We have created this Memorial to Mary (Contrary) at the request of
our friend Sassy. This page is devoted to a dear friend from the
Christianity Oasis Chat Room who chose to take her own life, leaving
behind those who loved her with confusion, pain and even feelings of
guilt. We all wish we would or could have done more to try and help
her. Perhaps had we been there in her darkest hour. Maybe just one
more kind word ...
I have learned from experience that you cannot
change the Destiny of another. God allows things to happen that make
absolutely no sense to us, but with time and understanding the TRUTH
will begin to emerge and oft times it is that it was what was best
for that particular soul or those who would be affected by the
event. I mean ... He sacrificed His Son for US. One never knows what
might be going on behind the scenes with our limited capacity to
understand the Spiritual world.
Only God knows exactly why Mary made the choice
that she did and the Spiritual result of her choice. Some believe
that if you commit suicide, you go straight to Hell. They even say
that it says that in the Bible. I am not here to debate Scripture,
but I will tell you what is REALLY in the Bible ... The Words and
Deeds of a loving Father.
I chose the image at the top of the page cuz it
reminds me of what Paradise (Abraham's
Bosom) must be like. That is where I believe her to be. We can
only pray that God has the same Grace and mercy for her last choice,
that He does with every poor choice that all Christian's make and
Make no mistake ... Suicide is a horrible choice
to make as to resolve the trials and tribulations that we, as
Christians will encounter and must endure in our Christian walk.
Those that have made this choice, are blinded by pain and do not
consider the TRUTH that those who are left behind to deal with their
choice ... Suffer dearly. It very well may be
that some who make this choice are sentenced to Hell. But only God
can determine one's Salvation. I do know she believed in her Lord
Jesus and loved Him so very much. It was evident by the fruit of her
Consider the words of her last blog ...
"Take up my broken life, gather up my fragments so that nothing will
be wasted. amen"
God's will ... be done.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells,
And pretty maids all in a row.
As with most nursery rhymes,
there are various claims as to who it refers to. In this lil
rhyme, many say that
it refers to Mary I of Scotland, with "cockleshells"
revealing that her husband cheated on her, and "pretty maids all in a row"
referring to her babies that died.
Another is that it refers to Mary I of
England for roughly
the same reasons. Her
husband was barely interested in her (hence the word
"cockleshells"), the "How does your garden grow?" being a
mockery of her empty womb ...
these assumptions are accurate or not ... It may be that our
dear friend Mary (Contrary) may have been aware of this and
chose her User name to give us a lil insight into her world.
Mary was not one that spoke much in the Chat Room,
tho she would open up a lil more when sharing thoughts one on one with
someone that she trusted. She did have a Christian blog on the Oasis
for about a month and shared some of her thoughts with us all. Perhaps
her words, which still echo in the halls of the Oasis, will bring
light to your darkness. As the Bible states:
For where a testament is, there must also of necessity be the death of
6/19/2006 4:56:17 PM
This is my 1st blog I am like the children in the desert with Moses.
God is mad at me for being needy and he has constantly met my needs.
