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Christianity Oasis Ministry has provided this E-book titled Dying To Stay Alive written by Author Kica Q. Christian. We hope you will explore our many studies and programs at Christianity Oasis that look into all aspects of the Christian Walk and reveal truth and bring forth understanding and peace.


Welcome to Christianity Oasis Purity Publications. This E-book is titled Dying To Stay Alive written by Author Kica Q. Christian. Christianity Oasis in association with Purity Publications proudly presents you with this Dying To Stay Alive E-Book free of charge for your enjoyment.


Fear Of Death

Dying To Stay Alive

by Kica Q. Christian


Chapter One: Staying Alive
Chapter Two: The Struggle
Chapter Three: Digging Deeper
Chapter Four: Death
Chapter Five: The Dying Process
Chapter Six: Christians & Believers
Chapter Seven: The War Within
The Conclusion of the Matter
About the Author


To my fellow believers in Christ Jesus who find that they wrestle with being who God has called them to be and what the world says they should be.


Does being Christian seem hard to you? Do you find yourself trying to live a certain lifestyle based on how you think a Christian should live? Have you ever noticed that believers and non-believers in Christ Jesus have their own set of expectations of how a Christian should live? What are some of the characteristics that make up a Christian? What expectations of Christian Living are you abiding by? There is an adage that says “life is what you make it”! What does the Christian make of his or her life in the earth realm where he or she is a un-wanted and un-welcomed visitor?

The purpose of this book is to encourage those believers who are in this world but not of this world: Psalm 119:19 (KJV) the believers who struggle with letting go of sin (erroneous habits); and the believers whose hope lie in the promise of there being something more to live for.

We must die in Him to gain life in Him. “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21 (KJV) I urge you to accept the spiritual dying process. My prayer is that you will grasp hold unto the truths presented in this literature and that they will manifest in your lives as you apply them.

Chapter One: Staying Alive

Jesus said: “He that findeth his life shall lose it and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.” Matthew 10:39 (KJV) Have you ever stopped to think about what this statement is really saying? I have read this scripture before several times and believed it to be simple and self-explanatory. I was wrong! It would be easy for me to say that this scripture only applies to martyrs-people who are physically killed for their beliefs. But it goes much further than that it also applies to the believer in Christ Jesus who chooses everyday to give up self-sufficiency to follow Jesus. This person is able to allow God to humble them so that he or she fully submits to the Omniscient (all-knowing) Power of God with the endeavor of sustaining their very existence.

A Biblical Example of this type of Spiritual Martyrdom can be found in the Gospel of Luke: “And after these things he went forth, and saw a publican, named Levi, sitting at the receipt of custom: and he said unto him, Follow me. And he left all, rose up, and followed him.” Luke 5:27-28 (KJV)

After receiving the command to follow Jesus Levi was enabled to drop everything and walk with Him. He (Levi) was in no way considered special. He was a tax collector which was one of the most disliked professions at that time. Levi did not feel worthy to walk with Jesus. Jesus, having His own perception of Levi, invited Levi to follow Him in spite of what Levi thought of himself. Levi was not concerned with his own plans or his schedule for the remainder of that day. “..Levi made him a great feast in his own house: and there was a great company of publicans and of others that sat down with them.” Luke 5:29 (KJV) When in the presence of the Divine One our first thought should always be to honor him. Believers would benefit from showing this type of devotion toward God.

The Bible tells us that obedience is better than sacrifice. 1 Samuel 15:22 (KJV) Oftentimes obedience requires a sacrifice of oneself. Imagine what it was like for Levi to put aside (or leave behind) his personal agenda for the day to serve God. Can you picture how different life would be if we would live confidently in Jesus? Believing that He can and will handle everything that we care about?

The decision to follow Jesus sometimes causes believers to question whether their walk is worth it. There are moments in our lives when we become frustrated and distracted by events occurring around and/or to us. We label these events as storms, tests, trials, and tribulations. We look for re-assurance during these opportunities. We question our purposes and require re-vitalization of motivation by asking God to reset our thinking

Thank God for His Examples. It seems Peter also had some of the same concerns that we have today. Jesus had just explained to the present company how difficult it would be for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God in Luke 18:18-27 KJV. While still focusing on the concept Peter speaks: “…Lo, we have left all, and followed thee. And he said to them, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God’s sake, Who shall not receive manifold more in present time, and in the world to come life everlasting.” Luke 18:28-30 (KJV) We as believers should always be prepared to leave everything behind.

