I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH

Introduction

Holiness is arrived at by no low road. The road to holiness is narrow and steep and exceedingly lonely. There is no other road. " It is the way the master went, shall not his servants tread it still?"

"The Holy Spirit" Gave me this. Not just for myself but all who would benefit from this way of the truth. " His Grace" Then said to me;

"O my child, I need you for myself. Yea, I have purposes for thy life beyond thy present comprehension. Yea, I have truth concerning myself to give to thee deeper and richer and more wonderful than thine understanding has thus far taken in. Open thine heart wide to me. I will fill thee with my Holy Spirit, and in so doing will satisfy the deepest longings of thy soul."

I am just a ordinary human being. The same as all who would read this. The generational trap is far more difficult to break let alone understand. To day "Our precious Lord' had given me freedom of being born. I was dead for near to sixty six years of my whole life. I can hardly take it in how "Jesus Christ" Moved inside my heart. The introduction is to give all who read this donation the truth. More so that once " Jesus Christ" Is within his child's heart it is far more amazing then words can actually tell. It is no side show or preaching. All of what I came to know was directly from " Our Lord Jesus Christ " I attend no church as yet. " Jesus Christ" Gave me all this that you will read by his "Holy Spirit."

So prepare for a lifetime that will cherish all souls that can so easily be deceived. Including Christians. My only reward would be that the dark force is under all feet rebuked. The reward is that all who read this will gain a clear sign. Remember that although I am the author of my life it is exactly how it was. That " The Holy Spirit" Has encouraged me to rid the old life that was dead. To share " Love " So that even though I was so targeted to all extremes " Jesus Christ" Is the stronger and only authority that is the way to " Gods kingdom." May all my brothers and sisters in " Christ Jesus " Be fully uplifted. Thank you " Lord Jesus " For this it is a great honour you have given me.

Chapter One

I was born in Holland. My earliest memory was being in a pram. The pram was made out of basket weaving with very small wheels. I saw the night sky and looked at the stars. There were adults looking in the pram. I remember being curious at the sky and the stars.

I was born illegitimate which as a baby I would not know that. As time went by I remember being four years old. Strange sort of family I had. I was to meet a person from the continent. Who was going to be my mother's husband.

This man was abusive. His first attempt to insult my childhood was when he would be sitting on a old rocking chair and ask me to climb onto his knees. He then opened his genital part of his trousers and would watch me looking. I remember being afraid. He was very sadistic. My encounters of this opening his private parts went on a few times. Yet I was always afraid and would jump down. He told me to be quiet of I would be given a hiding.

I was put into a convent in the United Kingdom. Be around age five. The nuns were cruel. They were quite sharp in their approach. Then there was mass every morning at six a.m. And again at seven p.m. Schooling in between time. The nuns forced all girls to clean. Clean hard and very dirty work. Some of us girls if not a favorite would be given scrubbing endless floors. Food was really bad. The limitations of food was largely known. None of us girls could complain. Had we then we would have been forced to confession given penance plus physical penance. No play time at all for a long time. I remember one time there were peas on the plate of which I disliked intensely. They were processed peas. So this day I looked to see if any nun was looking. With that I threw them on the floor. I was not caught.

I was unwell at one time. So as early as five years old I was put into this old room above the convent floors. I had heard of one girl having what she called a ghost in that room. To my memory she said she felt pressure on the bed. But she put it child like as words of mature years are as now. I was the youngest there. Others were a lot older.

I was in the bed and it was very dark. I woke up to see a woman by my bedside. Not a nun. How could this woman be there I thought? I got scared so went under the bed cloths. Only to find when I thought it would go she was still there. She looked like my mother, only very very old. She had a shawl on in some colours. Big thick bulls eye glasses, was quite small in height. Said nothing at all. I went again under the bed cloths. Yet she stayed there for a long time. I was frightened. I wanted the morning to come.

In the morning I spoke to the nun who came in. Telling her about this woman in the night and how she looked. The nun hushed me up and said I was not to tell anyone at all. It was not my imagination. I saw that woman.

Further done the line I was to be taken out of this convent. I hated being there. It was cold had no home feeling. It was even a sin to laugh. So I became withdrawn very early on. My mother came for me. Before that day I used to look outside the railings of the very tall convent that was dark grey, I felt a prisoner in there. It had bars all around the convent. No child could run away. So I looked every day to see if my mother would come off a bus to get me. By then I had already become in a prison.

She came and took me to a cafe which was unusual for her to even give a treat. Then it was back to a farm house. There was the step-father. Who was sadistic. They had a son. I had already been casted out, but this birth of the son made me further on the outside. I was always wanting to be wanted. So at age six that is very early to learn that I was worthless.

We had moved to another town in the United Kingdom. I was eight years old. I could not understand my mother. She had no time for me at all. My step-father was very insulting towards me. Then one night I was to go to bed in their bed. My mother went to the sons bed. The son was three then. He also was in the marital bed. Along with me. My step-father came into the bed later. He woke me up. He said " I have to show you what to do when you grow up" He then took my right hand and placed it upon his genitals. I was so shocked at this because obviously he was aroused that I pulled away and said "No." I was so scared of both parents that I did not know what to do or say. He tried to get me to participate in something I had no idea of. Yet I knew it was very wrong. I had had bashing already so it was a fearful state for any child to live in. He then ejaculated all over me. I did not allow him to penetrate me. I did not know what that wet was at all. So I thought I should tell my mother. Then I thought I will only get bashed up again for telling lies. But this was the truth. I said nothing. Told nobody.

He then tried to keep my silence by bribing me with sweets, or if I say anything I would be bashed. Then bribing was soon over and he would just give me this stern look that meant he will hit me if I talk. By eight I was then further in a dark prison. His prison. He used to use a double leather razor strap to beat me with and always on my back so it was never seen. I got this for doing nothing. No beating warranted for misbehaviour. I dare not be a child. Or have feelings. Inside I had feelings. And got introverted.

My grand mother wanted me to live with her for a while. In a big farm house. She talked of ghosts and she played cards. She also did writing a lot but never sent the letters. I now know it was automatic writing. Dangerous. I told her of my step-father and how he had tried to force me to touching him. I did say I did not understand for why. As at that age sex is not at all in a child. I said he beat me a lot. My grand mother went to the police. I had to see them the following day. I was just turning nine years of age.

She wanted to sleep in the downstairs large room of the building. It was the farmers room for resting in. He owned the farm. As we went to sleep she was on my left hand side. Somehow she made up two beds there for us. She was asleep. I woke up. To my greatest surprise there was this young lady standing on my grandmother. At her solar plexus area. She was standing upon my grandmother which I could not understand that my grandmother did not wake up for her weight upon her. The young woman was with very long plaits, a sack cloth for a dress. Seemed in grey. Some black and clear to me. It was the night before my police time to speak. I was so scared I went under the bed cloths again. I came out and looked and she was still there looking at me right in my eyes. She remained there for quite a long time. I did not wake my grand mother. I was too scared.

I did not realise that this was a Indian squaw at all. As no teachings of tribes were at school. I only remembered how she looked and found out later it was a Indian. Around eleven years of age. By a picture in class if tribes. I told my grand mother of the vision. She went on and on and on all day and extra days about it. I went to the police and they tried all ways to get me to talk. Fear was so inside me that I said little, I knew I would be beaten up. The police were not at all thinking I made this up as I had not. No child can talk of sexual things without it being shown at that early age. They asked me if I was beaten? How did he touch me? I said little but my face held great fear. They believed me. By the fear in my face. Plus how I clammed up at some questions.

They went to see my mother. They told her what he was to be charged with. My mother told them I had a high imagination and was a very misbehaving child. That as "God" Is my witness was lies from her. She had taken his side. Her only daughter could be harmed and she would not take responsibility for her support as a mother.

I was very ill from food poisoning not long after this. Now my half brother did not have it or them. Only me. I was as I remember not conscience much. I somehow survived.

Then one day my mother said we were going out for the day. I was near ten years old. I thought we were going for a nice day. As she was not telling me the truth. We took a train to a place a long way from the place I was in. We came to a large building. The mother superior was talking to my mother. I thought it was a visit. Next thing my mother went up the path to leave, and I ran after her. The mother superior took my arm and said "No you cannot be with your mother she does not want you you have to stay here." I asked why I was her what did I do? I got no answers.

In that convent there were even more strictness. The nun who washed the girls hair would put my face in a sink full of cold water, pull my hair with some awful smelling soap. Most nuns were strict. No fun times there at all. Christmas came and I was the only one along with a very few others older then me, not wanted at home. No Christmas at all. There was talk of fairies in the field by some girls that saw rings they had made. I go to see them. I could not see fairies.

Chapter Two

Time was going along. Food was sparse. Hard cleaning to be done every day. Mass for ever more twice a day. Prayers too many times a day. All at given times. I began to resent being there. One night I was awake in the dormitory talking to the girls about running away. My being the youngest. I got right into how to plan this when a nun stood behind me full of anger at me. She told me to get up and took me to her bed quarters. There I saw her head all covered in this white cloth. She then got a belt and beat me. She told me if I ever speak of running away a gain I will go to purgatory and suffer forever.

I was by now realizing that the one time I wanted to run away to get out of the long childhood prison I would be beaten there too! So I grew in further. I took the church as a serious means of having one friend " Jesus Christ." By eleven I was somehow spiritually feeling his presence. I decided to become a nun. Thank goodness that did not happen. I kept up the stations of the cross and went to all manner of church I could and would go into the church instead of being with others at all.

It was getting near age twelve and a half years old. I had by now two half brothers. My mother came to get me. I thought I was welcomed at last. Was I wrong. I had food starvation's, beatings, no new cloths. Second hand cloths were given that were two ages more then my age. Far to big. Shoes a size five when I was a two. My hair cut like what we used to call mongol children. So that I looked hideous. The school I went to was again Catholic. All the girls would laugh at me. As they were getting into the rock age of dress. I looked like a scarecrow with no cloths fitting at all. My hair looked like I was mental. Inside I was getting to a resentment that did come out eventually. Yet in my schooling my abilities were showing I had a good I.q. Art was my main interest. I could show my inside in my art.

Sport was my interest and I was goal shoot at netball. I was not ever with other classmates because I was teased so much. One day a teacher saw me get changed for sport. She noticed the many black blue mauve bruises on my back and my thighs. She asked about them. Is aid I fell out of a tree. She doubted that.

One day my step-father made me do a very high pile of sawdust. He wanted me to fill up big sacks and carry them to the end of the small holding which was like a small farm. It was too heavy for me so he said "You do it." I did. That was the only time I saw my mother cry inside the home as she looked at me doing that as a thirteen year old child. So I did it.

I was then taken to a place neat the sea. This very older lady came to the door. We went in. She was a foster mother. Again I did not know I was going to be misplaced. She was appalled at my cloths and hair cut. My shoes did not fit my feet. She said she will take me in. Then asked me to give her a kiss. I looked at her thinking no-way. But she said give her a kiss. And by my reluctance she knew I was never given love.

My foster mother said she saw a advert in the paper saying "Unwanted child home wanted." I said nothing. To my surprise she was an Elim Pentecostal. I had no idea of what church this was. So there I am being dressed by a woman nearing sixty for a thirteen year old child. Thick stockings old people wore. Skirts to the ankle. That girls were wearing the new style shorter ones. Very old fashioned cloths all around me. Then came the Bible. Then came I was to be converted! What did I know of all that? Nothing. Then the church three times every Sunday. I could not understand the church. They were singing then the Pastor would look at me with a big smile on his face. I would stand there arms folded feeling a fool for genuflecting at the start of the seats. Looking at him with a frown. There was something as speaking in tongues. I was afraid. It was all gibberish to me.

I had the Bible for breakfast dinner and tea. Supper as well. I also had her cleaning to do. Even now the lawn and cut the edges with scissors. Weed the crazy paving. Do this do that. She sat by the fire. She preached a lot. Her husband did not. I liked him, he was kindly smiling at me. He never told me off. Then Billy Graham was known about. I got that too! I was getting very resentful. It began to show to her. She had money she was suppose to give me every week. Tow and six in sterling. I got three pennies to give to the church every Sunday. That was it.

I began to steal. I would take a penny out of her purse and she never ever said anything. So now and then not to often I would get a penny. I would cycle to the sea wishing I was a sailor. I got resentful in school. I felt if I got Jesus how she was giving to me I would go crazy.

One day my grand mother came to have me for a weekend. She took me to shops and bought me one hundred pounds worth of cloths. So I could choose them. Naturally I got modern ones. She also coloured my hair. Man oh man was I in trouble when I got back to the foster home. So I told the foster mother I was laughed at at school and I wanted to be the same as all other girls my age. The foster mother said it was common dress and not at all in class style.

I had become a woman as the menstrual had begun at fifteen. She made me make the sanitary towels so I could wash them and put them on a line. All other girls were wearing the shop ones that could be put in the fire or some type of rubbish.

I had some of this going on for some years. I got away from religion and was tired of Bible love. I was in need of normal love. Not love with conditions. So she found me getting more and more resentful. I got expelled from school so she told me. Because I would day dream or be away in my mind rather then learn. The art did win one time. Not I think of it it was a horrid castle on top of a bit hill and nothing around it. It won due to the measure of detail I had put in.

The foster mother said I would never be saved by "Jesus Christ" I have to be converted. I did not even know what converted meant. In fact all of that put me further away. Who the heck was Billy Graham I never knew. I just thought love was free to give. Bible love only is not the same thing. The two have to go together.

