Loaves and Fishes
"Have you ever had days that
stand out in your memory as vivid as if they were written upon your
soul?
She always started her story
in the same way and it was always a story that the people gathered
around her came to hear even though they
sometimes didn’t realize that was the main reason they came. The
simply clad, old woman was a patriarch in her
family and her gentle spirit permeated the air about her. As her
loved ones sat on the floor around her, they
settled down and gave attentive ears to her as she began to
reminisce:
"I remember the day when I
started living. I remember that day and how I felt. I can almost
taste it!"
Have you ever had something
stand out in your memory like that? The people around her could tell
by the sound of her voice when she
was looking back more than she was looking at them. There was a
change in her voice. She didn’t realize her
voice deepened and became so reverential and the cadence of her
words changed.
Her children just told people
she’s in the spirit, that’s the difference.
"I was sleeping finally after
a long sleepless night. It had been so hot and the air was so still,
the temperature had dropped a
little. Well, I fell asleep. It doesn't seem as if I had been asleep
but just a few minutes when I heard someone
walking on the road outside my door. I had almost dozed off again
when I heard more people walking by.
What is going on? Why are people walking around this early in the
morning?
It's still dark. I just wanted
peace and quiet so I could sleep. I was so hot and tired. I hoped my
son, your father, didn't wake up. Lord,
but he would have to see why they were up and there would be no more
sleep for me if he woke up. She grinned
at her small grandson that was so like him.
A group had just walked by
with horses and I could tell it was my people because they were
talking low and trying to be quiet. If
it had been the Romans they would've been noisy and arrogant about
it because that's the way they were. Oh,
but times have changed or could it be me that's changed? Do you
think I’ve changed? Lord, yes and I’m
glad that I did. Then she immersed herself in the story. They could
feel the heat and the dust of that morning of
long ago.
Well wouldn’t you know they
woke him up.! I could just have killed them at the time, but later,
well, it turned out for the best. I
guess I was just a little curious as to why so early and so many
people were walking around. I knew that Simon
would find out for me, so I stirred around and started to cook while
it was still dark in the cool of the morning.
I could feel the anticipation
even then in the air and something else, but what was it?
Something's was different about these people I
thought and then Simon came back, so I found out what it was.
They were following the men
who had followed John the Baptist and I heard the day before while
down at the well that he had lost
his head. He had been beheaded they called it. I called it getting
your head chopped off. I could have told them
what was coming but they wouldn’t have listened so I just listened
and kept council with myself. I'd have been
willing to bet you then that if they followed him, they’d come to
rue the day ah, but that's another story.
Simon said that they were
going to hear a man called Jesus and that some of them had been
traveling for days. How did they know to
come here? I heard about this man and even saw him once, but He just
stood there with tears in His eyes and
didn't say a word. He made me uncomfortable. I didn't want any part
of that crowd.
The priests had warned us to
stay away from him and I had enough trouble trying to raise my son
without the priests calling curses down on
me. Bet you didn’t know that priests use to do that. They didn’t say
so but bad things seemed to happen if you
offended one of them. I wish God didn't listen to them. I like it
better now, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Simon wanted to go and I
didn't. The walk would be about an hour away and it had been so hot
and I had so much to do. My brother,
Philemon, came by and said he'd watch after him so I agreed to let
him go. I cooked up extra fish and bread
for him to carry and a bit for our breakfast and sent him on his
way.
I watched people pass by all
morning and some were coming for miracles and some of them didn't
know why they were coming. I got
caught up in something and found myself walking too. All the time I
was walking, I was telling myself
what kind of fool I was for doing this and still my feet kept
walking.
I walked into a valley and I
could see the Sea of Galilee over a slight hill. I felt so strange
at that moment I felt for some reason
I was where God wanted me to be and I no longer felt foolish. I was
walking just like the other people
that didn’t seem to know why they were walking, they just had to
come here. There were people everywhere. Some
were sitting or standing or lying on the ground and on mats.
I guess what amazed me most
was the quietness and peace all around us. Children were silent and
attentive. I wondered if this
was what Isaiah meant about the Lion will lie down with the Lamb and
I was surprised. Some of the meanest
boys in our neighborhood were sitting down and being quiet, I was
amazed something that could quiet
those heathen down had to be something else. My aggressive and
argumentative nature even changed. For the
first time in my life I was content to sit and listen. I had not
done that. Why Lord, all my life I reckon I ran
just like your dad and there wasn’t enough time in a day for all the
trouble I use to stay in. Now I was content to just
be. I should have expected my life was changing but I didn’t.
My son was sitting close to
the man they called Jesus and He was talking I could hear clearly
everything that he said and I was a long way from
him and yet I could hear with my whole body. There were thousands of
people there and this man Jesus
transformed us all. It was as if we just existed until this day and
now we were new creatures. If I could have
felt this love with Simon's father, I would have been in heaven on
earth.