Chapter Two: The Struggle

Twenty-nine years ago in Michael Reese Hospital I was born weighing two pounds and five ounces. Arriving three months earlier then scheduled I came here physically dying to live. The presiding physician told my mother she could not see me because I would not make it. Alone in another room God had plans of his own brewing…God stopped all the machines that were attached to me. He wanted my full attention before He spoke. He needed to halt and overpower every-thing that was taking my focus off of Him. In the silence He said to me: “you shall not die but live, and declare the works of the Lord.” Psalm 118:17 (KJV) Suddenly the monitoring machines attached to me sounded off. Hospital personnel rushed in to see the unexpected-a miracle. This little girl was supposed to be dying but she was alive and well

God provides hope in hopeless situations. He speaks life to our dead stuff. He resurrects what is important and what He will use.

A little under two years after my birth, my mother and grandparents learned of a medical condition that I had obtained. I had a mushroom-like growth occur on my vocal cords that would need to be removed by laser surgery. The condition would require me to endure several operations from the age of almost two years (my first operation was a day before I turned two) until I turned fourteen. The procedure always required an overnight hospital stay.

I can remember being tired of having the operations. It seemed that I spent more time in the hospital then I did in school. I longed to be “normal” like all the other kids. I was about fourteen years old when I learned from a Christian Mentor that by his stripes I am healed. The mentor encouraged me to study the scripture for myself-not just to take her word for it. I began to meditate and recite the scripture: “ Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose strips you were healed.” 1 Peter 2:24 (KJV) I focused on the last three words. They were written in the past tense which meant that it has already been done. So why was I still living in this condition?
I began to get aggressive with the revelation of this new knowledge derived from this scripture. Every time I felt a symptom coming on I would quote this scripture. I even envisioned the blow from the whip as it hit Jesus’ back. It had the name of my particular condition on it and the Blood dripping down His back that symbolizes my wholeness in Him.

The day came for me to go to the Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist. He stuck a long tube down my nose to look at my vocal cords. This was the Pre-Surgery Examination. He searched and searched but found nothing. He announced that the condition had disappeared and that I would not need any more surgeries.

Today I am happy to report that I do not suffer from any physical illnesses because the Blood of Jesus still covers me. Glory to God.

Chapter Three: Digging Deeper

I have struggled with Spiritual and Relational illnesses. A person might think that these two types of illnesses are not related. When in all actually they are co-dependent on each other. We are capable of learning erroneous habits (sin) from a very early age. In fact, many Early Childhood Teachers will agree with the statement that children display behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs that they observe through their home environment. People are conditioned to learn by example. Jesus’ life here on earth accomplished this very thing. “I have given you an example. You should do as I have done for you.” John 13:15 (NIrV)

When our parents, or guardians are not spiritually whole then they are spiritually broken. This means that our parents or guardians have difficulty relating to other people. In general the way we relate to people is something we were taught from other people like our parents, peers, media, etc. This is also the same way we relate to God because it is the only way we know how to. If we were taught by a broken or lame person how to relate then we are relating to God in a broken or lame way. This brokenness becomes evident in our mindsets, it affects our outlook on life, and the personal characteristics that we develop. Traits like: mistrust, wanting to be in isolation from self and others, dishonesty, carelessness, and bitterness become fruit in one’s life. Please note: there are a lot of traits that are not listed above. These are just a few. God desires to remove brokenness-results of not having characteristics that are not like Him-from our lives. He replaces brokenness with wholeness in Him. “Because you belong to Christ, you have everything you need. He is the ruler over every power and authority.” Colossians 2:10 (NIrV)

Chapter Four: Death

I will be honest the thought of physical death is not appealing to me. There are so many negative words associated with death like cancer, murder, suicide, and the list goes on and on. When I think of death I think of darkness and usually some element of pain. When God decided to bring about the death of the spirit of hopelessness in my life I fought Him to keep it alive. Death is an inevitable process and it can be painful. Darkness can feel like a loss of hope and Spiritual Pain can be associated with an untouchable inner hurt. Jesus experienced the darkness: “And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying E-lo’-I, E-lo’-I, La’ma Sa-bach’-tha-ni? Which is, being interpreted, My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me? Mark 15:34 (KJV) Jesus had pain when he died. Yet, he went through the process