I was reading her sons books that were very interesting on life and times of history. Her son was a bally dancer who owned his own company. I met him and he sounded to me like a woman. I thought he was odd. He danced very well and was on television. My poor foster mother had kittens because he had on the tight pants as they do for dancing. She said it was common. That all the church would be watching that and why did he not dress without his parts bulging out!. I never said anything. I never noticed anything but he danced very well.

I left her home and went to live with my grand mother. It was there that I met a young man who actually loved me. My work was machine to sew cloths. I loved this young man because he was fun to be with. Not more then a year older then me. My grand mother lived a odd way. She would burn candles. Do her cards and write a lot. Telling me she saw her dead husband and son fishing. That he comes to see her. I never saw him. Her thoughts were of ghosts a lot.

Chapter Three

Living with my grand mother was nothing like what I thought other families were doing. My grand mother kept all these angora rabbits for sale of their meat and fur. Yet as all things it never went anywhere. There was a large Alsatian dog. Who got sick and then died. My grand mother came from very high money fields, she lived in Singapore Java. When it was the Dutch East Indies. My grand father was a chief engineer of ships. She would tell me of her life in the East Indies. The jungle and leaches that stuck on her skin. Yikes! I would never have gone in the jungle. She spoke of snakes, elephants, monkeys, alligators.

Her twelve bedrooms in the house. So she had many servants. All black she said. That she had the best of everything. Her home was to be just so. Nothing out of place. She gave her daughter my mother I think all her good needs also. She had a car and would drive it on three wheels for fun! From her talking as I was so little to begin to hear it. I found her interesting. Yet by now I was heading for sixteen. Nothing about her now was at all like her life she once had.

Had it been the truth.

We got on a bus one day. In the United Kingdom there were double decker. She smoked. So she was up there with me. This came as a rather big surprise. She said in her broken English, " I have two daughters one I give all to, the other gets nothing, who is the daughter that cares about me? The one who gets nothing. " I looked at her knowing she meant me. But was I her daughter? Because my mother acted like nothing of motherhood to me. Odd times she would say we were more sisters then mother and daughter. Her name is on my birth certificate. I was confused to say the least. I decided that she must be talking about me meaning her grand daughter. Just the mention of me as daughter had me uncertain why she said that.

I had already met a young man. He was very much like James Cagney the film star way back in time. We were very young. We used to go to the pits in the country side. Where there were sand slides a long way down. We climbed trees. A favorite pass time for me. I love trees. Our youth was exploring to get to know each other. I told him my grand mother said there were big books up in the sky that wrote all bad done. I sure did not know what she meant. Just that I had to be good. He could not understand my family. I did not either. I told him my grand mother thinks she gets her dead husband and son via ghosts in dreams.

I went to work and found other girls all smoking. I thought I must not be grown up so I will start. It choked me but I continued. My boyfriend wanted us to get engaged. So at sixteen we were engaged. He was seventeen. His mother was cold towards me. His father not so much. His father had a nice nature.

Before I knew what had happened I was back with the step father and the mother I was not sure of. So many misplacement's had me feel like a gypsy. I could not understand why my mother and my grand mother were talking in Dutch of which I understood partly arguing over me. Some sort of battle was going on.

My stepfather was trying to make me drink alcohol. I did not like it. I got sick from it but he persisted. Eventually he stopped doing that. I went off to work and my mother said I could not take the bus. It was three towns away. Meaning a good hour cycle riding, each way. I earned three pounds a week. My mother wanted the three pounds. I remembered one day at school I ran away from the home but had to go back because there was nowhere to stay. I was thirteen when I wanted to leave them all. This thought came back to me. As I thought that nothing of my life was at all my own.

My boy friend came to see me. But our contacts were never private. One day I wrote him a small note. Left it in my bed room. I had no idea my mother went into the room. She read the note. I felt violated into my privacy. That was when I had the worst birthday to remember. At thirteen no birthday wishes were given me. Nothing. Two cards came from people that I never knew. The day was made to be silent towards me. My half brother and I went to bed. We talked. I thought as it was my birthday I would not be told off talking. My mother came in and told me to go to the living room. There my step father got hold of me and dragged me to the chicken pen a long way from the house. I was to stand in the chicken mess and probably all night long. I noticed my half brother was put in a shed near the house with the only toy I had. Which was taken away from me. He had that in his hand. Only a few minutes later he was let out. I was in the pen from seven thirty p.m. To ten thirty p.m. I could not be given a chance to go to the toilet either. As I was shoved in the house my mother got hold of my two birthday cards and said "This is what I think of your birthday." She threw them into the fire place and let them burn. I stood there looking at them burning. I then knew I was not at all worth a bit of humanity.

This all caused me to look back to another time. My two half brothers could kiss her goodnight every night. So this one night I did it. She came into the front room where my bed was on the floor. And slapped my face and said "Judas." So when she presented me with the private note I had written for my boyfriend she said, "You cannot live here you have to go and I will give you ten shillings I do not care if your on the streets I should have made you a ward of court."

By now all memories were alert in my mind. I was a bad person not worth anything. I did not know what I had done. There was the Catholic church and them going to it with me as well. What was God like in their mentality?

I had a suitcase packed and had to leave the house. I had no idea where I was to go. As the time went by I thought I better catch a bus but to where? My boyfriend happened to come along on his motorbike. He said " What is going on?" I told him I was thrown out. He could not understand this at all. He took me to his parents a few towns away. I could only stay over night. I knew my grand mother lived somewhere in a seaside town. So my boyfriend took me there and we looked for her. I knew of a road I thought she was in. She came along.

My grand mother had me stay with her for a week. Then arranged a boarding room with a Jewish couple and their children. My grand mothers room was too small to have two in it. I lived in the Jewish home. The lady wanted most of my wages. I was often hungry. I saw for the first time a family. I knew nothing of how family life was. I could only stay there for a few weeks.

I then had a job in another town. A lady from Italy was working there. I told her about I have no home soon. She said that she was gong to rent a house and I could pay half the rent and live with her. That was fine for a while. I then got attached to a dog nobody wanted. The dogs name was sally. I was getting quite frustrated with no measure of normal life at all. So one night I sadly took it out on my boyfriend. We never argued, he drove off in a huff. Then he came back. We decided to go to a island.

Chapter Four

The next stage of my life was tormenting. We had the night out. He drank some beer. I was not into drinking. A couple we met there asked us to go and stay at their house for the night. They would arrange our wedding. My boyfriend was unable to he said his parents would be very annoyed if he did not come home. So we left. We stopped at a cafe and I played him the hit song at the time in 1962 by Elvis Presley, "Can't Help Falling in Love With You." He listened to it but seemed in a hurry. As we got onto his motor bike. He was even more impatient it was like he knew something and had to go. That one night neither of us had crash helmets on.

I remember holding him and saying to him " I love you " I do not know anymore then that. I was in hospital and been unconscious. My mother was sitting there. I said to her " I have to get up and go to work I cannot lay here and what is this crash helmet doing on my head get it off." She said " You are in hospital and have just regained consciousness." I said " How am I here where is my boyfriend? " She said that we had a accident without any other vehicle involved at all. That he was fine he had a broken arm. I asked why I had only one side of my hair long and the hat on my head? She said I was brain injured. So I asked where my ring was? She then left. Nobody spoke to me about the truth. Apparently back in those days the amount of injuries I had were to be fatal. Let alone I would walk. My face was lope sided. One eye was down further then the other. They tried to keep the truth from me as it would have killed me in shock.

My food was baby strained it was horrid. Time was not long before my mother was there in the chair. She said to me " Derek is dead he died instantly." I saw a doctor behind me who injected me with something and I was asleep. My mother said that too many cards were coning from my job and it would have leaked out he had died. I did not believer her. He was not dead at all. But he was.

I remember being asleep and having a dream of him. He was in a door way and looked at me. He had on his suit and he waved and went through the door. I from that thought they lied to me as always they did in all my life. He is not dead. My mother said that my head was three times its size when I was taken in for a twenty four hour operation where no life was expected to live. I became so withdrawn that I watched a television programme that was called " Doctor Kildaire " From that I saw my boy friend in the doctor. To me he was alive. One night as I was still not awake all the hours of the day still having some conscience time and some not. I looked up and saw his parents there. His mother asked what were the flowers called she had brought? I said "Anemones and daffodils." They stopped a short time and said their son was dead. I thought what a load of lies I saw him he went through a door in a dream. I was mad to be in a wheelchair and I knew I could walk. They refused to let me. Thought it fun to play while I was in the wheelchair. I threw the chair away the next time they tried to have me in it. I walked. Yes they were surprised.

I was then transported to another hospital the third hospital. Buckinghamshire in United Kingdom. They wanted to operate upon my eye. But it turned out it would be better to let nature take its course as I had already far to much in the brain injury. No nurse would let me look at myself. A good three months went by. One day I could see myself. My hair was so long one said and I was bald the other. My face was black blue yellow mauve and unsightly. I then took walks around the hospital as I had become a loner. I talked to my boyfriend and said I would see him soon he was not dead.

Four and a half months later I was to go back to the house where the step father was. My boyfriends father came to get me the drive was hours as it was far away. He said I was very withdrawn. That I had to get on with my life. I ignored all that. My boyfriend was not dead. After all how could God take the only one who ever loved me like that? I had not cried or gave any belief in him dead. I saw him in the dream. Then one day my mother took me to where he was buried. A stone was on the grave. His name was on the grave the day he died was on the grave. I stood there right on the grave and my mother said " Do not stand upon the actual grave because you are standing on him " That was when I cried. I realised he was dead. So I became a recluse. The newspaper said he died instantly from a cerebral hemorrhage hitting his head on a telegraph pole.

My mother some time later said that she had a dream of him. He was in a big field of daffodils and said that he knew he had hurt me by him not driving his bike properly. He had his motorbike there and he was wearing this six foot scarf. Nobody knew about the scarf only he and I. It was six foot. That he is looking after me. Then it ended. That had me believe that he was in spirit with me. I then asked God to make me die. I wanted to be with him. I was disappointed that I never died at all. So I went to places we used to go to. I was altered a great deal. He was not dead in my thinking.

One day my step father said I should have died also. No money came for me at all. Yet he had full comprehensive insurance. So a day came my mother sent me to pay the insurance policy. Where a man was that I knew when I was four years old. His father was the agent. I met him. We talked. He liked me. I liked the home feeling in his house. Plus he had a sister I got on with.

Chapter Five

We went out together and we were engaged in a Matter of weeks. I was on a rebound. So did not understand that I was trying to replace my dead boyfriend. I became pregnant. The child was only in me for two month and a half months. I miscarried. I was in so much pain that I called my mother. She would not come to the bed room at all. In the morning I had a very large loss and much bleeding. I said to her why did you not come to me? She said your pregnant and a shame on me for that. I said to her " But you had me without being married what is the difference?" She then slapped my face and told me to go to the bedroom. She had to call the doctor. The doctor was very angry at her. He said "This girl could have bled to death you know very well she was miscarried and needed a doctor." He gave medication and said all losses were to be kept in a bucket. The doctor was appalled at her manner of care.

My marriage date was on the Saturday the miscarriage was on a Tuesday of the same week. My mother said I had to go and get a dress. I had a white one lent to me. But as I was a shameful person shaming the family I had to wear something else. I got to the shop. No dress was at all wedding like. So I ended getting a black one. As my size was not in any other colours that were for the day. My mother again insulted me for that. So she sent me to next door where a wealthy lady lived. Who helped me make a white head piece and could only find a brown dress that fitted me to wear for the wedding. As the day came close. I felt relieved to be out of that so called family. That made me starve and put a chicken wing under my bed in a small bowl. I was treated worse than any animal. My step father said I had to go to confession my wedding day. I was not happy about that because it meant the priest will know I was not a virgin.

The day came and the wedding started and I am walking down the isle with my step father. When I looked round nobody was invited apart from the grooms immediate family. I looked at the cross above the alter thinking will this last at all? All I knew was it was a way to get out of the abuse. I spoke to the graven image of the Lord and said is this right?

What happened after that was my father in law was against me in all avenues. He was a controller. He was the main speaker. He tried to control me but I would not have it. I told my husband that we needed to get on with our life. So the father in law mad waves. He got his daughter to ignore me. He got to other people to see me as shameful; he left no stone unturned. He cried one night and his wife said go and talk to him. He said " I cannot understand you how can you be so bright when nobody cares about you? It depresses me." I just said quietly " I am far more then just how others see me. I am private also and nobody should throw a stone in someone else's back yard before looking in their own home. They must not judge anyone. No person is that good you know. So many people are into another life when their own life needs attention." his manner got worse against me. I felt as if I was never at any good. I had done no harm to him. He was just so controlling.

I became pregnant again and so I thought now I will be appreciated. Was I in for a shock. My husbands father was so dictating to his son that his son obeyed his every whim. I went on with the pregnancy and went to see my mother. I was accused of climbing in a very small window and stealing the money and linen and fur coat and what ever else. I did not know anything about it. I was far to large to climb in a high window let alone fit through it. All the towels were stolen as well. I cried but I was accused never allowed to visit again. I went back to the home as we stayed with his parents. I just cried and cried. My mother in law came up the stairs and I told her what I was supposed to have done. I got on with her. We played the piano together as in duets. The day came where my sister in law no longer even spoke to me after her father had spoken to her in a front room. What he ever said I do not know. I do know my mother said that my father in law tried it on her and that he was not a gentleman. I had heard so many lies that I never knew what was truth and what was not. I knew I was true inside myself.

