him with all your heart and soul and so you may live!) Another translation says, Deuteronomy 30:6 The Lord your God will give you and your descendants obedient hearts, so that you will love him with all your heart, and you will continue to live in that land. This new heart is dormant when you receive it, it needs to be nurtured by the Word of God. What you hear will determine whether this heart will ooze out love, compassion and mercy as Jesus demonstrated to us or will yield bitter, judgmental Christians who are in bondage. If you believe God will love you less when you are in sin, you are wrong (Romans 5:20 The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more). Once you have truly been touched by God’s love, you will not want to go back to your filthy old self but if you do, He will be there to show that you just took up false identity. Remember we have to be obedient to the Commandment of Love because He is Love. Now He clearly tells us that we have to love our enemies. We were once His enemies but He loved us still (Romans 5:10 ). Let us let Him love through us, He does an amazing job.

When we forgive, we obey God, Jesus said in Matthew 6:14 "If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in Heaven will forgive you". We know that Jesus preached under the Law, there were no Christians at the time and He was still alive. The forgiveness of all sin was not applicable yet. It only got applicable when He went to the Cross hence, Paul says, in the New Testament, in Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you". As much as we are forgiven, there are still Commandments for us to keep. The amazing thing is, when we allow Him, He does the job inside out. When we cannot walk in love, we open the door for satan and this will keep us from the wonderful life that God has for us (Ecclesiastes 10:8 He who digs a pit will fall into it and whoever breaks through a wall will be bitten by a serpent). Unforgiveness is digging a pit for yourself. It is like being in prison, satan wants to keep you in this prison because He knows that there is no way you can walk in the spirit with unforgiveness. He has all access in your life because you use the wrong weapons. He is a spirit himself, a horrible but weak one. When he is dealing with unforgiving people, people who take offense and always think the worst of others and do not want to extend the Grace that was extended to them by God then he is powerful because he gets given the ammunition. When you play in someone’s territory, you are in trouble because he knows his ways around there to trap you.

In Exodus 8:2 then the Lord said to Moses, "go to the king and tell him that the Lord says, let my people go, so that they can worship me & Exodus 10:3 so Moses and Aaron went to the King and said to him, "the Lord, the God of the Hebrews, says, how much longer will you refuse to submit to me? Let my people go, so that they can worship me. It does not matter what another person does, even God does not have control over what another person does but Jesus gave you authority over satan (Luke 9:1 Jesus called the twelve disciples together and gave them power and authority to drive out all demons, cure diseases). The Pharaoh here represents all the baggage we carry, unforgiveness, bitterness and offense. God wants all those chains gone, we need our freedom, freedom in the spirit. Economic freedom is almost useless without the freedom that Jesus has to offer you. It will come and go because you will not know how to use it wisely. We need God’s wisdom more than anything else (James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you).

Loving is not just loving someone who loves you back otherwise I for one would not be here (Matthew 5:38 you have heard that it was said ‘’an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. But now I tell you: do not take revenge on someone who wrongs you’’). In Luke 6: 31-32 Jesus says do for others just as you want them to do for you. If you love only the people who love you, why should you receive a blessing? Even sinners love those who love them. In Luke 6:34-36 Jesus continues and says "love your enemies and do good to them, lend and expect nothing back. You will then have a great reward and you will be children of the Most High God. For He is good to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful just as your Father is merciful". When you know how much you have been forgiven and that God will never punish you then you really see how undeserving you are. You deserve punishment but He decided not to give it to you but to our Precious Jesus. The person who has wronged you does not deserve to be forgiven but you have to forgive because God has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32 be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you & Matthew 6:12). Let us look at the story on the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-35 because the Kingdom of heaven is like this. Once there was a king who decided to check on his servants' accounts. He had just begun to do so when one of them was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. The servant did not have enough to pay his debt, so the king ordered him to be sold as a slave, with his wife and his children and all that he had, in order to pay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before the king. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay you everything!’ The king felt sorry for him, so he forgave him the debt and let him go. "Then the man went out and met one of his fellow servants who owed him a few dollars. He grabbed him and started choking him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he said. His fellow servant fell down and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back!’ But he refused; instead, he had him thrown into jail until he should pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were very upset and went to the king and told him everything. So he called the servant in. ‘You worthless slave!’ he said. ‘I forgave you the whole amount you owed me, just because you asked me to. You should have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you.’ The king was very angry, and he sent the servant to jail to be punished until he should pay back the whole amount." And Jesus concluded, "That is how my Father in heaven will treat every one of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