I believed (in words and in small actions) that I would do anything for Jesus. That was until I faced the Spiritual Death of hopelessness. Why did I think I would be exempt from the process of dying? God needed me to surrender the spirit of hopelessness to Him in order for it to stop producing fruit in my life and to become extinct. God custom designs us to be the material that matches with the very fabric of Life. “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” John 14:6 (KJV emphasis mine)

I was married at the time the Spirit of Hopelessness was upon me. I had given everything that I knew how to give to the union. I continuously poured myself into trying to keep my spouse happy. This became my self-made purpose for living. I would become obsessed with being the “perfect wife”. As time passed I became empty in my spirit. I had nothing left to give anyone. When I poured out I never stopped to allow God to pour in. (A major No-No!) Darkness came and engulfed me. I felt a void so deep within my spirit man. I was positive that there was a hole in my soul. I began going back to the church with a silent hope that someone there would hear my soul crying out for help. That hope was unfulfilled. It would take another silent moment experience for me to hear and obey the Voice of God.

In a dark room, on the edge of a bed, with a loaded gun at my temple, tears streaming down my face and desperation in my heart. My soul cried out to God the Author and Finisher of my faith. In this moment God began to speak to me about the void. He said He was the only One who could fill the emptiness in my life. The void was in my life because He was not. I had allowed His Presence to leave me. In the process of pouring myself into my new role as the ideal wife I had forgotten to “ Trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV)

I repented. Dehydrated from the lack of Word in my life I hungered and thirsted for God. I was now in God’s Recovery Room and I would take in every Word He fed me like a sponge absorbing water. Later, I was released from God’s Hospital with a Bill of Good Health. “For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds…” Jeremiah 30:17 (KJV)

Chapter Five: The Dying Process

According to some experts there are approximately five stages in the dying process. The first stage is DENIAL. This is expressed by the notion “this can’t be happening to me.” At the beginning of my most recent dying process God severed relationships with close family members. I considered these people essential pillars in my life. When the second individual was cut away it hurt deeply. The fact that this relative would no longer be involved in my life as they had been for several years was just surreal. I was truly flabbergasted and numb for the first couple of months after the separation. [Sometimes when we are too comfortable in a situation, God makes the situation uncomfortable so that we will move into a position where we can be used by Him.] People said things like: “Man, you look like you lost your best friend.” In my little self-contained world I did! I inquired of God about the matter and learned something new about myself. God has to circumcise our heart (or way of thinking) to keep us humble and to keep us from committing Spiritual Suicide and/or the Spiritual Homicide of others.

Stage Two in the dying process is ANGER. In this stage we become angry about what is happening to us. We are not trying to spiritually see that “…all things work together for good to them who love God, to them who are called to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 (KJV) In this phase we demand answers from everyone including God! We are hard to console because we receive the encouragement from others as pity. In my most recent dying process God removed the spirits of self-reliance, worry, and wavering faith from my life. I had come to the point where I had divinely lost everything: family relationships, a car, secular employment, (symbol of a type of reliable income) and I was about to loose the roof over my head. Initially I did not understand what was going on. I was highly upset-when it came to the roof over my head. I complained, “but, Lord you said you would supply all my need…” His reply: “… I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV)

I sit on the board of an organization that will provide housing for women in transition from shelters to Independent Living. Today I have this revelation that how can I have a heart for these women if I have not been where they have been. God delivered me from the entire eviction process and is providing shelter for me while He is transitioning me to move on to my next independent situation-a house. This is the same goal that the organization whose board I sit on has for the women we serve. Isn’t God awesome! He will provide us with a hands-on example to demonstrate just how real and near He is to our personal struggle. This helped me to re-focus for a while until I proceeded into the next stage of the process BARGINING.