My husband and I moved away and things were far better there. Then we got a council house and could make home. My child was near time. The pregnancy went over due. One night I was asleep and woke up looking into a very dark bed room. All of a sudden there was what looked like a lift of some sort coming down into the bed room. The doors opened and to my amazement stood "Jesus Christ " He was in body but the body was not flesh so to speak. He was in bright light and his body was in light his cloths were in light and coloured. Red blue and white. The shaft he was in was light. His hair was shoulder length and his eyes were fixed upon me very gentle and very loving. He put out his hands towards me no Mark of the nails at all. He then put his hands back to his sides and the shaft closed and went back up. To where I did not know at the time. I could not sleep because I wanted to go with him. I kept Hope that he would return and I could go with him. That never ever returned it was only the once.

Being nineteen at the time it was a incredible vision. My child was born three weeks after this. I had not told anyone about this vision. Because who would believe me? There were many occult things going on as in horoscopes gypsies reading tea leaves things I knew nothing about. Or so I thought.

I did not even know the word occult. I just went on with pride being a mother. I had no teaching from family as to how mothers are. So became very much my child and did all I could. I kept a very clean home and had a couple of friends. I did not know that my husband would never take me out anywhere. I also did not know he went to Soho in London to see strip shows. As well as Southend to see the same.

Chapter Six

I became pregnant with twins not long after the birth of my first daughter. I never knew I was having twins. A bungalow was got for us to live in that was mortgaged. The father in law came and he never knocked he just walks in. He stood at the door saying " This home is not you home it belongs to my son and to me. It is never yours. " I stood there thinking what on earth is he talking about? He has his son doing all he suggests and not take responsibly to me his wife. I had no say in any home we are in. So I just kept silenced. I found that all meals I cooked my husband he never came home to. He went home to his parents and left me waiting. Cooking is one of my good ways as I learned to cook by my own efforts and learning what I could. One day I went to the doctors for the check up and a midwife was in the surgery. She thought I had go to hospital. So a letter was given for the hospital. Nothing was said to me. I steamed it open. There it was twins. I was shocked. My child was not more then one year old. So off I go to hospital and get kept in. A whole month went by before they induced labour. They induced my first daughter as well. The twins were born but had complications at birth.

Life was then hours of feeding hours of nappies hours of housework and hours on my own. A friend of my husbands said to time that he felt my husband had a beautiful looking wife and three daughters and is never at home. I met some other people when I decided I may as well be divorced. I had resented the father in laws interfering. Let alone my husband giving up a printers trade to become a insurance agent like his father. I wanted us to move away but it did not come at all. I felt divorce may as well be because I was not married. Marriage is a two way partnership not a three way one where a older person his father took control of life not his own.

I met these two ladies that said I should come to a pub and have some fun in life. I went to this large pub and could dance. Drink no I did not do that. I got the divorce proceedings going. I had met my second husband in that pub. These two ladies were into spiritualism. I did not know quite what that was. But another lady once said to me about a Ouija board. I thought what is that. She said that she can make it by a glass and the alphabet. The glass moves by spirit. I disbelieved her. So we gave it a go. It moved and I called her the mover. She said not. Then it said things that were not hers to know. It got me interested but scared. We did it a few times. Then I met others that did this quite largely. The glass was swearing bad language. It was going underneath the table. I thought no this is not for me. In the night I made that decision I could not sleep well. Around four a.m. I heard a lot of glasses breaking in the cocktail cabinet in the lounge room. That scared me. I went to look the morning later and not one glass was broken.

I thought I will not do this again. Later this woman said that she gets spirits. Curious I was half hearted about it. Then as the divorce came the judge said I was to keep the house as I had three children under four years of age. The lawyer was supposed to be getting it all done for me. When suddenly the bungalow was to be sold. I was not to have any home for my children. The divorce went through because of the lack of my then husband being responsible to his home or his children he acted as if he was single. The new man I had met made sure he was going to have me in his life.

My grand mother took me to a spiritualist meeting. I got what they called a reading about me knowing a man who had back trouble and I would be moving in with him with boxes as it was to be a quick move. I just thought this is true. I never went again other then one more time. I then moved in with him. Life was very much under strain as he was getting his ex wife doing his car so it would be damaged. I had his two children and my three. The eldest five years old. I then was locked inside the house for months until he was home because I was beaten by some woman nothing to do with this all, just she knew the ex wife.

My second husband was alcohol dependent. He would get paralytic or real drunk perhaps is the word. He had a bad temper. I was hit. I had it for so long in my life I thought that all men are then supposed to hit woman.

His mother was very bad tempered also. But I got along with her despite that. I met his father. He was a lovely man. He liked me very much. He did not like his first daughter in law. She was out with men all the time. He then came to the car and said to me " If my son does not look after you and treat you well I will never speak to him again." Only two hours later he had a massive heart attack and died. I took my mother in law back to my home and looked after her for some time. She was so surprised at the home so clean and I am doing all the children and looking after all others as well.

I saw in time my husband was going to be hitting. I thought my children must not be hit. No never. So in a fit of sudden thought I let my first daughter go to her father. Who did then get me to revoke the custody which I had. I did not know the plan behind all that at the time. My heart broke. I was in pieces. Then came the twins. I said I wanted my children back when I knew what to do for their safety. The order was revoked on grounds I see my girls each weekend. I could not take them to my bad family. As they were girls would the step father then abuse them? I never got to see them. I had another baby that I absolutely spoiled. Losing my three the fourth no way.

I found my little girls were being brain washed by their grand father. Those little girls were to much in a impressive age and easily led. What human can dishonour a mother without any real cause. When it was him with the problem. I saw them once and they were hostile to me. I am told I upset them when I see them better I stay away. Yes the grand father again. The grand mother cried one day she said she thought of me so much. She was a passive lady so did not stand up for herself. As time went on I saw less of them to nil. They were so hostile that I did not know them this way. To think a grown man can harm his grand daughters and their mother for his own self ego is spiteful. He harmed them because they were given false things of me. I was supposed to be out with men. I never did house work I never fed them the list went on. The girls would not know any different because they were given goods materially which turned them to favor what was said. I mean children of five and six could never know other then what they are told.

I was very hurt and very heart broken. I had not one person that would see me as I was. I only know that I never stood up for myself and by that not realizing that I gave negative thinking people the right to insult. I used to keep my thought s to myself. A alcoholic on my hands. Who said I was not normal as I did not smoke or drink. I then one day thought. If the glass moves I wonder if a pen moves? Yes it did. I had no idea of automatic writing. I just tried it. I wanted answers. Now! How can this be on one person and nobody give a chance at all. How can the law allow a molester off? How can beatings to harm be allowed to get off? How can so many people get me to be a clone of their making? When I was far more intelligent then they thought. I then met a spiritist's healer. He wanted me to get healing upon my back. I went but I was not understanding what he was meaning by healing me. I did not go for long.

I had the Mormons come into my home. Latter day saints. I got given the book of Alma. They were from America. I did well. I altered spirit things. Although I never told them about that. Yet still something was missing. I thought how could two plates of gold be in gods plan.? How does the book go with the Bible is not the Bible the only truth.? I did not know that as I found out at sixty five that the Mormons are not truth. That it was created by automatic writing. So I left.

My fourth daughter was getting everything I could to have her safe. So Australia came upon the scene. My husband said it would give us a new start but I would not see my girls then. I said " I do not now they stop them." So I thought if I went to Australia they would then be left with them and alter their minds and send them to me.

Australia house did not accept us. So it was a two year battle to get out to the country. I was now and then looking still for truth. I had brought up my daughter to not fight. To make her life with ease. Compromise and be away from all drugs. To grow up and when she was ready for more adult things just talk to me. I had given her the facts of life from three years on. From stories of plants to animals and then humans, she was so close to me. She was a treasure in all ways.

Chapter Seven

We lived in Australia making a new headway. I had sent to my daughters but never knew that all mail was not given to them. So they thought I never remembered them at all. We decided to go to Perth. Then after a couple years came back to Victoria. This is when my daughter met a girl her own age who could do as she pleased. No father at home. Could smoke could stay out late. To my horror my daughter had done a tattoo of a cross on her ankle. I did say that its not good. She changed. She became hostile to me as well. All the other girl could do she wanted to. Then one night she left home. The police were called and they found her at midnight. Were very cross with her. She had no reason to leave home. Unless she had enough of her fathers drinking. As he never took her anywhere at all. I did not drive.

I no longer knew this lovely girl as she was. This friend of hers seemed to make her different to how I knew her. She got a boyfriend at fifteen. We were off to Perth. So she was not happy about that. So she had written to him and he came to Perth. Which meant I took him in. He did get her to leave home at sixteen the Australian rule allows that age. As long as she is capable of looking after her financial needs. Now I was just not knowing what was life about. Nothing worked to get her home. I became a workaholic. As I stayed in the marriage for her not for me. The last one took my girls and this girl was not going I could not lose my last child. I did.

Eventually I knew that I should be divorced from this man to. He was married to a bottle. I was the target for his own lack of knowing drinks kills. Not only himself but his family. Others get it as well. I no longer could take the hitting or the abusive talking. To be called a tart and a prostitute. There I am knitting at the time doing catering for a job.

I met a woman who was again into this dark force. I list end to her we did the glass thing one time. But after that I refused it at all. I had to get away from my husband I knew that there was no marriage and I was tired of being his possession. I could never talk to any man at all or I would be got at by him. I now realise that he was insecure. Cowards always go for one that does not fight back. So the divorce began. The house that we had I and paid the deposit for, yet on selling it half and half was done.

I will say here that during all this time in my life I was gaining strength I never knew I had. It just did not come out. I had been baptized in " The church of Christ " I found some solace there. As I had gone to give life to the " Lord Jesus Christ." Short lived though. I had got to think that is there is a God how come that one person can be so got at. I did not find the truth in any preaching. Let alone much said about satan's work. I had gone to help a poor young man who was injured for life in a accident and in time he was progressing really well. But although his parents were Christians. They felt that as he was going so well with my positive manner of helping him. He needed the not give in positives. He loved me a great deal. He would get flowers to me. He would make efforts to get up and go. He would learn to count in German and Dutch. As his speech was harmed. He would joke with me. He did well. And here's how the dark force can invade. The parents were more concerned with money as he could have got a million or more. His injuries were very bad. He was twisted. So I tried to untwist him. They were so rude to me one day that I again thought and these are Christians? Well if that's what its about I do not think I will go near it. I was hurt for him because I knew he would go right back to what he was before I gave him why I came to him. The positives. Money really what wealth's worth more the their own sons healing. From not getting up and going he was learning to walk talk and learn to counter balance. Is it not sad that parents can think of him doing so well they do not get the large amount? No wonder the camel can get through a eye of a needle and a rich man cannot ever earn the truth.

So satan had got into them. Only to destroy them and their son. All along my lifetime you have read nothing but deva stations. There were twice as much even. I just thought the main parts may just be of value. So that stopped me going to church and being with Christians. By now questions were in my mind. I saw things like new age shops. I never knew what they were. I began to think satan does not exist. That we create all ourselves. One place was against new age. What was new age? I know now.

Coming back to Victoria as our daughter was getting married. It was just that before this I had been hit by my husband who said I provoked him he was drunk. I went to a railway line. I was less the fifty kilos in weight. Nobody could be there. I saw nobody at all near where I was. A train was coming. So I got up and thought I am out of this life. As the train came nearer I dropped my shoulder bag. A voice from out the blue came. I turned quickly and only saw a white shirt or robe and a dark haired man. I went to the line and he put his arms around me till the train was well passed. I turned round angry to tell him off. Nobody was there at all. Not one sign of any human. I then went back to the place. My husband called my daughter who just grabbed hold of me then let go. How or what it was that saved me I never knew. It was not to me by human hands. Plus all I saw was half a body. The top half.

I thought to give the marriage another go. The umpteenth time. Drink never ceased. He would not go to work. So I was stuck. My daughter managed to get me a job in her supermarket. That gave me some goals. He stayed at home. She got pregnant. I was overjoyed. Her little girl was born. A treasure. My husband was so jealous of her getting a mortgaged home and having a decent life. He did not like her husband. I took her husband as hers to make.

I gave up some shifts to help her as she needed to work. She paid me fifty dollars a week for 4 days one week and three the next week it altered as her shifts were so. This went on for four years. I had a spirit called Micheal as he wrote it. This in automatic writing. Then one day I saw Oprah on the television. I did not realise that the Micheal had spelt it incorrectly. She had a Gary Zukave on. There was a book called the seat of the soul. I was interested and bought it. In there is every tool to deceive any reader including the author who wrote it. Although I did not know that at the time. I continues automatic writing. Although nothing came true I just carried on.

Life for me had altered so much and no time did I get support from my own daughter. She had the same way of talking to me as her father. I was slowly getting not to welcome this. While I was looking after the most beautiful child I could have had as a grandchild I did her housework. She is as fussy as I am. Things must be clean. I ironed for her I took her dog for a walk. I sewed for her. She cannot sew. I felt I did it with love. I was losing some money by my shifts changing to help her. I would have earned three times that had I worked on. So my shifts were not much more then casual. She came home to baby bathed all things done and she could relax. I would also cook for them a dinner when they came home.