After what must have been
hours, but seemed like 30 minuets, Jesus told his followers to take
up a collection of food. All the
people who brought food were asked to stand with their food and my
son, my precious son, stood with his
small lunch of fish and loaves and gave it to the disciples closest
to him. Even if we had all the food in my
village, we would not have had enough to feed all these people.
There were thousands here and I found
myself wishing I were bread. If I were I could give my all and feed
those people, but alas, in myself, I could
do nothing.
Jesus took the small basket of
food from my son and he blessed it and then they began to pull food
out of the basket. I didn't put
but enough in there for one small boy and there was an inexhaustible
supply that came out of that blessed
little basket.
When my portion was given to
me, I felt so honored! People everywhere were murmuring about how good it was. I started to say
I cooked it, but then I bit into it and I have never before or since
cooked anything like this and surely never
this much I hadn’t seen this much food in the hands of so many in
all my born days. I ate my fill and couldn't eat
it all. I had more in my hands then I had put in his little basket.
They began to pass baskets
around to pick up leftovers and the leftovers were still
multiplying. There were twelve baskets picked up
and they were big storage baskets. Do you know what I learned most
of all that day? I learned that when you
give from your heart or want to give more than keep, God honors that
giving and it returns to you and you
can truly never out give God.
When I met my son later on
that day he received a new Mom, for the old Mom didn't live there anymore. I saw miracles
performed right in front of my eyes that day as if the air was
healing people and I saw tears flowing down the faces
of some of the meanest people I had ever met, and I felt my own face
and it was wet. I wish he would pass this
way again and let me walk into his presence just one more time
because these old bones would still walk
that extra mile to be with the Master of my life.
You know, I received a new son
that day too. He never caused me one bit of grief until they killed
him for talking about Jesus, but I
know where he is and he's waiting for me and I'm going to step in
the arms of Jesus and find him right there
beside him smiling at me one day soon.
The old lady lay back in her
chair and the people, old and young, quietly walked away, some with
tears and others with smiles. A man
stood outside the window and listened as the old woman told her
story. He came here a lot to listen to the
old woman and she never knew. He just couldn’t stay away. Something
about her voice just fed something down deep
inside of him. This day began like all the others for him but it did
not end the same way. This man that they
didn’t know was there had a secret and today he had a miracle. He
was looking with wonder at his beautiful
skin with tears flowing down his face.
The Leper
I'm a man most miserable. How
did I come to this state? Well most of my problems started from thinking that I was superior
to my fellowman and I justified my actions by saying I was right and
therefore they must be wrong. Does my
thinking reflect normal man? Yes, it does, but maybe I can atone for
my sins, which are many, and stop other
people from walking down this road I've come down.
I am Caiaphas, a priest, or
was, and I was well respected and my words carried great weight at
the council and at the temple. I
was a man who should not have been born in this time, for that is
the only thing that would have helped me.
I was a keeper of the law most
stringently. I have been educated from birth for my life as a high
priest.
My father and his father
before him and all the way back to Moses my families have been
priests for I am of the tribe of Levi.
Forty years ago we had a man
in our midst that denounced us and circumvented our authority before
the people. He said he was the
Messiah, the King of the Jews, but where was his kingdom? We all
thought he was possessed or demented and we
had to stop people from listening to him and, alas, we eventually
had to stop him.
I persuaded Judas to help us
by telling him we wanted to bring him before the courts, but in
actuality, he had become such a thorn in our
side that we had to dispose of him so we would have our authority
back. This impudent man dared to defy us
in public and quoted God's words to us as if he had a right too,
but, under the law, this was not possible. He
was very intelligent and we couldn't outsmart him, but his words
against us were uncalled for. Why, he treated
us as liars and thieves and we were to be looked up to by all men
because we talked to Jehovah and went
into the Holy of Holies. Maybe we should have handled it
differently. We should have put him in the Holy of
Holies and let God kill him for an impostor instead of doing what we
did.
I voted against him in the
Sanhedrin and we congratulated ourselves on pulling this off and
true to form, he stood before Pilate and
answered his questions with quiet dignity. He should have been
afraid and said that he would behave, but instead
he said that we had no power over him except he gave it. Oh, but
that was the last straw! "Kill this man," we all
said. "Crucify him and be done with it before we have more like
him." I came close to listening to
him one time because my emotions became involved, but my superior intelligence came to my aid to
remind me that if he were the Son of God that he would command
angels and I had seen none. I would have
been better born stupid.
I urged and enflamed the
people to hatred by lying and when Judas came to me after the
decision to crucify him and tried to give
the money back, I couldn't take it. That was blood money and
couldn't be allowed back in the temple. I knew the
law.
I felt sorry for Judas because
of his state. He had betrayed his friend and he was desperate to
undo what he had done. I kept seeing
myself in him but I had made my stand and I couldn't back down now.