After leaving my apartment I wanted to “fix” things. It was time to implement “Plan B” which was to return to the secular working world. I told God that taking time off to write this book was dumb and that I would put it on the back burner because having income was more important now. (This is where I am sure He laughed!) Let us not forget the fact that I had been declaring and whole-heartedly believing that I was to take this time off to write. I wanted to substitute my plan for God’s Plan because I wanted to see results and I thought I knew what was best for me. Have you ever tried to negotiate with God? Have you ever thought about how to determine the value of one human soul? Every time we compromise His Divine Plan a soul is at stake whether it be our own or those that we are responsible for. Someone will become more vulnerable when we bargain with God

Only the Original, Authentic, Creator knows the cost connected with creating a human being. Morally, we can feel entitled to ownership of our own lives-which includes actions, motives, and destines-since Jesus paid the price to bail us out from being under the Wrath of God. We reason that we have a bargaining chip. Once we truly understand that we are nothing without God then we will know the “power” of our bargaining with Him. Here is a hint: our bargaining chip is worth no-thing! Sometimes there is sin (erroneous habits) in our lives that we figure if we had more time we would be able to get rid of it ourselves. Since God knows all He will place us in a position where we will surrender everything to Him instead of trying to make life comfortable in sin

When things do not go the way you intend them to you can become depressed. DEPRESSION is the fourth stage of the dying process. When stuck in your lack of total God-Confidence you throw yourself an elaborate pity party. Characterized by doubt and second guessing one begins to further analyze and evaluate the Divine Purpose and Divine Direction over their lives. One begins to ask questions like: Am I living in vain? And what am I supposed to do now? This phase has lasted between 3-4 weeks for me in times past. The Word of Encouragement during this cycle is “…for the joy of the Lord is your strength”. Nehemiah 8:10 (KJV) You are supposed to turn back to God’s original plan and instructions that he personally gave you. So that you will have “vision”. “The blind receive their sight, and the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, and the deaf her, the dead are raised up, and the poor have the gospel preached to them. And blessed is he, whosever shall not be offended in me.” Matthew 11:5-6 (KJV)

The final stage in the process is ACCEPTANCE. You consent to surrender to His Plan. No strings attached you realize that there is no other Way. You also realize this is the best way to live. Now you embrace destiny and attempt to make yourself comfortable as you follow His Divine Lead. I began to get excited about the finished product so I set out to complete this book. Today I am a different person then I was when I began writing this book and I will never be the same because of this process. God provides life-altering options to help us choose to change before we commit Spiritual Suicide. We become angry when we have to stop doing the thing that we enjoy so much (and that we know is opposing to God) or we continue performing that thing while we enter the dying process

When death comes everything is uprooted-including the sin and everything attached to it. There is a stinging sensation because we do not realize that the root (cause of the sin or habit) has grown so heavy in weights, burdens, and obligations to the way of living in which we are accustomed. Once it is removed we are granted permission & ability to move onto the next level on the path of our destiny. We now have a renewed sense of freedom and zealousness to take action.

Chapter Six: Christians & Believers

Christian circles and definitely secular circles have their self-imposed definitions of what a Christian’s lifestyle should look like. This pre-conceived notion can destroy new believers and even discourage them from maintaining faith due to expectations in the form of peer pressure from others. “Others” are people whom the new believer views as Mature Christians. For the record, a Mature Christian is not a person who has been attending church for a long time. A Mature Believer: is not concerned with outward appearance but with the inner appearance of man. Believers have to be like Smart Consumers and inspect the fruit of those that we allow to assist us in our Faith Walk. The focus on image and appearance becomes so great (for some) that one’s inner man suffers severely. Today’s societal thinking is very self-centered. The thought of everything being all about one’s self is not uncommon.

Believers in Christ need to be Kingdom Thinkers and Soul-Centered. We should purposely do and think about how we specifically and most effectively contribute to the building and establishing of God’s Kingdom at all times. The Bible says: “ My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defense; I shall not be moved.” Psalm 62:5-6 (KJV) The Bible also tells us in the Words of Jesus’ we will know a person by the fruit they bear. “ Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.” Matthew 7:16-18 (KJV)

It is imperative that we as Christians bring forth good fruit. We are to encourage others in the Walk. These fruits: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control draw men unto Jesus. (see Galatians 5:22-23) Believers are supposed to represent Jesus to the fullest extent. We have things that happen in our lives that cause us to stumble or fall. It is okay so long as we get back up. “ For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.” Proverb 24:16 (KJV)

Our human experiences contribute to our insecurities, interpretations, and expectations of who God is. I can speak from experience that I have sometimes read the Bible as if it were a storybook. As if the people in the Book where just characters and the events were just separate stories that were good to read from time to time. At first, the “stories” seemed like they really did not apply to me. So I would spend more time “entertaining” myself by watching television.