It was about now that satan began to involve me far more then any truth. My husband was getting out of control. He disrespected his own daughter and her husband. He was against them getting on so well. So I thought its time I was out of this. I did use reverse psychology saying he would never leave anyway. I then took driving lessons at fruit five years of age. I passed my test and my husband was against me taking the car to work. A Christmas came my grand child was three. I had for her videos of the wiggles. He would not allow her to see them as he said Christmas was for all. I said its for children. He drank from eight a.m. To two a.m. He was a drunk. He had Christmas we all suffered his control. He upset the dinner lunch as I had got cold turkey and other festive. He went and lit the b.b.q. Saying it was only me who is spoiling the day. My daughter said "What is he doing?" The day was wrecked. The photos showed a drunk man taking his grand daughter on his idea of Christmas. Watch him and him only.

That was it for me. So he said he would leave me. I said he would not. It worked because he did leave saying " I regret you getting your license " I thought how selfish. So we parted only for him to cry over the phone. I foolishly took him back. Guess what? He returned to do the same again nothing changed. So I had to end it right there. He met a woman that was very large had very brash tattoos. She was a course type of woman. He wanted our daughter to lend him some money so he could buy her a ring. I thought that very low. I did not mind who he was with its his choice. To ask for money for a ring I thought was no on. Our daughter did not agree to lend it. I met the woman to try to give the grand child no feelings of insecurity as she was now his partner. It did not work. It parted.

He then met another woman. I had met my partner that is still my partner today. The most beautiful man I have ever known. I was not able to give myself to this new man due to grief of such a waste of thirty our years. One can be married by paper. Marriage is more then paper it is spiritual also. The two have to be as one. So I gave in to meeting him in around a year.

Time went on and I was not able to drive. The ex took the car. So my provisional was gone two years before I got a car. Work was all over the place in shifts. The person who was a driving instructor began to charge me money for things I never knew what for? He then said about us going into business. And had a mobile phone for himself in my name. When the Bill came in it was up to over a thousand dollars on one month. I had been taken. I then got the police. He then made a statement saying he did those calls. I do not speak Spanish or know that many people. I make about four calls a month even now. He was supposed to pay for it.

I then had to get to the United Kingdom. Something had happened here that I will not go into for privacy. So I sold my furniture left my job after ten years. Took flight to England. I need to set the table right with my daughters there. I got there and not one soul was there for me. I called one twin who said, " I will not be seeing you for a long time " here I was half way around the world giving up all I owned every stitch of it to get my adult children to see the truth. This twin was into spiritualism. Nothing I had got her to do. I had not seen them for twenty seven years. The other twin was a Muslim. She was coming. The eldest kept away. It was from here that much of satan's work with his demons were coming forceful. My twin came hours later with this man her fathers age. He was a Muslim and she said he can have four wives. He was fully against me coming there. Not a thought of my children needed a truth and I needed a closure of heart break.

Chapter Eight

When I got to the very small flat it was absolutely uncared for. It was cluttered. I could not say anything it was her home. I got a job while I was there. The other two never came. One day the other twin came. She is wealthy. She has acres of land. She had me for one time only. She spoke about her grand father and I said nothing really. I thought she would ask me questions. I could not push her. Its not my right. She was far from being glad to see me, yet her children were all over me. They liked me. Then again children have not grown to get hostility unless put in them. Her husband I liked very much. He was against her being so without care but only her thought, he told me he liked me very much. He also said I was brave to come all that way and his wife should be more appreciative. I tried to hug her before I left. She said no. So I said I loved her whether she knew it or not.

My stay there was sad. I hated the country it was full of Muslims, and over crowded. So I worked to get back to Australia. It took six and a half weeks. I tried at one stage to go to Amsterdam to find my mother. The salvation army could not get anything of her. So back to England. My grand daughter from the Muslim twin was very selfish and never cared what noise she made even at five a.m. All I wanted to do was come back to Australia. I got my passage way eventually. Nothing was resolved with my daughters in England. I felt it a waste of time. I left all their photos there for them to have. I could no longer go on living a life of heart break. They were woman now. They had one big chance of their mother. One chance of perhaps having me stay there.

I came back to Australia with one small suitcase of cloths. I had no home. This went on for eleven months. I had no idea how I would ever get building again. I was everywhere for all that time. No stable home at all. Then one day I went to the doctors and said if I do not get help I may as well die. She sent me to see someone. From that I was given a transitional home. Where I was to leave it a few weeks later. I then found a place that was not fit to live in. Ut the rent was one hundred dollars a week. I got it and began to try to build. I lived under much strain.

I then returned to my partner. Since then we have never parted. I expected nothing from him as I had dug this hole and I was to come out of it take responsibility for my own choices. I would not learn anything if I was helped out instead of doing it myself. I got to move to a place that was dearer. But I had a domestic work to help out. Pension does not give much money. That job just stopped working by something the owner of the domestic wanted to do in his life. So I was stuck. I then called the real estate and her seeing how I kept the place she said she will find another tenant to go on with the years lease. I moved into a worse place. No Matter I did what I could. I then went to another flat. I have been there five years. On moving in I met this rather odd woman. She was looking at another flat but I asked her if she would like to have a coffee? She came in and asked me if I was psychic? I said I had been all my life.

Now starts the final assault of satan's work on my life. It engaged a lot of my time. I had satan doing evil all through my life in others that had demonic generational traps. Of this I was not to well advised. So all these that had harmed me were under satan and his demons. For this we have to forgive. My that can he hard to do. This woman was not mentally well. She was taking all sorts of drugs and forging her life with a actor that she could never have had a relationship with. She had a full wall of her with this actor. Even published pages in magazines. I did not know it at the time but it was obviously doctored to have as her lie to life. She was divorced from her husband but stayed in the house separately. He had bags of money she said. She then mentioned a masonic hall that was a spiritualist meeting place.

This lady came all well meaning then turned out nasty. She never got me to see her again after that. I got letters form her asking me to see her. But I knew not to.

I went one day to this spiritualist church meeting stating they are Christian. There is no Bible no scriptures. Hymns but I noticed the " lords prayer " Had a line missing in it. There were people looking like some out there witch or goddess. Things were talked of about guides. Reincarnation. Healing that they do. A man who read wanted a man as a partner. Much was a little off. I had a operation that was pending. It was left five years too long. I was crippled. Did they help? No. Just tell me what I should do. The next chapter will gave far more that came to me.

Chapter Nine

I went and got no reading. I also noticed nobody welcomes new comers. The authority for it was distant. It was quite unfriendly. I then came a few times and found it boring so left.

Some months later I was in the new age shop thinking what is in there? The woman said they were having flower readings and I should go. I thought flower readings what is that? So I went. I could hardly walk. I got this reading saying I was a healer. I was very gifted. So I thought I may go and see what the healing group is about. I went. I had no idea what was going on. There was women making strange movements with their hands in the air. One was shaking her hand on a person who needed healing on this high table. Another was just holding hand upon a person. So I just looked. Then I was asked to do healing I never even knew what to do. None of them spoke since to me. It was about fairies guides spirits angels. And the mighty arch angel Michael and arch angel Gabriel. They had statues of them. Ego was high. There was a self pride in most of them and I found them at times very rude.

I was in a state of need for help. So I followed it through for some months. There was this older aged lady that had I thought a lovely smile. Its better never to judge a book by its cover. She wanted me to get healing from her in Reike and her home was never cleaned it was filthy. I went but only not to hurt her asking me. She then said she was envious of my gifts. I said envy is not a good emotion. She was very odd. She then forced herself on me by taking me to the healing and to the church. Of which I wanted to when I wanted to. I said not but she persisted and said she will come anyway. Then she crashed her car and asked me to come to another group in my car. I got a person next to me looking like she was sleeping. What she was was in trance. She came to me giving my dead Uncle as the spirit who wanted me to do the spirit work. That stunned me because she gave his name as well. He died before I was born.

Against my wished this older lady was becoming controlling. I think manners are a big part in life so I said nothing. The reading were done in sand. Numbers on bits of paper. Flowers cards it really had me thinking what is this? I then got real bad and this woman then asked me to live with her till my operation. I thought better no. But she said she moved a single bed and would come the weekend. I just did not want to hurt her. So I went in that house were faces of demons everywhere. Dirty dusty crystals. Cards numerous books. Clutter everywhere. No wheel chair could get round that. She had no room at all. All wardrobes were full so full nothing I had could fit in. Her kitchen was dangerous her plug points had papers clutter filth all around them.

Food was given that was off. Ham was served weeks after the used by date. Bacon was slimy. Her laundry I could not even get in. It was full of boxes papers dirt dog food. Her dogs she threw the food on her indoor floor so they ate off the floor. I knew that would give germs and bring worse ones as time went on. I took my washing to my own home because I could not put my washing in her machine. The dirt. A lady who went to the group came to seem. She said she never knew how I could live there the dirt was real bad. She took my washing every week and did it in her very clean home. I never told the older lady anything. She was never there in her home until later afternoon.

She got abrupt I never knew if I should ask her how her day was? She snapped at me. I then tried to clean her home I could not live in that dirt. So she came home one day and said if you do the housework you do not have to pay board." I was crippled she saw I could not walk. Doing that was like shifting top soil before getting to the dirt. It was a tip. I remained silent. I found it hard to clean in a wheelchair. No less I did every room. Yet it still needed a full on scale cleaning after that. She had words to say about anyone I knew that they were taking their pound of flesh. That I can only talk about spirit work other conversation as in normal life was waffle. I then had her start to force me to healing every night. Lifting up my well gone leg. I said nothing, I could not lift the leg. So she yanked it up. Pain? Oh yes.

Then I got involved with a couple of women that had a lesbian affair. For one month. I was not at all impressed. A woman near seventy taking a young woman of twenty eight to bed. These were spiritualists. I was then told I could tell the older woman about it by the older woman of near seventy. I said I do not think that wise and she said just tell her. So I did. This older woman of seventy eight said to me " Oh well people will think we are lesbians because we live together." I said "How on earth can that be I have a man in my life." Naturally this woman also told me I cannot have sex with my man as if it is her business. That is trespassing and we do not have to have our privacy at her ideas. I thought her very rude as she did this in the first half hour I was in that house. We are mature and we both respected my leg being so gone in the joint. We do not live our life on sex it is about love. Love does not demand self gratifications.

I then went into hospital she had left me after seeing me fall to go to a circus with another spiritualist. I wanted to have meals on wheels. Or my operation. I had to go back to her after a week for another five and a half weeks. I was going crazy. I silenced as she got more and more out of order. She became what? I did not know she was not normal. One pastel she had was gruesome it was dark black grey and looked pinched and actually like a devil. She wanted me to do it again but in colour. I did it. How open was I then? All people who read this the worst part is to come. I was in a fully demonic controlled home with a possessed human.

She had this Indian pastel she said she was married to two hundred years before. Who told her that her daughter needed to know that her father is not her father. She told the daughter this and the daughter gave no wish to even know her, it dissolved that relationship. I thought it not quite sane. She then got worse and worse. She got a computer and wanted me to put it up. It is heavy I am crippled. She knew nothing of computers. I had to teach her. I was getting very angry inside. I could not sleep in the house. I felt as if it was dark and things were unseen in there. I could feel them. I then felt the dirt getting into me and my cloths. I was horrified.

She had a accident with me in her car she was a very bad driver. Her sight was not good. Then she wanted my car. So my car got her in it. Yes the car started to have trouble costing me. The operation day came. I said I had a call and how much my man wanted to be with me, his work takes him away. I do not have expectations on people. He said he will be in the theatre holding me emotionally. She I told this to. She pulled a real rotten face. As if he had no right. I knew then that she was going to try to break that up. Not a chance I thought. I was now very much annoyed with her. She was a dread to live with. Let alone be near. Sad yes. She had no life.

Right after the operation she was there and I said to her " Things will change now " I did not know how or why I said that. I do now. On coming back to her place for seven weeks rehab was dread for me. One day she said healing to be done. I said " I would rather not thank you." She got real nasty. The next day I begged the nurses to let me come home not saying why. They would not. So the next day after that the woman started her abrupt manner. I took no more and just told her off. She then said things nothing to do with me. Turned about and said " I think your being used by this man but spirit told me he was not" I looked at her thinking you do not even know him one hello and goodbye three times is hardly any way to know someone. I said " Your a miserable woman" She walked up the house and I noticed how twisted her whole body was. Something was not normal.

The physic came a head one. He looked at the house I said " I have cleaned this to this far you should have seen it before that." He said what was going on so I told him. He said you were crippled how could she let you clean her ugh dirt its smells in here badly. He saw my home it was as put spotless. He then got on to the surgeon and got me out of there the next day. So my rehab was in my home. I wanted nothing to do with her again.

She came uninvited to get me to go to a psychic surgeon. She already had me whilst there going to a séance I did not want to be there. It was like maniacs in there a black room singing of a body moulding in the grave. Oh by this time I was feeling infested with this rubbish. She came back giving back paintings I did that I never wanted. I threw them away. I then told her that I have spoken to my partner about how we are supposed to be using each other and how he said" What are these? Two year old? " There was no way he would have wanted me with her. It was a time that did not give us the measure to be together. Commitments that took space away from what we wanted to be doing.

She did not return after that. I was sick of her and her not understanding no invite means no invite. I now feel " The Lord Jesus Christ " Had come to me in hospital. I felt a change. She then was at a meeting that I went to and started saying out loud what she thought we should be doing. That was it. The reverend started telling me that this woman that heals has a healing cat! It purrs that's why it's a healer. Right I thought now it is going insane. Another woman was waving her arms around telling who she spoke to that they eat strawberries and bananas. That she is a high up there illuminated one.