I remember that day we
crucified him as if it was yesterday or today even. Jesus was
dragging his cross and I couldn't believe what
the soldiers had done to him. I could still have stopped this and I
would have but he looked at me as if I was dirt
and I hit him. He stumbled and almost fell and I got nauseous. He
had lost so much blood, some old, some
new, that it was caked and in various stages of drying. Some people
were spitting on him and some were hitting
him and then they would look as sick as I felt. I guess that it was
Satan's way of fighting back, or so I thought
then.
I knew the exact minute that
he died because my spirit died within me. It was as if I had lived
my whole life for this time and there
was nothing left to live for. I didn't have to be there but I wish
to God I had known what I know now, for I would
not be in this state now. I would have stopped it.
Some of the priests were
worried about the body, but I didn't want to be involved anymore. I
know inside that I had done murder
and I was sick. I couldn't face God in the temple because blood was
on my hands and he would strike me dead,
so I was afraid.
I heard that the body had
disappeared from the tomb and I myself heard some of his followers
saying that he had arisen and I
wanted to believe that this was true, but I was going through my own
hell and it was a hell of my making. I was
showing signs of leprosy on the hand that I had struck Jesus with
and I was ostracized from the people.
I was now among the living
dead. I slept in a section of wilderness that was assigned to us and
I scrounged for food. People who
had leprosy that I had avoided before; now, avoided me. They were
not afraid that I would give them new
infections but I think, because of how I had treated them in the
past. I know that each time I saw one of them I
would remember what I had said to them and I was hurt anew as if
these words were said to me. I have asked
God repeatedly to tell people not to do as I have done, but to no
avail, so I guess this is a job that God wants
me to do myself.
I get as close as I can to his
disciples as they preach, but I wear the headdress of leprosy so
they know not who I am. I have not asked
them in all these years to pray for me, although I am sure they
would. I have not forgiven myself, so how
can God forgive me?
There was a widow lady that I
harassed unmercifully when she became a follower of Jesus and I
grieved with her when her son was
killed. He left many fine sons and daughters that now preach the
words of Jesus. I have noticed that when they
kill one, a dozen more spring up.
I find myself again outside
her home on the outskirts of the city. If she only knew the nights I
have wept bitter tears at my actions
towards her. She doesn't know me because of my disfigurement and I
don't have much flesh left on my arm or my
face. I am a man most ugly, but she smiles at me as if she loves me
and it breaks my heart anew.
She tells stories to her
relatives of her adventures with Jesus and she saw him after his
resurrection. I know this is true because I
saw him too, and he knew who I was. This time there was a look of
pity and sorrow on his face. I couldn't say I
was sorry because I was crying under my headdress but I think he
knew.
I come here when I'm hungry
and she puts food out for me and I come when it's feast time because
she will tell again the stories
that I long to hear.
Tonight I think my death must
be close because I feel different and I'm ready to leave this hell I
live in.
She talks tonight about the
miracle of the loaves and fishes and I can feel what she felt when
she was there. I feel his presence when I'm
around her and it's soothing where it used to be irritating. When I
felt him close again, I decided to do what I
should have done forty years ago. I told him I was sorry and I asked
him to forgive me and he was standing
in front of me with his arms open. It has been so long since someone
hugged me that I leapt into his arms
and I must have jumped into the fire. I felt a burning inside and
out and my soul vibrated as he spoke these
words:
Because I love you,
I lay down my life for you.
Your debt is paid and you're forgiven,
The door is open now for you.
He showed me a vision of me
preaching in his name and he showed me putting my arms around other lepers just like me and them
being healed. He told me that "you must walk in another person's
shoes to know the pain that person is in".
I felt his presence lift from
me and I raised my hands to worship him and in place of a stump at
the wrist I had a hand with skin and I
touched my raw open sore of a face and I felt skin and my skin had
no blemish or spot. I was truly clean both
inside and out. I gazed out into the desert and I saw a leper
crippled and crawling along the ground and I felt
such a love for him and Jesus spoke again into my spirit and said, "Love
him as you love me for of such is the
Kingdom of God."
I held out my arms to embrace
my brother and he fell sobbing into my arms.
For Bible Study
John the Baptist beheaded:
• Matthew 14:7-12
• Mark 6:24-30
Loaves & Fishes:
• Matthew 14:13-21
• Mark 6:31-44
• Luke 9:10-17
• John 6:1-14
Judas Iscariot:
• Matthew 26:14-16
• Matthew 27:3-8
• Luke 22:3-6
• Luke 22:47-48
• Acts 1:16-19
Leper
• Leviticus 13 & 14
• Numbers 12:10-15
• Matthew 8:2-3
• Matthew 26:6-7
• Mark 1:40-45
• Mark 14:3
Caiaphas
• Matthew 26:3-4
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