We need to remember that forgiveness of sins translates into a solution to every problem that we have. The solution is there, ready because Jesus paid the price. Loving our enemies becomes easy when you let Jesus do it. First and foremost, we do not have an enemy made in the image of God. They are our enemies because they declare us their enemies. I was praying in the Spirit some time in September 2013 when the Holy Spirit said that ‘’uThixo ungumntu", meaning that God is a person. This confirms what Jesus says about loving your enemies. As much as we have to forgive and love, we also need to learn not to judge (Luke 6:37 do not judge others and God will not judge you, do not condemn others and God will not condemn you, forgive others and God will forgive you. Indeed you will receive a full measure into your hands-all that you can hold. The same measure you use for others in the one that God will use for you). Judging of others stems from judging yourself first, this is caused by focusing on your own faults and then condemning yourself. For you to feel better, you look at someone who looks like they have bigger faults than you and make them feel miserable. It is high time we realize that God loves us even at our worst moments, He is God and bigger than or faults. Love covers all, it does not expose. When we go to God He does not go around telling everyone what we did, this has to be our attitude as well. Knowing the Word of God gives you power (Proverbs 24:5 being wise is better than being strong, yes, knowledge is more important than strength).

Once we begin to identify the enemy and realize that he can speak to us through people then we will not take offense when we are offended. When we get offended, we will spoil our own hearts and we know that forgiveness is one of Jesus’s Commands that we need to keep (1 John 2:11 but those who hate their brothers and sisters are in the darkness, they walk in it and they do not know where they are going, because the darkness has made them blind). You cannot claim to be walking in the light if you cannot forgive. Christ freed us from the prison of sin, unforgiveness in this instance and we need to just receive the freedom (Colossians 1:13 He rescued us from the power of darkness and brought us safe into the Kingdom of His dear Son, by whom we are set free, that is, our sins are forgiven; Psalm 18:16 the Lord reached down from above and took hold of me, He pulled me out of deep waters & John 8:12 Jesus said to the Pharisees "I am the light of the world, whoever follows me will have the light of life and will never walk in darkness").

We need to walk in obedience and do the Word, action without works is dead (1 John 3:23-24 what He commands is that we believe in His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as Christ commanded us. Those who obey God’s commands live in union with God and God lives in union with them. And because of the Spirit that God has given us we know that God lives in union with us). We need to be doers of the Word (James 1:23 whoever listens to the word but does not put it into practice is like a man who looks in a mirror and sees himself as he is). The Grace of God enables us to love our enemies and do good to them as Jesus commands us to do (Matthew 5:43-44 You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your friends, hate your enemies.’ But now I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,). We just need to be willing and ask Him to help us. We always have to be aware that the flesh will always want to take us back to old things and throw a pity party, God does not want this (Isaiah 43:18 But the Lord says "Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago) . If we entertain this then it means we are still in the dark but claim to be walking in the light (1 John 4:20 If we say we love God, but hate others, we are liars. For we cannot love God, whom we have not seen, if we do not love others, whom we have seen & 1 John 1:5-7 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the Blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin). When we are born again we have the mind of Christ, whether we feel it or not (Philippians 2:5-9 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; 7 rather, He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! 9 Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name). Walking in obedience involves humility and denying yourself for your own good, this cannot happen over night, God does not torture us but pleads with us. It might feel a bit hard at first but the more time you spend with Jesus you get more freedom by the day, the freedom does not come all at once, the freedom from the prison of unforgiveness.

The Resurrection power of Christ in you gives you the ability to forgive when you allow Him (Romans 8:11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you). Christianity is about right relationships. In the beginning, a beautiful relationship was destroyed when Adam fell, he ate from the forbidden tree and was distanced from God (Romans 5:12 sin came to the world through one man and his sin brought death with). With Christ going to the Cross, God was reconciling us back to Himself (2 Corinthians 5:19 Our message is that God was making all human beings his friends through Christ. God did not keep an account of their sins, and He has given us the message which tells how He makes them his friends). When we receive forgiveness for our sins and truly believe that God will never be angry with us then we are in a position to forgive others (Isaiah 43:25 I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins & Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us). Our vertical relationship with God ensures that our horizontal relationships are healthy as well. When He dwells in us He makes forgiving easy because He does it Himself inside-out when asked. This is a beautiful picture of the Cross and speaks to what Jesus says (John 13:34 love one another then as I have loved you). We cannot love people because they deserve it, Jesus died for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8 But God has shown us how much he loves us—it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us!)

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