Harbor Light Church
"A place that you can call home."
He Knows Your Pain
One of
the first and greatest transitions of my life took place when I was a
young pastor in rural Galatia Illinois. The event that I'm speaking of
was the death of my grandfather, longtime friend, and most ardent
supporter, Freddie Ray Heflin.
As a
member of our congregation it was both my duty, and honor to be asked to
perform the service that day, but to be totally honest with you it was
quite overwhelming. Grandpa Fred had been a crucial aspect of not only my
life, but also the ministry that God had entrusted me with. He believed
in me when I didn't believe in myself, and though he could critique me
like no one else could, he also had the ability to build me up when I
really needed it. Many times it was his voice that God would use to show
me my successes even through my failures. In many ways Fred had become a
sense of strength, encouragement, and comfort to me, yet there I was
feeling Isolated and alone. In just a moment, an instant of time,
everything seemed to just slip through my fingers. One moment he was
there, and the next he was gone.
For
the most part I believe that I held in the majority of the emotional
turmoil that had enveloped me. After all it was my job and my
responsibility as a pastor to offer strength to the rest of the family, so
I did the very best that I could to display a sense of confidence to those
around me, but honestly I was a train wreck on the inside.
I
still remember that as I prayed that morning I cried out to God with a
spirit of frustration. I reminded Him that He had promised that He would
always lead us, but out of desperation I asked Him how He could lead where
He'd never been. I knew that Jesus had been tempted in all ways, and that
He had experienced life just as we have, but this was an experience that
was totally alien to Him. Sure He'd lost His friend Lazarus, John 11:35
even tells us that "Jesus wept" in response to His loss, but
in reality verses 43 and 44 records that Jesus spoke with a loud voice
saying "Lazarus, come fourth. And he that was dead came forth."
This wasn't the same type of loss that I was going through at the time,
and perhaps you're experiencing right now.
When
we think of the temporary loss that was brought on by the death of Lazarus
the best description comes from Jesus Himself. In John 11:25 He said "I
am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me though he was
dead, yet shall he live". Though this loss seemed very real to
Mary, Martha, and Lazarus' other friends and family, Jesus knew that
Lazarus was going to be raised back to life on the fourth day. Jesus
didn't enter into the situation scared or confused, to the contrary He
knew exactly what was about to happen.
On two
other occasions Jesus faced death head on during His ministry. These
encounters are described in Luke 7:11-15 and again in Luke 8:49-56. These
examples though very different in situation had very similar outcomes.
They both ended with the dead being raised, and families being reunited.
These
thoughts plagued me to the point where I was beginning to feel as though
my knowledge had become a hindrance. It seemed that the more that I
studied the less confident I became about what to do or say at the
funeral. I needed some form of confirmation that God understood the pain
that was being experienced by those that were gathered to grieve the loss
of their loved one. I wanted to know that not only was God in control of
the situation, but also that He was sympathetic to our pain.
It was
then that God took me to Luke 2:41-52. This is the story of Jesus at the
age of twelve with His mother Mary and his earthly father Joseph in
Jerusalem for the feast of the Passover. This is a very familiar story
about the life of Jesus, and I'm sure that you're probably wondering what
the connection is between this aspect of Jesus' life and the topic that
I'm discussing today. To be totally honest with you at first I didn't
understand the connection myself, but then God finally showed me that it
wasn't what the bible said it was instead what it didn't say. Luke 3:23
tells us that Jesus began His earthly ministry at the age of thirty. This
is around eighteen years after the events of Luke 2:41-52. As Jesus
walked this earth in ministry we are given many different references to
His mother, His brothers, and even His sisters being with Him, but when it
comes to Joseph there's nothing more than silence. He may have been
referred to as the son of a carpenter from time to time, but that gives no
indication that Joseph was actually there with Him at the time. This
means that by all indications Jesus had probably lost His earthly father,
Joseph, at some point during that eighteen years where the bible is silent
in regards to the events of His life. In other words this type of pain
was not foreign to Jesus. He had undergone the physical separation that
is brought on by death. Which mean that He doesn't only relate with our
grief, He also knows our pain.
God
then took things one step further when He began dealing with me about all
those that have rejected Him as their savior. He reminded me that He
suffers loses on a daily basis. Matthew 25:41 tells us that Hell was "prepared
for the devil and his angels", not for people. The book of John
3:17 reaffirm this reality when it says "For God sent not His Son
into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might
be saved". God never intended any of His creation to suffer the
second death other than the devil and those angels that followed him.