Someone else see a alien, now it was time for me to leave. I had readings that never were correct. The automatic writing gave real bad lies it was all off. I then met a real witch who was so done for that she believed she was a medicine woman, she never paid her rent and was evicted. She placed curses on others. She then done me for money and things in good faith I tried to help her. She and her son cost me a lot of money on her son doing damage in my home. I never liked her company. It felt dirty company. I then ended all contact with her.

Chapter Ten

The days were bringing in so much darkness. I reflected the time I had my little grand daughter staying with me for a weekend. How I took her to a neighbours and was so proud of this little child. I had taken her to church once. Catholic one. On this weekend my daughter tried to call me. I had left my mobile in the flat so she could not get hold of me. I let the neighbour put on Shrek for her. Naturally I did not know that even that was from a dark force at the time. Pride to be her grand mother was coming out of me in every way.

I saw it was getting dark so took my grandchild home. The man of the neighbour escorted us back tot he flat. The answering machine was flashing. I called my daughter and got her husband. He said my wife is coming to you right now in a angry voice.

My daughter came and started to shout at me. " How dare you take her to a neighbours and bring her back in the darkening evening?" The man stood there looking at my daughter is shock. Then I told my daughter that her child was very safe. No she said no. I had no idea what she was going so cross about. I had looked after this child for several years. So she screamed that her child is to come home now! The child said " Please mummy do not take me from nanny,s I want to stay with her please do not." Her arms and legs were around me holding fast. Her mother pulled her off and the child was screaming to the car and right down the long drive way. The man said " Surely that is not your daughter? You are such a lovely person how can she be so obnoxious if Emma heard her she would have got into her. What harm is there in you showing off your grandchild and only just at a neighbours?"

I stood in my kitchen in shock what was she doing? From that day on I could no longer have my grand daughter only in her own home and by my daughters conditions. So I was no more a full nanny. I could not be a half nanny. My heart broke. As she took her child I saw my three girls being taken from me by false means. So it was a double shock.

After this when I became homeless my daughter treated me with contempt. She was against me going to see my other daughters. I had no right. It was then that she offered no means of support. I would never have lived with her. But her moral support was all I needed. Not money although I was without. I saved to come and see her one day. The grandchild's birthday was the following day. No money so I gave her from an Asian two dollar shop a small toy. I had one thing that was gold. A necklace with a heart on it saying " I will love you always." I put it on the girls neck. She had just done lunch offering me nothing. I then had my grand child place her hands on my face and stroke it sadly. Then she said " nanny because you went away and come back you cannot have me anymore and you cannot stay in this house at all." She was six the next day. I knew those words from her parents. My daughter sat there arms crossed legs crossed and a stern mean face as if she approved of her child giving me her orders that were not from the child.

I got up and said " Yes I know darling" And I left the house. I never returned. Talk about being alone for certain. I was horrified that the child could be poisoned and her little mind twisted upon her love for me and mine for her.

I then had to think about getting my life going. I did all I could to rebuild. I was no person to be beaten by anything. I had strength. Within this time I phoned my daughter as I had contact with my two half brothers and told her it was about her family. She said " I have no family." So I asked her if we could email and talk? She agreed. The email I got and the emails I got for six weeks were vindictive nasty and blaming me for all. Then she tells me that her child threw the necklace in the bin. I knew that the child was told to do that. I realised that all I did for this daughter was in vain. She had no concept of having a loving mother as she had. A mother that did everything with love not gain for myself. I knew that her idea of life was material as she always said she is not material,. She was. I knew that all treasures are nothing to do with money goods or fame.

I then wondered what did I do to anyone? How was it that I lose my three daughters and they got told I had abandoned them and this daughter had all the treasures of me never abused by me and totally loved. How can it be that I do not win there either?

Coming back now to the time I met all these spiritualists. This lady was a witch. She was English and said she was a Indian medicine woman. She had tings that sounded like spells. Her idea of life was to write in a book and tats lotto would give er everything one day. Her pension money was false as she was young enough to work also her son could work. Two pensions and never any money. Never paid bills. Her phone Bill was in the hundreds. Her gas Bill the same. She had not paid rent and was having to pay it off.

She wanted readings form me. Her Indian man living with her was on a pension to. So three pensions were there. She then began to be very nasty to the Indian man and told him he had to leave. Her hair was so long and blond and like a witch really even her nose was like a witch. Her eyes were like a fish. Or a reptile large and vacant in them. She told me she was a caterer a artist and all manner of things. I thought how can this be? If that's the case your life would be in order. Her man left and he became a Christian. He had been told that ancestors and such belief in natives is from satan. That ancestors are not to be worshiped. So she told me and I said that I thought its up to him. From my point of view I had been with Christians that were hypocrites. God cannot love if things go on like I have had in my life. What's it all about?

Something about her was scary I felt like after her company there was dirt filthy rags so to speak. I told her I saw a wolf with her. She said nobody knew that only she did. She was automatic writing and such like. Yet her life was being destroyed.

I had enough living with that woman and began to think something evil is with me it is so evil that I must get rid of it. I had not taken any gift the older woman bought me I left them in the house. I wanted nothing she had touched. Yet at the time I did not know why. What was it? I had told the witch to depart from me and never return. I then noticed the new age music I had in my computer I deleted. I then took all things from new age and all things the spiritualists made I bought and threw them away. I then stopped seeing any of them at all. I found out the older woman had died. I said once I saw that on the computer from their site " I am relieved glad she is gone" I then had hate real hate for her. Her memorial I was asked to go to. I went. And I cried very badly. I seemed to know that the woman was not in any heaven. As I was there this man who is a idiot in my view said she came to him and is alive. He carried on in this self ego way and high within his own self centered means.

I then knew there was a meeting after this. And a reader came to me saying my mother came. That she loves me very much and that she wants to give me flowers. God! I was disturbed. I said that this is dangerous as I cried because that all came back to me of her wickedness to me. How can she love me when dead? That was the start of my investigations of what was this all about.

Chapter Eleven

The evil seemed to be around me. I was getting more hate for the older woman. Realising that her idea of the Indian she was supposed to be married to two hundred years ago was also with a name that was called savage wolf. Her words were savage as well. I then thought I must talk to a Pastor. This is wrong. Something is trying to lay hold on me. Never did I realise that I was dead all my life. I had belief that I would reincarnate and put right what I did wrong again. My first attempt did not go through the church rang me but the call did not locate as in contacting voices. So later I tried again. Some weeks later.

When I spoke I said it was about generational and at that time I did not know what made me say that. The lady said I have to wait and talk to the main Pastor as he is equipped to talk on that. So I said it will be a long phone time as I have to go back in time. He called in that afternoon. As I spoke he told me that all spiritualism is from satan. That satan was out to destroy me. I said " Oh no he will not I will not allow that" He then went thought he the things I told him and I told him I burnt the photocopy of the old woman's face. He said that may not have been a correct thing to do but grief may be the reason. I said it just showed me that her face was not her face. I saw other things in it and felt as log ass I have it it would haunt me. I hated her. The phone call ended after he prayed for me. And I said praise for " The Lord" The Pastor said that he envisioned billow of smoke rising from me that there was a lot of dark smoke.

He also prayed about my driving because I had a young man who had blocked my driveway for six months as he was not allowed to park a large van in the place at all. He could not put it in the drive park of his own there were their two cars in that parked there the van was over the line due to its size I could not turn my car to get out. I then asked the real estate to tell him it took them six months to get it done. So what did he do? He reported me to the road place that my driving is affected due to my health. I have severe osteo arthritis so walking is limped. So I had to get reports from eye and doctor. I wrote and told them I was being harassed. That I had photos of proof of this showing what was being done to me. I am the last unit flat so have a wall and no means of getting out on one side. I had to sit another test as well three months later. I passed it full license retained. So under strain for three months. The young man was at fault and I was got at for his debt to me not mine to him. Cost me and made me feel ill. He admitted it and paid nothing back to me at all as he looked nervous I think he was told I could sue him. I said forgive and forget. But I was annoyed. Silly thing to do to someone who he has no idea of and attack them. Driving is the only way I can go to shops. No pain is when sitting and I can drive. My nerves were shot by now. Still today I do not drive far because it really harmed my confidence.

I then asked the Pastor where the old lady went as I had read about the "Abyss" Looked at hell and the fires and became scared. He said she was judged and as God says " Depart from me you cursed" And in the "Abyss" that she cannot come back at all no dead person can. She had the daughter she gave the spirit nonsense to about her father also dying. She had liver cancer terminal. She died one week after her. The older lady died of cancer from the bowel. It is quite a sight to see a person that has demons inside her it twisted her whole body. I just had evil from that whole experience. It felt like a unseen cord was strangling me around my whole body and head. I then felt a presence out side my bedroom door looking in. I saw nothing but knew it was there. I was reading new age books. Psychic as on television. I then looked at these and took them out of my bedroom.

I went to the opportunity shop and there was the pastels of this older woman's demons on show. I also found that when I went there her other daughter would be there and it disturbed me greatly. Her daughter is as her mother very without feminine look at all and very very scruffy. Wears the same cloths all the time. I also found that the reverend would be in the shop also and one time she touched me. I was distraught.

One day I prayed saying " Well Lord will you give me something to understand what this was all about?" I went to the opportunity shop and found two videos one Billy Graham and the hymns are such treasures. No preaching done. The other hymns form the old friends. Both American. The reverend came in and I avoided her. She came and spoke and noticed the videos, and I said " I am not a spiritualist I am not a healer I am nothing but gods small child and the only spirit that talks to me is the Holy Spirit." " Ah "He said but you chose you life and all the difficulties in it" I said " Hm really? Let me tell you the dark forces is far more abundant today and false then known. I would not want you to go where the other woman went when dead and all that saying she contacts is a total lie." She just looked at me. Tells me that nobody can speak against this woman who did things to everyone in insults hurting many and her cat is a healing cat. I just thought how dumb that all is.

I was given a Bible from a Asian couple in the fish and ship shop. I then was given a larger Bible from a lady in the opportunity shop. I had found a book of the beloved. All scriptures done simply. Since that day the Bible is read every night and the book of loving scriptures from " the Lord Jesus Christ" I then saw books come in the shop from that old lady. Somehow when I was there I saw all I never wanted to see or the people in that all. It got on my nerves. I went one Sunday the very day I thought no reverend would come there. I had just left who comes along she did! I spoke not she spoke I did not answer her. "OK Lord now what is it your saying to me? Is it that I must avoid the shop altogether so not to be near them as your words do say have no company with them but pray for them." I was led to all spiritists and wizards in the Bible I had no knowledge of where to look at all the Bible was far too condense for me to understand. Yet here I was understanding it and getting a hunger for it.

I was born yet in this body of sixty six. I felt a new life. But what was it? I had people tell me that a baby only goes to sleep with heavy metal music. I was shocked and said " Oh please can you not give her something gentle like the sea sounds and bird sound in tranquility?" I got told no. So I was aware that babies get attacked. Saints preserve us. Right now I will find out about this devil and he is the prince of the air. I now believed in his existence. So the journey began.

Chapter Twelve

The Pastor told me to get help and get the boxes unpacked to find the satanic material and get rid of them out of the home. I said "To start with I have no friends I lost confidence in people. There are thirty or more boxes and I have not sign them so do not know where to look." I used to room for laundry to dry that was not getting dry a we had masses of rain this past few months. I had packed because I wanted to move out of here. That was two years ago I started to pack. Rents were climbing at speed to no pensioner able to afford high rent.

Meanwhile I was praying one day for more news of "Jesus Christ" I got to go to the second hand shop. Just as I walked in there were three videos put on the counter as I walked in. " The life of Jesus Christ. The beginning the times with people and the last days." I got them in hand. Smiling thinking yep! He meant me to have these. I further asked and later got another three videos of his life. I had never known the true story at all. Many churches do not explain the facts as they were. Much of it is highlighted some is even like adverts promoting the church rather then " The Lord " I had memories of preachers giving such a scary story that we are all doomed. Nothing given as how to be free. Just conditions.

I had reached a time in my life I had anger very much inside. I was tired of being given such bad ways to be treated knowing I had done nothing to these people. Those that I helped kicked me in the shins. I thought before I went to speak to the Pastor these thoughts. Well I know that the Bible says sorcery is bad. What is that I wondered? I also thought how can that silly woman talk of my life and give me a load of rubbish? Come to that how can "Jesus Christ" Come through a mans hand and be photographed? He is gods son so God would have no need for any human to put him forward that way. I think the man who got this was a and I am not sure how to spell his name is ba ba some enlightened being. I saw the photograph in the women's home that held the healing group. She gave me a copy. Within a week I had it torn up. I felt it not true and dangerous. I also had a photograph taken of the healing group my being in it as well. With a certificate as I am a healer. The older woman was in it. Yes I know that cameras can give the red eye. The only one who had that was her. There was something not good in her face or body. I took her out of the picture leaving it up. Yet it bothered me a great deal.

One day I thought this lot of people are not well. I got the certificate and ripped it into as many pieces as I could. Then I looked at the photo. And I got it off the wall and ripped that as well. I think I burnt that all. I thought how can I be a healer? Nothing is medical in this. It does in fact denounce all medical practices. This is stupid! I then looked at the so called readings I got all five of them in two years. None of it made sense, things like a family member with a top hat. Things that were not at all about my life. Just a Matter of one or two things that sort of seemed to be about family. I looked at it all and thought what a load of tot! I then thought about the women dressed in a long robe dark grey thinking she is a goddess.