But I am never satisfied. I open the Word and HE points me to this
passage. I have no patience, am irritable. I let Satan get to me over
and over. I have little self will. I thought of this as I wrote today
I meditated on the word "Guidance" I kept seeing the word "dance" I
remember doing God's will is a lot like Dancing. Two people try to
lead and it doesn't feel right. Movement doesn't flow with the music
and everything is quite jerky and uncomfortable. When one person
realizes that and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with
the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a gentle nudge in the
back, or pressing Lightly one way or another. It's as if two become
one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from
the other. My eyes drew back to the word "Guidance" When I saw it I
saw "G" I thought of God Followed by "U" and "I" God - U and I Dance
As I lower my head, I became willing to trust that I would get
guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead
My prayer for you today is that God's blessing and mercies be upon you
this day and every day May you abide in God as God abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and guide you through
each season of your life. Now if only I can believe these words life
would be so much easier for me. Mary
6/20/2006 5:49:26 PM
To say this has been the long week in my life would be an under
statement to say the least. It took a week for some money I had been
waiting on to get to me. Trusting in the Lord this week was hard. I am
needy and he pointed it out to me constantly this week. Instead of
comforting me. "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with
humility comes wisdom" Proverbs 11-2 I have been getting stuff like
this all week. Reading Job I understand his frustration at not being
understood. I am going into a new/old situation and already the
pressure is on. I want to get there now but can't. I want to save the
day. I hate being so far away. Mary
6/23/2006 1:21:34 PM
Psalm 23 The Lord is my Shepherd. That is Relationship I shall not
want That is supply HE maketh me to lie down in green pastures That's
rest He leadeth me beside still waters That is refreshment HE
restoreth my soul That is healing HE leadeth me in the path of
righteousness That is guidance For HIS name sake That is purpose Yea,
thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death That is testing
I will fear no evil That is protection For THOU art with me That is
faithfulness THY rod and THY staff they comfort me That's discipline
THOU preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies That's
hope THOU anointest my head with oil that's consecration My cup
runneth over That's abundance Surely goodness and mercy will follow me
all the days of my life That's Blessing And I will dwell in the house
of the LORD That's security Forever That's eternity Face it the LORD
is crazy about you What is most valuable, is not what we have in our
lives, but WHO we have in our lives! This was also given to me I had
never looked at God's word so intimately, so personally. They were
just words before. Mary
7/18/2006 4:14:03 PM
GOD, I know that You love me, and I receive that love: I am going to
walk in it today. I am going to bask in Your love, because I know that
You love me even though I do not deserve it. And God, that makes
everything better. Amen I am entering a new faze in my life and am
unsure how to approach it. I am scared to be with other people. I like
being alone. Independent. To start all over again is a pain. What do I
do with all my stuff. How do I get what I need now there. LORD, I
receive Your Holy Spirit into my life. Fill me with Your presence, and
teach me to clearly hear YOUR voice so that I may follow you all the
days of my life. amen. How Will I get along with My brother? Will I
work? Here I am, Lord pour it on, I receive the fullness of whatever
Your Holy Spirit has to offer. Okay Lord, here. Take up my broken
life, gather up my fragments so that nothing will be wasted.. amen
SHARED THOUGHTS BY SASSY
Recently while searching through some archived messages, I
found some emails from Mary (Contrary). I shall refer to
Mary as Contrary in this letter, because that was the screen
name by which most folks knew her, but in my heart she is
Mary. My thoughts wandered back to the happy days and
nights Contrary and I spent together on line. She could be
very outspoken, but then so am I. At times Contrary was in
the brooding, down-on-the-world mood. Other times she
would crack me up with her wit. She told of the years she,
her husband and brother John traveled the United States,
part of those trips were via motorcycle.
When she began talking of the
impending move from one side of Canada to the other to live
with her brother John, Contrary’s mood changed. She knew
she must make the move, but she was not happy with it.
Contrary became resigned to the idea, especially when she
was assured her beloved greyhounds would be accompanying
Contrary was in Oasis Chat
room the last night of her earthly life. Several of us were
there as well. I spoke briefly with her; I did not know
that would be the last time on this earth our paths would
cross. It has haunted me since that night that I did not
recognize a call for help from Contrary, if there was one.
Guilt is what I feel when I think of that night. Could I
have said something to have changed her mind about ending
I would like to suggest that each of you
go to the Blogs and read Contrary’s blogs, especially the
last one she posted on July 18, 2006. Some of her thoughts
she voiced there included her acknowledgement of God’s love;
her desire to remain independent and alone; her entering a
new phase of her life; and then she asked the Holy Spirit to
fill her life. She ended with these words, “Okay Lord,
here. Take up my broken life, gather up my fragments so
that nothing will be wasted. Amen.” That to me was
complete surrender of her life to the Lord.
(Should that not be the prayer of each of
In June Contrary posted a
blog in which she cited the little story about
“Guidance”…how we must become one with God; surrender to His
leadership. She had become willing to allow God to lead in
Earlier in the summer
Contrary had sent me an email that included a long message
(cute) about little boys – peppy music in the background. I
thought it poignant that she should share something about
little boys. You see, Contrary had a child, a son, from
whom she was estranged. Deep down, she loved that child.