This means that every time that a person dies without Him, and they find
themselves suffering the second death then God suffers the loss of someone
that He loves. He knows how you feel. He's experienced the pain of loss
not only from a physical point of view, but also a spiritual one. Besides
all this Acts 9:4(b) says "Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?"
Saul was persecuting those within the church, but Jesus saw it as a
personal assault on Himself. This is a clear indication that as we suffer
Jesus suffers with us. He feels our pain, he knows when we are hurting,
and He's never left us stranded or alone. Hebrews 13:5 assures us that
"He will never leave thee, nor forsake thee" and Jesus Himself gave us
this promise in Matthew 28:20 "lo, I am with you always, even unto the end
of the world". You may feel isolated and alone right now, but He's right
there by your side.
God's Not Your Enemy
As we
experience the loss of someone that we care about our bodies often become
flooded with emotions. One moment we may be laughing, and the next we
could crying. In the midst of our sobbing we often lash out with a
feeling of great anger, or even frustration. Nowhere was this fact more
noticeable than in the tragic aftermath of the attack on the World Trade
Center. Numerous men and women were lashing out verbally at not only
their attackers, but also at the God of Heaven. One woman in particular
went on national television and cried out in anger "where was God on
September 11, 2001?"
The
anger that these people displayed, though misdirected, was definitely
understandable. I don't want to confuse you by what I'm saying here,
because I realize that this concept is very controversial to say the
least. But Psalms 103:14 says "For He knoweth our frame: He
remembereth that we are dust". In other words God knows our
weaknesses; He understands our frustration, and even our anger. He knows
everything about us, both those things that are positive and those things
that are negative. Though we can never use this knowledge as an excuse to
sin, it's still nice to know that He understands when our failures are
only based on a momentary weakness. Earlier I mentioned the death of
Lazarus, and the effect that it had on his two sisters Martha and Mary.
If you read all of John chapter eleven you'll see that out of sheer
frustration Martha became argumentative toward Jesus, but He never became
angry with her, instead He became compassionate. Jesus knew that the
words of anger that she spoke were coming from her broken heart, and not
her true feelings.
Matthew 27:46 shows us that God not only understands, but to a certain
degree has even experienced the frustration that is brought on by a moment
of weakness. As Jesus was being crucified He "cried with a loud
voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? That is to say, My God, My God,
why hast thou forsaken me?" This is an example of the flesh of
Jesus crying out to the Spirit of God during His weakest and most
difficult moment. I'm not trying to imply that Jesus was guilty of any
form of sin after all 2 Corinthians 5:21 says that Jesus "knew no
sin". I'm just reaffirming to you that we serve a God that not
only knows our pain, but embraces us and comforts us as we go through it.
As a
preacher I'm always trying to extend the comfort and peace of God to those
whose lives are engulfed in turmoil, but there are always those few that
just won't accept it. One of the most prevalent times for this type
rejection, surprisingly enough is during a funeral service. Don't get me
wrong, I know that most of the people that are there are looking for any
word of encouragement that they can get, but there are those isolated few
that just refuse. They just seem to see God as to much of an enemy to
accept His comfort. Sadly enough I feel that we as the church are
partially to blame. One reason is because so many people are limited when
it comes to having a connection with either God or the church. Their
experience may be no more than a fading childhood memory, or perhaps a
wedding, yet here they stand hurting and confused at the foot of a loved
one forced to say goodbye. They don't have a world of scriptural wisdom
to draw from, so instead they're forced to accept what we as Christians
tell them about God. This is why I cringe every time that I hear someone
make statements such as "God has taken our loved one", or
that "God needed them in Heaven more than we needed them on earth".
These types of statements portray God as some type of a tyrant playing
with the lives of, and taking the lives of those that we love. This
doesn't offer an adequate picture of the situation as it exists. God
didn't take our loved one from us, to the contrary it was death that took
our loved one from us, and then God took them from the hands of death so
that we can one day be reunited with them. 1 Corinthians 15:26 calls
death an enemy to God. It says that "The last enemy that shall be
destroyed is death". Death isn't God's ally, nor is it His
friend. Death is an adversary that opposes not only God, but also the
people of God. This is why John 10:10 says "The thief cometh not,
but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy; I (Jesus) am come that they
might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly".