I reviewed the time I was in the lot and how there was back biting against other members. There was one lady who was so egotistic her pedestal was far to high and things she did was under her carpet so many that I thought she will fall over them one day. Her attitude was to bury all things and let them go. Never to resolve or look into why she was so insulting. There were things said like black was worn for energy. Infinity with spiders. Taped trances. Them going to a hospital to be near a young teenager who was dying. Pastels done of weird looking faces. Some were good but that light is no light. Its false. Meditations where each would say what they saw. One meditation was going up a mountain getting right high. Then there were two dolphins on a ledge. I thought what? How can dolphins be on a ledge up in the high mountain no water and live let alone get there? No dolphin could jump that high.

I watched a woman becoming a controlling leader taking up the evening saying the most dumb things. That angels were in the room. I then meet a man who was very possessed. He was in touch with aliens. Seen the bush on fire. Things were said that my mentality could not take in. It was rubbish. Guides being spoken of. I thought what guides? Then I thought perhaps I just go along with it and say nothing. I had been given accurate things to tell people none of mine were inaccurate. Which I thought was different. I thought I am not going back to that lot of rubbish anymore. So I read the DaVinci Code. The secrets of the Catholic church. Demons and angel's were another book that I got the d.v.d of. I looked at it and thought this is not at all truth.

I then was in a supermarket. A women was there that had met me once in a car park. She and her husband had parted. She was a mess. I told her to not give in to her emotions of the abuse she had. Its like giving the abuser the right to mentally abuse her for life if she keeps it up. Then I thought wow! Listen to me I need this advise myself. Well this day she mentioned how I said things to her without even knowing her. I just shrugged. Then I got the shivers. That was when I got messages from the unseen. I gave her a name of a man who was alive living in America and a fifty kilometre radius of where he lived a place beginning with a d. Much else she had as well. She then asked me to come to her home. Her mother wanted to see if her dead husband comes to see her. She asked what I charged? I said I do not charge. She looked at me saying most charge like a hundred dollars for half a hour. I said no charging for gifts is not my scene.

I went to her home. Both women were crying all evening over losses. Not one took responsibility for things lost. The mother would not appreciate her husband was eight odd and his time was up here. Grief I understood. But I felt something wrong there. Then the daughter a women that let herself be how she was. I had enough I wanted to leave. To my amazement the daughter said that she played around to get back at her husband who also played around. I gave her vehicle colours in America. She had a man from the internet I think is not safe to do. His ex wife had a vehicle the colour I said. Then she told me she became a witch. I was alarmed! I thought oh no I cannot do this anymore something is wrong even if what I tell them is accurate. A witch I thought. I left thinking that is it I no longer will ever do readings at all. I was disturbed by it.

I then did do all this before I had spoken to the Pastor. Its just I remembered it and thought it needed in this book for exposing.

In act another thing happened. I did voluntary work for a women a millionaire. A Christian a women that play the pokes big time. I was not into that I said its the den of iniquity. I knew nothing about them and as she lost fifty dollars at a time many fifties in fact I said that would buy my toilet rolls for a year. Then as she lost I said that would buy my bread. She told me to shut up. She was very insulting to me for four months of working for charity. I did all the hard work bending cooking and cleaning. Yet she knew I had a false hip. She knew I was in trouble with the other leg to. But no she just insulted me along the way I did the ledger books for her and she flipped through them not able to see what was in there as I had done all docket numbers and expenses and in comings. She said" It does not balance. " I was annoyed as I had not done anything other then put it all in the book. Another lady banked it. The other lady came upon the scene after three years of my doing this work. This lady got food so much that she had to get more freezers to keep it for herself. She was suppose to give me mine. I never got it. She had no hardship in money like me. I would not ask for the food. She was told to give it to me every week I never got it apart from twice in four months a very small amount.

One day the women that was a millionaire spoke to other people from her country. I then was very tired. Four days at fourteen hours a day was a lot for me to do all the work while she just sat there. The person she spoke to had a go at her and said that she should be helping me instead of letting me suffer. She then told the women that I was alright. When I heard of this I said my conversation with the person was private and I had said nothing about no help. I had just said I was homeless at one time. I was fuming now and walked away from the cooking area. Looking at buses thinking how do I get home from here it was miles away from where I lived. When I calmed down I went back and cooked and sold and cleaned and cut up the food she said " You are a very intelligent women. I thought I do not need you to tell me that. I just thought this is the last day lady you get me. I am finished with you.

I them emailed her declining the charity work and said that I had always respected her pity as a Christian she could not do the same. Her money meant nothing to me as value is in a persons inside and their soul I quit. She thought nothing of buying twenty watches for herself. New cars every month or two. She had no respect for money. She was spoiled. This money she had gave her the idea that the poor need to be put as poorer because they have nothing. I said I am not poor I have riches you do not even know who I am. My riches were in values of non material. Her money made her better then anyone else. So my look to Christians was somewhat marred. She wanted to know why I said she did not know who I was? I said "In three years you never got to know me. All you have done is decide what you think I am."

Getting back to the Pastors advise now. I looked in that room thinking I am sure God can see it is a job I could not do! How can I unpack all that and then get rid of things and repack? I thought oh God cans see this. It was like finding s needle in a haystack.

I then began to look into the satanic work in the world. I saw children getting scenes in their childhood years of animated beings not real doing all these magical things. There were toys that sold with the same meaning. Mothers no longer cooked for their children it was all fast food. No patience was on roads or in shopping malls every person in a rush. Most very rude ass well. Children were given the budda the female one to protect them. Graven images. Children are being brought up to thinking universal awareness as in new age. Magic. Self centered. Not obey their parents. Scream for sweets. Books are posing darkness also to children. Parents do not scan the evidence enough to keep their children away from it all. Children no longer have to earn their toys they scream for toys and computers and a load that they never play with. It was about amount not play. Playschools never use prayer in the morning at all or any time of day once would be enough but none is done. Parents give their children less time. Parents have high expectations of little children but not advise them as in manners. No discipline is around.

Fairies are believed in for children. Too many cloths and too much material. Nothing of spiritual health is given. Children are becoming tomorrows criminals they are taught this probably innocently. Money is the big issue. Not one part of their life in the many is about " Jesus Christ " I saw that satan has taken the world by storm. The Lord of the rings is fatal for anyone to even get to see. Simpson's. The list goes on.

Martial arts are largely fatal as well. I once went into yoga but felt it invading me so I stopped it. I then looked at hell. I needed to know what was hell? I saw the impact of losing eternal life. I then looked at signs. The thumb down up and the little finger up and middle fingers down. The horns. Fame is doing this by bands of demonic music. Government bodies use the sign as well. To my horror jewelry of types are satanic. There are satanic rituals and destruction. My stereo would come on by itself at three a.m. In the morning really loud. I never have it loud. My electric hot plates were blowing up. One day a new fry pan and element just blew up and my neighbour saw that she was shocked. Kettles would stop working. I had enough. I then looked into the Bible for information. Just how satan says five is for his power over " The most high God " I saw that the Catholic church has graven images statues. How Mary was to be worshiped. How men as priests claim to be as " God" In fact one priest told me that "The book of job " Is not true at all. I then asked him " How do priests speak when there has been priests doing child abuse on boys and girls? " He sort of just let it go as if it was not that important. I was angered because children's lives should not be taken over and lost by such insulting adults who never grew up!

I saw the many things that is very rampant today. How our weather is without seasons naturally. How earthquakes are coming far more. Tidal waves. I thought I understood a universal holocaust very likely to happen. How the Bible states the five trumpet which is now able to see with the correct equipment the Star of David. The Jewish sign. So Revelations is in action now.

Chapter Thirteen

I saw all the things that new age use as in tools of satan. There is thousands of them._The secret_movie is a clear picture of falseness. The _law of attraction_ another movie. Books by the thousands. Self self self. Now I thought perhaps I am going to hell anyway. How can I not know that all this was satanic? How can these spiritualists say white light and gold light for protection when they induce the dark force that will end up attacking them? Hoe come aura's what a load of rubbish that all is. So very dangerous.

I noticed only one book for "Jesus Christ" The " Bible " Only one story for his time on earth not one bit altered. I looked at Jehovah Witnesses how they have a Bible of their own. Islam of which one of my daughters is in. Seventh day Adventists. Mormons. Many of the standing churches are run far away from the truth.

I then said " Oh Lord I want to know the truth " My birth into life was not a easy one. I had to die from the dead person I was. With the generational traps. How ever did I believe in spirits? I asked myself. I read about spiritists to be away from in the Bible. So the birth was over a few months. " Jesus Christ had come to me as I said " I want to know the truth " He gave me eyes to see not meaning my eyes but vision of another sort. There was a lightness coming in my heart and in my home. I then kept thinking that room with the books and new age things. I thought I would be excused. Was I wrong. No magic is magic no idea of spiritualists is true. The dark force is darker then ever before. There is daily attacks. All of us get body problems in one way or another. They are again attacks. My partner had body come a loss and operations. He was very sick. It was then that I prayed to the " King" As I asked him to heal him. The " King " Did just that he healed him and a oncoming operation was canceled as he did not need it now. He had every advise that he would need it. So in my gratitude I owed " Jesus Christ" everything. This made me really think.

I had trusted no man in life because my marriages were not marriages. I was a servant. I trust this man. His value is he is a child of " God" also. I then got up one morning. I looked into the room it made me unsettled. I then began to unpack all the boxes. I was in a mess as it was just everywhere. I did say " Lord you better help me you know with my disability in walking its going to be hard work" Somehow I went through the boxes for twelve and a half hours. I saw books of a Betty Shine, John Edwards other people of the same one in fact that said she had a spirit that was not dead in the coffin and was covered in blood trying to get out of it but died anyway. There were books of blasphemy to "Jesus Christ" I saw what some of the adultery meant. To adulterate by giving to other gods is adultery to "God" I had a knife in my hand as I had to cut the tapes off the thirty boxes. I stabbed the books in anger at the despicable way I had gone to thinking. I saw directly demons in all the books and only satan's work. I also knew the innocent people that can be caught were getting familiar spirits. Which is the generation prison. The anger in fact made me stronger to do this job. Adrenalin was rushing fast.

A book on reiki and of runes. Many things that are tools of satan. I got mad inside to think this is in my home. Candles. Also not a good idea unless the power goes off for a reason as in storms. I had no crystals. I threw them some time back. I remembered a new age shop that is run by a couple who have children that are already in satan's hands, speaking of new age at just four years old. I no longer go near the shop at all. The books filled many boxes to be got rid of. I looked at a movie called steward little. I was in shock on the mouse's hand the right one was satan's sign the horns clear as day. I never noticed that before as I had not known about the signs. That was gone as well. The many other videos that were the same had to go. I carried on absolutely tired now. But nothing was to stay. I could not afford to have further attacks upon my partner and myself. I could not blaspheme " Jesus" Anymore. I hung my head in shame.

There were items of some signs that did not make me feel best to keep so they went. As the night came in I sat down for a while and thought I would be able to tidy it all up before the morning. Not so. I had to wait another day, that I totally got rid of all things. I had to put them all in the hallway that I covered with a tarp so no sign of them would be seen although they were all packed up. I covered them to no sight at all. Place a Bible on top of the lot to claim " Jesus Christ" is the truth. I had to rid them.

I watched the videos of " Jesus Christ's life " It made me cry. I never knew that thousands of Jews were killed on a cross. The acting was as if it was real the sight of that all done by Pilate had done as a Roman and the wealth of no good to him in eternal life at all. He had no eternal life. The second death was to be. The man that played "Jesus Christ" was very much getting this over well. Christians had done these videos. As they insulted " Christ Jesus " I cried and felt how could they do this? How could they insert and hammer these long spikes into him as well as others before him. I felt he was on that cross for my sins. Sins I never knew I had. How he forgave. How he drank the cup his father had given him. How can man kill man who has that right? The torture he felt was the worlds sins. That weight would have been crushing. The way he committed his spirit.

The resurrection was gladly seen by me. As it is said there " Why look to the dead when there is living? " Only it was more then that as " Jesus was the only one to ever resurrect and show that. I had to play that many times and still do today to open my whole life to the truth. I also realised that " God" Is omnipresent as is "Jesus Christ" So my church goes with me everywhere as he is the he church. The whole body of it.

I was wanting to warn the group of this. So I emailed the very one I felt would tell the others. I also knew I would probably be put down I did not care. As to me " Jesus " Wanted all his children. I gave clear cut things and how many are attacked like as the fox sisters and the rest of them. I did it gently and saying they are loved. I had no reply as I expected. I just had to let them know that it is the dangerous things that will destroy in the end. I then decided to leave it I at least let them know. I said no dead person can return and explained the familiar spirits. How they lie and convince people. How sad it is for those in grief to get into that work that lies to them.

The "Holy Spirit" Speaks to me. I am so humble for that. I got rid of all the things as I said then I put the olive oil all over the home and inside all draws and closets. I then place it upon myself as I do not want the Mark of satan on me. I cannot hardly take it in how " Jesus" did all this. How he saved me? How he came to me at the very time I said " I want to know the truth. " How he ridded the final attacks that I was getting.

Chapter Fourteen

I have only partial sight in one eye so how I ever did this is a miracle. I have the chains of the generation broken coming to "Jesus " just how I am. Not fixing anything up. He gave me sight to see into the dark caverns. The darkest ones as well. How little children are got at to adults. He showed me to give him full trust. How so many people really do get visions of their dead people to convince them which is so sad. How someone can lose a mother and feel certain they are in contact. Which is not true. There is a truth that is very easy to see. The difficult part is to continue with the darkness. The simple way is just to understand that "Jesus " Is the only way to " Gods kingdom " That all fame and wealth is futile. That peace comes light not with dark. That all signs must be checked out. That the narrow path is the only one to climb to. That many come and only a few are taken. Be not the one to not be taken. Look deep in life. We all have had this darkness. We all have suffered this destruction. The rates of no unity is very clear.