Another email she sent was
the one about Dr. Billy Graham and the chauffer…you know the
one. Dr. Graham asks the chauffer of the limo that was
carrying Dr. Graham from the airport to a speaking
engagement; could he drive?.....saying his long desire was
to drive one of these limos. The chauffer knew who Dr.
Graham was and out of respect, he wanted to grant his wish.
So the chauffer called his supervisor to get permission,
saying someone really important wanted to drive. Citing the
company policy allowing only employees to drive, the
supervisor, in a sarcastic tone, asked, who is this guy?
God? To which the limo driver replied, “Bigger than
that….it’s Dr. Billy Graham.”
Because of her love of God’s
creatures, especially dogs, Contrary sent me a petition to
be forwarded to PETA regarding cruelty to animals. Contrary
loved her greyhounds as though they were her children.
This Easter Sunday when we
mortals are celebrating the resurrection of Christ our Lord,
Contrary is celebrating in HIS presence.
SHARED THOUGHTS BY MLG1279
Wow, this is so hard for me to write, but I want to share with
my thoughts on Contrary (Mary) whom God blessed me with knowing as a
friend through Christianity Oasis. Contrary used to talk about her
greyhounds, the shows she took them to, and the time one broke the
window of her home while she was out. Contrary loved animals.
Contrary didn't like to play Bible Password much, she would always say
"I'm not good at that game" and then don't you know she'd be the one
to get most of the answers that evening. Contrary and I also
were able to chat during some of the darker times in her life.
The not so happy moments. Her move was a troublesome one for
her. She had a cat that she wasn't going to be able to take with
her, because she couldn't afford it. The person she was supposed
to move with backed out on her at the last moment, and then when she
finally was able to get moved she wasn't happy and told me so. I
tried to comfort her during all these times, offer her words of advice
and love. When I found out that my dear friend had chosen the
path she did with the taking of her own life, I grieved, and I prayed.
Wondering if I could have helped her choose differently, if I had been
in chat that night. I know, that we all will miss a dear friend,
but I still pray that God showed mercy on her soul, and one day we
will meet again around his throne. How I miss my sister Mary.
SHARED THOUGHTS BY ZOO
I would like to start this out by sayin that I never really got to
Mary (Contrary) like many of the others here. When this tragedy
happened, I myself had only been coming to Christianity Oasis for a
time. I was a late night chatter and most times she had already
the evening when I came into the room. The few times that I got to
with her when I could come in earlier, she seemed very friendly
me and had a really good sense of humor. But I will say that
night in chat, I was one of them in the room. I feel shame that I did
hear her cries for help within her typed words. I remember seeing some
of her last troubled typed words on screen and those will forever
in my heart. At that time in the chatroom I was barely speaking to
anyone, let alone reaching out to others. But I would like to
now to her spirit and say thank you Mary Contrary for helping me to
become a better person and a better Christian. The reason being is
since I got the news of her passing, I took a really good look at what
happened that night and what sort of different things could have
that night. I realized that I was so selfish of my own needs and fears
that I closed my mind, heart, eyes and ears as to what was goin on
around me. I am sure that if I had been more receptive back then to
things, I would have seen and heard what God was tryin to tell me.
now since this has happened, my whole outlook has changed and I now
myself open to hear the Lord's voice when He calls out to me. I no
longer am afraid to reach out to strangers and offer a hand or a
to one that I feel needs it when I hear or see a cry for help. The
has shown me the way to open my heart to His words. I will forever be
grateful for gettin to know Contrary for the brief time that I did,
even more for the lesson that she gave me. She is a true angel
blessed several that got to know her. Even me. Thank you Mary.
IF YOU EVER FIND YOURSELF CONSIDERING
PLEASE CONSIDER THIS TRUTH:
There hath no temptation taken you but such as
is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be
tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make
a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
IF YOU EVER NEED
SOMEONE TO TALK TO, CONTACT ME AT
MAY THE GRACE AND PEACE OF THE LORD BE