It's as if a big bully had come and taken something that was important to
us. The bully represents death in this illustration, our loved one is
what death has taken from us, and God being the loving parent that He is
comes immediately to our rescue. God reclaims what's His, but knowing
that the bully is still lurking in the shadows He knows that it would be
best if He held onto our loved one for safekeeping. This way the bully
can never touch our loved ones again. Our family and friends that have
passed on, and knew Jesus as their Lord and Savior are in His safe
keeping. They're in a place where the pains of life, the terror of
sickness, and the sting of death no longer have an effect. This is why 1
Corinthians 15:55 asks the question "O death, where is thy sting? O
grave, where is thy victory?"
I'm
not trying to make light of the struggle that you're now contending with.
I know the pain that the adversary inflicts by hurting those that we care
about. King David as a young man stood toe to toe with the giant named
Goliath, and he prevailed but in 2 Samuel 12:23 King David faces his most
devastating enemy as he suffers the pain of losing an infant son. Despite
his pain, despite his regret he still found the strength that was needed
to cling to the promises of God. David told those around him "I
shall go to him (David's son, but he shall not return to me".
David knew that as a follower of the one true God we're never forced to
say goodbye, only till we meet again. This assurance was the push that
David needed in order to sustain his faith during his time of tragedy.
This same promise still holds true for us today. David is now reunited
with his son, as you will one day be reunited with your loved one.
Therefore we should cling to the many promises of God, as we also cling to
the mercy and grace of God. He's not separated us from those that we have
lost; to the contrary He has separated them from our real enemy which is
the bully of death himself. God's not your enemy He's just keeping those
that you love safe until we can all be together again.
There's Two Sides to Every Story
I've
always been told that there are two sides to every story. With this in
mind let's look beyond just our side of the issue, and see that there's
another perspective that's far too often overlooked or ignored. When we
go through times like these we see our tears, we feel our pain, and we
know the sorrow of our loss, but what of our loved ones gain. 1
Corinthians 2:9 says "But as it is written. Eye hath not seen, nor
ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which
God hath prepared for them that love Him". This Scripture is
telling us that we have no comprehension for all that our loved ones are
experiencing. They've achieved what we're still striving for.
In
Philippines 1:21-24 we're shown the inner turmoil of a man that finds
himself at a crossroads in his life. The man that's sharing his feelings
with us is the Apostle Paul. As he wrote these words he was in a
situation where he literally didn't know whether he would live or die, but
notice where his perspective was. The Scripture says "For to me to
live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live in the flesh, this is
the fruit of my labor: yet what I shall choose I wot not. For I am in a
strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ:
which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful
for you." He emphasized that he had no fear of death for himself,
he was more concerned about the effect that it would have on those that he
would be leaving behind.
The
Apostle Paul was not alone in these feelings and concerns. If we could
just take a moment to look beyond ourselves and our pain to peer into the
hearts and minds of many of our loved ones, we would find examples of this
same concern hidden within them. There have been numerous men and woman
that have held on to life through chronic or even critical diseases much
longer than they ever should have. They've suffered unnecessarily. Why?
The answer's simple, because they cared more about you than they did
themselves. With this in mind I challenge you. As you struggle through
your time of grief do what your loved ones have done. Place their
feelings in the position of priority. Allow yourself to close your
physical eyes and open your spiritual ones. See what your loved ones are
now seeing; experience what they're now experiencing.
This
may not be easy to do with tears rolling down your cheeks, but remember
that theirs are being wiped away. Revelations 7:17 says "For the
Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead
them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears
from their eyes." Never again will they suffer the many problems,
and ailments that have plagued them. Our loved ones have been freed from
every pain, worry, or sickness that they've ever known. Despite what a
popular secular song says, there are no tears in Heaven. If they knew
Jesus as their Lord and Savior then this is the kind of comfort that
they're now receiving. Imagine your loved one when they first arrived at
this place called Heaven, picture the excitement on their face when they
realized that this wasn't a temporary stopping point, but instead an
eternal home. As I've already pointed out through the scriptures this is
a place that surpasses even our thoughts and imaginations.
The
most difficult time for us that are left behind is the time of our initial
loss. I'm not trying to imply that you'll ever fully recover or forget
your loved one. I know that this loss has left a void that will remain
throughout your life, but I also realize that these first few days, weeks,
months, and sadly enough even years will be a time of transition for you
unlike you've ever experienced. I'm not going to lie to you, there will
be a time of adjustment that you must face that is extremely difficult,
but remember that your loved one is going through an adjustment period of
their own. It's my belief that if you can focus more on their adjustment
period than on your own it may ease your pain, even if but for a moment.