I have never had a home that I can call my own home. I have suffered as you have read much and pain full things. Why? Because "Jesus Christ" knew I would come through. He allowed it to go on for me to share the deepest longings he has for all his children. How could I ever help without having experiences? How can satan be exposed without proof of it? Well here it is. No ideals at all. I know that all life belongs to " God " No idols or graven images are from "God" Not one part of destruction is from "God" He is love. Love does not hurt. Not one thing unholy can enter heaven. His law was " No other God can come before me " You will also feel sad to think so many people are led way from that.

I now see the beauty in creation that is a higher intelligence then we mortals. To see the way my beautiful cat is made. How healthy she is because she is loved. To see birds and how they are made. Colours in flowers instead of crowded shops and petrol fumes of traffic. The gentleness of trees and country side places. The realisation that material fighting to gain is no use and short lived. It does much damage to fight for money. Because you see once you are total in " Jesus Christ's " Truth he does move mountains as long as we believe. He does give although I am not really expecting anything. I have to leave it to him. He knows best. Besides that " The Holy Spirit " Talks to others and if something is given to another about me, then the path is made clear.

Chapter Fifteen

The time came when the shadow across was removed. The shadow was a script written to claim me in the generational traps. The darkness was giving a falseness. " The Holy Spirit " Spoke to me telling me that now only by "Jesus Christ" The rest can and should be said. I was surprised when "Jesus Christ" Came into my heart so swiftly. As I read more I was given that he wanted to use me. I thought I am not worthy at all. To birth to the truth really does alter the whole prospective of life.

I had not been to church or spoken to another human other then the Pastor. That was seven months ago. Everything that came to me was directly from " The Lord Jesus " I found the new path so different to how I was when dead. Now many would think how can anyone be dead when alive? That's just it. From my previous ancestors there was occult. So when I was born I was tarnished. So I also was in a cavern that seemed to have no end to the torments. I had learnt to never speak about my inner emotions. When I unpacked the boxes of things to find that were of occult methods. I was shocked to see the video of Stuart Little having the horn sign in his right hand. Just look at the cover you will see it. Government bodies are using this sign also. Teenagers are using this sign also without understanding it is no joke. There are many sites to look at this.

It came to me that it looks like all families have some generation that were into this. Even when I spoke to the Pastor I never knew about the generation traps. It was something just in the background I once heard without any explanation. There I was talking to the Pastor as if I had been given all the information I needed to be set free. When I looked into that spiritualist group I thought how do they talk of unconditional love and insult each other for a prime position as some leader? How is it that not one reverend came to see me in hospital or even offered any help? During undoing all this. I thought even "Jesus Christ" Looked for his lost lamb . No road was too far for him to look at all. What about the good Samaritan I thought? They are so busy being egotistic that self comes first middle and last.

I remembered how I was got at for doing nothing at all. I now know why. The demonic force knew I was going to expose them. Before I knew I was going to. The thing they all noticed was that I was vibrant and always with a smile. At one time the woman that is well trapped said to me " My guide wants you to talk less on spiritual things. Because you are stopping the healing energies. " Well my dear ones who are with the " body of Christ " You will know that the demons were alarmed due to my speaking of "Jesus Christ"At one meeting. I said about the vision I had at nineteen of what appeared to me as "Jesus Christ" The whole room went quiet. Some got un restful. It was like something was disturbing them or inside them. None spoke just looked at me in silence. There would have been a dozen or just over at that night. I did notice one woman's hands were twisting and looked vacant as well. That healing night did not seem to have the same occult energy as long as it usually goes for. I noticed another women's eyes were looking shifty and as if they had stolen and were to be caught. Her eyes were looking at me but had to leave looking at me and looked sideways without contact to my eyes. After that she did not look at me at all.

As I have already told you about the life I had. What is happening now is a further look into it. As while I was doing that I was fairly hard at work to relive the past to bring it to the present to give the present and the future " Our truth in Jesus" Some things were given without too much explanation. Some things I remembered after I had done the basic start. The one thing I noticed lacking in the group was " Love " The love they spoke about was twisted. Then I am hearing they charge people for healing and for getting them to classes run by non Christian methods. Calling all who came pupils. Charging them money for this nonsense. Funny enough I went to two of these and was not charged. I listened and thought who needs to know about ego? Or to learn what telepathy is? What is this all about? Also when it was over all could speak about it and what they found in it. But I was stopped to speak.

The day came when this man came. He did sit there with a grin on his face like a Cheshire cat! He had written books on aliens and such like. I read one book and thought how can he say he saw the bush in fire and wondered what to do with it? It was as he put it like " Moses " I was suspicious of him from day one. I also remember the séance I went to against my wishes. How only the husband and wife spoke. How the songs were of doom and John browns body moulding in the grave. How he allowed nobody to have any psychic trances. He was in charge. Oh yes they charged money for this rubbish. He got a Ouija board out and was moving the thing in the middle so fast that nothing could be read. He then told every one to put their finger on the thing. All did so. He looked at me as this was the only time that light was put on. Before that the room was blacker then black. He said come on put your finger on this. I said " No I will never do that I am not going to no " The next thing he looked nervous of me. I thought here is this man so controlling and now he looks as if he has lost control over me not participating in a dangerous thing.

He then said that the few funnels on the table all were to lift and put their hand inside it. They will feel heat and that means that spirit is strongly in the room. I did not do it. I thought what a load of rubbish. Because after it was over I told the woman who I spoke about that I lived with who was possessed and I could see the demons in her I heard them to. I said go and get a metal cup like the funnel. She did and I said now there is no seance here. So put your hand in it. She did and said well I am getting the heat so spirit must be in that. I laughed and said physics she said what? I repeated the word and said the heat you are feeling is off your own hand because it is in a small confinement so what does that tell you? She did not know what to say so I said its total bull!

No she wanted to persist in her learning of this all. She took me to a place where I had to sit all day long from nine a.m. To four thirty p.m. On 29 pills a day mostly Morphine. I was in a state as I could not rest or feel at ease at all. She was learning them tarot cards. Something she never got to understand. Also while at a meeting I can play the piano. I played once but on all that Morphine I just thought I will not today. She came out to the toilet and angry in her tone said " Get on the piano " I was on Morphine as I said. I did not want to play the piano. Or the music they wanted off me.

I was once at a meeting for us to read for people that meant people pay dollars for a reading. Not to any person who did the reading but for funds. I wonder what funds? I went and I was sitting there when a man said he would do a reading for me. Which was not for money to be paid by me. I thought OK lets see? He sat there telling me I had three aunts that my mother had three sisters I never knew about. I thought what a load of rubbish where is he getting this. Then he said he will do a spirit drawing. Well he cannot draw. But what he gave me was looking a little off. I took it but I was suspicious. We went back to the main reverends house. All went in and I was left in the car. I ended up going to the front door and asked if I should be there as everyone else was. The women that is the high up ego self type said " No you sit in the car we will be a hour or so" I thought how come only I have to be in the car when I was with them all elsewhere. So I stayed. And took no notice of her. The reverend somehow took hold of my arm and said " What a load of two faced people." I did not know what she meant as I had not witnessed anything but rudeness.

Later in the year I had a dream that stunned me it was like a flash. It was of a old boss I had that had given me three awards for customer relations being very liked by customers. This man I never thought of as years had passed. That very morning I was working for a cafe for three hours. The very first half hour I was there who was sitting in the bench seat not far from the cafe was my old boss. He was not old he was around fifty something then. The women beside me asked why I looked so shocked. I told her I had a dream just before I got up as a flash and it was him and he looked grey and unwell. Well time went on and I was doing the voluntary work at the time and before I got to it I had another dream of the same man. This time he looked well and dressed in a suit. Again a flash. I did not understand what that all was about. Later in the day as it was getting to ending a man came up that was in the same store I used to be in years back. I said I had a two dreams of the boss. He said nothing he just asked what were the dreams? When did I dream the second one? I told him and he said " He died right at the time" I just was blown away. As I had not spoken to him on the day he was in life the first time I had to work. He did see me. But I felt he was with his wife and his private life is his own work in past did not mean I go and invade his privacy. So I never knew he had cancer.

By now I just thought I wonder what this gift I have is all about.

Meeting that witch was a experience as I had never met a Indian before as she had as a partner then. She said the clouds were people. That the clouds tell her things. Then she says things that I could not make sense of. As I have manner I did not question her. I just thought she is strange. She started saying things that sounded like spells and curses. She told me that she would come to my daughters home with me and would put something in her mouth that is the witches mouth. That meant my daughter would not be able to talk against me. She said she can make my daughter do things by her methods. I said " My daughter is a mature women and has choices if she thinks to not care for me then that is her choice no pushing is wise in such cases. So I never gave her that. I am so glad as she could have cursed my daughter.

Chapter Sixteen

I was moving away from such company the witch wanted to see the Lord of the rings. I did not I do not care for such movies. At the time I did not know that I had already started to go against occult movies and things. I found her draining and very hard to understand. I was looking at life thinking I wonder how come no Matter who I meet I am never respected? I then thought how can anyone respect another if they do not respect themselves including me? My car at the time was driven by the older women that died and the witch once. I never felt safe in it for some reason. I ended all contacts with such people and took another car. I then had the other car sitting in the park. It was there nearly a year. I could not afford two registrations to keep them both on the road. One day I called a wreckers that come and take a car. As the car went I felt a ease for it going. It was handled by occult people including myself which meant before I wanted to know the truth. The whole area felt like something evil had also gone. The other car I bought was from Christian people.

It is a sure fact that things do get contaminated with any occult movement. All parents would be wise as to who their children mix with. Adults also who we all mix with. Who comes into homes and who leaves anything un welcomed in the home that is unseen. Today the force of darkness is very large. It is in venues not expected. One night before I was asleep I saw what looked like a reptile going past my head. Because before that I was given faces of dead family and the ex husband. Once I had started to look for truth those faces showed but altered into ugly looking things. What was happening was satan's demons were exposing themselves as they are deceivers. The reptile I thought was outside my body so it had no host. I no longer had the visions of so many people in dark cloths wandering from one place to another as if they were lost. None of these people did I recognise. They were lost looking not going anywhere and no sounds at all. Some sort of dark place they were in.

Believe me there is a very dark force going on that is so unseen. My life had all the people in it that were into occult that is why they attacked me. How I wondered did I remain sane? How did I ever come out of all this. The answer is easy. "Jesus Christ" Knew me before I entered the world. He knew I would be breaking the chains of which I could not break on my own. He knew my suffering. He felt it all. His suffering was far worse then I have been through. He wants his children home and none are to be given to the darkness. That darkness gives promises that are never achieved. No wealth is worth the loss of eternity. This life is a short one and so many are trying to gain and gain and gain. None of that gain gives them the truth. It does not mean that none of us should be without. Because once with the truth " Jesus Christ " Will enable what is needed he first has to feed us. Not with food but with food of healing our broken spirits. The poorest of people are the rich in wealth. For another Christian will be spoken to by " The Holy Spirit " If it is meant that someone must come to any area to help stop that darkness.

Something has changed in me. Today I am told I was not recognised. As I look so different. That my natural self was lovely. By people who served me for a long time in a supermarket. What it is saying to me is. I now have no demonic force in my body mind and soul. My spirit belongs to " our Heavenly Father " Through and only through "Jesus Christ" I do not go around preaching or holding banners. I only talk if another person speaks of spiritual. Today a man said about budda and how he thinks that philosophy is great. I said I do not think so. He mentioned John Lennon and the song imagine. I asked if " Jesus Christ" Was ever mentioned? He did not ant to talk about that. All I said was the man John Lennon and I know along with the Beatles. Went to India where they took on occult thinking. He did not further that just looked at me. He then said " Your so fortunate to have such a great way of looking at life so simply."

I just smiled and said " I have had more suffering then imagined losses far greater then many. Some have some but some of us have a whole host of it. It is from that that I have gained this wisdom that I could never have got without my faith in the truth" I had mentioned "Jesus Christ" as he is the only one who got me through to this wisdom he gave me the wisdom. I did not get it by my own means. I was dead so I could not gain anything but death. Sin I never knew yet I was full of it. It was handed down to me from ancestors. The darkness can only be got rid of by being born being born into actual life as its meant to be. Finding myself as a little child. Realising that all that nonsense of gain is no more any importance to me. My whole self is changed. All that spiritual concept is deceit. It is also cleverly done by playing on mankind emotions and times of grief. I have known poverty to the extremes. Yet when someone who does not care because they do not help says " Oh you poor thing " I say " Hey! I am not poor I may not have what others have in wealth I have the true wealth it is not seen it inside me and given to me I am never a giver up person." The food of " Christ Jesus" Is first to drink of the fountain eat of his flesh understand " Gods law "

I have been close to receiving this before I never quite got in because I was doubtful. To think that people will talk to spirits and give time there yet ignore the truth of spirit. How can anything be above " Our Heavenly Father?" How can anything sit correct in measures of such harm giving harm. Looking at people today now with new eyes, not my eyes in my head just I see a different way. I see many in darkness. It is clear to me by their ailments either emotionally or in the face as in stress. That is what kills off the body.