There were some scriptures that remained in the forefront of my mind during this time. The first says: “The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be, and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 1:9 (KJV) The second scripture states: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 (NIrV) How could I know him today, if I didn’t know what he was like yesterday?

My thinking required a new belief. I needed to develop a relationship with Him in order to define who I would become in Him. “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.” John 15:5-6 (KJV) I would also learn what my role is in advancing the Kingdom of God.

Life encompasses every aspect of our beings. If we look at the word encompass and define it as follows: en=within and compass=tool for showing direction. One could conclude that God is saying we need to allow Him to be the tool within that shows direction. By doing so one would be more than satisfied and empowered to live forever. Jesus said that “man shall not live by bread alone but by every Word that proceeded out the mouth of God.” Matthew 4:4 (KJV) “I am the bread of life. He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.” John 6:48 & 47 (KJV)

When Jesus speaks His Words have purpose and direction. Jesus said “the thief cometh not, but to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10 (KJV) Abundantly as used here is the Greek Word “perissos” [i] meaning superabundant (in quantity) or superior (in quality). I really appreciate that Jesus wants us to have more than enough of the very best. Notice that Jesus spoke to the quantity (purpose) and quality (direction) of the type of life we, as believers, could have in Him; if we choose to live in Him.

Chapter Seven: The War Within

The believer is in battle with the Enemy, Satan, Lucifer. (Call him whatever you want all the names fit!) This battle is spiritual and this battle is real. The Enemy starts by infiltrating the thoughts of the believer because if he could get the believer to accept any lie that is being presented in thought eventually the believer will act on what they believe. This is why the Bible tells us to take every thought captive to the Word of God. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Like Jesus, our words have the power to produce life and death. Our words should also be spoken with purpose and direction. When we speak what we say has to come to pass-good, bad, and ugly. The following areas are crucial issues in which we struggle as believers

1. Doubt & Fear-The absence of belief. God tells us that we can not please Him if we do not first believe that He exist. “Without faith it isn’t possible to please God. Those who come to God must believe that he exists. And they must believe that he rewards those who look to him.” Hebrews 11:1 (NIrV) One might “opt out” of doing something that is spiritually correct because of the perceived outcome of the situation. This causes discomfort and permits one to adventure outside of what is habitual

2. Self-Reliance-the tendency to believe in and on one’s self. It is natural for a person to feel that they can do everything without the help of others. Independency is embedded in American Culture. If one was to reflect on the everyday Involuntary Movements of various organs in the human body I think that it would be difficult for one to state that they are in control of their own lives. It is true that without God we can do no-thing. It is also imperative that we rely on God to supply every need, want, and desire.

3. Rejection-Refusal to accept something or someone. Believers fall into traps of the enemy because we do not know the whole truth for ourselves. We need to grasp hold to the realness of the Work of Christ and how it applies to our own lives everyday so that we do not reject Him, which in turn will also make us reject who we are in Him.

The Conclusion of the Matter

In his book entitled, “Spiritual Authority” [ii] Watchman Nee states: “God’s Kingdom is that realm within which the will of God is carried out without any interference.” We interfere with God’s Will through doubt, fear, self-reliance, rejection and a host of other things. These Kingdom Blockers enter our lives because we are deficient in the Word for that season of our lives. I encourage you, believer, to seek wisdom concerning the Word of God. “When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh forward things;” Proverbs 2:10-11 (KJV)

About the Author

I have always enjoyed writing. For me it is a very personable and intimate way of communicating to someone else your emotions, abilities, and intentions. So when the Lord revealed to me that His plan was for me to write; I was both elated and honored. It is my pleasure to share His thoughts and revelations with you.

“For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers;” Romans 1:9 (KJV)


The Holy Bible in the King James Version 1984 Elm Hill Press

Holy Bible. New International Version. 1999 Zonderkids. Grand Rapids, MI.

The Strongest Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible. 2001 Zondervan. Grand Rapids, MI.

Watchman, Nee. Spiritual Authority. 1972 Christian Fellowship Publishers, Inc. New York, New York.

Gould, Barbara. Five Stages of Dying. Family Remembrances. Retrieval date: April 4, 2008. Website

[i] Strongest Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible.

[ii] Watchman Nee “Spiritual Authority

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