We know from Scripture that Heaven is where dreams come true. We know
that we'll never stop being amazed by its splendor and beauty, but just as
the beginning of your transition period is the most difficult time, theirs
is the most amazing. As our heart breaks, their heart leaps. Imagine
their first five minutes in Heaven; everything would be so fresh and so
new to them. They've stepped out of their mortality, and into their
immortality. They're no longer limited by natural law, cravings, and
weaknesses. They've been reunited with those that they'd loved and lost
over the years, and never again will they be forced to say goodbye.
They've had the opportunity to speak with the very people that God used to
write and live the bible. They've seen the streets of Gold, they've felt
the brush of angels' wings, and they've been embraced by the one that died
for them. Our loved ones have now become so engulfed in the presence of
God and by His love that they now know what Heaven is all about. I know
that they loved you very much, but I don't think that they would ever want
to return to this world or the things that it offered. I know that the
pain that you're going through is horrific, but I also know that if you
could see things through their eyes, or from their perspective, then you
would never ask them to return.
As I
told you earlier King David was comforted by the knowledge that he would
one day be reunited with his infant son, and you can be comforted with the
knowledge that you will also one day be reunited with your loved one as
well. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 says "But I would not have you to be
ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not,
even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and
rose again, even so them also which sleeps in Jesus will God bring with
Him". If you continue reading this chapter it gives you detailed
information concerning not only our rising to the clouds to meet our Lord
and Savior Jesus at His coming, but it also tells us that we will be
reunited with our loved ones that have already gone on to be with the
Lord. This is why it emphasizes that Jesus will literally bring our loved
ones back to meet us in the air.
As
Christians we're never forced to say goodbye, only till we meet again.
Meet Me at the Throne
As I
reach the conclusion of this publication I truly hope that in some small
way the words that it contains will help you through what you're now
experiencing. I realize that I haven't filled the void that's in your
heart, nor have I settled the anguish that's in your soul, but I do hope
that I've at least opened your mind and allowed God's comfort and peace to
penetrate it. I know the pain of losing someone. We may be at different
levels, but I've been there, and I do know that each of us is offered the
same hope of being reunited in Heaven. Whether we lose our spouse,
parent, grandparent, friend, or pastor I know that we don't have to say
goodbye to them, at least not permanently.
This
final chapter will be focused on teaching that my former pastor, and
spiritual father, Brother Thomas Guy Deuel, taught me prior to his own
transition into Heaven. He was teaching us the importance of prayer, and
he was instilling in us values that would remain to this day. He
understood the busy and hectic life styles of his congregation, but he
also understood the importance and necessity of fellowship with God. In
order to meet us on common ground and remove our excuses he began a
program that he called "Meet Me at the throne". The concept
was simple; everyone would agree to stop whatever they were doing at
either 6:00am or at 6:00pm each day in order to pray. We may not have
been joined together in one building, but we were joined together in the
Throne Room of God. Brother Deuel knew that there could be unity of
spirit that reached beyond just a unity of our physical bodies. If we
were united in faith, purpose, and thought toward God then we would be
joined together in spirit. The Apostle Paul alluded to it in 1
Corinthians 5:3 when he said "For I verily, as absent in body, but
present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present."
I'm not speaking of transcendental meditation or any other new age
philosophy or teaching. I'm talking about the revelation that comes
through prayer.
Even
Jesus felt the need to seclude himself from others in order to spend time
in prayer as He completed His earthly ministry. This was His way of
leaving this world, and pushing through the veil of flesh and reaching
into the realm of the spirit which is the very throne room of Heaven.
Jesus needed this time away so that He could return home at least for a
moment.
As we
pray and enter the Throne of God I want you to understand that the same
principle that Brother Deuel taught us still applies. 2 Corinthians 5:8
says "We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from
the body, and to be present with the Lord." Your loved one though
gone from this world is present within the throne room of God. They're
praising and worshipping the same God that we pray to. Therefore as we
enter the throne room of God we're reunited not just with God, but also
with our loved ones.
Now
that you've finished reading this may I suggest that you keep your
appointment in the throne room of God, because God's waiting on you, and
guess what He's not alone.
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