Satan wins another soul and does not care on bit about the second death that person will receive for false gods. People race everywhere today for this and that. As it occurs every day it should be telling them "Hey you when will you understand more gain more pain? When will you see that money is needed yes but is also the root of many troubles why not be satisfied with your portion? What are you gaining by such rushing? Have you forgot to look at creation of " Our Heavenly Father " Meant as earth being a heaven without sin and wrong?

How to stop and look at a bird and its beautiful creation from "God" take time to still yourself and know that I am there says " Jesus Christ " Look at all creation and ask yourself this

"Well I am working hard to give this to my children and that to myself I must leave them in total security. Am I actually teaching them the truth? I am tired stressed and unwell a lot, quick to anger and slow to understand that this is not what life is about."

Then realise that we are all family blood relation does not mean we are mot family. We are. We are to love each other to be on good terms with all. To give for the needy in the correct manner. If every individual was given the same amount there would be no loss at all. Each would have enough to be secure with. No stealing would come because no person would be without a home, or put down for the colour of their skin. As "God" made us all. What right is skin distinction in this world. None. Abundance would be well in amount over in this world. Nobody would have to lock up their home or car. No person would abuse a child or any person. Love is the only answer the only gift that "Jesus Christ" spoke of. He asked us to turn the other cheek. Yes I thought yeah right then get bashed up forever. In fact it means by turning the other cheek the person who does the bashing gets no response so that person will quit it because his of hers gets no ego boost! The less we fight the more we can love.

Coming from all my back ground it is quite a story to read that someone can come out of all that. My brain was cut out in a large way from my left side of brain. I was healed. I still and always had brain to recompense that, I have had eight major operations and here I am still going. I know pain that is why I can speak of it. I can also say that pain is sin body health gone is sin that is how the darkness attacks. In a way as clever as it is and as dumb as it is once the body gets ill its easier to attack that person. I saw a video on a satanist who came to "Christ Jesus " Saying all what was going on in occult there. How one lady gave her right hand to satan and she felt no pain at all it was cut off and then burnt in the fire as the stub left was so she never had any infections. What did satan care of her loss of mobility? None. He attacked the new Christian saying she belonged to him. She saw him and described him. Along with his demons. She also never gave herself back to him. Today she is a strong ground for the love of "Jesus Christ" To be known. She has no judgments on any person. Yes she like me described people and she advised never to be in that kind of company. I know that we pray for them but never be in that company. Satan is forceful. Sly and deceiving and he comes as a antichrist. He is within many religion's as well. The Catholic is written about and will fall. That is in " The Bible " As well. He will do all he can to persecute Christians.

We of "Jesus Christ" Would not give him the victory. I do not find being a Christian means I have to be pious. Never not me. I am just me and I want "Jesus Christ" To make me just how he wants me to be. He has already got me to talk. This is proof of that. He sends me people and if they listen they get a chance if not they suffer longer. He is " the king" " The king is coming " As the hymn says. The Star of David as I mentioned earlier came into the universe as the fifth trumpet in Revelations. I am not that intelligent about the universe planets and stars and signs. I just read and found out that is what it means. It was shown in a Christian site. So even though I got that I cannot say it is true or false, I am not pushing that it is only what I read.

I want to do this all for mankind so that any darkness is seen before its too late. In a way its never too late. Its only too late if one never comes to "Jesus Christ " Even if someone is met and in darkness we can through "Jesus " Help them and remain safe. I had to cut all soul ties with those I once knew. My next part will be upon beauty as the book is to end with the beauty that is apparent to me now. To be alive is something new for me. Bring alive.

Chapter Seventeen

I remembered a time the older lady was still alive and I went to the spiritualist meeting unexpected. I sat down beside her and said " Can we forgive each other? "I knew I had not done anything but tell her off in the end for trespassing upon my private life and being in control of me. She said " Yes " So the lords prayer was said the one I found a line missing in. As the forgiveness came I touched her knee. After the meeting I went out to the tea room gave her a big hug. " She said " Go away and drink you coffee now " She was stiff. Later I said " Whether you like it or not I have been working upon your spiritual health that is why I came." She said " More fool you." She was very out of all help. Sad to think that such destroying can be done.

I then spoke to a hairdresser that said she looks in a mirror and after a time a nasty face appears. I thought what is that? That was one thing I never knew of. Although a long time ago a women had said that she looked in her mirror and another face looked back! I had a great doctor who seemed to see me as a person. I was mistaken as doctors today are typing out drugs without ever finding the cause of the illness. Then he said he was a Hindu. I stopped going to see him and got another doctor in the practice. I had been in the waiting room and a women started about spiritual awareness and how she has found peace. Just she had the satanic spiritual and I said " Why do you go there? I would never do that " She said " Its the right way" I refused to believe that. I was glad her name was called as I had to be in manners while she spoke of all this. Again she is in bad health. Then another women spoke to me another time. She listened to me. Then said " My friend is a master in Reike and really gets my back better " I said " Did it stay better for good?" She said " Oh I have to go every few weeks and she charges but as she is a master it is worth it." I said " Please do not go there" It is sad when innocent people are convinced on all the tools so rampant within the world.

I told her a women now dead and very lost went to a psychic surgeon. A man at least eighty. I was against it as reservations were always in my mind. He I noticed does this deep breathing and then puts a voice out as a doctor of some country that is dead. Then touches the bodies of those that go in the room. All went in on their own one by one. Guess what? Yes a big box before going in for payment. It was said that if nobody could donate the fee it was alright. Well think about it. That straight away makes anyone feel uncomfortable so they would pay. Its a real con. He then becomes all these different surgeons for all parts of the body. How sad. Because it gives no respect for medicals that have studied in their field and become practicing surgeons that operate. This man said he operated on all the people that went in there. Not one of them were healed. Why? Because its false. It goes to show that satan is a real crook. Anyone with intelligence would see through that.

A man used to come to this older lady now dead and do healing on her. She would give him fifty dollars a week for that. Was she healed? No that is why she dies of cancer. He was a dark person I did not like him. He said " You must only ever speak of spirit." I went out the room. The older lady had by the time I neared my operation said " You can only speak of spirit work and messages the rest is all waffle." When I said I heard the demons in her yes I did. They used her voice. It was not in my head. I then saw them at the end of my time there. They love to live in filth and dirt that is why she was so dirty. The picture of these tools must be exposed. What a insult to " Our Heavenly Father." As is said " cleanliness is next to godliness " Even further I had to go and have physio three days after my nine hour operation that was five hours extra to the normal time it takes. The older women invaded that and said she will come to. I thought that was private for me not a audience. On getting there she says to the medical " She talks about life and I do not want to hear about normal life. She is to do as I say." The medical did not answer her. As you can imagine I was now quite at wits end. As you can see I had the look into one person that black life was around. I saw the grey around her dark grey. That is why she is a prime person to give for the exposure of demonic attachments.

Yet I felt for her and told her that I loved her. That love turned as I was in battle with her demonic residues. After she died I had things come like seeing her coming into her house. I then soon realised that demons cannot host a dead person. So they targeted me. It took me all the time to get out of it. I once knew a young lady that was into readings paying for them. She was bossy and that is another one I ceased contact with. As I have exposed much of this dark force it must mot look as if that is my domain. No it is not. How else can people be warned without a direct path that is given here. Besides I am not going to argue with " The Holy Spirit."

I knew a Christian lady once some time ago. Who had put herself in debt by seventy thousand dollars. She tapped her Bible and said " I am going to be a millionaire!" She told me I did not understand. Well how could I? She had asked me to take her to a town so that she could pick up a computer that was old and being given to her. She gets in the cat and tells me how to drive! Then I get to the town and she brought no address at all! Si was driving around that town for a good hour. Finally she phones and we get there. On the way back because she was hard to have as a passenger. The car was not going properly. I had the car only three weeks so it should have. I ended going to a petrol station and had to call the road side mechanic. It meant I had to pay one hundred and seventy five dollars as I was not a member. She tried to get to talk to the mechanic and I quietly said do not take her in the car on your trials to see what was wrong. We left for a short drive and he said " there is nothing wrong with the car" He said that women, I could not stand her in my car. He could see how difficult she was on just meeting her. I paid and she never offered once to give a little to petrol. I then had her son come in as I had a computer that I was just learning to find how to use. He said about her thinking of Christianity and he is not interested. She came up the path at the time. Saying " I do not like you talking about me and I did not tell you how to drive." I then got annoyed and told her to leave and never come back. Really I wonder do people know that satan uses the Bible to gain his power? Do people know that the " Arch angel Michael" Is not the one that comes into spiritualism? The same with " Arch angel Gabriel." They are fakes.

I decided to keep away from all people. I had had enough of all the forks in the road and finding no true friend at all. My generosity was being used for others who did not respect me because they never respected themselves. All I could see around me was offensive people. As I walked so badly people in supermarkets would push my trolley out the way. One lady called me a spastic! Because she was in hurry and wanted to get to the very spot I was taking laundry items to buy. I had to move for her yet she was not in the isle when I was there, she was rude. So much is going on today.

Chapter Eighteen

The beauty of all this is how " The Holy Spirit " Just ministered to me. There is no sound at all. I hear it in silence. How he wanted to use me not to burden me but to expose as much as I knew. He saw it all. I once did try to talk about this, but it was not actually taken because demonic powers are not that widely known by the multitude.

Where once I used to look in the " Bible " I could not understand it at all. People just think that this word karma is how those that harm what goes around comes around. Not quite so. The word karma is if untwisted a mark! Read it back to front put the a where the r is and the r where the a is. See how much satan is a thief?

That is what I mean about " Jesus Christ" Giving me vision. People go around with the new age thinking. What new age? Really did not " Our dear Lord Jesus Christ " Say as he was ascending " Speak to all my people and I will be with you until the end of the age." The age had begun two thousand years ago. No new age can be. " God is the supreme authority whose throne is sovereign who created all that is from the first to the last " His majesty and Grace is " Holy " He is in full control of his creations. " God put himself into Jesus Christ " To show how much he loved us all. When all looks like being on the back burner the only way is to go home. The home that is heavenly. That we are all adopted by " Our Heavenly Father " That through "Jesus Christ " That path is open to all. The " Spirit of God " Is supreme. Nothing unholy can enter the narrow path. It is a climb and a difficult one. Shedding all the satanic force is the start to gain that road. The road to heaven.

Anyone with gifts of satan are in these gifts. They are not gifts. They are snares. Having that kind of power engages one to think they are in a spirit world. That cannot be so. How could a " Holy God " Lie? Not so. Truth is truth and lies are lies. Its so cleverly done that I grieve for those that will not be moved away from it. I never understood the passage of the camel going through the eye of a needle and a wealthy person not at all. That wealth is not wealth. It gets people to be on a ego trip rise above others all due to money. That is when money is the root of all evil. People are thinking they have spiritual gifts so they go on thinking that they have power. What they have done is given their own identity that belongs to " Our Heavenly Father " Away. They are not prepared to become like a little child and know that children are children to " Our Heavenly Father " We are in no position to claim that degree of power to be above all that is.

As for myself. I would never have given my life story out for anything. It was to harmful and very hurtful that I felt shame in my whole person. Shame is what is wanted by the darkness. That shame was upon my ancestors who did all to trap me in the power of satan. Who obviously did not know that. Satan wants all to believe he does not exist. I thought that once in my ignorance.

How the love of " Jesus Christ" Fell upon me is beyond my comprehension. How he wanted my life to be a turning point to many people. The whole world in fact is just without words to explain it. How he made me his and knew he would take my life and create a strong passageway to all by them reading it. He took me out of the darkness carried me lovingly to a place where his fold is to be. He gave me life whilst upon this earth. The birth took its time as the place of death had to be gone of all avenues of anything unholy.

Epilogue

This is from my studies so words are given to me through reading material and directly from "Jesus Christ"

Ye you are a chosen vessel unto me, saith the Lord; be not filled with filthy lucre. Be not defiled with the lusts of the flesh and tarnished with the pride of life.

Be ye wholesome, humble, simple; for simplicity and a spirit of humility befit one who is a servant of the Lord. Pride lifteth up. It exalteth self rather than " Christ " Humility bringeth down to a the level of service, and ye are not to be worshiped, but to serve.

Ye are my treasure. I delight in you when, and only when ye are fully yielded to me with no thoughts of personal ambition or achievement. If ye wish for anything wish for more of my personal nearness.

So I say unto thee put away all that defileth, even as ye would cast away an unclean, evil-smelling, filthy rag.

Tolerate nothing that dulls the perception of my presence. Cut off, purge out, plead the blood, use every avenue available thee to rid thy soul of sin. Be never satisfied with half-measures.

Be never deterred by satisfaction with progress already achieved. Know that this is only the beginning.

Nay, but I shall give to my people brave and courageous spirits, and I will make them strong of heart. My way is a way of sacrifice, and the rewards are not in worldly honors.

Yea, the enemy seeketh by myriad means to resist our every move towards conquest and possession.

I will not withhold my power and my glory from any seeking heart. This is in no way selfishness. It is the law of life. No life can produce without the parent seed. No more can ye produce fruit in thy ministry except ye be impregnated with divine life from its source in " God Himself "

How very important are we to our " Father in heaven " How very much he wants us all home.

What a wonderful miracle he has designed for my life. To give and through the sacrifice of all known adversity. To proclaim his justice. Nothing of this is my doing. I only agreed to write to give all the goodness of his " Words " As he said " I am the truth the way and the life, nobody can come to my father but by me "

Thank you all who gets the message here. As you take it you to have participated in this lifetime of mine. May all the blessing bestow on all mankind. Amen

The End

Martha Brooks